My girlfriend said she needed space, 4 days later she ends it, help

[Green_and_White]

Just looking for some advice.

 

My girlfriend of almost 2 years told me Sunday that she needed some space cause she has been thinking in her head that she wants to be single. Which is news to me cause she has already had a bf and never said she hasnt wanted one. So we didnt see each other or talk that much but when we did, she would tell me she missed me and loved me. I wrote her an email Wednesday saying I dont know if I could do it casue it hurts to know she is deciding if she wants to be with me or not. She told me that she does but she needs some space. I believe her that she really does loves me and wants to be with me. On Thursday, she broke up with me. She told me it would be easier for both of us. She still wants to talk and she can't imagine not talking to me or saying me. She says she doesnt know in a couple months if she does want to be with me again. She says she doesnt want to see anyone else, just be single.

 

I new things were going stale casue we both just graduated from college. She moved to a flat with her sister and I moved home. She just started back at school for grad school and I just started a new job, working with her father. He is my boss. I know if been messing up, getting used to the working life. I wasnt my normally happy self that she fell in love with. That was her biggest complaint about me. I know she loves me and doesnt want anyone else. She sounds legit when she says it.

 

I dont know how to go about this relationship. How should I show her that I know I was not showing my true self cause I was adjusting? how should I talk to her? Should I talk at all? We are best friends too. I just really need some help cause its the worst thing Ive ever been through cause I love her so much.

 

Thanks

[jamwinswim]

read my post - Stuck In America - its on this very forum. You sound like a similar position to where I am/was, and I think the advice on there will help you also. Be strong my friend, and keep busy. I know its tough - you miss her dearly and it came out of nowhere really. I dont have the answer yet, im only 3 weeks down the road from where you are. But be strong, and start getting busy with friends - you need them right now. Dont call her, as much as you want to, Dont - it will be pushing her too much. If she says she needs her space and shes being genuine, let her be for now. I know it sounds like a while, but not talking for a couple of weeks (at least u not calling her) will help. Absence makes the heart grow stronger - youre feeling this right now, and believe me, she is to. But read my forum, you may need 25mins to do it though, its long. I hope it helps.

[Green_and_White]

Thanks for giving me that post. It was really good. I feel absoultely everything you are feeling. Funny thing is, when we first started daying, I was in England. I went there to Study and she was back home waiting for me. Anways, Im sorry for you loss as well.

 

Im going through the same thing. Any action I take feels like it comes with second guessing. Do I call? If I do, do I push her further away? If I dont call, do I push her closer? Are relationship was so good, but as with any, there were some rough patches. Sometimes I was not showing her my love, busy with my new job, adjusting to post college life, and not being in the mood to share feelings. But this has only happend within the last 2 months. I belive there is still a chance. But like Tom Petty said, "The waiting is the hardest part". Like you said, "Love is the most addicting drugs"

 

Any other advice would never be turned down.

[jamwinswim]

Time and Patience my friend.

 

Thats what I wish I was like 3 weeks ago, when my fiasco started. I was just pleading and begging I guess to get her back, and calling and asking and wanting to see her. Dont do it. Give her what she wants - she says she needs time, call her bluff. Absence makes the heart grow stronger. You need to be strong right now - I know its killing you, but if I could do this again, and Lord knows I wouldnt want to, I would have been No Contact of the bat. Its tough, but you need to keep busy with friends and family - work out, keep busy. Give her her time - if she loves you, and trust me she does and the feelings are there, she will miss it straight off. My ex was missing me at first, but I rushed back into it and it backfired on me. Dont push her..... just give her what she says she wants. The hardest thing to believe is that its not you.... it isnt, but its impossible to accept. You look for any reason or fault of yours, but shes just changing and developing.

 

Give her this time. Its giving her a chance to re-evaluate, and see what she really wants. It may not be favourable to you in the end, but rather this than her being with you in a relationship under false pretenses. Rather now than later. I know it hurts, but shes being smart about this. Giving her time to think and be with her emotions, its tough for you (as it was for me) to understand that and to let go. Just try and let her go - its impossible right now. Im sure you were always with her, always talking all day long etc etc. And then from that to nothing.... it killed me. It still does. Just keep being strong, and dont chase her. If she wants you she will call. But also be prepared for her to push you away, not be so nice, and maybe not even want you around. Shes on a rollercoaster, so are you right now. Just remember - you miss the girl you were with, do you miss the girl that she is right now? Food for thought. Give it time, its only Friday.

[Splatty]

Green_and_White,

 

I know if been messing up, getting used to the working life. I wasnt my normally happy self that she fell in love with. That was her biggest complaint about me.

 

Sounds to me like you should take this time to find who you are and what makes you happy. With or without her you are going through some changes, so deal with those and get yourself happy. That way when she wants to get back together you can be at your best.

 

Give her this time. Its giving her a chance to re-evaluate, and see what she really wants.

 

Sounds like you have a good chance at getting her back. Good luck

[Green_and_White]

I am still so lost in this matter. I cant figure anything out. I don't understand how everything could go away in a matter of a second. A week ago, we were talking, hanging out, laughing. She told me (while drinking a bit) that she never wanted me to leave her, and how much she loved me and couldnt imagine not being with me. A week or so later she doesn't even call me. Breaks up with me telling me she loves me but doesnt want a bf. I just want to talk to her and get some answers. Like, after two years she felt that she could call me and tell me over the phone (during a 3 day break/space time) that she just couldnt be with me right now. I asked to see her while she did this, but she declined. Don't I deserve some answers? Should I call her and find out why she can make 2 years disappear like that. We had a good relationship. I know others and they have messed up ones that no one wants. Only things we'd fight about is small stuff that anyone does. Help

[jamwinswim]

Im not gonna lie, reading this is like deja-vu to me. Honestly, I wanted, and still want answers. When I try and tell my friends about it, I cant really pinpoint one thing for why we have broken up - just that she wanted her "space" and that it wasnt me. First bit of advice is be strong. Its tough, I know that, its been just over 3 weeks for me and I still think about her. You want results and you want them now and you dont understand why it cant just work out. If its meant to be, it will be - its not much to be happy about, I know, but you have to learn to let go. Its very tough - youve read my post, and youre probably going through the motions like I did, but keep yourself busy. See friends, work out, play video games - just do things. I know its tough because everything you probably did in the past involved her, but just keep yourself active and make an effort to see your friends now. And keep focussing on work - it aint fun during the days, but we all need money.

 

Secondly, dont push, dont try and find answers. That was my problem too, and I think I pushed too much too early. Give her her space, and respect her for that. Its terrible because you dont know whats going on with her, but trust her to be alone with her feelings. Anything you might input could jeopardise things or confuse her more. If she calls, be supportive and friendly, and just be friends right now. If u love her enough, you will stick by her during this time. Im learning right now to handle that, and its tough - I havent spoken to mine for a week now, and its a killer. But remember - this is a decision she/they have made, let them get what they want. For you and I my friend, we just need to be strong, and let them be. If shes comes back, its meant to be, if she doesnt ..... then think of it this way - You should be excited to meet the person that is finally right for you as she will far exceed what youve already experienced with this girl.

 

Chin up mate. Everythings gonna be alright, be strong, believe.

[polycube]

man im going through the same thing i think the worst thing we can do is ask them about the relationship and or call them. we need to chill and not be pests. Im in the same exact boat bro , we need to sit back and watch the show

[Hendrix]

yea im in a v similer situation. i was twice and now i am again.. first time it happened it was awfull for about a week or 2 and i did the wrong thing and was contacting her and everyting.. Like someone said looking for answers^^... But a month or so later she rings and wants to get back... Its hard to say...

 

Right now it happened again.. she said she wants some time on her own.. we're still together... but im gettin impatient... After the stuff that happened... (Ladies why? thread on this page -read that...)

 

so im tryin not to contact her till about wed or thursday so ill send a message sayin somethin like " hey can i see u soon, i jus need to see and Talk to U and stuff" becuase im not waiting around if she wants to break up after ignoring me for a week...

 

she seems confused one minute she wont talk to me... the next she tells me nice things... and im always nice to her..

 

But its hard every case is different.. but If u give it time... it might work out... this sort of stuff seems to happen alot...

[Green_and_White]

Its been almost a week, well a week this Thursday that she broke up with me. She ended the conversation with I love so much and that I promise I will talk to you soon. I have not heard from her yet, not once. I was online and she came on and signed off right away. I don't know what is keeping her from calling me sense I dont really think she dislikes me. Its getting harder and harder casue the longer you wait to hear form the person you love, the more you think they are forgetting about you and only thinking about the negative things in your relationship. I know Im thinking about all the crappy things I did. Oh well, I'll remain strong and not contact her.

[jamwinswim]

you are being strong buddy. Its eating me too. Me and my ex broke up almost four weeks now, and this past week and a day has been the first real NC between us.... and it kills me. I was strong at first and fine, but the past 2 days I've had the same feelings as you "Why hasnt she called?" "If she cares for me she'll call". Put it this way, would you want her to call if she was going to be negative or mean to you? She really is having her space right now, even if shes thinking "Why hasnt he called?" There is a good reason why you havent called - its called "girlname, you told me you needed space, so here it is". Its a tough situation to be in, but think about it. If she cares at all she will call eventually, and she isnt doing anything that you would find "uncomfortable". If shes being the girl you're fearing - i dont know, partying with other guys, getting with other guys, not having her space by doing other things, then do you want to be with a girl that is lying about why she needed space? All you can be is a good friend when she calls right now. For some people it took a couple months, for some they never come back. Its a risk youre gonna have to take because right now there is nothing you can do. Easier said than done (dont worry about things you cant control) but just keep busy. Thats what Im trying to do. I dont want to forget her, or my memories, because I believed I had something really special. Will she ever see it in the same light? I hope so. But im also preparing myself for the worst too. You can try expecting nothing, and then you wont be disappointed..... keep strong. Its only been a week, and think about it logically - how can she have any real space in a week?? You could call and give her the "how are you doing" call, but in all honesty, the next time you speak to her wouldnt you rather it be because she wants to talk to you? Its tough waiting, we just have to believe that they are actually thinking about us. If they are not, then its not meant to be. And that sucks. But keep being strong.

[Green_and_White]

You have had some of the greatest advice I have ever heard. Its so true, a week is not long at all, in real people time. For someone who has a huge rock on their chest, a week is forever. I feel for you so much. It has been a long time in your breakup and its hard to see what I'll be like in 3 weeks. I bet in your boat. If she isnt thinking about me, or isn't missing me than you are right. Why would I even want to give myself to someone like that. But, there is no point thinking about that because we both have no idea what they are thinking. Keep it posted on your progress with her. Good luck.

[weweregods]

Try reading "Stop Your Divorce or Your Lover's Rejection" by Homer McDonald... It is a VERY good book and should help. There are helpful exerpts on the website from the book also...

 

http://www.stopyourdivorce.com

[jamwinswim]

I went to that page. I read it. I thought about it. I swallowed my pride and called her. Not because it was the right or wrong thing to do, but nothing is going to get sorted this way. A week of NC has been more than enough for me - plenty of food for thought. Actually, just read my post green_and_white, you know where it is.

 

My advice mate, is still with NC. Not because you want it, but because you both need a little space right now. Use this time to hurt, embrace it, but dont be prideful or stubborn over it. You'll know when its right to call. In fact the best way to do it is to call when u know she is busy - working or in class or otherwise. Leave a message, smile before you do it, short sweet, no pressure "I shall speak to you soon / Hear from you soon". This defeats the pride and stubborness factor for both of you, and then the ball is in her court. If she calls, great, if not, great. Youve done what you can do, and its not exactly a "*itch, call me now, I love you, we have to get back together" call. Its a nice hey hows it going call. Remember, the past is the past, leave it there. We both have opportunities now to work at this. So lets work it! Enjoy what we have in our lives now, and when we get a chance to be with the ex's, show them how much we enjoy it! And agree with whatever they say. That website was good.... did it make me change my whistle.... yeah a little. The bitterness went a little, and i swallowed my pride. She isnt just gonna waltz back to me if NC lasts forever, in fact ill lose her more. But after a week (or 2 for some peeps) thats enough time before saying hello. I mean - we are all friends here right? And if she treats you like *hit, dont worry. Good friends stand by each other through thick or thin, just agree with her, and be quiet, and so be it. If she really ends up being mean all the time, you'll see you dont want to be with her, even if u just keep agreeing with her. Head up mate, and be patient. Time will do its thing.

[weweregods]

I agree... be patient... I am in a similar position myself. Although, for me, we did break-up and we have been broken-up for five months. It's been hard. He actually said he didn't love me, he doesn't want to be with me, ect... But he changed that tune for a while - said he loved me, but was afraid of the commitment (a commitment that HE made!) Well, now it is back to him not "thinking that (he) loves me" and not knowing if he is interested in me anymore. BUT, this time we are talking. We have been talking and being respectful to each other for a while. I used what I learned from "Stop Your Divorce" and it is working. I am happy! I am getting along with my life. I stopped pressuring him and he is coming back at his own pace. Obviously, he does love me, otherwise he never woulf have made all the promises and pledges that he did in the beginning. He was trying to rewrite history - following his feelings as if he had no control over them. Let me say this: you DO have control over your feelings - thoughts lead to emotions, which lead to behaviors. You want to change your feelings? Then change your thoughts... And, if you want her to change (to come back to you) then one of you is going to have to change the way you are acting - that should be you! Take charge!

 

Act happy, agree, and DON't defend yourself. Take the blame for anything that went wrong and watch as SHE defends you! IF she says that she just wants to be friends, the say "that's great! You are right, I agree... We make great friends!" Of course, it is natural to worry about other people - especially other men... Don't worry! They will do the wrong thing, because we are told that pressuring and complaining are the way to get what we want... If you are happy and you agree, then she will see you in a better light then the other guy. Whether she wants to or not, she will be constantly comparing him to you and if he is not agreeing and being happy about everything she does, he won't even compare to you.

 

When contact starts again, even if you have to initiate it, don't bring up the relationship. Just keep it happy... Keep it light... Have fun. What she is missing isn't love or the relationship, she is missing the fun of your relationship. Remind her of it! Enjoy your space, your freedom, your friends and hobbies. Remind her of the person you are at heart. You aren't needy... You thank her for calling you. You don't demand she do anything. You agree with everything she says, however negative. Do it, and do it happily! She will respect you for it. And, after you initiate contact, stop calling... Return her calls, but don't call her on your own for at least a month. During this time, the bad memories will fade... She will only know the new happy you.

 

Here is one thing you have to do... You won't want to do it, but you will need to think about it. You need to date other people. Don't flaunt it in her face, but if she asks, tell her truthfully. And stop reassuring her about it. Just keep quite about it. Now, no one is telling you to cheat... You don't have to sleep with anyone, but you do have to go out with them. With you always telling her how much you love her and you need her, she has gotten bored. She sees no reason to pursue you; she's caught you and she thinks that you aren't going anywhere. Do something to worry her that she might loose you... Go out. Have Fun. Meet new people. Trust me, this works! I just met another guy and he seems like he will make a great friend (if nothing else.) Once you meet someone who is interested in you, your confidence will return and you she will start realizing how lucky she is to be with you. It's like a child with an old toy: the get tired of and forget about it until a sibling comes along and wants to play with it, then they want that toy back - it's their toy, their favorite toy and it will always be their toy.

 

Trust me. I am just trying this stuff out, and it works. The book is MORE than worth the $50! Good luck, and I will keep you guys posted on how this is going... I hope to have him back by the end of the year... BUt that is a preference. Time will tell. Until then, I am enjoying my space.

[Green_and_White]

Jam, after reading your post, I swallowed my pride and called her. I first called and left a message saying "just want to see how school is going and how you are doing, call me back if you, don't worry about it." She called me back about an hour later and we talked for almost 2 hours. This is the first contact I have had with her in almost a week. I told her I'm mad at her and that I agree and understand what she wanted. I ALSO admit that I have not been myself in almost 3 months (the summer). I told her I understood why she had been turned off by the idea of being with me. I really do feel that I understand what I did. She first thought I changed, but I said the only thing that changed was my attitude. I could tell in her voice she was feeling the same thing and was happy that I can finally say that.

 

Almost 2 weeks ago she wanted to take a break so we can step outside of ourselves and gain some perspective. I just got so scared and frustrated that I went about it all wrong. I really did want to give it space but wouldnt admit it and I drove her quicker to make a rash decision. She says she feels happy now and relieved that we ended. She said she really just wants to be by herself, but a part of her is going to miss being kissed, hugged, and just loved.

 

I don't think she could just sum up 2 years in a rocky 3 months, can she? She said she loved me again but just cant be in it right now. I accept that, truely. I am just so worried that someone new will come around and sweep her off her feet. I don't think I would be able to handle the thought of her laughing at someone else's jokes. But for some reason for the first time since this whole mess has happen, I feel like it might just work out. Agree with her and showing her that I too saw the same thing for the first time. I said I wished I had steped outside sooner before this all happened.

 

I hungup the phone and I was more in love with her than ever before, but feeling better about not having her for the first time in 2 weeks.

[jamwinswim]

Mate,

 

Dont you feel so much better for at least talking to her? Are things perfect? No. But the reality is is that "that" (it that makes sense lol) relationship that you were happy in is gone, and its time to work for the future. Was it a good or bad relationship? It doesnt matter! Its time to work for the future, and swallowing your pride was a huge step. Talking for 2 hrs was a great thing, and Im sure the both of you cleared a lot of boundaries. Its a shame alot of people think prolonged NC is the way, that she will come running back if her feelings come back. Whilst that is true, you are also leaving it up to chance that her feelings wont come back. At least this way, youve knocked down the first wall, and you left a msg, and she called you back. Mine hasnt called back yet, althought I didnt expect her too. She worked till past 11 last night, and has class this morning.

 

Im glad that when you two spoke to, it seems like you took control. I guess admitting your faults, well agreeing with what she is thinking/saying was a great start. You took down the barriers, and gave her nothing to fight back with. In hindsight, youve begun to see where youve made your errors to begin with (just like Im realizing them now), and although it hurts to hear her say im happy to be by myself, just totally agree with her (but dont be spiteful with im happy to be by myself too lol). This much I am expecting when/if I get to talk to my girl. But at least she said she still loves you, and that she cant be in it right now. Agree with her, give her her space. You have her heart, its now just a question of how to get it home without being too pushy. Just let it become natural. Logically, what is there to be upset about now? Youve let go a little, you dont have to worry about her going off and being "bad", she says she loves you. Its a mature thing for her to do to take time to see what she really wants, even if it causes us to go a little nutzo. And if another guy walks in, dont worry. Its tough to swallow, but if you can agree with everything she wants and says right now, shes gonna compare him to you, and you're always going to come up in a positive light. The question is, if she does find another guy, is it worth it to you to stay in it? Think of it this way too, what if you casually date other people? You are technically single, and its not as if youre cheating or sleeping around. Just like the other post said, youre her favourite toy, and if someone else has it she'll want it back. Its like my ex said, quote "If i saw you with another girl, yeah, it would hurt". Your girl Im sure feels the same - 2hrs on the phone and I love you says it all.

 

Now be patient. Dont be too pushy. The walls have been knocked down some, but Rome wasn't built in a day. If this girl is worth it, the time it takes to win her back will eventually get appreciated. Now its time to really see if you really want her. Be careful, dont destroy the work that youve put inplace. Think with your head

[Green_and_White]

If I had never found this place I would have messed up all hope by now. I believe in fate and things happening for a reason. I also learned I just have to let go and know I cant control everything in my life. Fight Club has some great lines about that. Anyways, I feel so strongly that I did make progress with "us", I believe and truly feel everything she says. The timining for us is not right now. It will soon be and I feel it in my heart. I hope so much that she calls you. It has to be eating her up inside as it is right to you and I. You cannot be with someone in the capacity that we were with our girls and not long every minute to have it back. If you and her and if me and my girl were truly emotionally attached and not a physical, I need someone here with me attachment, then they will come back. Just show what a strong person you are, women are attracted to those things more than we could ever know. Remember, there was something about you two that made it is far, and it just cant fade away.

[Green_and_White]

Last night was my first real night of being single (atleast it felt like it). I have been in this same relationship for 2 years and previously I NEVER wanted a girlfriend casue I didnt believe in being with one person and being in love. I found out for the first time that this girl has changed me completely. I went to go visit some friends at another college because some girls I knew there thought I was "cute" and wanted to meet me. I didnt want to go at frist but my brother and friends said you got to do it. So I went and actually had a blast.

 

I met a really cool girl and hooked up with her and spent the night with her. It was great and horrible at the same time. 2 years ago I would have left her room with a huge ego boost but the first thing I thought about when I woke up was my ex-girlfriend and how amazing it was when we first go together. I just wanted to leave this girls room and go home. All my friends thought I would be so happy that I was back out there and playing the game as I was once did but I am more heartbroken than I would have ever thought. I really thought this would make me feel as there were other people out there that wanted to be with me (there is) but I want none, none of them. When the hell is this going to go away? What I thought I had with my ex was so great and I told her that the last time we spoke and she just couldnt say anything for some reason (think shes scared to change her mind). Man, I got it bad. I dont want to even be with other hot girls.

[weweregods]

Stop thinking about sex and attractiveness and dating... STOP, right now! The dating other people thing was about feeling good about yourself - you know that other people like you. It is not about finding someone new, or having sex with someone else. It is about reminding yourself of the person that you were before you met your ex - the person that she fell in love with. You have to learn to be that person again before she will feel like she wants to be with you again.

[backspn]

Agree 100% with you gods

[jamwinswim]

Calm Down Calm Down Calm Down!

 

Theres nothing wrong with how you are feeling. I mean you got some, and you felt guilty. The emotional attachment to your ex is going to cause this. But like everyone else said, dont feel bad or worry about it - this is about feeling good about yourself. At least youre in a place where there is light on the other side, and that you do have options. Alot of people think its the end of the world and will never find another girl EVER, at least you hooked up with someone. So no worries, it not as if your ex is the only one that could do the physical things for you.

 

But all that aside, you said you had a blast, and hooked up with a really cool girl - leave it at that. No guilt, no worries - you are single, you are allowed to have fun ya know? We all know how you feel about your ex, but I wouldnt be telling her about how special she is etc etc - thats too much pressure. I know its difficult, because both you and I think the only way to get them back is to show them how special it was before and tell them about it, but that pressures them, scares them, and more importantly, reminds them of a relationship that failed for a reason. You need to be happy about yourself and what has happened (with regards to having fun this past weekend). The next time you speak to her, and dont worry if it isnt for a few days, dont put pressure on her, and dont say all that lovey dovey stuff.

 

I spoke to my girl on saturday, after a little phone tag. I called her at work, she called me the following night, but i was out with friends and they told me "for once, make her wait on you" and I did. I finally called her back saturday, thinking she would be at work, but i caught her on a break, and the reason i called was because on Thurs I met another girl (which made me feel real happy and good about myself) and on Sat before I called the ex I just spoke to her for 45mins. The point here isnt that i wanted to rub it in my ex's face, but I wanted to show her how happy I was - and I think it shocked her. She was like "yeah I called on Thursday, did you get my msg?" and I was like "well I was busy, I was at the bars (which I was)" and she was all "Im really happy to hear that youre happy" but you could tell by the tone of her voice that it wasnt very convincing. Did I tell her about the other girl? No, there was no need. But I did show her that I was truly happy, I even said " I havent been this happy in a long time". Its not as if Ive even done anything with this other girl, but having someone else interested in me has given my ego a huge boost.

 

Mate, dont worry about things. When you talk to her, your ex, tell her you had an awesome weekend, because you did. Dont go all soft and tell her about the other girl, especially if you did things with her, cos thats just not going help things. But if you show her that you're really happy, then thats the guy she fell for in the first place. Just keep being strong - things wont change over night, its gonna take a little time.

[Green_and_White]

Thanks for the post jam. I am glad that you found someone to take your mind off of her. I've been doing better every day, still hard though. Weird thing is I ran into her mom today while on break from work, awkard but it was still nice to see her since I really liked her and I thought she really liked me. I wasn't freaking about or feeling guilty about getting with another girl, it was just really different. I thought it would be a cure all but it wasn't. I know now not to get all sappy with her when and if I ever talk to her again. She did it again to me.

 

The day she broke up with me over the phone she told me that she would call me very soon. That never happend and I ended up calling her almost a week later (6 days). She said she would call me this weekend and never did, oh well. More and more that I think about it maybe I never did know her. You would think that you would know someone after almost 2 years. She apparently is not as considerate as me when it comes to keeping promises laid down. Thinking of those things you make the hurt/lonliness go away for a temporary time. Another hard part is seeing her father everyday at work and him not saying anything (he would know more about his daughter than I would at this point in time). Anyways, getting less and less hurt now I just find myself asking if I really knew her.

[weweregods]

You did know her Green, but you know the person she IS, not this new "independent" person that she is pretending to be. Hell, my ex and I have been broken up a month longer then we were together. Still, he is doing the exact same thing that your ex is doing...EXACTLY! He says he'll call, and he doesn't. I e-mail him, and he PROMISES (yes, he even adds the puncutation and the capitalization) and yet he doesn't call. But I have figured out what is going on with the help of the books I suggested you read - and you should purchase "How to Stop your divorce...", but that is all up to you. I figured out that he is ACTING happy, he is acting... Because, that is what you do when you think you made a mistake and you don't want to admit it. That is what you do when you are immature... You act like you're perfect and you know everything. You ACT happy. So, what do you do in response? You act happier than her. She will be shocked! Look at it like this: my ex kept telling me that he "wanted me to move on", but that is not what he wants... He is egotistical. Humans are greedy by nature; we want to "move on", but we are perfectly happy thinking our ex will be swimming in self-pity and longing for us for the rest of their lives. I know this because I have felt this when I have been on the other end of the situation. But, I have also realized that EVERY single ex I have ever had has wanted me back at one time or another - even the ones that swore that they didn't love me anymore. Why did they want me back? Because I didn't want them anymore - or I pretended that I didn't. I was happy, and they were reminded of the person that they had liked in the first place.

 

I am not going to tell you "move on", cause that is bull****! What happens when we move? We pack baggage - emotional baggage when we go on this little psychological trip. Not to mention, when you go on a trip, you'll always be back. So, what do you do? You let go! I'm not talking about letting go of the relationship; I'm talking about letting go of all the hurt, all the pain, all of the guilt. Let it go, all of it. Don't take it with you. Let all the bad stuff from your relationship go and embrace what you could have without it! Let go, now! Feel good about yourself. Reset the clock on who you were when you first got together with your ex.

 

And, for God's sake, stop calling her for at least a month. If you keep trying to pull her back, she is going to keep pulling away. You have to stop that! Push yourself away from her for once. Stop being addicted to her. Nobody wants someone to be someone else's! You're objectifying her! So, stop it!

[chicothechimp]

I, too, had my GF break up after 2 years together... it was an amazing 2 years and she truly is a one-of-a-kind chick... but a month back she just broke things offf... I was devastated... cried for days before I went to sleep... deep grief, rejection and abandonment accusations assualted my mind/heart... that being said, I do think the best thing is to TOTALLY LEAVE HER ALONE as she requested... she has told me "I need time. Give it time." This is the hardest things for me to do but there is hope in all of this. If she truly did not care she would be indifferent. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. I believe that 101%.

 

Give her all the space she needs, man! If she is the woman you loved then you trsuted her at one point so you need to act on that trust in the present even though she is absent in body/presence. If things do not work out then you have already began to heal... if they do work out you at least respected her and also showed that you could get on with your life should things have never gotten better.

 

Life only promises us mortality. Everythying else is a variable and only has a relative or subjective position/influence in our lives. Love is also a gift as much as commitment. If a woman does not FEEL desire for you again, all the talking and rational attempts to convince her otherwise will not do anything but make things worse. Please trust me on that one.

 

All the best to you and I pray and hope that you receive some hope in all of this.

 

 

 

 

Chico