DelusionalOne Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 How long did your NC last before you heard from the exAP? If ever. I'm coming up on the 3 month mark without a significant "breadcrumb" in about 3 weeks. I truly believe that NC is the way to go to truly get over and move on. I am starting to get to the point where I am breathing a little easier and not feel like my past is going to come knocking. I heard that exMM has a new OW so I feel like I am in the clear but I was wondering from others... In your experience, How long did NC last before the ExAP popped out of the woodwork "just to say Hi"?
Goodbye Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Well, I've just had only 48 hours without a "bread crumb." But, I'm pleased to know you are coping well and actually look forward to no contact from him. For your sake, I hope he stays in the woodwork.
Author DelusionalOne Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Today, without even knowing the situation, some said to me... Sometimes you need to burn a bridge that you were never supposed to walk across to begin with. I took it as a sign. 5
forgetmenot75 Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 three NC: -first one 14 days, he contacted me. -Second one 11 days: both contacted each other -third one: 5 days and counting I never clarified him I was going NC, just the 1st time, that he dumped me.
Goodbye Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 We had decided on 3 months NC so he could work on his marriage. I lasted less than 24 hours, but when I called him he was ice cold, so that ensured I didn't attempt to call him again. He lasted 6 days. After this boot of NC we agreed to be sexually exclusive and have been ever since. We also agreed never to go NC again, it was such hell - for both of us. Interestingly enough, he told me during NC he had been more focused on me than otherwise, being at home with his body, but mentally with me. He also read all my posts on LS as a way of being in contact with me and checking how I was doing. Was this sexually exclusive including his wife?
Goodbye Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 We had decided on 3 months NC so he could work on his marriage. I lasted less than 24 hours, but when I called him he was ice cold, so that ensured I didn't attempt to call him again. He lasted 6 days. After this boot of NC we agreed to be sexually exclusive and have been ever since. We also agreed never to go NC again, it was such hell - for both of us. Interestingly enough, he told me during NC he had been more focused on me than otherwise, being at home with his body, but mentally with me. He also read all my posts on LS as a way of being in contact with me and checking how I was doing. Was this sexually exclusive including his wife? OH..and how did he know you post here? Did you tell him or did he read your posts and surmise it was you?
pj4ever Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I've had 6 1) 2 weeks. I broke it. 2) 2 weeks. I broke it. 3, 4, and 5th) Maybe one week - I broke them all. 6) One week. I broke it. Today may be 7. I broke NC and had my daughter email him and he called. (He dropped his phone block). Talked for 10 minutes about nothing special. Each time I broke it, he remained in contact until his GF Fiance' found out. And I am ashamed I have to use my kids to get him to call me. They're adults in their own lives. And I also contacted him using the excuse his GF is harassing me. She's not. He challenged it with "what is your proof". Of course I had none. Maybe that is why yesterday's phone call was so strained. All I got from him was a lot of one word "uh huh" answers and he had to hang up.
ThatJustHappened Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I've had 6 1) 2 weeks. I broke it. 2) 2 weeks. I broke it. 3, 4, and 5th) Maybe one week - I broke them all. 6) One week. I broke it. Today may be 7. I broke NC and had my daughter email him and he called. (He dropped his phone block). Talked for 10 minutes about nothing special. Each time I broke it, he remained in contact until his GF Fiance' found out. And I am ashamed I have to use my kids to get him to call me. They're adults in their own lives. And I also contacted him using the excuse his GF is harassing me. She's not. He challenged it with "what is your proof". Of course I had none. Maybe that is why yesterday's phone call was so strained. All I got from him was a lot of one word "uh huh" answers and he had to hang up. Wow. Have you considered therapy? Not meant in a derogatory way..I'm serious. 1
RickFox Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Stated this previously, but after xmw told me to leave her alone, out of the blue, there was some back and forth and then last contact was 10/11. I was a wreck and wished and wished she would contact me and as I slowly got over her, she hit me via FB with a 'hey' and a 'hi' a week apart after I reappeared at the front of the school were we first met and picked up our kids, which was around late April 2012. I assume she kept the link from our game of words with friends as we were never FB friends. I found the messages almost a month later, and after getting over being uber pissed off after she had told me to leave her alone and 'get over it', I decided to respond with a simple "hello". What I got back pissed me smooth the hell off and gave me the resolve I needed to keep moving forward. There are days I wish she'd break NC, but I know I would go off on her and tell her to F herself so it's better this way. 2
BrokenPrincess Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 4 months absolutely NC after his W found out. Honestly, truly never thought we'd speak again. Would read posts here with jealousy that other xMM couldn't resist breaking NC. Although the call almost set me back to the despair of DDay, it was validating at least to hear that he was missing me too, every day, and that he'd spent the 4 months as well regretting that he hasn't told me how he felt about me.
MissBee Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 One year. After a year he emailed me on my birthday wishing me a happy birthday and explaining his "disappearance." At the time it was painful, but in retrospect, it was the BEST thing for me. 1
stevie_23 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) Well well. I can respond to this thread because earlier this week, my ex-MM contacted me. I did NOT expect it. It has been just over 4 months of NC and now we're friends. I am very happy about it. We both know we cannot go back to how things were but we are pleased to have the connection and contact we do have now. I wrote a song, the first in a while talking directly to him about how I had found peace and how I understood we couldn't be together but I would always have a place for him in my heart. I posted it where I knew he'd hear it. I expected nothing but did hope he would listen. And he did, and he contacted me. We have been sending 1-2 emails everyday since, and it's going well. We both know we cannot go back and I was able to calmly ask a couple of questions that I needed a response to in order to truly move on and gain 100% peace. He was open and honest with his feelings, which I was thankful for. Edited April 18, 2013 by stevie_23 3
Lillyfree Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Well well. I can respond to this thread because earlier this week, my ex-MM contacted me. I did NOT expect it. It has been just over 4 months of NC and now we're friends. I am very happy about it. We both know we cannot go back to how things were but we are pleased to have the connection and contact we do have now. I wrote a song, the first in a while talking directly to him about how I had found peace and how I understood we couldn't be together but I would always have a place for him in my heart. I posted it where I knew he'd hear it. I expected nothing but did hope he would listen. And he did, and he contacted me. We have been sending 1-2 emails everyday since, and it's going well. We both know we cannot go back and I was able to calmly ask a couple of questions that I needed a response to in order to truly move on and gain 100% peace. He was open and honest with his feelings, which I was thankful for. hi stevie - good to see you again, was wondering what happened to you. glad you're going well 1
stevie_23 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Thank you both!! I have indeed been doing quite well. I haven't been around as much lately as I simply haven't felt the need to be. I don't feel the need to talk about this particular time in my life or my feelings surrounding it as much. YAY! lol 2
Goodbye Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Well well. I can respond to this thread because earlier this week, my ex-MM contacted me. I did NOT expect it. It has been just over 4 months of NC and now we're friends. I am very happy about it. We both know we cannot go back to how things were but we are pleased to have the connection and contact we do have now. I wrote a song, the first in a while talking directly to him about how I had found peace and how I understood we couldn't be together but I would always have a place for him in my heart. I posted it where I knew he'd hear it. I expected nothing but did hope he would listen. And he did, and he contacted me. We have been sending 1-2 emails everyday since, and it's going well. We both know we cannot go back and I was able to calmly ask a couple of questions that I needed a response to in order to truly move on and gain 100% peace. He was open and honest with his feelings, which I was thankful for. Does his wife know that the two of you are in communication as friends now? Is he contacting you secretly or out in the open?
stevie_23 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Thanks LFH!! Yeah, it's not a problem for me to have this friendship with him. We both know this is all it can be, and we'd prefer (now, after 4 months of distance) to have each other in our lives like this as opposed to not at all. There has been enough distance now to get a balance and to be able to accept this friendship for what it is. Yes, we love each other, but it's ok. We know we cannot be together and we are ok in our respective lives. There is now no stress in terms of trying to be together and no roller coaster ride of emotions. Nothing will develop further from this current friendship. As I said, we know (and have both said several times in our emails) we can't go back to what we had. And we can't have anything more. So...friendship it is. He never wanted an "affair". He never wanted a virtual long distance relationship. He was only enduring the situation we had (affair and long distance) because he was trying to work towards being with me properly eventually. Then once that was taken off the table, he found it much harder to continue living 2 lives, with no light at the end of the tunnel for us. So this is much easier now, as friends. Nothing will escalate into anything more. It simply can't. We've been there, done that. We exhausted our options and our time in that regard. And it's all good. Goodbye - no, his wife does not know. This is something I am concerned and kind of tired about. Tired as in, I don't want ANY stress from this friendship, and as long as he has to hide still from his wife, there WILL be stress and hiding and lying still. He only emails from work now, never from home. So it's a much lesser version of what he was doing before, which was trying to email, do videos, chat twice a day, text whenever possible, all from home. So to him, this is acceptable. I have said on here before that he will NEVER be transparent and honest with his wife. He just won't. 1
movingon45 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 2 months, I think. Stevie, I hope that you won't be tempted. We're on viber again for a valid official reason, but I feel like we're just on a wait and see. I'm trying to be strong.
missy268 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 we have now been nc for a week i have not seen him for a month now I dont want to be in contact, and i don't want to see him x
youngnlove89 Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 oh goodness. I've been in off and on relationship for the past 2 years. 1st time took him a day to break it 2nd time less than a week, he broke it 3rd time I broke it in less than 48 hours 4th, 5th, and 6th, was basically a few days, don't remember who said something first. 7th time, two weeks, he broke it 8th time, 1.5 months, I broke it As you can see, it's a viscous cycle. It will never end until you make that decision to end it.
Praying4Peace Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 Well well. I can respond to this thread because earlier this week, my ex-MM contacted me. I did NOT expect it. It has been just over 4 months of NC and now we're friends. I am very happy about it. We both know we cannot go back to how things were but we are pleased to have the connection and contact we do have now. I wrote a song, the first in a while talking directly to him about how I had found peace and how I understood we couldn't be together but I would always have a place for him in my heart. I posted it where I knew he'd hear it. I expected nothing but did hope he would listen. And he did, and he contacted me. We have been sending 1-2 emails everyday since, and it's going well. We both know we cannot go back and I was able to calmly ask a couple of questions that I needed a response to in order to truly move on and gain 100% peace. He was open and honest with his feelings, which I was thankful for. What happens if there is another Dday? Did he tell you all the details of what is going on with his wife right now? Isn't he afraid she's checking....?
Sarabi Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 How long did your NC last before you heard from the exAP? If ever. I didn't believe anyone when they told me that he would contact me ...it took 9 days between him saying "never contact me again" and "I don't hate you, lets make up etc. etc. etc." LOL although I didn't reply initially...so I was doing quite well for at least three weeks!!!
psm04 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 Thanks LFH!! Yeah, it's not a problem for me to have this friendship with him. We both know this is all it can be, and we'd prefer (now, after 4 months of distance) to have each other in our lives like this as opposed to not at all. There has been enough distance now to get a balance and to be able to accept this friendship for what it is. Yes, we love each other, but it's ok. We know we cannot be together and we are ok in our respective lives. There is now no stress in terms of trying to be together and no roller coaster ride of emotions. Nothing will develop further from this current friendship. As I said, we know (and have both said several times in our emails) we can't go back to what we had. And we can't have anything more. So...friendship it is. I'm really happy to hear that you and him are able to sustain the friendship and accept things for what they are. To be honest, part of me is a little envious that you are able to do that instead of cutting out a good friendship, which is what I'm doing. 1
loredo21 Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 (edited) Man you all must have golden vaginas or something!!! Tee-hee. I kid, as I know you are all awesome people too. I thought I was, but man. I wonder why I haven't been contacted. I'm told I am awesome/irresistible but he's been real good. Makes me wonder what was different about our situation. le sigh. Edited April 20, 2013 by loredo21 1
grace777 Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 Thank you both!! I have indeed been doing quite well. I haven't been around as much lately as I simply haven't felt the need to be. I don't feel the need to talk about this particular time in my life or my feelings surrounding it as much. YAY! lol Hey Stevie - I'm so glad you're doing well. I just got back on this site a few days ago again. I haven't been on lately for the same reasons. I'm glad you and the man are able to be friends and that you've gotten the closure you were seeking in order to fully let go.
Lillyfree Posted April 21, 2013 Posted April 21, 2013 it's been more than 5 months now. with a very bad, shiraz-induced slip up on boxing day. i don't think of it as 'nc' any more. it's just over. 2
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