StevenStevens Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 I dated my ex for 2 years and we've been broken up for almost 4 months. The first year of our relationship was long distance/online. We met online and because of circumstances couldn't physically be together. I ended things because I met someone else that I have a better connection with and things are great with her. Here is the issue... A friend of mine told me that my ex is in the hospital. She got pregnant when we were together and had a late term miscarriage (or something like that). I had no clue she was pregnant. She wasn't supposed to ever be able to carry a baby to term because of some health issues. Maybe that is why she didn't tell me. Apparently she is going to be there for a couple days and I don't know if I should go see her. My current GF is threatened by it, which I get. And I honestly don't know if it would do my ex any good. I know she would want me there, she didn't want us to break up and never changed her relationship status or profile picture (of us kissing) on Facebook. But me being there would hurt her because it would remind her that I'm with someone else, not her. I hurt her enough when I broke up with her (never made someone so emotional in my life) I don't want to open those wounds again. But I feel like an ass not seeing how she is. Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Send a card if you must, no visits. It will give her false hope and piss off your new gf. Link to post Share on other sites
theloyalone1 Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 Honestly, I would go see her. I understand the situation seems a bit tough right now and you dont want to hurt anyone but I think you not showing up would hurt the most if you guys had that "friendship" beforehand. talk to your Current girlfriend about being more understanding Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 17, 2013 Share Posted April 17, 2013 (edited) I think it would be best not to visit her, because if you do that'll send her messages that you still truly care and she may take that a bit farther than it is...in terms of meaning. She might think you're still emotionally invested in her since you cared about visiting her....which you've found someone else and have already moved on, so now your responsibility is to someone else emotionally so they have to come first as well. It'll just make it more difficult for her to see you there and I think she'll bit a bit confused or conflicted by your presence unless she's still in love with you (if she was). That hardest part of relationships can be to walk away, but when you walk out of someones life, using reasons/excuses however valid to come in out only extends the pain in the long run. Let her move on, and find closure, that can be a very difficult process for a woman depending on her emotional investment...and this situation is definitely big, that's already such a huge emotional circumstance for a woman to process...don't come in aloof just thinking you can somehow console her at this point. The selfish part of me would want to see her and support her, but I have to remember the bigger picture...you have a current GF that you've moved on with so you've already shut out your ex to an extent, and maybe a smaller gesture would be more "appropriate" like some flowers or what not, but I think any gesture you invest in can be misleading emotionally for her, so what do you think is best for her? what does your gut tell you?...for me this would be a very difficult situation to be in, because I'm very close to the people I have relationships with beyond just a normal boyfriend/girlfriend dynamic, we've usually been there and supported each other through profound life events and I can be very close to them just on a personal level...with things they may not normally share or express. So it's hard to walk away knowing that...but I still think at the end of the day, they need you out of your life to get over you. Edited April 17, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas Link to post Share on other sites
Author StevenStevens Posted April 18, 2013 Author Share Posted April 18, 2013 I guess I probably shouldn't go see her. We have barely talked since we broke up. I know her well and she needs space to move on. I don't want to send a card because she thinks cards are really personal. She keeps every card she ever gets and was upset when I didn't keep all the cards she gave me. Would flowers be too much? Or would doing absolutely nothing make her realize that we're done and help her move on? Link to post Share on other sites
CC12 Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 I don't think you should go see her. No cards or flowers, either. She was pregnant, and for whatever reason, she chose not to involve you in the pregnancy. I think you should respect that decision. If she reaches out to you, then go see her. If your current girlfriend gives you a hard time over it, I'd have to question her morals and empathy. Link to post Share on other sites
MissIndependant Posted April 18, 2013 Share Posted April 18, 2013 Your situation, your choice. I won't give you my opinion because it doesn't matter. I would give you this advice though: * Look at the situation, if you were advising you friend, brother/sister, whatever, what would you tell them? * Would going/not going be something you regret in later life? * Can you look back on your decision and be proud of the way you acted? * Would you respect someone in the same situation who did/did not go see her ? Try answering these questions and see where it leads you. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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