jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I`ve been dating this girl for 3 months now, and I feel I initiate everything : texts, dates etc. and when we do go out, she pulls away when I kiss her , won`t hold my hand and doesn`t reciprocate any intimacy. I also asked her for commitment and she refused. Recently, I have noticed that her language and grammar change when `she` texts me on her days off which is leading me to think it`s guy slang - she is normally eloquent and polite whilst on working days but some of the language `she` uses is honestly so different with no punctuation at all (I could be paranoid, but it`s too obvious now to ignore.) She says she isn`t seeing anyone else but is always secretive when using her phone and I`m getting the feeling that a bloke is using her phone to text ME when she is with him and he has some sort of control over her. Anyway, I think you would agree, the signs are not looking good either way you dress it up. Help please!!
ascendotum Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Are you getting intimate with this girl at all or is it just when you are out in public that goes cold on you? 'I also asked her for commitment and she refused.' -> Ultimately I don't think the issue of her txt language and whether its her or not really matters. She is just not into you, obviously as much as you want her to be. Too many negatives here, and its not like she is even your gf yet. Start chatting up new girls and find one who is gaga over you.
Author jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Are you getting intimate with this girl at all or is it just when you are out in public that goes cold on you? 'I also asked her for commitment and she refused.' -> Ultimately I don't think the issue of her txt language and whether its her or not really matters. She is just not into you, obviously as much as you want her to be. Too many negatives here, and its not like she is even your gf yet. Start chatting up new girls and find one who is gaga over you. She will only kiss me once quickly on the cheek when we are alone at hers. She will let me hold her tho on the couch. Any help?
kassy Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 How old are you just out of interest? I would personally move on. Relationships should generally be fun and exciting in the first few months... It doesn't sound like she is into you. It doesn't sound like you are feeling that this is a lot of fun and she makes you feel amazing. If you stay with her it is likely to not go very well and possibly really ruin your self esteem. It sounds like she isn't giving you any reason to stay and risk that. So just put it down to incompatibility or her not being that into you and move on and find someone who enjoys your company and at around the 3 month mark finds you so hot they can't wait to get home and rip your clothes off ;-) that's much more fun I promise
Author jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Thanks for the reply. I could be seen as being a little too selfish tho couldnt I? i`M 30 - SHE IS 25
todreaminblue Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Thanks for the reply. I could be seen as being a little too selfish tho couldnt I? i`M 30 - SHE IS 25 you are not selfish at all...to have some kind of affection shown and reciprocated is not selfish....its essential.......to be blown off when you ask for commitment is a tell....its telling you its not going to happen......be with someone who appreciates you and who you are.....and cant wait to give you a hug and says yes to you when you ask....good luck....deb
Author jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Why has she kept me hanging around for 3 months... she using me?
sillyanswer Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Why has she kept me hanging around for 3 months... she using me? "Kept"? No, the question is why have you stuck around for 3 months when she's not showing any signs of being interested. 1
Author jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 she says she likes me - but i guess actions speak louder than words
CryForNoOne Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Holy Christ! The title of your thread is pretty accurate. A kiss on the cheek and no hand holding in public after 3 months? You're not even at first base!!! Move on...
soccerrprp Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Tell her your concerns before the next time you see her. Let her explain what's going on and tell her that if the PDA doesn't begin, then you have no alternative but to move on. If she agrees, go on another date. If not, just say your goodbyes. A relationship w/o any P(personal, public, private)DA is a DEAD FISH. 1
crude Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 This sounds like one of those women who go out with numerous men who pay all her bills. She probably doesn't even remember what a bill looks like.
kassy Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Talk is cheap. She can say anything. And whatever she says by way of explanation is unlikely to be the truth anyway. Closure given by way of explanation is as elusive as a knight in shining armor sweeping a women off her feet. Anything she says will probably leave you with more questions not less. This is not a complex long marriage that needs to be discussed. This is a chick who has for 3 months shown indifference to you. At the end of the day. You have given her 3 months of your time and attention. She has not responded in that rather large window in a way that demonstrates any level of affection or interest in you. A kiss on the cheek!!! That's it!?!?! Who cares what her reason is? You need to draw a line in the sand say this isn't working for me. I'm moving on to find something better that makes me happy and giddy and someone who feels the same about me. Done and dusted. Forget her ASAP.
Author jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 I sent her a flat out text asking once again for commitment and she said "not ready" she then claimed I "push too hard" and the fact that I ask her if shes seeing/sees other guys is "too controlling" and I have "no right" to question as we are not "together". She offered to send my stuff back I left in her flat - I said fine - but an hour later she said "I don`t want to be together yet so lets carry on as we are or call it quits" help
Author jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Talk is cheap. She can say anything. And whatever she says by way of explanation is unlikely to be the truth anyway. Closure given by way of explanation is as elusive as a knight in shining armor sweeping a women off her feet. Anything she says will probably leave you with more questions not less. This is not a complex long marriage that needs to be discussed. This is a chick who has for 3 months shown indifference to you. At the end of the day. You have given her 3 months of your time and attention. She has not responded in that rather large window in a way that demonstrates any level of affection or interest in you. A kiss on the cheek!!! That's it!?!?! Who cares what her reason is? You need to draw a line in the sand say this isn't working for me. I'm moving on to find something better that makes me happy and giddy and someone who feels the same about me. Done and dusted. Forget her ASAP. I sent her a flat out text asking once again for commitment and she said "not ready" she then claimed I "push too hard" and the fact that I ask her if shes seeing/sees other guys is "too controlling" and I have "no right" to question as we are not "together". She offered to send my stuff back I left in her flat - I said fine - but an hour later she said "I don`t want to be together yet so lets carry on as we are or call it quits" help
CryForNoOne Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 3 months is plenty of time for her to figure out if you're "together". Please show you have a spine by taking your stuff back and dumping her. 1
Mr_Flay Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Her intentions may not be malicious or selfish; she might just be one of those rare people with a fear of physical intimacy. The cause is usually an (attempted) rape or some other trauma in the past. Are there any indications that this may be the case?
Author jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Her intentions may not be malicious or selfish; she might just be one of those rare people with a fear of physical intimacy. The cause is usually an (attempted) rape or some other trauma in the past. Are there any indications that this may be the case? I dont know, but I accidentally found a load of medication about 6 weeks ago...didn`t snoop though - was looking for a wine glass
Author jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 3 months is plenty of time for her to figure out if you're "together". Please show you have a spine by taking your stuff back and dumping her. Can I organize another date with her thinking she still has one over me but just go in there , grab my stuff and then bolt? Just to show her that she isn`t that smart?
kassy Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 No don't do that. Just get your stuff off her. Ring the doorbell get the stuff and leave ASAP. Don't chat don't do anything. You can't control how others act. But don't act like an *******. It isn't going to change anything, except then you'll be a bit of a dickhead.
Author jusjus Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 ok, what about the birthday presents she bought me last week? give them back?
GorillaTheater Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I dont want the reminder Then take them to Salvation Army or Goodwill, or toss them in a dumpster. Don't over-complicate this.
StarsOnFire Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 It doesn't sound like she even likes you, sorry! I'd get my stuff back and be done with her.
todreaminblue Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 if she has a problem with publci displays fo affection but lets you hold her on the couch when you are alone together....doesnt point to fear of physical intimacy...as an assault SURVIVOR.....its easy to discern affection....i have problems when a guy grabs me around the neck from behind me and i dont know him instant trigger..i dont lik being touched by people i dont know....especially guys.....but if a guy approaches em from the front and gi8ves me a hug...im ok with it......and with partners....i am highly affectionate.....assault doesnt turn you into a freak....just more cautious with strangers i guess...not people you know and trust.......i think you should talk to her...and be prepared to walk.......sounds like breadcrumbs she throws you when you are alone with her...........if she isnt ready for a relationship and you are....then that is pure imcompatiblity......she isnt ready and is -planning on dating others.....its not right for you....maybe right for her...but not for you.....talk to her openly and honestly .....and move on if you have to....she will respect you more that way......deb
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