Chi townD Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 All the texts and phonecalls tells me that he has a massive amount of guilt on how things went down and he's looking to you to ease that guilt for him. He doesn't want to get back with you, he just wants to relieve HIS burden. Nothing more than that. I could pretty much guarantee you that if you told him everything was cool and no hard feelings, this "friendship" that he proposed would be fleeting at best.
Author Inviv_girl Posted April 25, 2013 Author Posted April 25, 2013 I could pretty much guarantee you that if you told him everything was cool and no hard feelings, this "friendship" that he proposed would be fleeting at best. What do you mean? what best should I say or do in this case.
Chi townD Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 What do you mean? what best should I say or do in this case. What I mean is if you forgive him and tell him that you're cool and no hard feelings, you're giving him permission for him to forgive himself. Now, that he doesn't have this burden of guilt anymore and the knowledge that you don't think that he's a horrible douche rocket; he's out the door. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't forgive him. You can. You can forgive him as a person, but as a boyfriend and how he treated you at the end....well, you don't have for forgive that. I would just stay NC. Don't let him ease his guilt. Let him hold onto it. And it's NOT you being vindictive, you're actually teaching him a lesson with staying NC. You're teaching him that you can't treat people in this fashion and NOT have consquences to their actions. Let him learn. And you take this time in NC to heal, make positive changes in your life and move on.
lonewalker Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 To be honest. U should answer him and tell him u r fine. I think 8 mths is a long time. For a heartless person they wont even care about u. But i think he is concern about u. It may be friendship or it may be love. But u got to know u will be feeling sad again once u know his feelings for u is over. U aint letting go becoz u still believe he loves u. Why not get an answer. If he still loves u bingo! If he does not.. u can really move on. Else ur heart will always wonder.. what if...
itto ogami Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 You need to follow Bruce Lee's advice and WALK ON. "Closure" is nice but not always attainable in a conversation with an ex. If he told you why he ended it and you responded, does that make you feel better? Heal you? If you truly screwed things up that's one thing, but if you didn't, you won't get the closure you seek. NO CONTACT. Again: NO CONTACT. This is for YOU not him.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 25, 2013 Posted April 25, 2013 He probably called your mom because you scared him when you called him crying and then hung up. He might have thought you were harming yourself. Are you doing any better today?
ttoona Posted April 26, 2013 Posted April 26, 2013 Argh... I am feeling the exact same way. I want to call my ex, not to tell him I miss him and to get back together but to get closure I need to move on in my thoughts and life about him. Really I see no future for our relationship but my mind keeps playing out the happy times and pondering what went wrong. I think it would be a healing process... but I'm wondering if this NC thing should still apply and how to go about calling my ex.... Anyway its very caring of him to send you a message and worry about you. I definitely think its because he cares about you but not necessarily because he wants to get back together with you based on the message he sent you. By you calling him and crying he feels somewhat responsible for your tears thats why hes sending you so many messages, texts and trying to call you and get a hold of you. Although its been 8 months he may possible want to try to help you to move on cos after all this time you still call him with all this emotion... anyway be strong and good luck!
Author Inviv_girl Posted April 26, 2013 Author Posted April 26, 2013 What I mean is if you forgive him and tell him that you're cool and no hard feelings, you're giving him permission for him to forgive himself. Now, that he doesn't have this burden of guilt anymore and the knowledge that you don't think that he's a horrible douche rocket; he's out the door. Now, I'm not saying you shouldn't forgive him. You can. You can forgive him as a person, but as a boyfriend and how he treated you at the end....well, you don't have for forgive that. I would just stay NC. Don't let him ease his guilt. Let him hold onto it. And it's NOT you being vindictive, you're actually teaching him a lesson with staying NC. You're teaching him that you can't treat people in this fashion and NOT have consquences to their actions. Let him learn. And you take this time in NC to heal, make positive changes in your life and move on. I agree with you, my friends tell me he contacted them and asking about me. My friends didn't give him much news about me, which I'm glad they do that. But I can't control all my friends to keep away from him. We have some mutual friends and those friends want us to get back together somehow.. I don;t know.. but they keep him update about how I've been, etc.. he always wants to know about me, why?? he dumped me and asking about me to our friends? Sometimes I keep how I'm doing to my family only but not to friends.. I feel a little bit lost friends after this relationship ended actually Im not feel that good about it. Now I'm back to the city where most of our friends lives and I minimized myself on meeting them this time.
lajo3528 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 Hey, so did you end up talking to him? I myself still struggling with my own breakup, and its been over a year. I don't talk to him, but ex has taken up contacting my sister fairly regularly and messaging her, calling her "dear". Saying "good morning dear" and "hope you have a wonderful day" wtf. My sister has her own bf and I will mention that my ex fiance and I were in a long distance, so we live in different countries. It pisses me off and making me want to call and tell him something, but I refusing not to. I am just trying to get on with my life. Exes I guess are really exes for a reason.
starlet86 Posted June 2, 2013 Posted June 2, 2013 (edited) It sounds to me like he wanted to speak to you. He had no way of contacting you as you just stated. For all you know for the past 8 months he has been missing you like crazy, but thought you had moved on and didn't want to interfere with your new life when he was the one who had made a mistake. I once ended things with someone and after a while I regretted it. I didn't tell him straight away. I just got in touch friendly and when he told me he had a new job, had just bought his first house and genuinely sounded so happy, I realised that I couldn't tell him that I had made a mistake and disturb his foundations. OOPS! sorry ignore all this. I didn't realise it was an old thread. Edited June 2, 2013 by starlet86
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