ComeUpOutDaWahta Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 This might turn into more of a rant than anything else, but any input and advice is, as always, appreciated. So I'm an avid watcher of the show Mad Men, and the writing on this program deals a lot with character development and how certain experiences that people go through end up shaping their behaviors later in life. The episode this past Sunday had a few flashbacks of the early childhood life of the show's main character, Don Draper, and how his experiences of living in a whore house with his mother turn him into the womanizing, detached person he currently is. Well, this got me thinking about the personal experiences I've had in my life, and how they have given me the qualities, both positive and negative, that I exhibit today. Long story short, I was born and raised in a tiny little town in the southeast region of Georgia. From birth until the age of thirteen, I lived in this tiny stretch of land where everyone knew everyone, and the community was about as tight as you'd imagine it. I shared a classroom with kids my age in 7th grade that I had shared kindergarten classes with years ago. However, within a few short months, I went from thinking that this was going to be my life forever to being told by my parents that they were getting divorced, my mother would be taking me and my brother to live in Jacksonville Florida, and my father would be moving elsewhere. I was given only a few short days to give out those goodbyes to all the people I had grown up with. Even at 13, I knew that the placating "we'll come back to visit" lines I dropped were totally unfounded. I know this isn't exactly the most painful thing a kid can deal with, but this event happening at such a pivotal point in my life taught me a very valuable lesson: everything is impermanent. Things can disappear in a second, due to circumstances you can't control. Be cautious and you won't get burned. However, I'm starting to feel as though this modus operandi keeps me from getting close to people. I never really open myself up to anyone, even "close" friends that I've loosely kept up with over the years. I feel like there's no point in getting attached, since things might be totally different by this time tomorrow. I don't cry at family funerals, or really even feel a sense of grievance. I even had a romantic relationship with a girl for over 6 years, and I never once really let her in, or made myself vulnerable. How does one counteract a mindset like this? I find it hard to even remotely care about what someone might say about themselves during conversation, because what's the point? They're only fleeting acquintances at the absolute most. Why bother? This attitude, however, has helped me to become fiercely independent, since I know that the only constant is myself, and yet I feel like I'm only isolating myself. I really want to converse and discourse with my peers like everyone else seems to do, but I find it impossible to really get involved. Has anyone else ever felt this way? And if so, what did you do to make it better? 1
Recommended Posts