Fulfilment Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I had been dating a girl for two years until we broke things off this past January. I was not ready to settle down and both want more experience dating other people. The past few months I have met many girls but none have compared at all to my ex. I unintentionally keep comparing her to others and now can't stop thiniking of her! I feel like there is a huge void now in my life and have done everything to stay busy (dates, new friends, activities, working, exercise, classes) but I still contantly think of her and miss her so much. We had an amazing relationship, healthy discussion/disagreement, similar interests, fantastic chemistry, attraction, connection. The only glaring "issue" (if you even want to call it that) is our ages, she is 34 and I am 28. I understand the biological clock going on in all women and while I want so bad to be with her, I can't settle down for at least 3 years, I am not settled in my career and need to find a meaningful job. I want her back so bad, but also don't want to string her along and make her wait. At the same time I am really picky about who I am with and fear if I let her go I may never find one like her again. Please don't just say "move on" or "do what fits you best," I understand both of those options but really am curious as to what people think about the situation as a whole. Is the age gap a concern?
soccerrprp Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I had been dating a girl for two years until we broke things off this past January. I was not ready to settle down and both want more experience dating other people. The past few months I have met many girls but none have compared at all to my ex. I unintentionally keep comparing her to others and now can't stop thiniking of her! I feel like there is a huge void now in my life and have done everything to stay busy (dates, new friends, activities, working, exercise, classes) but I still contantly think of her and miss her so much. We had an amazing relationship, healthy discussion/disagreement, similar interests, fantastic chemistry, attraction, connection. The only glaring "issue" (if you even want to call it that) is our ages, she is 34 and I am 28. I understand the biological clock going on in all women and while I want so bad to be with her, I can't settle down for at least 3 years, I am not settled in my career and need to find a meaningful job. I want her back so bad, but also don't want to string her along and make her wait. At the same time I am really picky about who I am with and fear if I let her go I may never find one like her again. Please don't just say "move on" or "do what fits you best," I understand both of those options but really am curious as to what people think about the situation as a whole. Is the age gap a concern? The age is not a concern. You were concerned about having children when you are not ready. If you wait the 3-4 years, she'll be 37/38 and many women have children at that age. If she's that great and she's still open to getting back together, don't lose her! Go get her, but let her know that you are not ready and that children can, healthily, come later and that you'd love to have them with her! Why can't you work on your job while with her? Will she be okay with that? Mind you, stress and money are huge factors to relationships not working out, so keep this in mind. But you have a job, right? Do the best you can with it "while" looking for something better or improving the one you have. Go get her back! I wish you luck! 2
Divasu Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I don't think it's so much the age gap, but the desire to let go of someone you had in order to see what else was out there. You weren't satisfied with what you had. 1
Author Fulfilment Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Thank you for your responses. I am contracting now, so its not steady income, but "mostly" steady, I worry about settling down and not being able to accept something that may require travel, and even consider going back to school. Also I have no health benefits which does not bode well for a family. But there are other things I'd like to do like travel, races I want to run, and just enjoy the last few years of my 20's (not being promiscuous but spending them with her as well). We both talked and haven't dated as much as we'd like to have in our lives so of course there is the concern of being 100% sure as well. I miss her so much, and am trying to figure our if I am just lonely or actually need her, my heart is still aching after almost three months though.
Poppy fields Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I think you want to have your cake and eat it, too. You don't want to settle down yet, but you don't want to completely lose the possibility of her being in your life. Can't have it both ways. I don't think the age gap is an issue, just your maturity level. 1
Harlequin_Dog Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Age gap isn't a concern. Clicking with someone isn't dependent on age. However, it sounds like it's more of a maturity thing to me. It sounds like you just don't want to settle down because you just don't. You can't have it both ways- either you are serious and stay or let her go and be 'wild' again. There's nothing wrong with either option- it's just about what you need.
spiderowl Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I would think the age gap would be more of a concern for her. It wouldn't make sense for someone of 34, who would probably like to start a family very soon, to try to settle down with a guy of 28 who is still interested in seeing other women and likely to be fairly transient. I'm sure she'd have to be pretty convinced you wanted her and were truly committed and it doesn't sound like you can offer that. I think you're right not to mess her around.
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