How not to seem clingy

[youaremysunshine]

This relationship cannot continue as it is, regardless of its title.

[Minneloa]

I actually started this thread because I wanted to know about how to act in relationships going forward. I would love it if this guy would suddenly understand what I need and give it to me and I guess I'm still building up the guts to end it, but yes I know its doomed

 

Ah, got it. Apologies for getting off-topic. Sometimes I get overly zealous.

[youaremysunshine]

I am digressing too. I'm still wishing things could be different.

[Minneloa]

On topic, I think the "clinginess" you're discussing sounds more like a mismatch between you and these guys than something you are doing wrong. I know plenty of men who would appreciate the thoughtful gestures you've described.

 

Could this have something to do with your social circle and its anti-monogamy tendencies? Are gestures like gifts seen as attempts to "own" a partner? I may be way off here . . .

[youaremysunshine]

I'm still hung up on this idea that if I just show him understanding and kindness and not pressure him he'll magically appreciate me.

 

it's never ok to use the "test" break up but every relationship I have ever had has wound up with the guy realizing how much good I was to them after I'm gone. Never actually taken anyone back though

[youaremysunshine]

Possibly! but I've seen other couples give each other handmade gifts and mix tapes fairly regularly. sharing food is pretty much expected regardless of who it is

[youaremysunshine]

we are a match in other ways though... politics, both writers, love movies. sexually very compatible.

 

 

It's just a shame that he has had a whole lifetime of loving women who don't love him back

[todreaminblue]

Well I've come to the conclusion that men think I'm clingy.

 

It's not that I text them constantly or demand to spend excessive amounts of time together. I'm actually pretty busy. I work and go to school, I have great group of friends, I'm involved in activism, I go to shows often.

 

Overall I have a full life

 

But when I start dating guys, I always start doing them favours, treating them to things(movies, drinks), cooking them dinner, complimenting them.

 

If I like a guy I want to show my affection! I also like telling a guy he's handsome or a good lover.

 

Why does it make guys run away? how do I stop? do men like women who are self entitled and critical?

 

 

clingy vs demanding....i think that its fine to compliment the partner you are with....not all the time......as far as clingy goes i think its important to maintain other friendships.......not put the guy or woman as the be and end all of existence......not to stress if they dont text you back......to not invade personal space at every given opportunity.......when i have been in a relationship....i am not clingy........i think you have to be able to do things yourself......when i had trouble and i would turn to my ex for help he would often get aggressive.....in the last days of our relationship.....so i struggled on by myself till we broke up.........i dont like relying on anyone for anything.makes me feel like fungus......i think in the end they resent it.......its funny though....because now when i distance myself from my ex and have been getting on with my life....he wants me to talk more to him and actually said to me you arent talking to me anymore........i dont want to cling to anyone.......they only resent it.....so to me clinging is excessive contact...telling them everything...excessive physical contact(all over them).......i have never done this.......i always err on the side of caution...when i have asked for more time or effort......hasnt boded well for me.....maybe i have just met the wrong guys...because i hardly ever overstep the mark with guys.....i am conscious of boundaries always..i dont want to intrude on anyones personal space......but i welcome people who come into mine.mainly i have noticed people initiate with me because i am open to it.....being needy is shameful....it is to me.........deb

[youaremysunshine]

SO as it turns out I have been unable to recive texts for a week. not much of a texter anyway. explains why when I emailed him he just showed up at my place.

 

still the relationship sucks

[charlietheginger]

How old are you ?

 

if a guy thinks your clingy his loss.

 

You sound like a awsome girlfriend one day you will

Find a guy that appreciates your kindness.

 

Lots of guys get suckered into buying clothes dinners

Paying bills for women....

 

after a guy dates a few " leechy women " that man wises

Up and looks for a woman like you. One that gives back

To a man.

 

Don't change your ways and become a bitch

Please stay how you are the right guy will come along.

[JourneyLady]

we are a match in other ways though... politics, both writers, love movies. sexually very compatible.

 

 

It's just a shame that he has had a whole lifetime of loving women who don't love him back

 

Sounds like the guy I just bailed on. Got tired of waiting.

 

I wasn't asking for all of his time or anything. I just wanted to know when we could talk face to face and he didn't want to commit to even that much. It wasn't even a definite break-up at first - just a "go live your life!". Presumably without him, I suppose.

 

Anyway, so when this other woman/girl/I don't know what she is starts flirting with him and he's posting photos of himself, I figure it's over. I'm done. This guy really needed love badly, but when he gets it, he pushes it away with both hands.

 

But like you said above, he's had a lifetime of those kinds of women too. His poems are full of unrequited stuff and endings. He pretty much hadn't been with anyone for 12 years! Just online chat buddies.

 

(shakes head). I had no idea he was so damaged that he was beyond being able to communicate. I figured a writer would be able to put things into words. But noooooo....