Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 But is it a good thing to show him that I don't care he's going through a rough time? Despite all that's happened, shouldn't I be the bigger person and at least comment on the job loss? Yes. Because you shouldn't care. Why the hell would you care? Ugh. 2
Ajax Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 What I'm getting out of this is that you're offended he would assume you wanted to remain in contact as you debate whether to contact him again. So... yeah. I think you need to work on some things for yourself and not worry so much about this human male. 1
donnabella8 Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 Human kindness should be reserved for "human" beings . . . .
Author J_L_C Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 What I'm getting out of this is that you're offended he would assume you wanted to remain in contact as you debate whether to contact him again. So... yeah. I think you need to work on some things for yourself and not worry so much about this human male. Yes you are exactly correct. It took me a loooooooong time to get to the point where I was no longer texting, calling or emailing him incessantly. It's been quite awhile since I've contacted him and I surprised myself. Ask anyone on here....it was nearly 7-8 months before I was finally read to let go and I don't know how I did it, but I did. He'll always find a way to get under my skin though. He was always the 'alpha' in the relationship and always seemed to 'one-up' me if he felt threatened in any way. This is just another example. The whole "Take care and all the best in life and love"...? Seriously? He needs to get over himself. I had no intentions whatsoever of this being a segue way into further communications with him. The only reason I had considered writing him back to extend my understanding for his tough time right now, is because that's who I am as a person. He never gave a **** about some troubles I'd been having, but I'm not trying to play games with this. I honestly wanted to say 'sorry to hear' instead of looking like the poor sport/sour grapes, "I'll show you" ex-girlfriend.
Ajax Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 I think you may have missed my point. I find it ironic, and sad, that you would be offended by your ex for assuming you wanted to do the very thing you're considering doing. "How dare you think I'm trying to maintain contact with you as I think about how to maintain contact with you!" I don't intend this to be mean or hurtful, I just get the impression that you're not seeing this situation as clearly and detached as you think you do. The more you protest how over him you are, the less convincing you become. You've said it yourself, he made it sound as if the door was not open to further contact. So don't. Not even to sympathize and wish him well. It doesn't matter how nice and thoughtful a person you are, if he doesn't want it then let him go. The excuses you're making to contact him scream, "I can't get enough of this guy!" 1
Author J_L_C Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I think you may have missed my point. I find it ironic, and sad, that you would be offended by your ex for assuming you wanted to do the very thing you're considering doing. "How dare you think I'm trying to maintain contact with you as I think about how to maintain contact with you!" I don't intend this to be mean or hurtful, I just get the impression that you're not seeing this situation as clearly and detached as you think you do. The more you protest how over him you are, the less convincing you become. You've said it yourself, he made it sound as if the door was not open to further contact. So don't. Not even to sympathize and wish him well. It doesn't matter how nice and thoughtful a person you are, if he doesn't want it then let him go. The excuses you're making to contact him scream, "I can't get enough of this guy!" In regards to the contact, I wasn't referring to one, isolated instance. I was offended because it appeared he was assuming I'd get back into the constant barraging of communications, begging for him back, asking him to rethink a friendship, etc. I simply sent an email because I deserve to get my things back and the only other communication I was planning to have was to extend my apologies towards him for his job loss.
StarsOnFire Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 The whole "Take care and all the best in life and love"...? Seriously? He needs to get over himself. I had no intentions whatsoever of this being a segue way into further communications with him. Then don't let it be. Period. I agree with everyone in here saying you're looking for an excuse to keep communication open with him. If you were truly over him, you'd forget about the stuff, honestly I bet it's nothing that can't be replaced. You should've dropped it, never emailed him about it and continued to move forward. For your own sake I highly suggest not responding. THAT is being the bigger and more mature person. From what I've read he seriously doesn't give an eff about you wishing him good luck in finding another job or sending condolences about the loss of his job. Plus, I'm sure he has a different girl every night comforting him, he doesn't need you or your words anymore. You're creating a dramatic situation, to keep communication open with him. Move on, like you said you were doing.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 In regards to the contact, I wasn't referring to one, isolated instance. I was offended because it appeared he was assuming I'd get back into the constant barraging of communications, begging for him back, asking him to rethink a friendship, etc. I simply sent an email because I deserve to get my things back and the only other communication I was planning to have was to extend my apologies towards him for his job loss. That's too much contact. 2
Author J_L_C Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 I have to admit though...I'll also get a bit of satisfaction knowing that I said "All the best to you in what may lie ahead"...done. Typically I would write back and argue something like "oh so that's it? but what about our friendship?" etc, etc. This way I'm giving him exactly what he doesn't expect and it will make MEEEEEE feel good for once.
Author J_L_C Posted April 30, 2013 Author Posted April 30, 2013 To add one more thing. I really, really don't want his friendship or him at all. You may not believe me, but if he came back crawling on all fours, begging for me, I wouldn't return. I have come a long way. I just need to do something for me for once and it will feel damn good to do what he doesn't expect. Have a nice life is essentially what I'm saying.
emmalynro Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 No, what he doesn't expect is to be ignored. However satisfying it will be to tell him off, it'll be more satisfying to know that he's bewildered at your total lack of interest. Do not contact him. He's not contacting you because he's interested or wants to see you; he does it because it's a quick boost to his ego and he knows you're enough of a doormat to give him whatever he wants. This guy is toxic. He does not care about you. He is borderline abusive and your (I don't mean this unkindly) dependent personality enables him. You won't be able to heal until you erase his number, email, etc and truly get on with your life. Let. It. Go. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 To add one more thing. I really, really don't want his friendship or him at all. You may not believe me, but if he came back crawling on all fours, begging for me, I wouldn't return. I have come a long way. I just need to do something for me for once and it will feel damn good to do what he doesn't expect. Have a nice life is essentially what I'm saying. Don't say anything. Stop insisting on doing everything the hardest way possible. Moving forward is hard enough without self-imposing obstacles for no reason.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 30, 2013 Posted April 30, 2013 No, what he doesn't expect is to be ignored. However satisfying it will be to tell him off, it'll be more satisfying to know that he's bewildered at your total lack of interest. Do not contact him. He's not contacting you because he's interested or wants to see you; he does it because it's a quick boost to his ego and he knows you're enough of a doormat to give him whatever he wants. This guy is toxic. He does not care about you. He is borderline abusive and your (I don't mean this unkindly) dependent personality enables him. You won't be able to heal until you erase his number, email, etc and truly get on with your life. Let. It. Go. Please reread this until it sinks in. Any contact you give is an ego boost to him. He expects you to fold and you responding in any way is a victory for him.
StarsOnFire Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 I have to admit though...I'll also get a bit of satisfaction knowing that I said "All the best to you in what may lie ahead"...done. Typically I would write back and argue something like "oh so that's it? but what about our friendship?" etc, etc. This way I'm giving him exactly what he doesn't expect and it will make MEEEEEE feel good for once. OMG, seriously? Do.not.respond. YOU are trying to play a stupid game. Who cares who gets the last word. You're very obviously still obsessing about him, let.it.go. Save one shred of your dignity and do not respond. You were acting appalled by the idea he'd think you'd write back, yet you continue to say you want to write back. This dude knows you better than you know yourself! Don't give in, do not write back, let it go, move on, etc....
mutant Posted May 1, 2013 Posted May 1, 2013 To add one more thing. I really, really don't want his friendship or him at all. You may not believe me, but if he came back crawling on all fours, begging for me, I wouldn't return. I have come a long way. I just need to do something for me for once and it will feel damn good to do what he doesn't expect. Have a nice life is essentially what I'm saying. Your ex threw in those last words on that email knowing perfectly well the kind of effect they would have on you. And you are almost taking the bait. The only contact you may have with him is to thank him for dropping off your items sometimes this week. A simple thank you text will do and move on with your life.
Author J_L_C Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Your ex threw in those last words on that email knowing perfectly well the kind of effect they would have on you. And you are almost taking the bait. The only contact you may have with him is to thank him for dropping off your items sometimes this week. A simple thank you text will do and move on with your life. What do you mean "taking the bait"? I'm not sure he wrote that at the end of the email so I'd retaliate in some way. But...I know he DID say it to bother me though. I just think he said it to ward me off- "all the best to you in love and life"; aka: "we're done, and we're not friends. My email was to explain that I'll return ur things, but take the hint in my last sentence and don't contact me again". He returned my things last night but I didn't see him. He sent me a message afterwards: "I dropped ur stuff off. Thank you. Take care". I still haven't said anything back, but there he is again saying "take care"--hint hint don't write back. Thus far I have not. But I am so tempted to just say "thanks for my stuff. All the best to you in life" to indicate that I too, am no longer interested in maintaining any contact with him either. At this point I think he believes I am playing games by 'ignoring him' or that I'm using the passive-aggressive card. So maybe I should just send this brief message and get it over with. He's completely expecting me to write back with some sob story over how much I miss him and say how I can't believe he's wishing me a good life and that's that. I think I would feel better just sending those couple sentences for MYSELF...not for him. I would be providing my own closure.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 What do you mean "taking the bait"? I'm not sure he wrote that at the end of the email so I'd retaliate in some way. But...I know he DID say it to bother me though. I just think he said it to ward me off- "all the best to you in love and life"; aka: "we're done, and we're not friends. My email was to explain that I'll return ur things, but take the hint in my last sentence and don't contact me again". He returned my things last night but I didn't see him. He sent me a message afterwards: "I dropped ur stuff off. Thank you. Take care". I still haven't said anything back, but there he is again saying "take care"--hint hint don't write back. Thus far I have not. But I am so tempted to just say "thanks for my stuff. All the best to you in life" to indicate that I too, am no longer interested in maintaining any contact with him either. At this point I think he believes I am playing games by 'ignoring him' or that I'm using the passive-aggressive card. So maybe I should just send this brief message and get it over with. He's completely expecting me to write back with some sob story over how much I miss him and say how I can't believe he's wishing me a good life and that's that. I think I would feel better just sending those couple sentences for MYSELF...not for him. I would be providing my own closure. So you are going to contact him to let him know that you don't need to contact him? That makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. Just do nothing. Let it be. 1
Author J_L_C Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 I weighed things and made a decision. I sent him an email and said: "got my stuff. Thanks. Sucks about the job loss. Take care as well and best of luck in what may lie ahead. Ciao". I have no expectations of a response and do not want one. Ive closed it off, gotten my things back and have no reason to make any further communications with him. I feel lifted. 1
Ajax Posted May 3, 2013 Posted May 3, 2013 I have no expectations of a response and do not want one. Of course you do, or you'd have taken everyone's advice and not contacted him. You can lie to yourself all you want, but it's clear you're not over him. At all. You can't get enough of the drama. And while he may be a complete loser who treated you badly, you're the one keeping the drama flowing. Ive closed it off, gotten my things back and have no reason to make any further communications with him. You'll be back on tomorrow wondering why you haven't heard back. I feel lifted. It's the temporary high an addict gets after a fix. It won't last long. Anyway, I'm going NC with this thread. I really am. I don't want to hear any responses to my reply... I'm over it. I really am. It's been a complete waste of my time since any advice anyone gives you is rejected out of hand. You'll never hear from this guy again! Ciao! 1
Author J_L_C Posted May 3, 2013 Author Posted May 3, 2013 Actually I'm not worried about him writing back at all. I don't expect it, nor do I care. I sent what I sent for ME and I feel relieved.
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