Ninja'sHusband Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 How many of you are out there and what are your thoughts on it? Do you plan to remarry eventually? Never? If never, did the WS win or is being single just what you want? Do you have kids in the house still? The farther I get from the separation and the more I read the more I don't see my self ending up with anyone else for a good while. I've heard stories about divorced children who have a really hard time adjusting to being part time kids in a new blended family. I'd hate to do that to my daughter if I ended up with someone with kids. Being an obsessive musician, programmer, video game enthsiast...I'm not even sure I want to put out the kind of effort it takes to share my life with a woman again...just to have her knife me in the back with infidelity and ruin me financially. I look at the dating sites and so many women are obsessed with traveling. All I can think of is them saying, "Oh please marry me, treat me like a princess, pay for my kids' schooling, and pay for me to travel the world! I'll love you forever!" Haha, I'm so jaded now. I just don't know if marriage is for me anymore. I used to be the guy so many women were supposedly looking for. Moral upstanding guy who was looking for serious commitment, blah blah blah. Any women want to marry me, treat me like a prince, mother my child, buy me music gear, and sit at home playing video games with me? =D lol
2sure Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I don't see myself doing it again. But kind of wish I could. I have no trust in my man picker. I'm happy being single. My daughter is 17. Maybe when she moves out I will feel more open to risk. I'm dating, but not shopping. Oh, I love to travel. It's a priority. But I don't need anyone to pay my airfare. 2
2sure Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 And my husbands infidelity screwed me up. There's that.
Author Ninja'sHusband Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 I don't see myself doing it again. But kind of wish I could. I have no trust in my man picker. I'm happy being single. My daughter is 17. Maybe when she moves out I will feel more open to risk. I'm dating, but not shopping. Oh, I love to travel. It's a priority. But I don't need anyone to pay my airfare. Thanks. Good POV I think. btw I hope I didn't offend anyone with the travel thing. I don't think most women who love to travel are necessarily looking for airfare backing haha. It's just where my twisted mind goes now unwillingly. I actually do want to travel more...I've never even been overseas and would like to go. I just have other things that take priority right now. I spend a lot of time traveling to Texas to see family (it's where I'm originally from)
BetrayedH Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 My Kids have adjusted very well to my GF. After about 9 months of being separated, I casually mentioned to the kids that I might wanna have a new GF someday. They thought that was a good idea. A few months later they met my GF as a friend, amongst other friends, for the first few times. They liked her (as well as her two kids from her previous marriage - that was a huge bonus for them). Neither of us is in any hurry to get married. I think we both respect that we both questioned (not long ago) if we'd ever want to remarry. We're exclusive but it's nice that there's no pressure. The trust issues dissipated pretty quickly for me; she was ridiculously understanding. She "got it." She even bcc'd me on emails she sent to her previous guys she had dated, notifying them that she was happily off the market. After some initial residual hypervigilance, I convinced myself that she was not my exwife and the thoughts of wanting to check her emails and such were pretty nutso (even though she'd given me access to everything). The fact that we talk openly is incredibly healthy. Having both come from failed marriages has us both focused on trying to not screw up. Is it all good? No. I'm having a hard time feeling emotionally invested. It's as if I've just accepted the inherent risk but I'm keeping my heart guarded. I had all my eggs in one basket with my marriage. Now I don't. I learned how to be ok with or without anyone. I'm used to being into my relationships with both feet and blindly trusting. It's just not realistic for me right now so I don't push myself. I don't know. I don't think I would force anything, NH. If you're content being single, so be it. But if a good woman comes along, I wouldn't refuse a chance at another relationship as it is really rewarding to be with someone that genuinely respects, appreciates, and values me. (Oh, and sex without mind movies ain't such a bad thing either). My $.02 anyway. 2
96nole Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 fBS. Happily single. I've been on a few dates, but nothing serious. I was self sufficient before the marriage, I'm self sufficient now. Right now, I'm sitting in my reclining couch. Laptop to my left. Beer to my right. My cat in the middle laying on my belly purring away. You know what? Life ain't so bad right now. Nobody complaining. Nobody lying. I know exactly how you feel Ninja. Right now you are completely free to do what you want, when you want, and how you want. Nobody to answer to. (except for you daughter) I can see myself getting married again. But not right away. She's going to have to be one hell of a woman though. And she will know from day one that I now have a ZERO tolerance level to cheating. Life is good! 3
AnotherRound Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I have been divorced for about 12 years now , my one and only marriage - and no, I don't see myself ever getting married again. Especially not under the current institution of marriage. I would be willing to agree on some things, contractually even - but not certain things, and would like to keep any relationship I am in from here on out as voluntary as possible (realistically). I don't have children, and have no idea if I ever will - eventually, biologically, I won't have that choice any longer. I still have some time - but as of yet, I haven't wanted to procreate with anyone as I would like to have the best possible situation for me and any of my children that may come into being - and it hasn't happened yet. I would live with someone - and if I'm going to have a relationship, would prefer a long term one. So far, exMM is the longest I've had at 7 years active affair - another 2 or 3 since we've broken up now - and I was content with it for a long while. Thing is - for me - I just don't "need" a relationship. I think that's a wonderfully freeing thing in that I am happy either way. AND, if a relationship doesn't add to my happiness, but subtracts from it - I can walk away and still have a roof over my head (I own my home) and food in my belly (and am financially independent). I like that freedom - as it allows me to make choices that I might not have otherwise. So, nope - no marriage for me - no as the institution it is now in the US - but long term commitment, absolutely - when/if I find a person I would be willing to agree to that with.
krazikat Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I can honestly say that if my h and I ever do divorce, which if he ever cheats again will be the outcome, then I would be content being single. Before being involved with him, I stayed single for years by choice, had guys I dated here and there, but have never been one who thought that I needed a man and have always been very independent. There was just something about my now husband that caught me... I think it is so important for people to take time for themselves without a relationship so they can truly understand what they as an individual like. 2
waterwoman Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Still together for the moment. If we ever did split I would not choose to be with anyone long term again. Why? I am a solitary soul, I like my own company. Bbeing with someone is a set of constant compromises that are only worthwhile whilst that relationship adds something to your life. 1
Benedictatu Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 How many of you are out there and what are your thoughts on it? Do you plan to remarry eventually? Never? If never' date=' did the WS win or is being single just what you want? Do you have kids in the house still?[/quote'] I never dreamed I would be alone at this time of life. I hate it and I struggle with it and I desperately wish I wasn't. I have never been alone before he left me. I have tried to date since he left but aside from a boyfriend who lived far away and hardly ever saw me and then told me it wouldn't work out, no one seems interested. Men my age want younger women. Older men want younger women too. Younger men want younger women and I have taken to lying about my age on my dating profile but still don't get interest beyond smiles or winks. My children are grown, they visit very seldom and never for long. It as if they want to make sure I am still breathing so that they don't have to feel bad and then they are happy to go again. Or maybe they would be happier if I wasn't then they would not have to do even that. I don't know. Since I lost my job it is difficult even with no more retirement age because there are so many younger people with better qualifications these days that weren't important before and my experience seems to count nothing when I apply. I thought retirement would be wonderful, I could attend concerts and sit in the conservatory with my cats and bake scones but I don't have a conservatory any more and I can't afford to attend concerts and I don't much fancy going alone, especially if it is a long way to travel. I don't want to be alone but I don't see myself remarrying. My last boyfriend told me he could not compete with the ghost of my husband and he did not want to go to places where my husband might be. He thought I was just using him to make my husband jealous even though my husband only has eyes for HER and yes I would like him to come back, I want my old life back again as though she hadn't happened but even if she had I would forgive him and I would make sure he knew I loved him more than she could.
beenburned Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 My grown D has been hurt twice by 2 cheating XH's. She has always been an upbeat happy optimist person. I sure hope this doesn't scar her for life, as she deserves a good man's love and maybe even another child.(which she had always wanted) She currently is dating an old HS friend and taking everything real slow. Her only child has adjusted very well to her visitation schedule with her father. However, he has not been paying his child support, and she is seeing her lawyer about taking him back to court.
Mr. Lucky Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 The farther I get from the separation and the more I read the more I don't see my self ending up with anyone else for a good while. I think you feel that way - which is a healthy and normal response - until some time passes and you meet the right person. The 5 years I was single after separating from my WS gave me plenty of time to reflect on what I didn't want in a partner. But eventually your thoughts turn to what you do want. And that's healthy too ... Mr. Lucky 3
BetrayedH Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 No. I don't plan to ever get married again. Plan, that is. I suppose if the right person came along that might change. But I have no plan and at this point prefer to be single for the rest of my life. And here I figured you were after The First Lady.
2sunny Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 No, I don't plan to get M again. It's taken a while - but in the past 5 years I've learned to be so happy on my own...and when I'm with someone else - its just a bonus! I date... Older, younger and as long as they add interest to my life I enjoy it all! I love it! I go where I want, with who I want, whenever I want, for as long as I want! What's not to live about that? Every day is a renewed sense of freedom! It's like being a kid again! I'm always honest with who I'm seeing... That's something I require of myself! To get M again? That man would have to offer me a ton of amazing reasons to consider it! 2
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