Melrapuo Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 If anyone is unaware of my situation, you can search through one of my old threads. I'll try and post it later, but unfortunately I'm multitasking at work and I'm having quite a rough week. Its only been a little over a month since I had to move out of our (my ex and i) apartment, and I'm trying to get by living back with my parents again. Not the easiest, but I'm trying to keep my chin up and work on myself. What else do I have, really? At work, I got promoted yesterday. It felt great. I felt genuine joy for the first time in many, many months. And I told myself that things DO get better. The largest problem looming over my head has been the apartment. When we moved in back in October, we had both signed the lease. I made the mistake of getting an apartment that none of us could handle on our own if we ever broke up, and I'm paying for it. At the moment, she is living there attempting to take care of the place (and its not working). I have offered to take over the apartment with a friend as a roommate, but he backed out because he a. doesn't want to move there, and b. doesn't want to share a place with me, since my name is already on another lease. She isn't having any luck finding a roommate either. She's looking into maybe getting another job or something. I don't know many details from her, and I'm trying to keep it as civil as possible. I've offered to help pay any parts of the rent that she cannot make until the lease runs out in October of this year. She is actually being cool about this, stating that she doesn't want to be a charity case. I'm just offering it so we don't get sued by the landlord or have either of our credit ruined. And I have spoken to the landlord, and he stated that I can't have my name taken off the lease until it is paid up. So now I'm at work, newly promoted. I have a bunch of money saved up for a new apartment that I can't get now. I have an apartment under my name that I can't live in. I'm living with my family, who I am thankful for, but its not where I want to be. And I'm depressed. Very, very depressed. Keeping your chin up is not very easy, and depression makes your view of the world dramatically change from hopeful to cynical. I am currently on anti-depressants and I have been going to therapy already for over a year now. I'm glad I have both of those things, but I'm wishing there was more to feel better. Time does heal, as I've been in this position before, but the silver lining on the horizon is very hard to spot. I keep telling myself that things will get better, that I will eventually meet someone who I will be with the rest of my life. But right now I just don't see it. And maybe I shouldn't even be looking for it. But happiness eludes me. It always had, and always did when I was single. In relationships, there was still in issue in the back of my mind, but I never could pinpoint what it was. Maybe it was a chemical imbalance? Or something I just haven't uncovered with my therapist? But damn, its getting very tiring, and very tedious. I can't get an apartment now, even though I was planning to be in a new place by the beginning of next month. I had my independence, and was living somewhat on my own...but now I'm forced to take a step back and re-evaluate. Working out has helped a little bit, but I'm usually a very strict exerciser. These days, I shrug it off and go lay down in bed. I haven't gained weight or anything, I just don't have the motivation. I'm attempting to get it back though. Weight lifting and running is really good at making me feel better. I don't know. I'm on here hoping someone can be like "Buck up, kiddo. You'll be fine. Stop worrying so much. You're only 26, and you've got a whole life ahead of you. You'll meet the girl you want to be with, you'll get your life together, and you won't remember days like today." I give that advice to all my friends around me, and it feels good to make them feel good. But its hard to accept that same advice for myself. I can't see a brighter future. And its not because I'm not with HER. Its because I feel alone, despite all the wonderful support I've gotten. I just want to know things will be ok. - Rob
cdt76 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Depression sucks. There is no other way to put it. But you are 26. You have money in the bank and more coming in and you can save while living with family for the moment. You have time to work on YOU and you can do it at a pace that is comfortable. I'm 42. Feel like I've been single my whole life. Your situation won't change overnight but unless you are working on a plan for that change to happen, it won't. You have to make a goal. GET A PLAN. A plan both for your emotional well being and physical situation. You have to have an end date to your depression. You have to say that in 6 months, I'm done with this. Get to work on you and make that goal a reality. If you don't set a goal and work towards it, depression will eat you alive. Get your body right. Then your mind right. Then your living arrangements. Your job is already set. When all four of those things converge, you will be in a situation to meet someone special and you will have the walls built to protect yourself. So get to work!
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