What is it with girls traveling and the ONS?

[CryForNoOne]

Anyway, I have my theories of the psychology behind this behavior pattern I see over and over but wanted to hear what the ladies had to say first.

 

So I wanted to hear other people's opinions before sharing mine. I was actually a bit surprised that women seemed to focus on the reasons that are shared by both genders, which I believe are:

 

1) Cheaters - they are a whole subset I'm not really concerned with. These are basically folks who obey the law or don't cheat on their spouses because of the fear of consequences. Take away the risk of being caught and their true nature comes out. This behavior is deplorable but very simple to explain. Again not what I'm really talking about in this thread.

 

2) Excitement of it all - Anytime you have a drastic change from the routine, like moving or travelling, people are much more open to trying new things like talking to strangers. Both genders do this but this alone does not explain the drastic behavior change I see with women. The break for the routine would explain why women on vacation put themselves in more POTENTIAL ONS situations, but THEN also acting out on it, I believe is triggered by something completely different.

 

I believe women have societal and emotional barriers men are not burdened with that usually discourage them from participating in a ONS. But they go away when they are on vacation:

 

1) Societal - If a woman has any insecurities or self esteem issues, she will care greatly about what others think. She doesn't want to be labelled easy, the town slut etc... Also since she may see the man again, she is concerned about what he thinks of her. All this goes away when she's far from home. Guys if anything, would want people to know about their conquests, so there is absolutely no societal pressure against them.

 

2) Emotional - I think it's a safe generalization that most women have a much stronger emotional attachment with sex than men do. But if a woman knows going into it, that the relationship is finite (as in over as soon as she steps on the plane), it's probably a lot easier to act out on purely physical desires without worrying about the emotional consequences. There is no anxiety over what happens after sex. You both know the rules.

 

Anyway, my two cents, and interesting that it was only guys who mentioned the societal and emotional reasons...

Edited April 17, 2013 by CryForNoOne

[Emilia]

2) Excitement of it all - Anytime you have a drastic change from the routine, like moving or travelling, people are much more open to trying new things like talking to strangers. Both genders do this but this alone does not explain the drastic behavior change I see with women. The break for the routine would explain why women on vacation put themselves in more POTENTIAL ONS situations, but THEN also acting out on it, I believe is triggered by something completely different.

 

How do you know what they are like at home? I had more ONSs in London where I live than when I travelled.

 

I believe women have a societal and emotional barriers that usually discourage them from participating in ONS's that go away when they are on vacation.

 

1) Societal - If a woman has any insecurities and self esteem issues, she really going to care what others think. She doesn't want to be labelled easy, the town slut etc... Also since she may see the man again, she is concerned about what he thinks of her. All this goes away when she's far from home. Guys if anything, would want people to know about their conquests, so there is absolutely no societal pressure against them.

 

She has to come from a pretty small town for that. In my city there are 8 million people, no-one knows half the time what I'm up to.

 

2) Emotional - I think it's a safe generalization that most women have a much stronger emotional attachment with sex than men do. But if a woman knows going into it, that the relationship is finite (as in over as soon as she steps on the plane), it's probably a lot easier to act out on purely physical desires without worrying about the emotional consequences. There is no anxiety over what happens after sex. You both know the rules.

 

Knowing it's finite wouldn't change the emotions necessarily, it's not how emotions work.

 

Anyway, my two cents, and interesting that it was only guys who mentioned the societal and emotional reasons...

 

Because they were talking in stereotypes.

[grkBoy]

That's easy. One will do things like this when there is little chance of it "catching up with them".

 

Woman who scoffs at men in her own home town will gladly do the ONS in another town when she believes she'll never see the guy again and he won't "bump into her" or something.

 

It's like Halloween. Many men and women will harshly judge someone any other day if they look trashy, but toss on a trashy Halloween costume and act like a s!ut and suddenly for that one night it's deemed as "ok".

 

 

As far as I'm concerned, enjoy it. If you're seeking something more solid then move on. If you want to get laid, live it up.

 

Tell some of the fellas here where to go then...hook them up.

[CryForNoOne]

How do you know what they are like at home? I had more ONSs in London where I live than when I travelled.

Unless you spend half your life travelling that reasoning doesn't prove anything. I stand by my assertion that the girl next door types in LA are not virtuous whereas the girl next door types from all around the world are tramps...

 

She has to come from a pretty small town for that. In my city there are 8 million people, no-one knows half the time what I'm up to.

 

Well I see it all the time in LA and it is a HUGE city. If you work at or are a regular at a particular bar, club, or restaurant, I promise you every women has a reputation good or bad. Just ask the bartenders or bouncers. They see ALL.

 

Knowing it's finite wouldn't change the emotions necessarily, it's not how emotions work.

 

Well that's why I asked the question before commenting myself. I'm no expert on women's emotions but had my theories.

 

Because they were talking in stereotypes.

 

Well they exist for a reason. But they don't lessen yours, mine, or anybody else's personal experiences.

[CryForNoOne]

That's easy. One will do things like this when there is little chance of it "catching up with them".

 

Woman who scoffs at men in her own home town will gladly do the ONS in another town when she believes she'll never see the guy again and he won't "bump into her" or something.

 

It's like Halloween. Many men and women will harshly judge someone any other day if they look trashy, but toss on a trashy Halloween costume and act like a s!ut and suddenly for that one night it's deemed as "ok".

 

 

As far as I'm concerned, enjoy it. If you're seeking something more solid then move on. If you want to get laid, live it up.

 

Tell some of the fellas here where to go then...hook them up.

 

Precisely why I love all themed parties like "pimps and hoes", "white trash" etc...

[Emilia]

Unless you spend half your life travelling that reasoning doesn't prove anything. I stand by my assertion that the girl next door types in LA are not virtuous whereas the girl next door types from all around the world are tramps...

 

What it proves is that women are not the same. I went through a relatively debauched period in my life and it made no difference where I was. It is very silly to make assumptions like you did. Based on narrow world view. 'girls around the world'.... Like you would know.

 

Well I see it all the time in LA and it is a HUGE city. If you work at or are a regular at a particular bar, club, or restaurant, I promise you every women has a reputation good or bad. Just ask the bartenders or bouncers. They see ALL.

 

Yes of course. They have a reputation good or bad. Not whether they are in their home city or not. You woldn't know half the time anyway

 

Well that's why I asked the question before commenting myself. I'm no expert on women's emotions but had my theories.

Evidently not prepared to listen only to make assumptions

 

Well they exist for a reason. But they don't lessen yours, mine, or anybody else's personal experiences.

They seem to as you seem to take guys' answers as given even though you asked women What's the point in that? Just take the stereotype and not bother?

[Kamille]

I had one ONS, in my hometown, and here is my take on it.

 

I knew while the ONS was happening that it was a one time thing. Still, it took me weeks to stop thinking about the guy. Basically, even though I knew better, I felt a mild form of attachment (damn hormones!).

 

My take on it is that, when traveling, it's perhaps easier for women who don't normally engage in ONS to reason themselves into not getting attached/not wanting more. You're leaving anyway, so there's no chance you'll be hoping for a run-in or that he will call.

[stillafool]

When I lived in L.A. I had friends come out to visit me. They all wanted a ONS while in the city of angels. I think they are away from home, excited and Girls just want to have fun!

[Emilia]

My take on it is that, when traveling, it's perhaps easier for women who don't normally engage in ONS to reason themselves into not getting attached/not wanting more. You're leaving anyway, so there's no chance you'll be hoping for a run-in or that he will call.

 

I think another person can hook you. It happened to me too. Rationality didn't really come into it, at least not for me.

[Kamille]

I think another person can hook you. It happened to me too. Rationality didn't really come into it, at least not for me.

 

True that. Fact is, I just really liked this guy, and probably would have really liked him no matter the set up.

[CryForNoOne]

My take on it is that, when traveling, it's perhaps easier for women who don't normally engage in ONS to reason themselves into not getting attached/not wanting more. You're leaving anyway, so there's no chance you'll be hoping for a run-in or that he will call.

 

I think another person can hook you. It happened to me too. Rationality didn't really come into it, at least not for me.

 

Why is it I said that same exact thing and you raked me over the coals...

[CryForNoOne]

When I lived in L.A. I had friends come out to visit me. They all wanted a ONS while in the city of angels. I think they are away from home, excited and Girls just want to have fun!

 

Well I live in LA in one of those neighborhoods everybody has to visit. Sounds like your friends may have crossed paths with me and my friends ;-)

[FitChick]

Well I live in LA in one of those neighborhoods everybody has to visit.

 

 

Compton?

[stillafool]

Compton?

 

No I wasn't in the CPT, however it is one of those neighborhoods people who visit L.A. want to see.

[grkBoy]

NOTE TO GUYS: Go hang out in hotel bars.

[salparadise]

I think it's because the female superego won't fit in a suitcase.

[Kamille]

Why is it I said that same exact thing and you raked me over the coals...

 

I understood you to be saying that women had two sets of moral. I guess I don't understand what you mean by that.

 

I don't see it as women having to sets of moral, rather as them trying to deal with the consequences of casual sex. After my ONS, I spoke to a few women who reported they had the same experience I did. It was incredibly hard for them to feel detached from the sexual escapade. Travelling, being away makes it easier to detach. So, in that sense, the person has the same morals whether at home or away, but being away helps one deal with the effects of a ONS differently. Not sure I'm clear, but there's a nuance there that I think is important.

[CryForNoOne]

I understood you to be saying that women had two sets of moral. I guess I don't understand what you mean by that.

 

I don't see it as women having to sets of moral, rather as them trying to deal with the consequences of casual sex. After my ONS, I spoke to a few women who reported they had the same experience I did. It was incredibly hard for them to feel detached from the sexual escapade. Travelling, being away makes it easier to detach. So, in that sense, the person has the same morals whether at home or away, but being away helps one deal with the effects of a ONS differently. Not sure I'm clear, but there's a nuance there that I think is important.

 

Well this is exactly what I meant so perhaps my word choice was poor.

[fishtaco]

Well this is exactly what I meant so perhaps my word choice was poor.

 

That's how I read it too. You and Kamille are basically saying the same thing. And I do think you and Kamille both sound logical and reasonable.

 

Maybe Emillia is ripping you a new one because you used the word morals? ...implying one set of women behavior aligns with good morals while the other set aligns with bad morals. You are basically doing the exact same thing that women would go to hell and back just to avoid, and this exact topic... being judged for doing what nature tells them to do.

 

So I would say two sets of behaviors, two sets of decision making, two sets of risk assessment, maybe even two different personalities. But not two sets of morals.

 

After being "wrong" so many times in relationships simply because I'm a man, I've learned that when dealing with women, what words you use usually matters more than the content of what you are trying to say.