mtnbiker3000 Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Anyone else here feel the same? Seems like many of us are posting similar things lately. I am just tired of feeling sorry for myself and thinking about how bad my situation is right now. I mean, it is bad, but I am just tired of feeling this way… Lately, I have been able to redirect my thoughts more and more, and I have been sleeping better too. However, I am scared this is all temporary as this process seems to rock back and forth. And, I am also worried I can't have possibly spent enough time yet to be at this stage, wherever this stage is… Brief time line: Actual BU - Mid/Late January Acceptance of BU - Mid/Late February Start of NC and living alone - Mid March Can I actually be turning a corner? I have been putting in a lot of work at healing/moving on. Is it possible? Or am I just doomed to crash back down again?
siankat Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 You feel how you feel. Be glad you are on the upswing. I've noticed that i attach less emotions to memories of exes in general and can then appreciate the good/funny times more. I was on here and happened upon another of the forums and there were running jokes (can't remember what about now) but here i was on LS pissing myself laughing and it was great! i think being on this forum can become a bit of a crutch that can help or hinder healing depending on how it's used. It's another way to obsess about the ex without being in touch with the ex ... Did you write the post because you feel that theoretically you shouldn't be getting better this quick and therefore you think there's another big tumble on the horizon and therefore you want to stay close to where you are so you don't fall so hard?
geegirl Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Three months into NC, I thought I was doing well and then I crashed and found myself grieving all over again. There is no standard timeline as everyone's situation is different. Everyone's grieving/healing journey is different along with coping skills/methods used to get through NC. I don't think you should be scared about crashing but what you should do is prepare yourself for its possibility. It's not a bad thing nor is it any indication that you are regressing. Grieving comes in random stages. You may well feel that you're at the stage of acceptance when you suddenly fall a few stages back into depression. All normal. Keeping tabs on where you are is causing you more anxiety and haste about the process rather than you accepting that processing your feelings, bad and good and as they come, is what is necessary for you to go through in order for you to get to your final point of healing. Aside from that, I am sure when you ended, you had bad day after bad day after bad day. No relief in sight, yes? Seems now you see yourself moving up. So, there's proof that you can get to a better place and one that is consistently good without any backsliding, so far. Take the time post break-up to the time of this post whereby you are feeling good, multiply that by 10, I see your good days outnumbering your bad by leaps and bounds! And wait till mental clarity sets in! We will have a bad days even when we've had a spell of good. It's expected. But it won't always be that way.
siankat Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 ^^^ Totally...but yeah what is it with the three month mark ?!?!?! or is it cos it was the easter holidays/spring break (depending where you are living as it was the first holiday celebration since the breakup?
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Did you write the post because you feel that theoretically you shouldn't be getting better this quick and therefore you think there's another big tumble on the horizon and therefore you want to stay close to where you are so you don't fall so hard? ^^ Bingo!!!
geegirl Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 ^^^ Totally...but yeah what is it with the three month mark ?!?!?! or is it cos it was the easter holidays/spring break (depending where you are living as it was the first holiday celebration since the breakup? I think it was the realization that it was truly over. The finality sinking in. Too much time has gone by and nothing has changed and he's never coming back. Suddenly everything comes flooding back and you realize it's all gone. Bam! 1
thefooloftheyear Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Was doing pretty well....However I have to admit that once the weather starting getting warm again, I started to have a lot of flashbacks of the fun summer stuff and feel like I have been set back. Especially when the weekends come. Its brutal... Hate this.. Hang in there everybody... TFOY
siankat Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I think it was the realization that it was truly over. The finality sinking in. Too much time has gone by and nothing has changed and he's never coming back. Suddenly everything comes flooding back and you realize it's all gone. Bam! i hope that's the case with me. The final twist in the labyrinth
siankat Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 ^^ Bingo!!! In that case, you have already pre empted it in being aware that it is a possibility. Things hit us harshest when we are blind sided by them. You won't be. Im glad you are feeling better and dont let that fact bring you down
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Round and round we go This morning = good. After lunch = bad. I don't even know what is causing these shifts. It's madness... I hate this!!!
ab5 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I agree with all this being madness as I'm going thru the same exact thing with the back and forth. But I know we can all tough this out and get through the emotional cyclone because there's no other choice!
h3braica Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Three months into NC, I thought I was doing well and then I crashed and found myself grieving all over again. Grieving comes in random stages. You may well feel that you're at the stage of acceptance when you suddenly fall a few stages back into depression. All normal. i so relate.
Waz Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 You know what? This grieving thing has become a habit after some time. One day, when you'll think the same thing, you'll notice that you don't feel any pain or any bitter feeling. Actually you will feel good with your self and you will think "Well, i tried". So simple. Period. Now, THIS will be the time that you'll feel sick of thinking. And it will be an awesome "sick of thinking" after all this ****ty time
cavalier99 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) All seems normal to me. Roller coater of emotions activated! Yes you will have good days or parts of days. And then you might find yourself crying for no particular reason even after a long strech of feeling semi ok. It all builds up then you crack. You just ride it out. You are in the trying to control your thoughts and emotions phase. The same thought that didnt bother you tonight will tear you up tommorow. All perfectly normal. Plus about now or next month is when reality REALLY sets in that they are never coming back and you need to move forward all on your own. Get ready for that one. Pretty depressing even though you sorta know this all along. It all cool though. Just accept that the emotions and thoughs are ok and observe them objectivley like a 3rd person but dont wallow or snowball. Youll make it thru to the other side. Cav Edited April 18, 2013 by cavalier99
Author mtnbiker3000 Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 You just ride it out. You are in the trying to control your thoughts and emotions phase. The same thought that didnt bother you tonight will tear you up tommorow. ^^Check and check All perfectly normal. Plus about now or next month is when reality REALLY sets in that they are never coming back and you need to move forward all on your own. Get ready for that one. Pretty depressing even though you sorta know this all along. Well, I'm hoping I am already here. I have had since February to get used to this one and I'm pretty sure I have accepted this already. Really, I don't even want her back, as I agree with and accept the reasons why we BU, and I know it would never work and I would just suffer even worse than I am now. And I've resigned to the fact that she is out there and doing who knows what with who knows who. All well within her rights... I get it. But who knows, as each day/hour brings a new surprise. (see your first quote )
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