amolya Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I posted a few days ago about a guy I met on OKC, who'd not kissed me, despite hanging out and spending 12 hours together one day. Anyway, the third time we hung out, we kissed (even though he was worried about getting me ill since he had a cough), and since, we've spent just as much time together, got close to sex a couple of times (but not all the way due to lack of protection /lack of empty house). Anyway, it felt like a dream for me. Here, I had finally met an attractive, interesting guy, who I had SO MUCH in common with, whose company I enjoyed, and who seemed to feel the exact same way about me. Feeling really f**ckin good. And then tonight, he dropped this one me ; apparently he'd seen his ex that day, felt like killing himself because he was still in love with her but didn't know, and was confused and messed in the head. (In the morning, he had asked me to come round (as he was ill and wanted company). I was busy so couldnt ; so he asked some friends and finally her. She went.) I felt pretty crappy. we talked for a bit, he told me not to worry. ~I#m not really sure what to do now. Give him space? Try to help him through it? Distance myself? I've never had to deal with anything like this before....thoughts/comments appreciated!
Poppy fields Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 He told you he wanted to kill himself, and then he to you not to worry. Does he still seem like a dream to you? If not, then why not find someone who is?
KatZee Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 ~I#m not really sure what to do now. Give him space? Try to help him through it? Distance myself? I've never had to deal with anything like this before....thoughts/comments appreciated! There's nothing you can do. There is no way to "help him through it." He needs to get over it and grieve on his own. He's masking his pain right now by filling the void with someone else. He's rebounding hardcore, but that's what a lot of people do. Unfortunately, rebounding people don't have a clear frame of mind and they often choose people who are completely wrong for them. By the time they're over the ex they were sad over, then can see the person they're rebounding with isn't right for them either. You're going to wind up seriously hurt here. At most I'd just be his friend, and I'd look else where for a relationship.
soccerrprp Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 No brainer. Distance yourself and get a move on. I was the guy who was still "attached", not in love, but obligated to his ex. You'll lose on this. It sounds like you already have. Sorry.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 He told you he's in love with someone else. That's a huge, blinking signal about what to do next, no? Being a rebound is messy. Why on earth would you consider helping him through it? You're going to get seriously hurt. I'd move on before that happens
KatZee Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 He's also not even emotionally available to you right now, AND his ex is still heavily in the picture. (He called her up and she went to comfort him when he was ill?) Their story is not even remotely done, and you won't be able to compete with that at all... but better question yet... is why would you want to compete to begin with?
tuxedo cat Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I'm really sorry this happened to you. I think you should walk away and not look back. Two huge red flags here: 1) He is still in love with his ex, 2) He talked about killing himself. This guy sounds emotionally screwy. This will not end well.
Imajerk17 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) I am sorry to hear of your story OP, because as great as you might be, it just doesn't sound that he is open to being in a relationship with you. There just isn't a whole lot you can do, it is between him and his ex. He might have to get his heart ripped out from her a couple of times before he detaches and is truly open to you. Edited April 18, 2013 by Imajerk17
AMusing Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Not much to add that hasn't already been said. There is no way for this to end well for you. The ex he's in love with went over to take care of him while he's sick? To protect yourself, you need to walk (run) away from this situation. I'm really sorry--I've been in your shoes & feel your pain--but there's nothing you can do while he still has feelings for someone else.
Author amolya Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 I appreciate the replies, and for the most part, I agree it's good advice. he's said he's suffered depression before, I know it';s big thing to take o. Today, he initiated conversation with me, saying he is feeling much better. We talked a bit, and he admitted that his ex has told him she will ignore any and all contact from him. So it sounds like she has moved on but he hasn't. I don't know if he is actually in love with her, or that this it his depression being masked as love. In that sense, I don't think any drama or heartbreak would occur if I stayed in touch (something he clearly wants to do. He's apologized to me so much, and keeps initiating conversation). thoughts?
KatZee Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I appreciate the replies, and for the most part, I agree it's good advice. he's said he's suffered depression before, I know it';s big thing to take o. Today, he initiated conversation with me, saying he is feeling much better. We talked a bit, and he admitted that his ex has told him she will ignore any and all contact from him. So it sounds like she has moved on but he hasn't. I don't know if he is actually in love with her, or that this it his depression being masked as love. In that sense, I don't think any drama or heartbreak would occur if I stayed in touch (something he clearly wants to do. He's apologized to me so much, and keeps initiating conversation). thoughts? Depression doesn't just turn on and off like that. If he's suffered from it, he probably is suffering now and he needs to get help. And my response still hasn't changed here. Doesn't matter if she's going NC. He's still in love with her and he's not emotionally available to you. You're fooling yourself if you think you'll come out on top with this situation. He needs time to heal. Stay in touch if you must, but be a FRIEND ONLY.
john s123 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 i would just give him some space.he obiviously has issues to deal with.he'll just end up bringing you down with him.the last thing you want to do is get in deeper with him and then get your heart broken .better to walk away now.if you meant anything to him .he'll get back in touch with you .
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