Sleeping with someone else

[McGriff]

Well of course it would upset me. If you have feelings for someone, there's no way in the world you cannot get upset by it. BUT, would I hold it against them? No. Because I would be a hypocrite. Sex would not be an issue in reconciliation for me unless the things I pointed out were in play. (1) excessive sex partners, or (2) find out she cheated DURING the relationship, or (3) sleeps with someone I know. Now, if those parameters are absent, and we reconciled, I wouldn't allow contact with the person she had sex with. No freaking way. And of course I would abide by that rule as well.

[Am4Real]

We definitely agree on this point...guess it is ol'fashion in a way, but that's okay.

 

For many people these days, sex has become a more casual thing...as another poster stated. I have always been old fashioned about it, I think sex is the kind of emotionally intimate act that you share with someone you're in love with. If only everyone felt this way

[Charlie Harper]

hmm, so you are okay with your ex sleeping with another man? A guy who has had his rock hard thingy in her turned on thingy? and she got off from it? that's okay to you?

 

EX is qthe key word here, if you are not together, then you can jump off a cliff if you like to, screw the girl next door, I get the vibe that most men dont get sex as fast a women do after a breakup, so men get angry at the posibility that your ex is having fun and great sex with someone who is not you... I DONT CARE, and YES Its ok with Me.

 

 

I am no means possessive about it and don't try to control it, but I feel that once I shared something with you and you share it with someone else after me, it isn't special anymore. Because someone else got your gift that was meant for me.

 

You are not possessive ? Really.... so if someone uses a bathroom meant for you it is not special anymore.... Your significant other IS A PERSON and when its NOT on a RELATIONSHIP with you that person is FREE....

 

But heck I may be too lax on control stuff..

[candie13]

Well of course it would upset me. If you have feelings for someone, there's no way in the world you cannot get upset by it. BUT, would I hold it against them? No. Because I would be a hypocrite. Sex would not be an issue in reconciliation for me unless the things I pointed out were in play. (1) excessive sex partners, or (2) find out she cheated DURING the relationship, or (3) sleeps with someone I know. Now, if those parameters are absent, and we reconciled, I wouldn't allow contact with the person she had sex with. No freaking way. And of course I would abide by that rule as well.

 

I think that's a very fair point, but all depends on how your ex manages the situation. There's a difference between knowing she's been with other guys and seeing her making out, dancing, laughing, having a great time (supposedly) in front of your very eyes. Of course, it all depends on just how... possessive you are and how much you've got the hots for her .

 

If my last summer's crush would have taken his date by the hand and left the club, I would have understood - even appreciated that. If he would have gone to the opposite side of the club, and kept his date private, I again, would have appreciated that. But no . He had to rub it into my face. The easiest thing for me would have been to take one of the guys lurking near me, and do the same, to show I don't care. However, I am not 16 anymore. I, don't have anything to prove to anyone. Incidentally, my dear friends, am a lady. So I grinned and buried it. It sucked big time. It passed.

[cavalier99]

Ive taken an ex back after she slept with another guy.

 

It was tough to get over and of course i was stupid enough to get all the details out of her. I eventually got over it but i think it sorta changed the relationship for me and it was never completly the same. Cav

[youngnlove89]

EX is qthe key word here, if you are not together, then you can jump off a cliff if you like to, screw the girl next door, I get the vibe that most men dont get sex as fast a women do after a breakup, so men get angry at the posibility that your ex is having fun and great sex with someone who is not you... I DONT CARE, and YES Its ok with Me.

 

 

 

 

You are not possessive ? Really.... so if someone uses a bathroom meant for you it is not special anymore.... Your significant other IS A PERSON and when its NOT on a RELATIONSHIP with you that person is FREE....

 

But heck I may be too lax on control stuff..

 

 

haha if we are talking about public restrooms here, I don't give a hoot how many bathrooms he uses!! that's laughable and a horrible comparison. pissing and cumming are two different things.

 

I am not possessive. I wouldn't hold it against him and I wouldn't shame him, BUT it still would hurt me. That is all I'm trying to say is that IT WOULD HURT ME. I don't think I would be able to be with him again after he slept with someone else. That is just MY opinion, just like your opinion about restrooms and such.

[iouaname]

It would hurt me, yes. If it didn't hurt me, then I would be able to be friends with him. The point is that I can't deal with seeing him with someone else.

[candie13]

EX is qthe key word here, if you are not together, then you can jump off a cliff if you like to, screw the girl next door, I get the vibe that most men dont get sex as fast a women do after a breakup, so men get angry at the posibility that your ex is having fun and great sex with someone who is not you... I DONT CARE, and YES Its ok with Me.

 

You are not possessive ? Really.... so if someone uses a bathroom meant for you it is not special anymore.... Your significant other IS A PERSON and when its NOT on a RELATIONSHIP with you that person is FREE....

 

But heck I may be too lax on control stuff..

 

Totally and absolutely... but what if he actually peed all over the walls and floor of your bath? Shyte in the bathtub? In front of you? You must be really special to him to do that, ain't it?

 

Anyway, the way I see it, if the relationship ended, there's little point in getting back to it. If it didn't work the first time, it won't work the second either. But that's a whole different discussion.

[McGriff]

Young,

 

I don't think there's a person here that would say it wouldn't hurt. As a matter of fact, I'll go a step further and say it's freaking torture! I understand if you wouldn't take your ex back, it's a personal choice thing, and there's no wrong answer.

 

Here's an interesting question for you. Would you prefer knowing your ex wouldn't have sex for say a year, and never ever reconciling, or know that he had meaningless sex with some clubber on a drunk night, but you get to reconcile?

[destroyed4sho]

if they had sex with someone elsw, regretted it and showed remorse...i prob would forgive them.

[Simon Phoenix]

Ive taken an ex back after she slept with another guy.

 

It was tough to get over and of course i was stupid enough to get all the details out of her. I eventually got over it but i think it sorta changed the relationship for me and it was never completly the same. Cav

 

This reason here is another reason to go NC. I don't want to know what she's doing and I don't care in the least. Sex is sex -- has little or nothing to do with me. I don't care about who a girl slept with before me and don't care about who she's sleeping with after me. If she's rubbing it in my face, I'll be unhappy, but more because she's making a production out of it than because she's having sex with someone else.

[Simon Phoenix]

It would hurt me, yes. If it didn't hurt me, then I would be able to be friends with him. The point is that I can't deal with seeing him with someone else.

 

I'd be more bothered by my ex going on a romantic date with another guy and cuddling and doing all that stuff than my ex taking home some guy and banging him in a state of drunken hormones. But that's just me.

[youngnlove89]

Young,

 

I don't think there's a person here that would say it wouldn't hurt. As a matter of fact, I'll go a step further and say it's freaking torture! I understand if you wouldn't take your ex back, it's a personal choice thing, and there's no wrong answer.

 

Here's an interesting question for you. Would you prefer knowing your ex wouldn't have sex for say a year, and never ever reconciling, or know that he had meaningless sex with some clubber on a drunk night, but you get to reconcile?

 

Aha, that's a nice twist.

 

And you caught me, I don't know how to answer it. It would bother me still. It would wake me up in the middle of the night when he is cuddling me. I would wonder if she was better in bed than I am when we are having sex. I think it would just kind of shift things, make things a little more different than before. Maybe I'd be able to get over it if he showed that it meant nothing, and I meant more. But he would have to prove it and it wouldn't be easy. But I'm a girl, and I'm just wired that way.

[youngnlove89]

Ive taken an ex back after she slept with another guy.

 

It was tough to get over and of course i was stupid enough to get all the details out of her. I eventually got over it but i think it sorta changed the relationship for me and it was never completly the same. Cav

 

Now that I think about it, I did take an ex back when he had cheated on me and slept with a married woman. We tried to make things work, but I couldn't let go of the fact that he was intimate with someone else. It actually is what made the relationship fail because I couldn't let go of what he did. But cheating is different.

[Simon Phoenix]

Aha, that's a nice twist.

 

And you caught me, I don't know how to answer it. It would bother me still. It would wake me up in the middle of the night when he is cuddling me. I would wonder if she was better in bed than I am when we are having sex. I think it would just kind of shift things, make things a little more different than before. Maybe I'd be able to get over it if he showed that it meant nothing, and I meant more. But he would have to prove it and it wouldn't be easy. But I'm a girl, and I'm just wired that way.

 

See, all of that is on you, not on him. That's your own insecurity sabotaging you. You have to be confident in yourself and what you are doing and not think about stuff you can't control. I mean, if the other woman was really that good, he wouldn't be back with you, would he?

[candie13]

Funny thing is, if the guy had acted with some consideration towards me, when he was with his new date, I may have been tempted to see him again. But there was something about how he was acting with that girl... I would recognize "his game" - he would talk to her about his broken bones, he would show her his destroyed knuckle, she would touch his hand - bam, first contact skin to skin, in front of my very eyes. I knew that very well. He'd done it with me, as well, during the first date. The only difference, with me, it was in day light, we were having dinner outside, by the lake. So their first date, from their initial behavior and he takes her to a club... ok, it's a ONS. Something about how she looked at him, when I would feel he was still very hung up on me... His being ruthless with that girl, that's what shocked me. Absolutely oblivious - she had little idea about getting into a ONS. She seemed to really like him. Poor kid.

 

The crazy thing is I felt I'd meet him that week. I was mentally prepared for the confrontation. But I wasn't even thinking that he'd be with someone else - silly how we all hope for happy endings, ain't it? I am immensely grateful that happened, for it gave me closure. It absolutely horrified me. It pushed me to move on.

[youngnlove89]

See, all of that is on you, not on him. That's your own insecurity sabotaging you. You have to be confident in yourself and what you are doing and not think about stuff you can't control. I mean, if the other woman was really that good, he wouldn't be back with you, would he?

 

That is definitely a flaw I own up to. But I don't know how to control.

[Simon Phoenix]

That is definitely a flaw I own up to. But I don't know how to control.

 

Well, you gotta work at it for one. All about pumping yourself up and instilling confidence in yourself. And realizing that you can only control what you can do. I honestly couldn't care less about how other guys treated a girl I date. It's already happened. If I'm trying to beat them, then I'm not going to be the best me that I can be. I want someone who likes what I bring to the table -- not someone who I might be able to fool by trying to be something that I'm not. That's how I try to roll. And I figure preventing myself from beating myself is a full-time job as it is -- I certainly don't need to add other people to that equation.

[ViciousCycle]

The factor that affects how much I am bothered about an ex having sex with someone else would be the proximity to the break up. If it took two or three weeks (which I suspect is happening with my ex) then it kind of bothers me. It's as if they can rather easily move on with something rather intimate.

 

I know that this doesn't add up logically. Not together=no problem.

 

In terms of reconciliation, though, it is hard to take someone seriously if they didn't view your previous relationship all that highly to the point where they could have sex with someone so quickly.

[Noma]

I had to go to my ex's house today... He didn't expect me till later.

 

I went in after she left. We talked about nothing for a while, then I brought up a girl being there. He said yes, and when I didn't react, "he" started crying. It has been almost 2 months since we broke up. After being together for 4 years.

 

Maybe he was trying to get rid of feelings for me, I don't know. He is not the type to sleep around.

 

I would take him back in a heartbeat. If he wanted to put the work in to make is last.

 

We aren't together, and even though it hurts a LOT. I love him. You go through crazy things in life sometimes for love.

[youngnlove89]

I had to go to my ex's house today... He didn't expect me till later.

 

I went in after she left. We talked about nothing for a while, then I brought up a girl being there. He said yes, and when I didn't react, "he" started crying. It has been almost 2 months since we broke up. After being together for 4 years.

 

Maybe he was trying to get rid of feelings for me, I don't know. He is not the type to sleep around.

 

I would take him back in a heartbeat. If he wanted to put the work in to make is last.

 

We aren't together, and even though it hurts a LOT. I love him. You go through crazy things in life sometimes for love.

 

 

So I'm assuming he slept with someone. To be honest, I did that once to try and get rid of feelings for an ex bf. It didn't work. It's not that easy anyways.

 

How did that make you feel?

[Noma]

Just happened today! Amazing that this thread popped up.

 

I felt confused, hurt, and panic all at the same time for about 5 minutes. Then I took a deep breath and realized that we are not together, and he can do what he wants. I didn't cry in from of him. But told him later that I was hurt. I am hurt, and still confused. We will see how I feel tomorrow, it may need to set in more.

 

I try not to think of the "act" itself, that would really hurt, however, it doesn't matter. Because we aren't together. I'm thinking this will help push him either way. I feel he still has feelings for me, and having sex with her might help speed up him to decide what he wants.

 

He told me to it that he would like to talk about us. Not talk tonight, had enough for today, but soon. He hasn't said that before. He told me he is confused, and not sure what he wants. And I haven't been asking him. I told him today that I have learned a lot over the last 2 months and I would like to share it with him. But only if he wants to listen. Ad that I feel there were many things we didn't talk about while we were together that would have changed things between us for the better. He agreed. And said he would like to talk soon. It is a BIG step for him. I believe he does still have feelings.

[Martian_J]

i see sex as a special bond between two people.

 

This day in age, people are so accustomed that they sleep together and move on. Personally i can not do that.

 

When i sleep with someone its after we have formed a special connection. Sex simply strengthens that bond.

 

If my ex were to sleep with someone else i would not take them back. While yes were were technically not together, i couldn't be with someone knowing they had formed a connection like that with someone else.

Even worse if they had a one night stand. Which would make me question if they cared about me at all.

 

 

Long story short, if my ex slept with someone else after we broke up, There's no way we would get back together.

[Noma]

In this day and age- I believe- that sex can be 2 different things.

 

The sex you share in a committed relationship, is way different than recreational sex. If you sleep with someone else without wanting a committed relationship from either side, it doesn't really mean anything. No matter what the reason, trying to get over your feelings for someone else, because you were both drunk and wanted to, or if you share a mutual attraction and you were intrigued by the other person.

 

I have had casual sex in my life, never in a relationship. My last break up about 5.5 years ago, the night my bf broke up with me I randomly ran in to an old coworker who had gotten a divorce about 6 months before. We had a great time talking and it just happened. We never sought each other out after that, but ran in to each other a few times. Nothing else happened. When my ex broke up with me I knew it was over. And I don't feel that sleeping with someone else hurt me. It did help a little. I never wanted to get back with the other guy, and knew we weren't right for each other.

 

But I did share a nice evening with someone mutually. I think maybe we both needed it and it was respectful. I was 24 and he was 29.

 

This time with me ex sleeping with someone else, I feel it is to see if he could "pass off" feelings for me so to speak. Of course I don't know, and never asked him why he did it. I was surprised when he cried.

 

I am hurting today, and still confused about how I feel about it. When it comes down to it, in this case it is just sex. The other woman is going through a divorce... Coincidence I think not. I believe they both reached out to each other being in similar circumstances, and she also is in the same industry we are, so they have common ground.

 

He apologized to me last night, and I told him that while it does hurt, he has nothing to be sorry for. That being said- if he wanted to get back together tomorrow, we would have to take things slow, and no sex for a while. I a, hurt, and he feels guilty, not a good way to start an intimate relationship.

[all_cats_rgray]

sex is sex...

 

love is love...

 

if the person said they loved the person and they slept with them, i would be worried.

 

but really sex normally means nothing...unless love is evolved.