My girlfriend said she needed space, 4 days later she ends it, help

September 29, 2004

I'm begining to see a bit more clearly. It has been 2 weeks since she broke up with me and nearly 3 weeks since I've even seen her(live 5 miles apart). Im still bugging out though because he promised me she would call this weekend, never did. Its been a week since I've last talked to her and I was the one who broke down and called just because I wanted to try and find some answers. Even then, she promised she would talk to me real soon, never happened. If she did call I don't think I would answer it because I am actually hurt because she was never like that. I want to be a prick on the phone but i will be nice and pleasant and not mention anything about her not calling me. At this point, I really don't think she has met anyone else. She goes to a commuter school and the only way she would have met someone would have been at a bar and she has always said she doesnt like meeting people there.

I took everyone's advice and stepped outside myself to find out who I am(or was) before I fell in love. Its like having an outter body experience and you see your life flash before your eyes. You ask god for a second chance of live and you will not make the same mistakes again (stubborness, taking for granted the things you have). I've been getting all the things done that I have been needing to do. Bad part is that I now have nothing else on my mind bu wanting that second chance. Great quote from Vanilla Sky that says it all "Every passing second is another chance to turn it all around"

September 29, 2004

Easy easy.

Im glad to hear that youre beginning to see a bit more clearly, but trust me, I know how tough it is and how tough its going to be. Im still hurting too, but my path has taken a different twist to the tale (read my post, you know where it is).

First things first - dont expect anything from her. If she makes a promise, and she breaks it, what kind of person, even a friend, does that? Its not on, but if you dont expect anything you cant be disappointed. I know you care for her, and are waiting on her to come thru, but waiting on these promises, especially at a time like this, is like a dagger to the heart. And then it stirs you up and makes you crazy.... trust me I know. And you sit there, and stare at the phone, waiting and waiting. Its time to get out of the rut. Of course you do care for her, and you do love her, this much I know is true. But you have to take care of yourself too, especially at these times. Dont be looking for answers now - it just pushes her away even more. Like I did the other night, I would just agree with her for the reasons you broke up (because its true, why would u want that relationship back? it lead to a break up). If you want her back, you want it to be in a new relationship that wont break! But agree with her, see eye to eye with her, and show her youre the happy person you are (do it with a smile) just like when she met you. Its not easy, and you have to be patient, but the opportunity will come. And try not to worry about her meeting someone new - thats an innate fear that we all go thru in this break(up) stage. She is allowed... she is single, but why worry over something you cant control. If anything you should be meeting people too, even if you dont want to get involved, its still good to talk and socialize.

Will you get a 2nd chance? Who knows. Its time to live up to the reality that it might not occur, that she may not really like you, but thats okay - if that happens its not meant to be. If you can accept that, then you are one step in the right direction. The question is now what if she wants to take a 2nd chance? Are you prepared to let her back in when shes broken the trust and respect that youve had for each other? Its a long process, because she has torn you up lately. I think about my girl everyday, but Im also willing to let her go now. It hurts terribly, but Im willing to let her go and be happy if thats what makes her truly happy. Its up to her to see how much she might miss you, and if you go around looking for answers and pressuring her.... well, put it this way, would you want to be pressured back into a relationship? hell no! Be patient, and wait for the chance to show her who you are. Leave it a few days, call her when shes at work (so she wont answer) smile, leave a nice msg, and leave the ball in her court (if u cant wait). If/When she calls back, dont answers ,dont return the call for a couple of days (its tough) and make her wonder for once what youre upto. Be strong buddy, and stick at it

September 29, 2004

Agreed with the dude above... it is amazing how many examples I have heard of chicks and dudes just leaving their relationships and it coming out of NOWHERE! Two weeks before she broke up with me she bought me an expensive gift that had DEEP significant/symbolic meaning to it... that gift sits in my place as a reminder that she did care deeply... but also that love is a gift... and if something clicks in a person that they just don't wanna go on then fine... like the dude before me said, would you wanna be pressured into a relationship again? NO!!! :-)

The hardest thing for me is I have a really good day and then the next day I feel like a railway spike was hammered through my chest and is being twisted around all day long. BTW< I suggest removing all pictures of her from your computer and/or place where you live... they are likely just painful reminders and that is not waht you need... plus, if things are truly over then you need to let go sooner rather than leter, dude. I still have my pics of her on my computer... but I have 'hidden' them with the Windows XP option so that I never see them... if at some point she and I want to get toegther again then I will make the folder viewable again... if not, then the imprint of her face and eyes will fade more (*and yes, it has already began to fade... that is the saddest part for me because I loved being inches from her face and just gazing into her eyes... but that is now a past memory... so I treat it as such).

One other suggestion: do something new that you have not done before. It could be dance lessons. Take up an instrument. Take a course at some night program. Develop a new hobby. But do something new that you and her never did. It will also give you a chance to meet new people and that is important. Otherwise, you may want to mull and mope around in your 'old' routine that you had with her.. but she is not around so it is just you and your memories.... I say, create new memories for your life... you really have to face the fact that she may never ever call you again. No one is remotely saying that that will be easy (it won't and shouldn't be). But by doing some new things and meeting some new people you can have some fresh new perspectives on your life. I have been meeting with new people at a local coffee shop and I have to say that they are really awesome people who I see a number of times a week now.

The hardest thing may be this: what WAS is NO MORE. Even if things came back around they would be different. I know that I have lost some trust and respect for my ex-GF at this point in the WAY she handled things. She did what she needed to, but I feel that the way she did it was totally crappy and selfish. But I still love her as a person and want what is best for her. And she has said that not seeing or talking to me is what is best. As brutally hard of a pilll as that is to swallow I swallow it nonetheless and go on. Alone initially. But building new friendships at present.

Hang in there, bud.

September 29, 2004

agreed with the previous post. its not as if we're saying you're done with her, but you have to keep going with your life like she is with hers. If you want her back, you have to show her something different, something new. Of course WE ALL MISS what was there, and the closeness. I have good days, I have bad days - i like that railroad analogy. Be strong buddy, and keep busy, and you will see the light, with or without her.

September 29, 2004

Think of it this way, there are two possibilities for her to come back to:

1) The "movie star": You take marital arts lessons, you get buff, you publish a groundbreaking novel, you write a screenplay, you have women fawning all of you. You get over the break up. Would you perfer you and she got back together? Yes, but you learned to live without her. You didn't put all that pressure on her to be your everything.

2) The "bum": You get so depressed that you stop paying bills, you stop making house payments, you loose your job, your buisness, your car, your house and end up on the street. You never get over your ex and it makes you hopeless...

Which one of the two people do you think your ex would want to come back to? So, don't you want to be #1 and not #2. So, the only thing to do now is to actually get up and do it!

October 1, 2004

I'm just at work and bored as hell because it is Friday and no one is at the office. Just thought I'd type some stuff just in case someone wanted to hear. It has been 2 weeks since she broke up with me. It has been well over a week since I've last heard from her. I'm pretty proud of myself since I only contacted her once since the whole thing (she would've called at the time I did but the Bachelor was on). She did promise though the last time we talked that she would call me last weekend and she wanted to grab lunch of coffee sometime this week, but never contacted me. I guess the hardest part for all of us is trying to figure out how the person that loved you (She told me she loved me on the phone last time) can just turn off her feelings or so it seems. I mean, just a week before she wanted a break she called me at 1am just to hear my voice she said, now she doesnt need to hear it all. Also, when we were on our 4 day "break" we talked and she said she can really see herself marrying me and that she wants to see me smile like I did in my pics, so I feel strongly that I do have a chance, eventually. I have turned back into my positive, happy self since that is the only way I can be at this point.

I have kept busy. I've been going out with friends that I havent been with in awhile. A problem I realized with our relationship was that I or we got to dependent on each other for entertainment/fun since we've moved home. We forgot that there are people that want to hangout with us. That problem is easily fixed and hope in that she says that. i've joined a boxing class, something she told me I should do, I've always enjoyed the sport. Im lifting harder and longer than ever before. I am also getting even closer with my sister who is a Senior in high school. Maybe she will see that I see in time.

I know by the things she has told me that she does want to be with me. I just hope she is still thinking about me. I guess I should have saw something like this coming. All of her "long-term" boyfriends of a year or more ended and just a week or days later, dating someone new. But the way her and I happend, wasn't quite the same.

Andrew

October 1, 2004

You're on the right track. Yes, it is very difficult to figure some people out. My ex has gone back and forth between loving me, not knowing if he loves me, loving me, not loving, never having loved me, and back to not knowing again. It's a rollercoaster ride, for sure. Hell, just a week before he and I broke-up, he promised that he was going to move in with me after he graduated. So, why did all of that change? Simple: it didn't. He is confused because he is immature. He is scared, just like your ex, because he doesn't want to have to depend on me - and he is right for that! He loves me, I know he does - even though he says "(he) doesn't think so right now". All of my friends tell me that he loves me. He still hangs on to pictures and the ring I gave him - he says that it means nothing to him now, but he is doing all he can to keep it... He thinks that I will be around waiting for him forever and he wonders if something better might come along, but he is wrong and if I want him back, I'm going to have to prove that to him - by being better than anyone else: better for him, a better fit, a better person! I have to act like a better person, not just tell him that I am one. Once he sees how immature all other people - people that cannot control their feelings - are, then I'll have my one solid chance. But, let's think of it like this: if I show him that I am no better than any other jerk on the street, then why should he settle for me or anyone else like me?

October 1, 2004

So my ex-GF contacted me on MSN Messnsger two days ago... at one point I said that if she was in terested in getting together that she could come by my place and we could finish watching a movie that we didn't finish the very last time she was here... on MSN she asked about getting together things weekend to finish the movie... I said sure, that would be fine.

The irony is that she treated me badly and selfishly... could/would I forgive her? Yeah, for sure... life is too short to rob other people of forgiveness... but it won't be cheap forgiveness... I have spent the past month building new relationships and I have to say that I am glad for it... these people rock... yeah, in hindsight I think I was constricting her freedom without being clued in... plus, she was the security of a relationship (or so I perceive things) but wants the autonomy of being able to do what she wants to when she wants to with whom she wants to... but she then is likely reminded of how cold the world can be, too, and desires the relationaship warmth and intimacy... I admit that I could be totally clued out here... but I wouldn't say this if I thought so.

She has faded the past month. I am conviniced that time apart is still good. If in a month or two we both want to see each other again then that is a good sign. Yes, I love her. But I was also treatled like crap by someone who admitted that they were acting selfish. It will take time to re-build trust in her and believe that she won't just get up and leave again emotionally/physically when she wants to. Crap happens... but it is HOW you deal with it that measures whether you have some character or not. I am cautiously waiting. She is a tremendous woman and you still captivates me on many levels.

Have a great weekends, all!

Chico

October 2, 2004

im too tired to read this all

all ive heard is that when a girl tells u she needs space, she really is breaking up with u, well, thats what i hear

October 2, 2004

Okay re3rocks, you are too immature for this forum - go to http://www.toyzrus.com...

October 4, 2004

Its now been 12 days since I've talked to my girlfriend(ex). Those 12 days ago she said she would call me in a few and that she loves me and blah blah blah. It drives me crazy every so often when she is not calling. I know she needs her space but I am still shocked that she cant just call for a few if you actually love someone. I feel so out of her live and I feel like she is out of mine. Alot has happend in the three weeks we havent seen each other and the 2 weeks we havent talked. Maybe she is seeing someone else, but it was so sincere when we told me she loved me. Im thinking of calling but I dont know if I shoule be the first one to give in. I now realized that I WANT and not NEED her in my life. My family and friends are great and that it would now be nice for her to see inside my head and find out what I want from the relationship. When we moved home from college we became to dependent on each other for entertainment/companionship. I think we both forgot what it is that made us, us. Can she turn herself off so completely from emtions that were so strong just a few weeks ago. I mean, 2 days before she broke it off she said she could see herself marrying me. (Im 22 and she'll be 22 in a few days) We are pretty young and just starting our lives. Is she just freaking out and testing me to see if Im still the same person she fell in love with 2 years ago? It's hard not knowing if I should call her or not, I believe I am truly giving her plenty of space.

October 4, 2004

wait some more... that is what she asked for... 2 weeks is not a massive amount of time in the scope of 2 years... it is highly unlikely she has stopped loving you... but women often experience a relationship as infinitely more complex than that... just because a woman loves you still doesn't mean she thinks staying together is wise... either for a short period of time or for the long term...

I do think she is testing you (perhaps even unconsciously)... you obviously care about her a great deal... hang on to your belief in her and who she is... has she acted honestly and with character for the most part over the past couple of years? If so, then she is likely to do so with your situation... also, absence often does make the heart grow fonder...

you would have to agree, too, that if she really wanted to see someone else that she is 'free' at present to do so... it seems unlikely that she will... but always be prepared for the unexpected...

that is what I suggest... I hope and pray that things come together in resolve for you soon!

Chico

October 4, 2004

Mate,

Keep your chin up. As above, 2 weeks for a 2 yr relationship isnt exactly the longest break. But I know how tough it is. But to be honest, I wish I could have been as tough as you have been at the beginning with the whole NC thing. But honestly, if you think that her not calling is a test or something, or if shes being stubborn, call her when you know she wont answer (when shes working) and just leave a message. NC is wise when used properly, but not when its abused. Its a tough situation to be in, im basically in the same boat. At least she isnt calling and treating you like crap. But dont worry if shes with another guy - if she is, it will show to you that she was being a fake, a sham to you, and that you deserve better and should move on. I know it hurts, trust me, I really know. Im home in England visiting right now and everything reminds me more of my ex because she came home with me from the states last xmas, and I almost miss her more now im in England.

Just keep being strong, and being busy. I'd try and start mingling with new girls - its not a sin, but meeting other interesting people is always a good way to take your mind off of someone that isn't paying you the attention you obviously deserve. Chin up mate.

October 4, 2004

... and if she is with another guy she will be comparing him to you the whole time! So as long as you didn;t beat her or treat her like a complete ass then I think you are relatively safe.

Of course, women do carry the Joker card that they can slap down at the strangest moment and seem to make no sense at all. I don't fault them for it... but it is maddening to us guys. Remember, most women even confuse themselves from time to time. That should give you hope to not take everything hyper-personally.

Chico

October 4, 2004

dont relationships Jus suck.. i borke up 2 weeks+ or so and i was kinda ok then but now its sucking! read thread n things bout me.... i dont know maybe im jus havin an off day, ive been trying to keep busy... But im jus puttin all my time into my guitar... that's helping a bit... its jus gay not having someone... im sure it is the right thingb breaking up with her.. but its jus annoying and hard to leave someone

Lol i duno why i posted that i was jus readint eh thread...

October 5, 2004

I know how all you guys/girls are feeling and it is very hard! I met my ladyfriend about 9 months ago. We quickly became best friends and the first 9 months were perfect. Then she went off to college about a month ago and broke up with me soon after. She told me the reason was because she needed some space and this was the first time in her life she was doing something for herself. I became angry at first, calling and trying to plead with her just to give us one more chance. No dice. It's hard to have someone you care about so much leave you so quickly.

October 6, 2004

Hello,

I've been dating a 30 year old woman (I'm 24) for about 8 months now. She is my boss at work and she was my teacher at school before I graduated. The first 7 months of our relationship was wonderful. Full of great times, we met each others family, went on 2 vacations, and had planned on going many more. She was the woman of my dreams, she had her life together, a great job, and had great future plans. The past month she started to go back to school to get a Ph.D., she got a new position at work that caused her to carry work out side of work as well as teaching.

In the relationship I was the person who had more time to do things, and I wanted to fill my time with her when she couldn't do it. All I could remember is how we spent 5 days a week with each other and now it was down to 1 a week if we were lucky. It was killing me b/c of finding other thing to fill that void I was pushing her more and more to spend time with me. I know I was wrong for that but at the same time she kept saying she didn't have time. Although she did find time to go to New Orleans for 5 days. Sure she did make these plans before hand but it hurt that she could spend time with them but not me. I felt like I went from priority #1 or 2 to # 5 or 6 in her life.

So when she was in New Orleans I found out some things that totally upset me. I found out she lied to me about her past. She told me that she only kissed this guy when she actually had oral sex with him about 5 months before we got together. I can't say anything about it b/c it was before we met but why bring it up if you’re not going to tell me the truth. Keep it to her self if she didn't want to hurt me. I talked to my friends and they told me to log into her online account to check her billing. I didn't listen to them at first.

On Tuesday, I dialed her phone by accident when she was on the plain. I typed in my pin code thinking it was my voice mail I was dialing. I would have known it wasn't mine if I listened to the receiver but I never do when I'm calling my voice mail. On my phone if you hit the send button twice it will call the last # that you called or called u. I had thought I dialed my voice mail last when I really dialed her # last, which is how I ended up calling her. Needless to say she didn't believe me. She told me I was liar and she wanted to break up with me. So later in the day I called my friend and he was like do it man u have nothing to lose now. So when I went online to check it, I locked the account b/c I didn't know the pin. Before I hung up the phone with her I told her I wanted everything of mine back. I wanted my night shirts, toothbrush, and the platinum heart necklace I just bought for her for her 30th b-day when we went on a cruise a month earlier. I did it b/c I was hurt and not thinking. She returned them to me on Thursday, and I asked her to keep them and she told me no b/c I asked for them back.

The next day I went to work and was talking to these two guys whom she confided in and told them we were dating. They are both our friends, and she told them we had broken up. The both asked me to talk to them if I needed to. Since I didn't have anyone to talk to and I needed someone to talk to I confided in them. Needless to say they both ran and told her what I had said on Thursday.

So I was forced to tell her what I did when I saw her on Thursday. I didn't want to lie to her and cover a lie with another lie. She got so mad at me and told me not to talk to her again. Later in the night she called me to yell at me about what had happened through out the day. During that time I got to tell her how I really felt. I told her I loved her to no end, I would take a bullet for her, I wanted her in my life, how I was sorry, how I wanted to work things out, so on and so forth. She told me that she needed time and space and if I really respected her and loved her then I would do that for her.

She called me on Saturday morning b/c we had tickets to see Dave Chappell’s comedy show that night. She sounded so upset and sad when she was talking to me. I asked how she was and she said with a disappointing sound. I'm OK I guess.

That night I decided that I couldn't go to the show. It was going to be to hard to sit next to her and not hold her hand, kiss her, laugh with her and know that she is feeling uncomfy sitting next to me. I just couldn't bring my self to it. So I meet her and her 9 other friends at the show to give her, her ticket. Unfortunately, it didn't work out as to plan. I was going to tell her in front of her friends (b/c they are a big part of her life) "Look I know you need your space and time, and b/c I love you, I want to respect that. Take the tickets and enjoy yourself and call me when your ready," but that didn't happen. There was a radio station there blasting really loud music not allowing you to hear yourself think. So when I saw her and her friend walking I went out to meet them. All her girlfriends ignored me and the guys shook my hand. So I when I got see her I took her hand and said I need to speak with you. I was walking one way she was walking another way. So it made it look like I "grabbed" her. I told her "Look, I'm sorry I can't do this tonight, I'm sorry, I'm just not ready, I know you said you need space and time and I want to respect that and I love you" then I walked away. Texted her, saying "Please call me when your ready"

Later that night she called me. Wanting to know what it was all about. I had to tell her that I just couldn't go in there and sit with her for 2 hours and be OK. It was going to kill me to do it, but I had to. I asked her to remember the good boyfriend I was that brought her flowers every month, cards, candies, told her she was beautiful all the time, and was there no matter what. Not the guy that freaked out over the past few weeks. She said she didn't know if she could do that right now. I said don't let this one thing ruin our relationship, and she said you don't understand we are not in a relationship. "Besides one thing can destroy a relationship." I asked her to please call me when she was ready, and she responded with what if that is 2 years from now? I had to say that's fine but I want it to much sooner than that. I asked her for an honest answer, "Do you see us getting back together or is it over for good?" She said "right now I need to get on with my life b/c she is mad at me but you never know what will happen, if its meant to be it will be." Right before we hung up I said please remember me as the good boyfriends and not the bad guy the past few weeks. She ended with saying I heard you the first time, and I will see you next week, good-bye.

So that Monday I went to work and I had to fill out my time card on her computer. She had left a window open from E-bay with the book she had just purchased. It’s called “He’s just not that into me”, so since she is the only one out of all her friends that was dating anyone I assume it was about me. I decided to order the book myself to see what type of **** this guy is going to feed her.

Then I talked to another friend of mine who has seemed to always been right today. He said I did what any normal man or woman would have done. She just used this as an excuse to leave me for either another man, or b/c she was just not ready for that serious of a relationship. I have to say I agree with him. I don’t think she had time for another man in her life b/c she would talk to me until 12 or later every night and have to get up early the next day or go to the gym or to work. I think she was just scared or tired of what we had but she would tell me day in and day out she loved me and she was the luckiest person in the world to have me. That night she was mad at me she said how lucky I am to have a b/f like you that doesn’t have faith or trust in her.

I’m about to send her an e-mail telling her that I’m sorry for what I did, telling her about some things from my past she doesn’t know about regarding the trust and women, I still love her, and understand she needs space and time and I respect that. Is this a good idea?

So what does all this mean? I know I did something very wrong and I'm very sorry and I can't apologize enough for it. I'm willing to work on everything to help the relationship. Did I do the right thing by not going to the show? Do you think seeing the empty chair made her think? She knew I was waiting to see this show for about 5 months. Do you think she will come back if I give her time? Or is it really over? How do I get over her? How do I make her want to come back to me? Is time and space a good thing or is it a bad thing? Please help me... I can't eat, sleep, and when I do sleep I dream about her. I miss her so much all I can think about is her smile, her laugh, her kisses, her I love yous, her phone calls after work, I miss her so much. So please any help would help out a lot.

Thank you,

Ryan

October 6, 2004

Hello,

Sorry i'm new to this so if u see this posted twice i'm sorry...if anyone has any really good advice my e-mail is [email protected]