What is going on? Someone?

[i.am]

My ex bf dumped me weeks ago. He is going through life crisis, unsure about his own future and finally decided that we should move on separately as we had been having arguments, even over trival things. He had also said he has no feelings for me anymore and the way he treated me the last time we met was as though he detests me.

 

I tried calling him two days ago and he didn't pick up. Left him a message to call me back but he didn't.

 

We have got outstanding bank account and our house to settle but he could just ignore me like that. What is going through his mind? Can someone enlighten me?

[january2011]

As you wrote, he's going through a life crisis. His actions and lack of communication suggest that he's decided to take a break from his life, perhaps to regroup and figure out his next move.

 

Since you have a joint bank account and are co-owners of a house, I think you need to seek professional advice about your next steps. You also have additional practical concerns such as your new financial situation. Can you afford to live on your own?

 

Think about what you would like to do and what you would like to see happen, then make a plan to get there. As devastating as the emotional fallout may be, you still need to be pragmatic and get things done, taking time out to grieve when you have a free moment.

[TaraMaiden]

My ex bf dumped me weeks ago. He is going through life crisis, unsure about his own future and finally decided that we should move on separately as we had been having arguments, even over trival things. He had also said he has no feelings for me anymore and the way he treated me the last time we met was as though he detests me.

 

I tried calling him two days ago and he didn't pick up. Left him a message to call me back but he didn't.

 

We have got outstanding bank account and our house to settle but he could just ignore me like that. What is going through his mind? Can someone enlighten me?

 

Open a separate bank account.

Get half of what is in the joint account transferred to this account.

Only pay into the joint account, from your salary, what covers the mortgage.

Transfer the remainder of your salary to the new account, in your name only.

 

Get a quote from three real estate agents as to the value of the house if sold now.

Get their names, and figures and how long they maintain these quotes for.

 

Send him a text message with all of the above information, when you have arranged all this.

THEN see how quickly he gets back to you.

[i.am]

Does anyone know if a man going through life crisis will return? Or will he really move on, ditching the relationship and never look back?

[ThatJustHappened]

Does anyone know if a man going through life crisis will return? Or will he really move on, ditching the relationship and never look back?

 

No. Nobody knows except him. But it's unlikely he will return any time soon, if ever. Regardless, you need to move on just as he clearly has. Do what Tara says and arrange your financial situation so that everything is separated from him, then let him know what you did, then stop talking to him.

 

That's really the only thing you can do. It's impossible to change someone's mind about you..they have to change it themselves. Nothing you do or say is going to bring him back.

[january2011]

Have a browse through the Divorce Busters site, especially the threads posted on the mid-life crisis forums. The stories there might give you some ideas in terms of what you can try. For example, you might want to look at a technique called the 180.

 

From my research, I remember that not many partners returned after a crisis, unfortunately. So agree that you need to move on.

[Lost_Soul_86]

I.am i understand exactly what your going through, the same thing has just happened to me but 5 weeks ago now, after 9 years together!

We have a half built house, a joint bank account, a dog and a rental property we both live in..the list goes on! I wont lie It's one of the hardest thing's i have ever been through in my life no one around me understands this as they have not lived it themselves. It's unfair to say that it is unlikely he will ever come back, there is a possibility- but there is also a possibility that he wont. My ex says "he will alway's love me, but he doesn't know what he wants out of life anymore". I have not contacted him for over a week now and i suggest you do the same, he needs space, if you hound him it will only push him further away. Right now your feeling as if your whole world has just crashed down around your feet, i understand this- I do not have any advise to give as i am living in the same nightmare and i certainly wont tell you that you need to move on, because that is not what both of us need to hear right now. You need to do what's best for you, give yourself time to come back into the right frame of mind before you make any rash decisions.

I hope everything works out for you hun, i am hear for u if u need to talk *hugs*

 

"Listen to the mustn't. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn't s, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never have's, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, Anything can be.”

[i.am]

I'm still pinning hope that he'll give our relationship another shot. And that's why the outstanding bank account and house are indications to me that he hasn't made up his mind or perhaps he is still in doubt as well.

 

He cited that he is tired cause of our constant arguments and we have trust issues and he wants to focus on himself to get his life back on track as he is going through life crisis.

 

When he broke up with me weeks ago, he had said he would settle the bank account and house issues. But nothing has been done yet.

 

I'm stuck. Pinning hope and having fear of false hope at the same time.

[i.am]

Thank you, Lost_soul_86. *Hug*

 

It's like no matter what my friends said, I don't know why I just can't let go and give up.

 

How are you coping?

[TaraMaiden]

You must energise yourself to do what I suggested, and I will tell you why: Because it is what you must practically do, to safeguard your own personal well-being and future.

You owe this man nothing, in the sense that there is no marital obligation, no legal power that binds you two together, save for the financial matters you decided to undertake, jointly.

And if i may say so, to do something of that ilk, is foolish, when there is no legal marriage.

It is foolhardy to enter into any financial entanglement with no protection.

 

It is vital that you separate your emotions from your practical thinking.

You cannot make any decisions with emotional thought propelling them.

You have to be sensible.

Deal with all practical matters, practically.

 

Do what you must do - then advise him of your actions.

Is the house in joint names?

Is it rented or mortgaged?

 

Please - think strategically.

This man has seemingly washed his hands of you - and has included your financial dealings in the wash-basin.

 

He can't do this and expect you to just roll over and take it.

Do whatever you must do to protect yourself.

Or else, it will all come undone at the seams very, very quickly.

 

Time enough after standard work hours to think about his emotive actions; while daylight exists, deal with practical matters.

[Lost_Soul_86]

Thanks for the words of wisdom Tara

 

I.am how long where you with him for? I know its hard at the moment, but theres literally nothing we can do to change there minds once its made up. You have to concentrate on getting yourself better, i know its not easy some days i dont want to get out of bed, i cant wait to finish work so i can be alone in my car, i cant wait to go to bed at night and most times i prefer just to be alone, you need to let yourself grieve. I have bad days and i have good days, 2 days ago was a real bad day where i cried for must have been about 2 hours!

 

Friends try and say the things they think we want to hear, but in reality there almost always not what we want to hear "dont worry it gets better" "you will find someone else when your ready" "You will moove on" all of these things have been said to me but yet not one of them means anything to me, i dont want to move on i want what i had, but unfortunatly that may never be again. I too live in hope but as the days pass i realise that relying so much on hope is not a good thing, because when that hope fades my heart will break all over again and i will be back to sqaure one.

 

I have not heard about our house from him either, its a complicated situation though, its not a built house so we cant just put it up for sale and sell it, he also has put a lot more money into the account and time in building the actual house so i cant just take half of the money in that account as i dont feel that is fair or right on my part.

 

You need to be strong hun, i know its really hard and i know that all of your thoughts are of him and the times u shared together, the what if's and the why did i do thats? but you need to try and stop thinking about all of that, it dosent help, trust me. Im tired of crying over someone who probably isnt on the same emotional level as i am, i need to try and find exceptance so that when the day of realisation that he's not coming back comes it wont be as painful and raw as what it is now.

 

Keep your head up chick, your not alone in what your feeling- its complicated i know.

[SharkTooth]

When it comes to legal issues which you now have between your ex and yourself, listen to no one except your lawyer. If you don't have one, I highly recommend you seek one as soon as possible. Friends and family mean well, but the truth is, they don't know the law. Please don't mess around with the house and bank situation. Take this pressure off of yourself and let your lawyer handle that task.

[i.am]

Thank you, all.

 

Everything stands still now. I meant for the bank account and house. No further money is required to be invested as for now. Hence I am alright to leave everything status quo until he is willing to settle.

 

And like I've said, his inaction gives me hope that he hasn't make up his mind yet.

 

I'm trying hard not to be too optimistic because of this and work really hard to move on. Which is not easy. Ending both assets will really mean the end of everything.

[ScienceGal]

Does anyone know if a man going through life crisis will return? Or will he really move on, ditching the relationship and never look back?

 

The guy I am currently dating went through a low point, and he left me because of it. He tried to come back a few weeks later, but I had already shut the door. Over a year later, he still wanted to be with me, so I heard him out. I could see he was different, it felt different, and I did miss him. So, we spent some time together, and we've officially been back together for about a month now. It is worlds different than it was before. But the first time he tried to come back? No way, even he admits he wasn't ready. And, he actually said he respects me for not replying to the messages he sent me back then. There was no way the relationship was going to work, because he wasn't ready. And when someone isn't ready, there isn't anything that can be done to rush them into being ready. Nothing.

 

This is not intended to give you hope. Point is, he left me and I let go and moved on. I pushed any hope as far away from my mind as I could, and you know why? Because him leaving me was out of my control. The only thing I control is my own life and my own happiness. Your ex is going through his own issues so he left you. There is nothing you can do but let him go. Accept it. It's scary, it's lonely, it's confusing, it's depressing. Embrace it all and push forward. You deserve someone who wants to be with you, and who can treat you well.

 

You need time away from him to see things more clearly. It's not going to be easy, but you will be happy again. I promise you that.

[darkmoon]

he might be depressed makes you apathetic i'm sorry for you though getting left