sportsgal Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Hi All. I am new here and not all that familiar with the "dating world" as I have been out of it for years. So, as most, I am left sitting here wondering what happened and what is going on in my situation. I have an "acquaintance" that I see almost daily for almost a year now (we are both active in our kid's sports). We started texting one day last week and decided to go out for drinks. A couple drinks led to a few more than it should have been and we ended up fooling around. I still see him at the sporting events and he seems much more talkative and still talks to me/teases me (not in a mean way- we are both ball busters). There hasn't been a whole lot of texting going on and maybe once since that night last week has he texted me. He asks me about things going on in my life, etc. The thing is, I just don't know what now? I don't understand men at all and can't figure out what is going on. Is this some kind of game? Is he expecting me to chase him? Why tease me and show interest in my life? He hasn't made any plans with me but he knows I have my kids every night except for a few nights. If it helps, we are both adults (40ish) and are both divorced for 4+ years each. I'm sorry to be a grown woman and sound so ridiculous, but I just don't know what to do or who to ask!
hinatticus Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Just ask him what his intentions are. You seem confused, so just ask. I'd tell him the same thing. If he's confused about something, just ask. Simple as that.
curlygirl40 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I entered the dating scene again in my early 40's also after not dating since my teen years. The one thing I have learned is that unfortunately, all you can do is step back and wait to see what he does. If men are interested, they will pursue. Period. If he doesn't, then he's not interested. He might seem somewhat interested. He might still ask about you or your life, he might ask you to come over to his place for 'pizza and a movie' which is code for fooling around, he might text sometimes to say hi. But if he's not in full out pursuit or showing you he's interested, he's not really interested. These other things will confuse you, but they don't really mean anything. Take my advice and unless he's asking you out on a date, he's not really interested in dating you. I would step back in this case and just follow his lead. If he texts, text back. If he asks to take you out on a date and you want to go, then go. If you're looking for a relationship then make sure your actions reflect that. Don't put yourself in a position to be fooling around with him again if you're looking for more than that. I would let him lead and see what he does. Don't chase him. If he's interested, you'll know in time. 5
curlygirl40 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Just ask him what his intentions are. You seem confused, so just ask. I'd tell him the same thing. If he's confused about something, just ask. Simple as that. Some people would take this approach, just ask him...then you'll know. I don't personally like that approach just because he might not know what he wants out of it yet. He might be trying to figure out in his mind what he wants. So then if you ask and put him on the spot, he could be a deer in the headlights and you won't get a straight answer anyway. Personally, I always wait to see what the guy does and then get my answers that way instead of asking them. I think, in time, men always show you what they are made of, what their intentions are, etc. it's just that women aren't always good at reading the signs. I would rather read the signs and not put myself out there with all sorts of 'what do you want?????' type of texts. But then again, I'm still single. lol 2
BluEyeL Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I would also not ask, because he doesn't seem decided and he might give you a no, just because he's not ready. It's very very hard to sit back, but I think you should definitely continue to talk to him when you meet him at events, be friendly, but don't come strong, and don't fool around again either. In the meantime, I suggest, if you can, dating other people to take your mind off him. 1
Author sportsgal Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Thank you for all your responses. I think I am going to go with my gut and do what I have been doing, talking to him and joking with him, but not pursue anything. Fooling around again is definitely out of the question! I don't want to come across as not interested but I don't want to be in hot pursuit either. Ugh, I should have stayed in my own little uncomplicated world. But I do thank you all for the responses!! 1
curlygirl40 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Ugh, I should have stayed in my own little uncomplicated world. Well where's the fun in that?? lol Have fun with it. See what he does next. Good luck 1
Author sportsgal Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Well where's the fun in that?? lol Have fun with it. See what he does next. Good luck Thanks Curlygirl40! There is no fun in it but there is no fun in feeling used either! (Admittedly I should have known and should have acted wiser, drank less). It's just so scary out there. 1
BluEyeL Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I really feel for you. I have similar feelings about the "out there" and all these complications. We shouldn't have to go through this at our age, that's for people in their 20s:(. 3
curlygirl40 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Thanks Curlygirl40! There is no fun in it but there is no fun in feeling used either! (Admittedly I should have known and should have acted wiser, drank less). It's just so scary out there. Well, live and learn!! Keep your head up and stay friendly with him. It is a scary world! It's taken me a while to figure out how to navigate it but the one thing I have come to figure out, in our age range, is that sex is rampant. People (men and women) can't wait to jump in the sack and often do without any discussion about what it all means or where to go from there. Then afterwards when you decide you want more, you're left wondering how you're going to turn a fling into a real relationship. Ugh. I've done it myself but I have (hopefully) learned from it. 1
Author sportsgal Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Thanks for the support!! I will slowly come out of my shell and venture outside into the world. This was a lesson learned for sure! And I agree, at our age this shouldn't be an issue. How difficult is it for people to communicate and say "Hey, I like you, let's get to know each other" or "Hey, thanks for the fun but I am not looking for anything" 2
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