PogoStick Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Date 1+2 went great. Date 3 she was colder, though she warned that she wasn't feeling well that day. Still she ended by being affectionate as I dropped her off for the night, kissing me and caressing my hand. This has all happened in under 2 weeks. I asked about her acting colder. She wrote back saying I'm feeling sure of her more quickly than she is for me. "You are feeling uncomfortable or insecure with my pace, and so you're trying to pin me down. It is not a reflection on the potential for affection or the level of interest. I am very interested in you." She said sometimes I make her feel rushed and maybe she overracted to that. Regardless, I should take a few steps back and it will happen if it's meant to be. *** Ladies, can I get a translation? Should I be excited about her saying she's very interested, or concerned that she is unsure? I feel people usually know quickly how they feel for someone. Do women ever come around when they want to slow down? Granted it's less than 2 week so maybe I just need slapped and told to chill out.
spiderowl Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 It sounds like she's genuinely interested but you are pressuring her for it to be too much too fast. Maybe you are sounding too serious. I have experienced this kind of thing - we meet, get chatting, go out and have a laugh, and then he starts saying how he's removing his profile and only wants to focus on one person. He's asking me about my movements - you know, "where are you now, what are you doing now?", "are you at home?", "are you in bed yet?". He's wanting to hold hands a lot or talking as if we are already a couple. All these things can come across as too controlling and too soon. If I'm at the stage where I'm thinking he seems quite nice, I'll give it a few dates and see how it goes, we would be clearly on different pages at this point. If, heaven forbid, he starts checking up on me, e.g. mentioning when I was online or not, or hinting that I hadn't replied as fast as he'd expected or something, then I feel really pressured and quickly come to the conclusion he's controlling and I want nothing to do with him. I'm not saying you are doing any of these things, but maybe she's not grown attached or bonded with you yet and you might be behaving as if you already have. Be interested and fun, but not controlling. 3
SJC2008 Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Translation: This early in the game you should of given her the benefit of the doubt that she wasn't feeling well and are damb lucky she's not afraid of some strait talk. She's interested, go witht the flow. 3
Poppy fields Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 If I were into a guy a cold may prompt a bad mood, but not a talk of a relationship slow down. If she wants you to slow down, do so. She may regret saying that later if she truly is interested in you. 1
Author PogoStick Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Her main thing has been saying she rushes into relationships too fast and gets out too slow. Yes I'm looking for some relationship progress but I'm not checking up on her or anything. Date 4 not yet confirmed but she mentioned at the end of 3 that Sunday might work. If that gets locked down I'll feel better about things. Anyways, I guess she could have responded much worse if she wasn't interested. Fair statement?
Poppy fields Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Her main thing has been saying she rushes into relationships too fast and gets out too slow. Yes I'm looking for some relationship progress but I'm not checking up on her or anything. Date 4 not yet confirmed but she mentioned at the end of 3 that Sunday might work. If that gets locked down I'll feel better about things. Anyways, I guess she could have responded much worse if she wasn't interested. Fair statement? Yes, I think the next date will say a lot about her true feelings. She may truly have felt rushed and just wanted to get that out on the table. Good luck. 1
Author PogoStick Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 I thought that is what women say until they meet a guy they're really attracted to, and then they move fast. Ug I really do have to wait and see how the next meet goes. I should probably really dial it back and see if she feels inclined to kiss me.
Standard-Fare Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 My alarm bell went off at the point when you said you "asked her about acting colder," apparently through email or text since you said she wrote back. Then it went off again when you described her relationship patterns -- rushing into things, etc. How or why has that come up in conversation already? Three dates in, you should not be calling her out on or questioning her on any of her behaviors. You should not know the details of her past relationships. And sure, it's normal to analyze that type of stuff yourself, but you should be keeping these thoughts private at this point. Overanalysis of emotions so early in the game is a real turnoff. Definitely step back and give the girl some space. 2
Lani Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Yeah dude, you just need to chill out. 3 dates and two weeks doesn't make a relationship, so you really can't call her out on acting cold. She did warn you she wasn't feeling well, so you should have just left it at that. But you asked anyway, and she said that she's interested. She could have gotten out then if she wanted to. She may well have been burned in the past by rushing things. Give her time, and if she likes you then she'll get there. Just enjoy her. 1
Author PogoStick Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 I haven't contacted her since the email Tuesday. On Monday she had mentioned she may be free this Sunday but we didn't make plans. Thursday morning she sent me a short "good luck today" text because I had a job interview. At least she's not avoiding me but can't read much into so little. Should I call and ask her out for Sunday? Or should I just wait until she gets in touch with me? She did mention that she doesn't want to ask guys out in the beginning but I'm not sure that applies to me at this point. Don't worry I can play it cool with her in person. The crazy thinking is just for you guys.
Lani Posted April 19, 2013 Posted April 19, 2013 I haven't contacted her since the email Tuesday. On Monday she had mentioned she may be free this Sunday but we didn't make plans. Thursday morning she sent me a short "good luck today" text because I had a job interview. At least she's not avoiding me but can't read much into so little. Should I call and ask her out for Sunday? Or should I just wait until she gets in touch with me? She did mention that she doesn't want to ask guys out in the beginning but I'm not sure that applies to me at this point. Don't worry I can play it cool with her in person. The crazy thinking is just for you guys. Did you reply to her good luck text? That would have been the perfect time to ask her out on Sunday.. But yeah, either way, ask her if she wants to do something. I don't see why you wouldn't.
Author PogoStick Posted April 19, 2013 Author Posted April 19, 2013 (edited) I wrote back, Thanks I have a good feeling. I figured it's best to give her another day free of my insanity. Why wouldn't I ask her? Because I feel like I blew it, or that she just isn't that into me so I get pessimistic about trying. Edited April 19, 2013 by PogoStick
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