Inviv_girl Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I'm living my life, in a new place, far from home, I have new friends, new job, new life. Im busy everyday but one thing I couldnt stop thinking of is my ex! I dont know why!!!! each day it is him always on my mind, I cry still. I try to carry on this 8 months of break up but I just cant stop thinking about him, now it getting worse day by day. I miss him! I really miss him! should I call? should I tell him that I miss him and how bad I want us to get back together and build what we had? Note: he dumped me, I dont know how is he now and I do not want to hear from anyone, I really want to call him and tell him how I feel. Thought and advice please.
cavalier99 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Well you know what I think. Lol. Have you tried any dating or ONS to get your mind onto something new or someone else? Cav
Author Inviv_girl Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Well you know what I think. Lol. Have you tried any dating or ONS to get your mind onto something new or someone else? Cav I tried to meet new guy, went out to dinner but I just cant get my ex out of my sight-out of my mind! so I stop! and I have no interest anymore What do you think, as a guy perspective, should I call my ex?
siankat Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Hmmm know what would stop me calling my ex amongst other things? Pride. I remember the way he spoke about his exes. I do not want him saying to the next girl..yeah she dumped me (even though my hand was forced), but wrote/called months later trying to strike things up again. It just gives them an ego boost and even more sure they are better off without you. Keep him on the wrong foot. He left you and has made no way back. It's your feelings driving this, not a flicker of reality that he wants what you want. And the reason you want him seems to be more because you cant move on, not just cos you want him. Keep going..you have made strides even if it doesnt feel like it at times. Keep doing what you are doing. And he was too flawed for you..for one reason, and that is that he didn't want you. Sorry
Chi townD Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I tried to meet new guy, went out to dinner but I just cant get my ex out of my sight-out of my mind! so I stop! and I have no interest anymore What do you think, as a guy perspective, should I call my ex? NOPE! Because you're a crackhead! You're a dopehead and you're an alcoholic! At least, that's how you have to view yourself at the moment. Your Ex is an addiction that you're trying to get over. And, right now, you'll do about anything just for "one more hit! I can handle it!" You are literally going through withdrawls that are basically NO DIFFERENT than what an addict goes through trying to get clean. He's constantly on your mind. Hard time eating right, hard time sleeping right. Dreams about him.....literally the same symptoms. So, you have to follow the same treatment plan that addicts go throught. ONE DAY AT A TIME. Sure, you think about him, but your goal is to get through the day without contacting him. Just get through the day. And at the end of the day, give yourself a pat on the back. Then, the next day do the same thing. I promise you that one day, you're going to wake up and later that day; you'll realize that he wasn't the first thing you thought about that morning. When that happens, THAT'S when you truely start to heal. 6
youngnlove89 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Note: he dumped me, I dont know how is he now and I do not want to hear from anyone, I really want to call him and tell him how I feel. He dumped you. Don't call. Save your pride. If he wanted you back, he would be the one who should make the effort since he did dump you and all. Don't you think? In the end, you will do what your heart leads you to do because we all do that. I'm going to be contradicting myself, but it wouldn't hurt to call either. So IF you do call, don't just jump in and say "I miss you, I want you back!" Be casual, ask how things have been, be positive and confident. Build the fire, let him put a flame to it.
KatZee Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Note: he dumped me. I miss him! I really miss him! should I call? should I tell him that I miss him and how bad I want us to get back together and build what we had? It's been 8 months. He dumped you and you haven't heard from him since. You calling him to tell him you miss him close to a year later is going to make him feel sorry for you. The fact that he hasn't reached out once? Take the hint. He doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't want to get back with you, he doesn't want to build on anything. I'm living my life, in a new place, far from home, I have new friends, new job, new life. Im busy everyday. You need to keep doing ^^ The more you get out and do, the more your thoughts will stop going to your ex. How long were you with your ex? Depending how long you were together, it could take a while to move on.
maiden555 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I agree completely with youngnlove89. Most likely, it's not a good idea, but it sounds like you really want to do it. Maybe you need closure. What were the circumstances of the breakup?
Chi townD Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I agree completely with youngnlove89. Most likely, it's not a good idea, but it sounds like you really want to do it. Maybe you need closure. What were the circumstances of the breakup? No derespect intented, Maiden. But, closure is usually just a lie. If you meet up with someone that dumped you to try and get "closure" is usually just a bunch of lies on what YOU did or didn't do during the relationship. On how YOU failed the relationship and the demise of the relationship is entirely your fault. Dumper's rarely take the blame for the end of the relationship. And after the "closure" meet up, you usually leave feeling worse off than before you got there. Their ACTIONS should be all the closure you need. The act of getting dumped in the first place should be all that's needed. It never changes the fact that they made a choice and chose to have you out of their lives. 1
youngnlove89 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 No derespect intented, Maiden. But, closure is usually just a lie. If you meet up with someone that dumped you to try and get "closure" is usually just a bunch of lies on what YOU did or didn't do during the relationship. On how YOU failed the relationship and the demise of the relationship is entirely your fault. Dumper's rarely take the blame for the end of the relationship. And after the "closure" meet up, you usually leave feeling worse off than before you got there. Their ACTIONS should be all the closure you need. The act of getting dumped in the first place should be all that's needed. It never changes the fact that they made a choice and chose to have you out of their lives. Oh well wouldn't that be a perfect world and then LS would shut down and we would all live happily ever after. It would be IDEAL to just get your closure after someone just dumps you like a cold heartless fool and then you just bounce back up and go get ice-cream and play with unicorns. Sure. But that is hardly ever the case. We all take our closure differently, OP might have to do what works for her. Closure doesn't necessarily make you feel better or make you happy, it just is that proof that you need to know that it's over and it's done. It's called hope. We all have it. She still has it. She needs to know there isn't hope anymore, that's where closure comes in.
cavalier99 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Invi_girl. You cant call him...EVER. Ok? You know this would be a total bone head move. Cav 1
Chi townD Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Oh well wouldn't that be a perfect world and then LS would shut down and we would all live happily ever after. It would be IDEAL to just get your closure after someone just dumps you like a cold heartless fool and then you just bounce back up and go get ice-cream and play with unicorns. Sure. But that is hardly ever the case. We all take our closure differently, OP might have to do what works for her. Closure doesn't necessarily make you feel better or make you happy, it just is that proof that you need to know that it's over and it's done. It's called hope. We all have it. She still has it. She needs to know there isn't hope anymore, that's where closure comes in. Yeah...well, actually getting DUMPED in the first place isn't a very hopeful situation.
iouaname Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I think that you should try to consider how you'll feel afterward if you don't get the response you're hoping for (and since he hasn't tried to contact you after 8 months, I think it's a safe bet that he doesn't want to be with you). I would put a lot of thought into how you'll feel after and then make your decision.
youngnlove89 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Yeah...well, actually getting DUMPED in the first place isn't a very hopeful situation. No, it isn't a hopeful situation. But it also isn't enough to just give up, pick up the pieces, forget them and move on. I'm not saying it shouldn't be. It should be enough. But we are dealing with broken hearts and hurt here. She is going to do what she is going to do. So I'm telling her if she does decide to contact him, do it with her dignity intact. He might not even answer her. He might continue to ignore her. We don't know until it happens. She might come back on here saying he ignored her and she is now upset. Those are the two possibilities: He answers, but doesn't want more or he ignores her. She can't see that yet because she is leading with her heart instead of her eyes. We all see that and that is why we would like to lead her in the right direction, but unfortunately we lack that power. She has to find out for herself, that's the process of healing. 1
Author Inviv_girl Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 So I called, he answered. He recognized my voice. I'm shaking when I hear his voice, I hear his voice trembled and whispers my name few times. Asking how am I and where am I, from friends he knows I am having a new job in another country now. I broke down and cry, I couldn't answer him, he says "please talk to me" I couldn't continue so I put down the phone. He doesn't know my new number, he cant see my number as I called from overseas. I didn't continue the call, from that moment I knew that I'm still deeply in love with him, his voice makes me weak. I don't know if I will call him again.. Guys, thank you so much for the input.
LostOne1 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 So I called, he answered. He recognized my voice. I'm shaking when I hear his voice, I hear his voice trembled and whispers my name few times. Asking how am I and where am I, from friends he knows I am having a new job in another country now. I broke down and cry, I couldn't answer him, he says "please talk to me" I couldn't continue so I put down the phone. He doesn't know my new number, he cant see my number as I called from overseas. I didn't continue the call, from that moment I knew that I'm still deeply in love with him, his voice makes me weak. I don't know if I will call him again.. Guys, thank you so much for the input. Well what helped me move on was finding someone else. I found this girl by accident, just ran into her and there she was... sadly I either made a move to late or she wasn't interested. So we both have gone our own ways now since our class is over now. Which means chances of me seeing her ever again is pretty slim. But it was something at first sight.. I saw her and I thought I'd only love my ex or have no heart anymore. Well I was proven wrong. Sooner or later you will see a guy or run into one and all these new feelings will shoot into you. And you'll be shocked that you could love someone else again.. and whether it works out or not. It will still be a great feeling to know you can love still.. and that you still have a heart. I wish this new girl had given me a chance, but maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe I was just supposed to meet her to realize I can move on easily. And I just have to believe someone better out there exists for me. So now I am starting to put myself out there some more. 3
RiceaRoni Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Well what helped me move on was finding someone else. I found this girl by accident, just ran into her and there she was... sadly I either made a move to late or she wasn't interested. So we both have gone our own ways now since our class is over now. Which means chances of me seeing her ever again is pretty slim. But it was something at first sight.. I saw her and I thought I'd only love my ex or have no heart anymore. Well I was proven wrong. Sooner or later you will see a guy or run into one and all these new feelings will shoot into you. And you'll be shocked that you could love someone else again.. and whether it works out or not. It will still be a great feeling to know you can love still.. and that you still have a heart. I wish this new girl had given me a chance, but maybe it wasn't meant to be. Maybe I was just supposed to meet her to realize I can move on easily. And I just have to believe someone better out there exists for me. So now I am starting to put myself out there some more. This is true I wouldnt recommend gerring serious with a new person while you're still broken though..but if you meet someone and find them interesting get to know them and see what happens.. I also thought id never love again or would have a hard time finding someone new. But im 6 mo post BU and this guy and I have startes talking to each other. Hes great and were getting along well.. Just know you will love again. Let love come to you though and dont go searching for it. 2
cavalier99 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 (edited) Im still in shock that its looking like a new RS for me. It has certainly delived the KO punch to any suffering over the old EX. And Lost is right. Just the fact that you can feel something for someone else helps a ton. My situation just worked out but i was good either way. It did help that i was getting pretty indifferent anyway when all this happened. Sorry Invi_girl. You need to foget about this guy, recover, then get out there. Cav Edited April 19, 2013 by cavalier99 2
LumberJack Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Invi_girl. You cant call him...EVER. Ok? You know this would be a total bone head move. Cav Right on. My conclusions after being dumped: - I shouldn'tve sent that post-breakup SMS - The one-week-later meeting *was* a good idea. Shoulda been way shorter though. - Shouldn'tve responded to those e-mails. - Shouldn'tve sent that drunken IM Someone mentioned dignity earlier. For me that's key here. Even if it doesn't feel like you have any, sometimes it helps to imagine what someone who *is* dignified would do in these situations. Be strong. It gets better. 1
Author Inviv_girl Posted April 23, 2013 Author Posted April 23, 2013 Since no one answer my other thread, I just want to have another update here. As I said in my previous other thread; he emailed me says; He knows how much I love him, He loved me but the fight changed his feeling. He wishes me to move on, He says he always there for me. He never meant to hurt me. He truly loved me and bla bla here and there.. I didn't reply and the next day he wrote again asking for apology for the mistakes he did to me, and he also wrote "we should normalize our relationship as friends" I didn't reply again, and now he sent me another messages this time asking to talk. - Does he wants me back - Why does he want to talk.. now?! - Why and why - What should I do Thought please, anyone:confused:
ThatJustHappened Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 Since no one answer my other thread, I just want to have another update here. As I said in my previous other thread; he emailed me says; He knows how much I love him, He loved me but the fight changed his feeling. He wishes me to move on, He says he always there for me. He never meant to hurt me. He truly loved me and bla bla here and there.. I didn't reply and the next day he wrote again asking for apology for the mistakes he did to me, and he also wrote "we should normalize our relationship as friends" I didn't reply again, and now he sent me another messages this time asking to talk. - Does he wants me back - Why does he want to talk.. now?! - Why and why - What should I do Thought please, anyone:confused: - No, he doesn't want you back. He told you that point blank. - He emailed you because you called him crying and he was probably worried about you. - You should tell him you cannot be his friend and then stop emailing and calling him.
ErosOcean Posted April 23, 2013 Posted April 23, 2013 He's just looking for closure. He want's to make sure that you both can close out the relationship on good terms. You need to move on. You can accept his apology, shoot a quick text that says, "Thanks I appreciate it. Bye." Or... You can completely ignore him and go no contact forever.
inaya42 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 do what will give your heart ease. it sounds as if he cares for you, is worried about you, doesn't want you to suffer anymore about this. if a warm goodbye conversation will help, have it. ask your questions, tell him what he meant to you, wish him well. i have a friend who left her man and, because he genuinely meant so much to her, she continued to talk to him as needed until he felt strong enough to reduce their contact. i thought it was so lovely of her -- even though it drained and confused her. there are lots of people on here whose exes would not take a phone call, much less follow up with two emails asking how they are. this man cares about you, even if not in a way that will allow him to come back to the relationship. when you feel stronger, you will care enough about him to let him go and wish him well. dumpers are not powerful monsters. they are people: fallible, changeable. and loving someone does not shred your dignity... 1
cavalier99 Posted April 24, 2013 Posted April 24, 2013 Since no one answer my other thread, I just want to have another update here. As I said in my previous other thread; he emailed me says; He knows how much I love him, He loved me but the fight changed his feeling. He wishes me to move on, He says he always there for me. He never meant to hurt me. He truly loved me and bla bla here and there.. I didn't reply and the next day he wrote again asking for apology for the mistakes he did to me, and he also wrote "we should normalize our relationship as friends" I didn't reply again, and now he sent me another messages this time asking to talk. - Does he wants me back - Why does he want to talk.. now?! - Why and why - What should I do Thought please, anyone:confused: Everyone this is what happens when you call you ex and go against all advise. You get sent right back into the pits of hell.
Author Inviv_girl Posted April 24, 2013 Author Posted April 24, 2013 do what will give your heart ease. it sounds as if he cares for you, is worried about you, doesn't want you to suffer anymore about this. if a warm goodbye conversation will help, have it. ask your questions, tell him what he meant to you, wish him well. i have a friend who left her man and, because he genuinely meant so much to her, she continued to talk to him as needed until he felt strong enough to reduce their contact. i thought it was so lovely of her -- even though it drained and confused her. there are lots of people on here whose exes would not take a phone call, much less follow up with two emails asking how they are. this man cares about you, even if not in a way that will allow him to come back to the relationship. when you feel stronger, you will care enough about him to let him go and wish him well. dumpers are not powerful monsters. they are people: fallible, changeable. and loving someone does not shred your dignity... I don;t know if Im strong enough to talk to him, he called my mom and asking for my number and sadly my mom gave him, I recieved a call from his number this morning and I didnt pick up and if he call again I dont think I will answer him. Im so sad now, let this tears flow..
Recommended Posts