nicole719 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 J and I have known each other for 15 months now. We been through many ups and downs in the past; hence, we had leave some scars in us. Most of the scars were caused by his uncommitment to me, which led me to a lot of confrontations with him, and when that happened, we always fight. He had lied, strayed, and hurt me in ways to really prove that he only want me nothing more than just a friend. He said that he really likes me and enjoyed spending time with me, but he couldn’t see a future with me because of our differences and also the situation where he is in. However, he is also the only guy that has been treating me the nicest so far. He never abandon me no matter what happen. He is always there for me to support me whenever I need him. He is poor and in debts, but he is never stingy with me. He will also makes sure that all the special occasions (my birthday, valentines, or any good things that happened to me) will be celebrated. We had the biggest fight ever back in February. Since that fight, he has changed tremendously. Our relationship has got a lot better and closer. We never ever fight anymore every time we see other. Today, my situation has changed too. I am being laid off by my company. I took his advice to take this opportunity to go back home to visit my family. He also told me to let go of my apartment and stay with him. He is very supportive and encouraged me to not give up on my future. He told me that he has faith in me of getting a better job after I came back from visiting my family. I understand that looking for the right job and getting one will take some time. I do not want to live with him for months, invest more feelings on him and get more hurt later. So, I have decided to confront him again about our relationship. I have decided that if I did not get any commitment from him despite his willingness to help me during my unemployment period, I will leave LA and go home for good, as there is nothing here that is worth for me staying for. To my biggest surprise, he told me that he still have deep feeling for me and is willing to work things out with me. He revealed to me that he wouldn’t have asked me to move in with him if he hadn’t thought about we committing a serious relationship. He said that we would take things slow when I came back from home, and if things work well between us, I could stay with him longer. He asked me to relax, have faith in him and not pushing him. He will ask me to become his girl friend when he feels like we can live together without any problems. I am still very uncomfortable about this whole movement of us. However, I really don’t have many choices right now as I had already purchased my air ticket to go home and my time is running out. How can I build my faith in him again? I really wanted to trust him, but it will be a bit hard for me now after all the mistrust that he gave me in the past. But, also, deep down inside me, I know that I really love him and I really want to be with him.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I dont like the sounds of this at all. When he decides he wants you gone, he will just kick you out of his apartment and leave you stranded, possibly with NO money and NO way to go home. I would go home and stay there now. You can and will find someone more stable and find someone, who after 15 months, KNOWS he wants you to be his girlfriend. This guy sounds like he has more issues than you even know what to do with and it isnt your problem. "He will ask you to be his girlfriend as long as you come and live with him and behave like a good little girlfriend." Sounds like a biggggggggggg mistake. Please do not invest any time or money into staying where you are, and just save yourself, cut him off and GO HOME! QUICKLY! 1
Yookie Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 You're just dragging out the ending. Go home to your family and build a new life there. I would never recommend any woman move in with a guy before a proposal of marriage. This situation is even worse since he doesn't even want to commit to being your boyfriend!!!
Ninjainpajamas Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 GO HOME! This guy is trying to settle for you, if you weren't good enough then what makes you think you're good enough now? He's trying to use you for what he needs, he just can't bring himself to be honest enough to truly let go, plus you want to believe by doing all these things and being supportive means he's really in love with you somewhere deep down. Stop selling yourself short, stop letting him sell you short...walk away from this guy before he wastes even more of your time, those weren't ups and downs, that was him stringing you along and you hoping he'd want more. What's in his mind is he can't let go of a sure and easy thing, you've always stuck around and been there despite all those "ups and downs" you're a convenience and you make his life easier, he's buying his time with words and this slow gradual process of a "promise" of commitment...which will either leave him settling because he doesn't think he can do any better or leaving you in the end saying he just can't do it and he'll feed you a whole line of BS to make himself feel less guilty and like a bad guy, even though you know better than that, you know he's unreliable, a liar and a cheater...but you still don't get it, you've got to blame yourself at this point for more pain, he's made it clear to you through his actions, and that's what REALLY counts. You moving in was simply a convenience and necessity, he's thinking of himself not you, so you've got it all wrong.
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