ViciousCycle Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I'll try to keep this short and sweet. I'm a mess, and could use some comfort/encouragement. My ex and I started dating about two years ago (Almost exactly). Friends for five years in total. We were in a LDR where we would see each other every few months. We are both in grad school, so it worked out well. She studies abroad, I am in America. We could skype and text everyday. The first one and a half years were very good. We saw each other in the summers and at Christmas. I visited her abroad for a month. We were in love, and I would say the honeymoon period lasted a good year. It was almost a forgone conclusion that we were getting married. I am close with her family. We got along so well. I never had to worry about her cheating, even though she did have some minor history with that. She was absolutely dedicated. A lot of things changed at the start of this year. I think we were both tired of the LDR, and there wasn't much excitement left. When I saw her this past Christmas, we would bicker some. On my end, I did a few things wrong: Being really needy and requiring almost constant contact, general insecurity, becoming complacent with the relationship. But I had hope in sight, because she was coming home in May. Our plan was to move in together in August in a new city. We both had to look for jobs. She doesn't really want to leave abroad, but feels forced to. She's worked really hard in school, and wants to find a nice job. We found a city that would be mutually beneficial for us, and one that we both liked that is in the US. I am open to moving abroad later on. A couple of months ago she revealed that she had strong feelings for another guy she met in the country she is in. I tried to be reassuring that attraction is natural. At the same time, I became really insecure and constantly questioned her thoughts to the point where she became unsure. I gave her an ultimatum after some time of confusion, which led to me (being forced to) break up with her. It felt more like a break. This break started in early March. Fast forward a few weeks and she comes to several conclusions: 1) She doesn't want to move in together, 2) She doesn't know if we're good together, 3) The break up is permanent, 4) She isn't in love with me anymore, 5) The guy had nothing to do with this. I maintained infrequent but intense contact, which didn't help. All the while, she has started going out more. She is afraid to leave the country she is in and come home. Seems like she is trying to live it up. Her work ethic has gone down and she seems a bit confused about what she wants. She started seeing the guy she likes a couple of weeks ago, which was also a few weeks after the break up. I know they have something physical going on. She's coming home at the end of the month, which means she had time for a month long thing with this guy. It doesn't make sense to me. Perhaps she wants to come back in the future and feels strongly about him, or perhaps it is a rebound. She does say she wants to stay friends and she still loves me. She wants to see me at some point when she comes home. I kept no contact for a little over a week, and then broke it when I found out that her and this guy were getting physical. I wanted to let her know that I knew, and that I am trying to be okay with it. Probably a bad idea. She seems really negative and bitter towards me, like this is all my fault to some degree. I think she also pities me some. I know what the answer probably is. I need to go NC for as long as necessary. But this is a weird scenario too. Any advice?
Author ViciousCycle Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Sigh..does anyone have any advice? I broke NC yesterday and texted with her. Huge mistake. She seems so cold. Sounds like she's thinking about moving back to the country she is in. Seems like they're serious even with the circumstances. It is so confusing to me how someone could move on so quickly.
Harlequin_Dog Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Just focus on yourself for now. If she wants to stay in her new home country, cool. Going NC will be best for now I think- especially if she has GIGS and is running around being 'young' again. You'll only get hurt. 2
number122 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Pretty much what the guy above said. Go NC. I broke up with my gf two weeks ago. Same reason. LDR and LTR gone cold. She probably has GIGS aswell and a guy. I tried to do whatever I could to keep the relationship going, but she just grew more distant and more cold. Leaver her and go full no contact. Disappear, focus on yourself and DO NOT CHECK HER ONLINE. Don't talk, don't call, don't text, don't view fb/twitter or anything sorta like that. Trust me, for me it's two weeks and I'm pretty much heartbroken. But I hold up. And I'll renew myself, find my own happiness. That's what you should do too. 1
Author ViciousCycle Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 Pretty much what the guy above said. Go NC. I broke up with my gf two weeks ago. Same reason. LDR and LTR gone cold. She probably has GIGS aswell and a guy. I tried to do whatever I could to keep the relationship going, but she just grew more distant and more cold. Leaver her and go full no contact. Disappear, focus on yourself and DO NOT CHECK HER ONLINE. Don't talk, don't call, don't text, don't view fb/twitter or anything sorta like that. Trust me, for me it's two weeks and I'm pretty much heartbroken. But I hold up. And I'll renew myself, find my own happiness. That's what you should do too. Thanks for both of your responses. I know you're definitely right about the NC. The two things that hurt right now are the sudden dramatic change that she can't really see (so close to us being together, too) and the fact that she is with a guy. All of these shows me that she is not the one, and needs to mature tremendously. Perhaps I could have seen it coming. But I will proceed with what is best for me, and learn to be happy alone.
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