Justletgo Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I was forced to dump her 4 months ago, she was emotionally cheating. And is now together with that man (11 years older). Since then I have pleaded a bit (say 1 email every two weeks) up until a month ago. She ignored everything, didn't say why either. Anyway I decided to give up a month ago. And all of a sudden she sends me the first gift I gave her back. No message included So I'm left wondering why she did it. Ofcourse I'm not going to break NC. Perhaps it is because someone recently told her I was still hoping she might come back? And she wants to make it clear to me that she does not want that. The odd thing is, she hasn't severed all ties with me, the one thing that would make it 110% clear: - She still keeps the gifts she was very fond of. - And she hasn't severed ties with my family on facebook (she has with the family I talk to though). She hasn't even spoken to most of them, ever. It's just very mean/confusing why she'd do such a thing. What do you guys and gals think?
denxnis Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 She is trying to get a response from you. Keep ignoring and move on. Why put any thought/consideration into a girl that left you for another man, you are bigger and better than that, you are not anyone's second choice.
Author Justletgo Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 It is true that I shouldn't want her back after what she did. And that's good advice. I really wish I could just do that. Unfortunately I'm a fool and stil love her. Probably because we were together 4,5 years and each others firsts. If she wanted a reaction, wouldn't she have just included a note saying something along the lines of "I just wanted to return these" though? To me no note signifies that she wants to push me away by 'hurting' me. Ofcourse we could ponder all day about it. But perhaps more people could shed some light on this issue?
TaraMaiden Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 No point. No answers. Futile question. Trash it. Move on.
Author Justletgo Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Already tossed it ofcourse. Trying to get over it. Still sucks =(
Am4Real Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) I had a mutual split many years ago and was pretty good about it. Months later I received a call from her - she was engaged. Why call me I thought? With thought on the subject and lots of opinions, it was an obvious "shove it in my face communication", so I thought at the time. However, the point of the communication is not really the point of this message to you. During all those months we had been in NC. A perfect text book case. And during all that time I had all our memories in a box, in a closet, tucked away. After she told me of her engagement, it hit me hard, it made me relive plenty of thoughts and memories and brought back emotions beyond any I had experienced or could control. She was successful in her mission. I needed to regain control. Finding that box, I opened it. Took one last look at the contents, shed a few emotional tears, closed the box, taped it shut, put a label on it and sent it to her. I closed the chapter on her forever; I was in control of my destiny. BTW, she got married, then separated two months later. When she got separated she telephoned me. I ignored it (NC remember??); it went into voicemail. The message stated her outcome and the reason for the separation was ME. She could not let me go. Her new husband could not live with that, understandably. They divorced. She called me every month like clockwork for two years, always leaving the same message asking me if I would reconsider. I never responded and have not spoken to her. Take what you want from the story, you can read it several different ways. Everything from the intentions of sending messages, returning gifts, longing for your EX and pining forever, whatever it is there is something for almost everyone in this story. But know this and know this more than anything. If you want a life, your life, then you pretty well have to be damn sure you take control of it, otherwise you'll never get to the place you really want to be. Don't respond to her and try not to interpret her motives. As you can witness from the story above, the early communications from my EX could have been taken one way or another and until I took control of my own life, I could have ended up pondering and confused for months if not like her: YEARS. Good luck. It is true that I shouldn't want her back after what she did. And that's good advice. I really wish I could just do that. Unfortunately I'm a fool and stil love her. Probably because we were together 4,5 years and each others firsts. If she wanted a reaction, wouldn't she have just included a note saying something along the lines of "I just wanted to return these" though? To me no note signifies that she wants to push me away by 'hurting' me. Ofcourse we could ponder all day about it. But perhaps more people could shed some light on this issue? Edited April 18, 2013 by Am4Real 3
siankat Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I remember trying to be in touch with my ex asking for an address to send his things to cos he had moved. NO reply no reply. He said that his ex had kept an expensive necklace he had gifted her just before she broke with him and had a new bf in waiting and he seemed pissed about it. So i didnt wanna rub salt in old wounds so i wrote to let me also know if he wanted me to include the phone and jewelry he had given me...no reply no reply... I was sooo tempted to pack all his expensive gear up and post it to a random address in Africa so someone else could have a lovely surprise and do what they wanted with it! I got all kinds of ****ty advice, people telling me to bin his stuff etc. I sent it in the end, and the postal service confirmed he had received it. I never heard from him ever about it. I kinda wish i had sent it abroad now. Wasn't like he was making any effort to get it back
candie13 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 provocation women love to be chased, loved to me made to change their minds... when they've sort of already done it themselves. in case you still want her back, you may have a lead.
todreaminblue Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I was forced to dump her 4 months ago, she was emotionally cheating. And is now together with that man (11 years older). Since then I have pleaded a bit (say 1 email every two weeks) up until a month ago. She ignored everything, didn't say why either. Anyway I decided to give up a month ago. And all of a sudden she sends me the first gift I gave her back. No message included So I'm left wondering why she did it. Ofcourse I'm not going to break NC. Perhaps it is because someone recently told her I was still hoping she might come back? And she wants to make it clear to me that she does not want that. The odd thing is, she hasn't severed all ties with me, the one thing that would make it 110% clear: - She still keeps the gifts she was very fond of. - And she hasn't severed ties with my family on facebook (she has with the family I talk to though). She hasn't even spoken to most of them, ever. It's just very mean/confusing why she'd do such a thing. What do you guys and gals think? i don't see the point of point of what she did and maybe that is exactly the point...confusion so you contact her...i think its really immature....like i think it is immature to ask for gifts back....you just dont..... its not classy or graceful .....i think she wants a reaction from you....when she doesnt get it this time you might get another gift back.....and then if you dont react, another one may come.......ask her why if you wish..... if it bothers you....or dont...maintain a graceful silence....does it really matter to you now?.i woudl maintain silence .....deb
Chi townD Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I wouldn't be reading into it at all dude. Remember, it's the FIRST gift you ever gave her. Most girls would treasure something like that. That would have a deep significance to her. And she "basically" threw it away. You need to stop trying to make heads or tails about things. Remember, you thought she was having an EA on you. And I'm sure you got the lies like, " It's not like that, we're just really good friends." Yet, as soon as you break up, good friend becomes boyfriend. So, you were right. She was cheating on you. Time to stay NC and let go. Start working on yourself and your healing. Start making positive changes in your life.
atarisboy86 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 She is trying to get a reaction from you...during one of the "off" periods with my most recent ex...she left me photos/cards I had given her on my car windshield at work...I ignored it at the time. I asked her about it later and her response was "I wanted you to see what you were missing out on" lmao! I would ignore it...treat it as breadcrumbs.
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