GirlMcDark Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Hello Everyone, I'm new here, and hoping I can get some advice. I'm 32 and I ended a toxic relationship (was in it for 2 yrs.) in early 2010, and in the 3 yrs since, I have taken the time for me and not worried about dating/men etc. I know it was the best thing for me, and I now feel ready to finally give dating another try. But I am sooo TIRED of games, and pretending and not being myself to get a guy...all the things you kind of thought you had to do in your teens and 20's, lol. I'm comfortable with who I am, and I want to meet a guy and be me from the get go, and have him be himself as well. So, my problem is this....I joined an internet dating site, and after a few duds, a guy contacted me that I really liked and seemed genuine. Right from the start we were exchanging long emails with each other, talking about everything under the sun. He did warn me about 3 emails in that he is going back to school (he is my age), and that he is dealing with finales and essay exams etc, so he may be a bit slow in responding sometimes. I understand being busy (I have a life, a job and kids), I told him that was no problem. But he did say that getting and responding to my emails were the highlight of his day/week. Well....he takes a day or 2 to get back with me sometimes, no biggie. He called me last week and we had a great conversation. We continued our emails. We have set up a time to meet this coming week...he lives almost 2 hrs from me, so just jumping in the car and meeting for a quick coffee is a no go. But ok....he called me two days ago, and we were on the phone for 2 hrs, and laughing almost the entire time, I thought it was a great conversation. BUT.....well, we both seem to have the same sense of humor, although I did say mine tends to be a bit dark and sarcastic at times. So during the conversation the subject of my job came up (I work in retail and I don't like it much, mainly because of my boss!) Well, my sense of humor is such that to release stress and tension, and because I tend to have some "gallows humor" anyway.... I mentioned how I really wouldn't care if my boss got hit by a bus, lol. I mean, NOT REALLY, but come on, who hasn't had a boss they just couldn't NOT stand? Well I don't think at the time I offended him (after all Sweeny Todd is one of his favorite movies...he has to like dark humor, lol.), and maybe I am just overanalyzing things.....but he hasn't emailed or called me in 2 days. I'm thinking ok, now we have talked on the phone twice, and sent a good 12 emails to each other over 2 weeks....I know you are busy, but can't you tell, at least a little, if you like me enough to step up the communication? I know he is busy, I know I should just wait it out. He hasn't canceled our meeting or gave me some lame excuse about not being able to make it. We continued to talk and laugh on the phone that night....and he even mentioned how I would like his mom, and IF we started dating type stuff...and he even said "Aww" when I said I had to hang up and get some sleep...like he was disappointed I had to go. I wrote him a short note during the afternoon on the day after we talked. Just thanking him for calling me (as he had forgotten to the day before he called, and made up for it by calling that night.) I said I enjoyed talking to him, hoped my dark humor hadn't scared him off, lol. Have a good day...bye. Heck, 15 mins after we first talked, he emailed me saying "Hope this doesn't scare you, but I got off the phone smiling." So, it was me who wrote the note....but not until the next day. But no response, not even a "I'm still alive, your humor sucks...go away!" lol So am I just being an idiot.....and overanalyzing things? I just have this feeling that he is going to do one of those slow fades....I HATE when they do that...a little honesty is better imo. I am going to give it till Friday afternoon and if I haven't heard from him, then I will call just to confirm we are still on for next week....do you think that would be ok to do? I am just sooo confused, dating after being dormant for 3 yrs is really making me feel like I am in over my head, lol.
BluEyeL Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Oh, God, you are torturing yourself. Don't do anything, you'll screw it up, don't message him!! Wait until the day of the meeting, then write him (if he didn't write to you) a short message, like "see you tonight".
BluEyeL Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 And be mentally prepared that he won't contact you or ask you out for a second time. I hope you hit it off and all will be graet, but go with low expectations, or you'll suffer.
january2011 Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Internet dating can produce mixed results for some people and some sites are better than others, depending on location. You also have to be careful about exclusivity. The other person could be talking to a number of other people at the same time. From experience, it is common for the communication to die, either slowly or suddenly as one or the other decide that they'd prefer to pursue other people. You need to be thick-skinned. Don't wait for this guy to get back to you. If he is too busy to start a relationship, then he's too busy to maintain one. So, he could be a "no go" anyway if you are the kind of person who needs more "us" time compared to him. Carry on responding to other messages, if the senders' profiles interest you. Make sure that you are clear about what you want, whether it's sex, something long-term with the potential to lead to marriage or just companionship. OLD worked for me - I've been in an LDR for two years as a result of meeting my SO via OLD. Sometimes success on OLD can be seasonal, so take a break now and again. Come back, change your profile and get back on the horse.
soccerrprp Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 GirlMcDark, I just have two things to say: Welcome back and GOOD LUCK!
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