MissBee Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 I also wonder about being desensitized versus resilient. Some people seem brave and confident because they don't value their life that much or themselves, so put themselves in dangerous situations all the time to feel something, anything. That was also my friend I mentioned and another friend I have. My other friends and I didn't want to be promiscuous because we didn't want to chance pregnancy or stds and had plans to be lawyers, doctors, professors, researchers, diplomats etc. My other friend was so numb and just felt worthless because of all her other stuff, that although brilliant, didn't care about going to class, didn't turn in assignments, slept with ANYONE, condoms were optional etc. If you asked her if she hated herself, she would vehemently deny it, but her actions proved it. She was numb and desensitized and subconsciously self-sabotaging so was willing to take risks where the rest of us wouldn't. She tried to sometimes make herself seem as one who was enjoying life, was carefree etc. and who didn't care what people thought. I saw through that. It wasn't true. She had no way else to be and was plain reckless and tried to sell her recklessness as confidence. I think being desensitized and reckless, as well as being prone to self-sabotage, can be confused with resiliency and confidence. 3
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 However, I will say that what I do see is that some of those who go to the greatest lengths to post about how together they, their mental health or their lives are(coincidentally most of them are OW) seem to have some pretty significant unresolved issues. I have been alive a long time and I know a lot of people. Some of them are extremely evolved and "together." More than 10 of them. Not a single one goes on and on about how evolved and together they are. In fact, they never even mention it one time, which to me seems to actually be a feature of evolution and togetherness. 3
Mme. Chaucer Posted April 18, 2013 Posted April 18, 2013 Beautifully said! Aw, thank you! A lot of APs though may still be healing from prior traumas, and are still resilient, but may still be stuck in patterns of self-sabotage or choosing poorly. While they overcame many hardships, sometimes they still live with certain fall out from that, which is reflected in other life choices. Yes. When I was young and whacko, my shrinks called it "crisis seeking behavior." 3
HonestNeurotic Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I'm extremely resilient. But emotionally healthy? Not so much. I've a mind that's just, well, not normal. Courageous? Maybe. I jump outta airplanes. In fact, that turned me around. But that doesn't make me any more able to deal with an affair or not. In fact, I see most affairs as one person lying to the other. I struggle with emotional stuff. I can ace anything else. Life gave me challenges that most people don't have to endure. I know what I can live through. From the outside, people do not have that impression of me at all. They think I have big balls. I'm a friggen dragonslayer. If anything, my life has led me to be the emotionally distant person that I am. This whole "love" thang has really flummoxed me. It feels wonderful at the same time it doesn't feel real. I am very cautious, whereas other areas of my life I am most tenacious.
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