Stone Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 I posted about my temptation to cheat a few weeks ago and NO I didn't do it. I came pretty close though but the saga continues. I have had many conversations with my b/f about my fantisies to do so and he completly understands. He has some medical problems witch effects the way he preforms it has gotten worse in the past couple months we've tried Viagra and a million other drugs and it just won't stay up! I am extreamly frustrated ( not with him) but sexually. Last night he told me that it would be o.k. if I needed to stray for a while he understands and he know's I love him but feels I need to be uhm... Satisfied.. i don't know what the heck to do, I love this man so much and we are trying to get back in the the church and become better people togeather and hope to marry one day soon. I've been very tempted before Now I have permission. I know this is wrong, and I don't even know if I would really do it but my heart say's no and my body says GO!! any advise would be appreicated
lioness Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Even though he can't perform... there are still a bunch of things you can do for each other, right??? Going by some of your other posts, you probably already know this though. The whole problem with stepping out, and having sex with someone other than your SO, is that IMO, sex without attachments is impossible. You are bound to create a bond with the one you are cheating with, and then where would your BF be? So unless you are prepared to go out and have casual one nighters (yikes!) then you need to be prepared to deal with an emotional attachment to someone other than your BF and all the consequences that come with that.
hugznkisses21 Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 maybe he is testing you.....to see if u would do it to him dont do it...its wrong think about how he feels he cant be satisfied either......not to mention now his gf wants to be with other men
Author Stone Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 Believe me he's satisfied!! I don't WANT to go outside the realtionship amd I know it's wrong. He want's me to because he feels bad about it
Butchey Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 How can he be satisifed if it won't stay up. He feels he's not good enough. I suggest a good vibrator and a Johnny Depp movie. If you want to go outside then you should end the relationship.
MMBastard Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 It can initially sound OK to him but once it happens it will take on a whole new meaning to him. It's jsut like threesomes - they very rarely work out without emotional brakdown. Get a dildo...........(joking)
loveregardless Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 I don't actually know anything about dildos and things of that nature but there has got to be another alternative to cheating so that you can be pleasured...oral...toys...foreplay...masturbation... If you truly love the man, which I believe that you do, then you wouldn't be able to sleep with someone else...you'd be heartbroken and wouldn't even be able to enjoy it, it wouldn't be "making love"... and now that you can "make love" you don't want to regress and cause yourself more emotional/sexual issues. I am willing to bet that he would be willing to do anything and everything that it would take to satisfy you...otherwise he wouldn't be so desperate to make you happy that he would allow the women he loves to stray...i think the fact that he would give you permission just because he wants you to be happy so badly means that he is truly a very deperate man who loves you very much...it's worth fighting to make that work...unless it is something that you don't think you can overcome...is it something that is ever going to get any better or is the condition only bound to worsen...i feel so awful for you and your situation...this is truly heart wrenching and difficult...whatever you need is what you have to do...it's just a matter of figuring out what that is...
Author Stone Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 He has bipolor disorder and his meds have some to do with it, he also had an accident in the 1st gulf war that effected one of his testicals He only last's about 1 1/2 minutes in bed despite the fact the he is extreamly small !and I am not really an Oral person... I've tried toys beyond everyones imagination Didiols, strapon's, beads, you name I got 2. Maby he should get a penis implant!! LOL
loveregardless Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 bipolar, eh? Is there like a rising case of bipolar diagnosis in the world or something. I swear I had no idea so many people were bipolar...it is kind of starting to worry me because the meds they put people on for bipolar disorder are no joke, they are big time shiza, and so many people are on them...I suppose he can't function withought them right? Otherwise he wouldn't be on them...I personally think that most people do not need to to be on them, because if I can do it, there has got to be more of a chance for other people...cus I know I'm crazy....anyway...the point is that he IS on them so...I dunno...has then been something that has been an issue since the two of you got together? how long have you been together? how old is he? not that I have any advice according to the answers you give, it just seems the situation is so much more complicated that I am seeing.. butt beads, huh? interesting...
Author Stone Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 He is 35 I am 23 we have been togeather for 2 years he warned me about this in the begining of our relationship but I didn't care. I loved him and nothing was going to scare me. Now later down the line as I get screwed for 1 1/2 minutes for 2 strait years I am frusturated! He has never had a long relationship before and this has alot to do with it. I love him so much being with him makes me a better person, he honestly completes me, I couldn't imagine my life without him....... At the same time i have needs that I don't want to give up... I guess I am skrewed... ( NOt literaly LOL)
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Heather… First, I must say that I absolutely admire your courage and honesty! Being upfront with someone isn't always as terrifying as we think…eh? But what I have learned from some of my acquaintances (and sister) who have ventured into the "open relationship" thing; is that finally "getting permission" sometimes creates a bigger struggle with their conscience then just doing it behind someone's back and living with the guilt. It's funny how once those boundaries have been lifted…we're often afraid to walk through. We suddenly feel vulnerable and unprotected…and sometimes (according to my sister) unloved. I think it will be interesting to see (if you choose to follow through), whether or not you can have casual sex without your emotions getting all tangled up in the mix. Will the love you have for your boyfriend override the lust you feel for that sexy new stranger? In all the other examples I've seen…the primary relationship never survived. Everyone I know whose tried it ended up divorced (but I know of only four couples). That pesky "jealousy" thing just eventually got in the way. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that your situation will result in a happier ending, whether you choose to stay in your relationship or move on. Whatever you choose…good luck to both of you! And remember to keep it "safe" so as not to add to your boyfriend's health problems. It might also be a good idea to spare him the details, even if curiosity gets the best of him and he asks. It's my guess that he loves you so much that he's willing to give you this…but it will absolutely wreak havoc on his emotions no matter how hard he tries to stuff them back. Be merciful!
honey2005 Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 I love this man so much and we are trying to get back in the the church and become better people togeather and hope to marry one day soon I think there's your answer. If you do have sex with someone else, it's really going to hurt him.
Mr Spock Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Do not marry this man.. He needs to find a woman who doesn't really want a carnal relationship. They do exist. Hon, I'm sorry. You're 23-you've got a whole world out there to explore, and you are going to wake up in 10 years and think WTF have I been doing? OR, you're going to find someone and make a HUGE emotional connection with them, cheat, and find out what you've been missing. I don't think any of what you've stated sounds good.
Craig Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 What, specifically, are the challenges that he has? Is it premature ejaculation? Is it impotence? Is it some other physical challenge? Is there a name for what he has?
Author Stone Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 Premature ejaculation deffinatly! He only has one testicale, and he is on 3 diffrent anti-depressants
Author Stone Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 Originally posted by Mr Spock Do not marry this man.. He needs to find a woman who doesn't really want a carnal relationship. They do exist. Hon, I'm sorry. You're 23-you've got a whole world out there to explore, and you are going to wake up in 10 years and think WTF have I been doing? OR, you're going to find someone and make a HUGE emotional connection with them, cheat, and find out what you've been missing. I don't think any of what you've stated sounds good. Very true, this is breaking my heart. My son loves him so much i don't want to hurt my son in the process He is such a good man he really deserves a faimly... you think it's possible to cheat without an emotional connection? I've done it in the past, men do it all the time... God where are the male prostitutes when you need em!! ( Just kidding)
manofmystrey Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 hey stoneheather I feel for ur situation. Its rough and there is no denying that. For the pe thing there are ways that u guys can fix that its the stop and go and kegal exercises. MY buddy swears up and down that it worked for him. But the other thing i wanted to mention is that u have to put urself in his shoes. What if u were unable to sexually take care of him becasue of a medical condtioion and u gave him the green light to have sex with other woman, would that not tear u apart even though u gave him the permission. You have a hard choice to make but people are right once u are sexually involved with another man the odds of u and b/f relationship surviving are very slim. What ever choice u make use discretion and just remember that it is never easy to be in love with someone else but have sex with another without some sort of complications in terms of emotions. If not urs, then his. He feels bad as is that he is a pe and the anti depressents also mess him up but the side of some anti depressants is pe so it might be his meds and he might want to consider changing them. Have thought about getting him to use a strap on. That way u are satisfyed and u dont have to go outside the relationship. just a thought. In any case best of luck. Let us know what u decide.
Author Stone Posted September 17, 2004 Author Posted September 17, 2004 Yup tried the strap on... When he's done he's done it's hard to have sex with someone who isn't into it or is pretending to be so you can be satisfied... I am doomed
loveregardless Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 where is Dr. Phil when you need him!?
guest Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Has he seen a doctor about the pe and how the meds may be affecting this? Maybe there are ways to solve it. Can he take a med holiday on weekends or maybe try going off them for a while and see how he does? I agree that you are too young to stay in a sexless relationship forever. About sex with others I guess it's a decision you have to make yourself. Good luck.
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 you think it's possible to cheat without an emotional connection? I've done it in the past, men do it all the time... The female Achilles heal: Oxytoxin The same high levels of this chemical that bonds us to our children during and after pregnancy (particularly while nursing)…is the same chemical that bonds us to our partners during the "lust" (or romance) stage of our sexual relationships. Males, on the other hand, are juiced up with testosterone. Keeps them humping like rabbits. Of course, we humans are also blessed with a brain…that frontal lobe of our cerebral cortex which acts as a "stop button", so to speak, which can override our inherent biological impulses. Our conscience. It simply depends on whether or not we choose to use our brain (with some effort) … or succumb to those primordial urges. I think if we are emotionally healthy and our brains are functioning well enough to abstain from other impulses…such as cheating and/or punching out that rude co-worker…then we can certainly exercise some control and override our other emotions. But it might mean finding the strength to walk (or run) away when our impulses become too much for us to handle. Man…all this science stuff sure sucks the mystery and romance out of love and passion…doesn't it?? Maybe we should just say that for the most part, women are ruled by their hearts and not their genitals. But it depends on the individual, I guess?
Butchey Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 I too admire your honesty and courage. But I have tell you that if you go out you are making a mistake. Even if the relationship survives, something will be lost forever.
brandx Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Sorry to do this in here, but while reading this I just realized what your avatar is Butchey and about wet myself laughing. WE NEED MORE COWBELL!!!!
EC Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 Stone heather I know I'm still young but I know a lil bit for my age. I say this...The fact that he's giving you permission to go out and cheat because he feels bad that he canot perform is enough to tell you that you are crazy if you go out there and cheat on this man. Sex is Good. Sex is very good but is it better than everything else that comes with a relationship? This man obviously loves you. Hes trying to be strong and gave you permission but can you just picture him in his house waiting while your out doing w/e with another man knowing that it is because of his problem? Do you really want someone that loves you thaaat much to go through that? Maybe all those anti-depresants are whats giving him the problems.... I say don't do it...stay by your man....theres other things like oral and things you can do besides sex and there are 100+ toys you can have fun with. If you love this man you can make a couple sacarifices...he gave you permission but does he really have another choice? The decisions yours but I agree with the other poster if you walk out now and have sex with somebody else...something will be lost forever!
katie79 Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 The meds he's on greatly effect his failure to "stay up" past 2 min. I know I'm a woman, but I'm prob one of the only women that think 2 min is enough! I love sex, but after 2 min, orgasm comes and I'm done! That's all I need. but about 90% of the female pop needs longer--much longer!
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