FitChick Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Thought this was an interesting article written by a woman who started dating again after her divorce. I'm sure many of you can identify with her. It might give some of you hope, too. 5
sportsgal Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Good article but I have to disagree with "Adults want adult relationships" as the very few times I have put myself out there...they wanted sex. That's all. Nothing more and nothing less. 1
curlygirl40 Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Thank you for sharing Fitchick! I definitely agree with some of it. I have always said that what I like about dating in my 40's is that when you meet people, they are who they are. They aren't changing at this age! So if they drink or smoke pot or watch football every Sunday, well that's who they are. In a 'take it or leave it' kind of way. This is oddly refreshing for me. Also, even though if they have kids it is important to me that they be a good dad to their kids (it's an attractive quality of course) it's not important to me in the sense that I'm looking to see if he'll be a good dad to my kids or our kids. That ship has sailed! I have a ton of confidence thanks to my 40's and I don't need someone to support me, complete me or father my children. I just need a partner to go through life with. However, I also disagree (in my experience) with the fact that the guys are all 'relationship minded'. They are out there, but it seems lately that all of the guys I meet just want to casually date with some no strings attached sex. And while there are times that I'm o.k with, it would be nice to meet someone who I'm crazy about who feels the same way about me to fall into an easy relationship where we're watching TV and sharing popcorn. But that's not what I seem to be meeting lately. Thanks again for sharing! 3
sportsgal Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Thank you for sharing Fitchick! I definitely agree with some of it. I have always said that what I like about dating in my 40's is that when you meet people, they are who they are. They aren't changing at this age! So if they drink or smoke pot or watch football every Sunday, well that's who they are. In a 'take it or leave it' kind of way. This is oddly refreshing for me. Also, even though if they have kids it is important to me that they be a good dad to their kids (it's an attractive quality of course) it's not important to me in the sense that I'm looking to see if he'll be a good dad to my kids or our kids. That ship has sailed! I have a ton of confidence thanks to my 40's and I don't need someone to support me, complete me or father my children. I just need a partner to go through life with. However, I also disagree (in my experience) with the fact that the guys are all 'relationship minded'. They are out there, but it seems lately that all of the guys I meet just want to casually date with some no strings attached sex. And while there are times that I'm o.k with, it would be nice to meet someone who I'm crazy about who feels the same way about me to fall into an easy relationship where we're watching TV and sharing popcorn. But that's not what I seem to be meeting lately. Thanks again for sharing! I agree with everything you had to say here! I am also wondering if it's a regional thing. I.E. The guys in my state all seem the same, want NSA sex. (I am in the Northeast). Of course, right now I am a "woman scorned" so who knows what is fueling my twisted anti-men thinking!
curlygirl40 Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I agree with everything you had to say here! I am also wondering if it's a regional thing. I.E. The guys in my state all seem the same, want NSA sex. (I am in the Northeast). Of course, right now I am a "woman scorned" so who knows what is fueling my twisted anti-men thinking! I'm in the Northeast too and I'm not moving so something better give!! lol
BluEyeL Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 It's not regional It's universal. I'm in the Midwest and same problem here.
Woggle Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Single men that age tend to fall into two groups. Men who desperately want to be hooked again and men that were burned so badly that they never want to trust a woman again. There are of course some normal and healthy ones as well.
curlygirl40 Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Single men that age tend to fall into two groups. Men who desperately want to be hooked again and men that were burned so badly that they never want to trust a woman again. There are of course some normal and healthy ones as well. So then wouldn't that be three groups? LOL teasing I have met SEVERAL men that really want to be in a relationship, so I'm not saying that all of the men that I have met are only looking for NSA sex but it does seem to be a majority of the one's I have met lately. I also strongly believe that sometimes people head out not looking for something or only looking for fun and fall in love in the process. I'll keep looking. 1
BluEyeL Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I'll keep looking. How people cope with this continuous looking? How do you cope?
todreaminblue Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Thought this was an interesting article written by a woman who started dating again after her divorce. I'm sure many of you can identify with her. It might give some of you hope, too. thanks for posting that was a wonderfully positive article.......deb
curlygirl40 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 How people cope with this continuous looking? How do you cope? I know it's cliche but for me the key is to just live a happy life and know that when it happens, it happens. I have said this many times on these boards so my story is out there. I hadn't dated since I was a teenager. I was married a long time, by the time I got divorced I was 40. I threw myself back into dating with both feet, flailed around A LOT until I got my bearings. I learned a lot about myself and about dating in the process. It's been about 2.5-3 years (and 50 ish first dates) but I have learned so much that I now take dating with a new attitude. I love my life and I always have my head up looking but if it doesn't happen or doesn't happen for many years, I know I'm going to be o.k either way. When you want it desperately, you can make stupid decisions and seem desperate in your pursuit. When you relax it's easier all around. 2
El Brujo Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 There are decent men out there who are neither desperate for sex nor been badly hurt by past relationships, but unless they're incredibly naive, don't expect to find them through OLD.
BluEyeL Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Thank you for sharing this, so helpful to hear! That sounds like such a healthy attitude. I hope to reach your level soon, I'm not there yet. I guess might be because I'm really competitive and an overachiever, so I obsess about getting an A and succeeding maybe ? A bit disappointing that it didn't happen for you yet, I think it's about time , but as long as you found balance it doesn't really matter. 1
soccerrprp Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 There are decent men out there who are neither desperate for sex nor been badly hurt by past relationships, but unless they're incredibly naive, don't expect to find them through OLD. I'm one of those decent guys and I use and have ONLY used OLD. Nice article, but the ladies that I've dated and not, say that men tend to want a woman to be beautiful forever. After 40, most women have lost much of that beauty and perfectness as many men desire it seems. I'm not one to covet such eternal beauty, but it's a common theme. And watch out if you're in your 40s and still have young children. Good luck with that!
SJC2008 Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I'm honestly curious if OP was obsessed with her 20's and 30's like she is with her 40's? The thing that raised my eyebrow in the article is that the lady said she learned about who she was. It may take time to find yourself but you should know yourself before your 40's IMO. At 31 I pretty much know who I am and what kind of women will compliment me well. I am continuing to grow though and recently learned something about myself that is very important in the realm of dating!
BluEyeL Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I'm one of those decent guys and I use and have ONLY used OLD. Nice article, but the ladies that I've dated and not, say that men tend to want a woman to be beautiful forever. After 40, most women have lost much of that beauty and perfectness as many men desire it seems. I'm not one to covet such eternal beauty, but it's a common theme. And watch out if you're in your 40s and still have young children. Good luck with that! I know that men have unrealistic expectations of beauty and youth, i.e. 60yo want a 40 yo, and a 40yo men want someone still in their 20s, but I personally didn't have problems attracting men under 50 and they didn't seem to have a problem not wanting to sleep with me. Not younger than 40 (although had two in their 20s contact me ). I also have an 11 yo boy and I didn't feel that presented any issue whatsoever, I guess you state that in the profile so they know, and men have children too at this age. I guess I see wanting sex fast, not wanting to commit, not wanting to put proper effort into a courtship are more prevalent problems, imho.
charlietheginger Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Im 36, exwife chewed me up like hamburger. Drained all my money, took the nice car, all the furniture met some guy at work . That crazy beitch made me go celibate for 2 yrs, i didn't even Talk to women for a yr.
Author FitChick Posted April 18, 2013 Author Posted April 18, 2013 The thing that raised my eyebrow in the article is that the lady said she learned about who she was. It may take time to find yourself but you should know yourself before your 40's IMO. At 31 I pretty much know who I am and what kind of women will compliment me well. I am continuing to grow though and recently learned something about myself that is very important in the realm of dating! At 31 you just THINK you know who you are. Just wait... And what makes you think I'm in my forties? Some people never know themselves and have no interest. When they hit forty they realize time is passing and that is when many divorces happen because one person changes while the other stays stuck. Learning about yourself is an ongoing process if you are self-aware and open minded. Too many women, like the author, decided that her life was more or less over by forty until she discovered otherwise, which is why I posted the article, in case other women had this mistaken belief. 2
Woggle Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 So then wouldn't that be three groups? LOL teasing I have met SEVERAL men that really want to be in a relationship, so I'm not saying that all of the men that I have met are only looking for NSA sex but it does seem to be a majority of the one's I have met lately. I also strongly believe that sometimes people head out not looking for something or only looking for fun and fall in love in the process. I'll keep looking. True but most guys that age that I have known tend to fall into those two groups. Older guys certainly are more jaded about things for the most part. That much is true.
soccerrprp Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I know that men have unrealistic expectations of beauty and youth, i.e. 60yo want a 40 yo, and a 40yo men want someone still in their 20s, but I personally didn't have problems attracting men under 50 and they didn't seem to have a problem not wanting to sleep with me. Not younger than 40 (although had two in their 20s contact me ). I also have an 11 yo boy and I didn't feel that presented any issue whatsoever, I guess you state that in the profile so they know, and men have children too at this age. I guess I see wanting sex fast, not wanting to commit, not wanting to put proper effort into a courtship are more prevalent problems, imho. Understood. In regards to the ladies having children, it seems that men, whether they have children or not, find it a little more difficult to accept a woman with children for LTR. Oh, I agree with the sex thing. If you're still "attractive", many men will go for anything that can still breath.
tricolors Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 (edited) From my male perspective: I'm 33 years old, and pursuing a woman who is turning 40 very soon. We've went on a few "dates" now and more are planned. Like the woman in the story talked about dating in the 70's, she likes to term it "hanging out" more than dating. (Long story, you'd have to read my other post about her for more clarification.) We've both never been married and have no kids. She is very pretty...great eyes, great smile. She looks younger than her age. But that's the least of it. While physical attraction is important, that's not what keeps me interested in her. I'm not even sure I can put into words precisely why she's so attractive. She's very smart and speaks several languages (one of which I particularly love and study myself.) She's kind and attentive. She's a really good listener and has a great memory, which is very important to me, as I have both of those qualities. Someone who retains what you tell them down to small details is someone I value highly. She likes good food, like me. I hate things like chain restaurants...as does she. A place to eat doesn't have to be expensive...just unique, or quaint, or have character. Kind of like what a woman (or man) should be. A beautiful 25 year old woman is like eating at Olive Garden to me. (Not to stereotype all 25 year old women here.) They're very common and boring. She's very soft spoken and never crass...she's very ladylike. But she's no delicate princess, she likes outdoor activities and sports, or drinking a beer at a waterside bar around a mix of retirees, bikers, and rednecks (which we did yesterday!) We had lunch at a quaint, local, deli/sandwich place yesterday. We both had these great sandwiches that come on this oddly shaped bread. She cuts hers with a fork into pieces and eats it. That sounds like a minor thing, but stuff like that intrigues me, in a good way. She grew up in a family that frequently hosted dinners and follows really strict etiquette about things like this. I put a lot of stock into that sort of thing. Maybe that sounds silly, but I think things like that are really attractive. She's traveled all over the place, lived in different countries, she's cultured, she's done so many interesting things. I love that kind of thing in someone. She's honest, has strong morals, and on and on...she has a combination of so many traits in once package that makes her very rare. She really is special. I've told her as much. I could go on and on about her non-physical traits that excite or interest me. Here's my point, though: Notice I spent very little time or effort telling you about her pretty she is. There are, in fact, men out there who aren't only interested in women 10+ years younger than them simply because they're physically attractive. I'm 33 and in decent shape, I could easily be dating 25-30 year olds right now. I don't want to, because I found this woman who has what I want, and it's not a perfect face and a tight body. Only the future will tell where I go with her, but I wouldn't trade this soon to be 40 year old woman for any 25 year old. I have no interest in "multi-dating," "hooking up," or anything else. She said she wants to take things slow...and I appreciate that! I don't want to take things fast. I'm interested in a relationship, hopefully long term. Edited April 18, 2013 by tricolors 2
BluEyeL Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Tricolors, I loved how you talked about her. Good for you and best of luck! 1
tricolors Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 shes stringing along 7 men at once. She is not. I pretty much know what she's up to. Not only does she tell me, I know a few of her friends. She's been single for a long time. Some people here are incredibly bitter. Tricolors, I loved how you talked about her. Good for you and best of luck! I appreciate your comment. 1
MidwestUSA Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Better news ladies, there's another peak at 50! Ride baby, ride!
Recommended Posts