meghann8 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 For the men who are introverted, here's a simple guide: How to Get to Know a Girl at School You Don't Know: 6 Steps Also, from a girl who likes the shy guys, confidence is key. If you think you lack confidence, at least know how to be a gentleman. If the girl is the least bit forgiving, she'll understand your fumbling self and just go with it. Do you say you're the 'nice guy' and you'll never get the girl because of that? Learn how to be a gentleman. Trust me, not every girl likes the 'bad guy'. And sometimes, the girl just knows who is a good fit for a relationship and who isn't. You can take this as a scientific approach to human attraction or think she's shallow. Either way, just brush off a negative response to a first date (it's her loss!) and move on. There are more girls out there, whether you want to believe it or not. If you keep getting turned down, do a self-evaluation. Are you comfortable in your own life situation? Are you a mature adult and know your manners? Sometimes, these changes are all it takes (If you're not in your ideal life, working to get your ideal life and striving for goals is a good thing. If you're down about your life and not going to do anything about it, that's a problem that you need to start solving from within). Other times, you may need to do some self-improving. Buy some nice clothes. Spend a little extra for a new hair style. Start eating healthy and find something athletic to do in front of the TV. Go out and find your new passion for something. Sometimes a little you-time is all it takes to attract a girl. Remember, dating is practice for when you find the perfect match. There will be dates you'll screw up and there will be missed opportunities. There will also be times when you're the smooth one and everything works out perfectly. You may even surprise yourself at your uber confidence at times! Once you know this, you'll start to feel more comfortable with asking girls out and getting to know what you really like in a girl. Dating is practice. You won't know how to do it unless you try! I hope this helps. Leave comments/criticisms as this may not cover everything under the sun. There's always something you can do to get the girl! 3
somedude81 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I haven't read the whole thing yet. Because of this point so early on in your post. "Also, from a girl who likes the shy guys, confidence is key." If the guy was confident, do you think he'd be shy? You're basically saying, "The most important thing for a shy guy, is to not be shy." 2
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Shy Guy's Guide to Get the Girl, from every other girl besides meghann8: Stop being shy. 1
Author meghann8 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Good point and thanks for summarizing my post. If you're too shy, you'll never speak up. Therefore, you'll never get the girl. That's a sad fact of life, unless the girl asks, and I have yet to see otherwise. I'm not 100+ years old and have 'seen it all', so please correct me if I'm wrong. 1
ScreamingTrees Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 W-Wait.. What? Really? You think so? YES! HUZZAH! Changing my attitude will SURELY make me infinitely more attractive! I just need to "break out of my shell", as they say! Nevermind the fact that I look like I could've literally shed my skin and broke out of a physical cocoon of some sort myself! Basically, this is how it has to be, I guess.. Me, in my newfound mental state of confidence and awesome-ness out the wazoo http://25.media.tumblr.com/eeb69b410cd10783080d42f0388d8d62/tumblr_mfry0d9dIl1qzjr2jo1_1280.png Me, as how the women shall (nearly universally) actually perceive me: http://flamesnation.ca/uploads/Image/nerd1.jpg
SJC2008 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Shy guys the harsh reality is that the only type of women that you'll land being shy is a control freak that calls all the shots. A real woman wants to follow a mans lead (within reason) not lead herself. 2
Estate Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 While I agree with confidence being key and that guys need to at least begin to make SOME moves and be gentlemanly and display some attraction... ... this guide is BS. You're telling the eternally "nice guy" who never gets girls to be a "nice guy" and suddenly get the girl? Not going to happen. I also agree with the people posting above me... telling a shy guy "Stop being shy, get girl"... while I agree that IS what he needs to do, if it was THAT easy... wouldn't he be doing it already...??? It's like telling a famine victim "Jeez, eat a twinkie or something dude"... it's more condescending than anything. This is possibly the WORST dating advice ever for a shy guy. Just being "nice" like he always is and expecting to magically get girls by being chivilrous and nice is NOT going to happen. No doubt this same article is written by a girl who "just wants a nice guy" after a string of disasters with "bad boys" yet its funny how if she liked "nice guys", she'd have been with one of those in the first place. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I am done trying to change for women. If they don't like me for me, tough. not worth compromising who I am. This is also a good attitude, imo.
flybonzai Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 They best like my beer belly and goatee made from cheeto dust and tobacco stains!
sillyanswer Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I read it and I got this far: Step 1: Stalk her. I remain unconvinced when at any instruction that has to apologise by explaining that although it sounds like stalking it isn't really. Didn't read step 2.
Els Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I haven't read the whole thing yet. Because of this point so early on in your post. "Also, from a girl who likes the shy guys, confidence is key." If the guy was confident, do you think he'd be shy? You're basically saying, "The most important thing for a shy guy, is to not be shy." You could at least have spent 2 seconds reading the following sentence: " If you think you lack confidence, at least know how to be a gentleman. If the girl is the least bit forgiving, she'll understand your fumbling self and just go with it. Do you say you're the 'nice guy' and you'll never get the girl because of that? Learn how to be a gentleman. Trust me, not every girl likes the 'bad guy'." Very true, I must say. There's absolutely NOTHING worse than a shy guy trying to be the bad boy through random PUA tactics. Girls who are interested in real nice guys won't like you, and girls who go for authentic bad boys won't like you. You're going to be stuck in no-mans-land.
Esoteric Elf Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Good point and thanks for summarizing my post. If you're too shy, you'll never speak up. Therefore, you'll never get the girl. That's a sad fact of life, unless the girl asks, and I have yet to see otherwise. I'm not 100+ years old and have 'seen it all', so please correct me if I'm wrong. Excellent post, meghann8. Succinct and potent, your post single-handedly dealt with two sweeping topics in only a few sentences. One: that girls do not approach (if a shy guy will not approach, "[he'll] never get the girl"), and Two: For a shy guy to be successful, he ought not to be shy (implied from response to other post). What happened to the "just be yourself"? I am sorry, but a shy guy has no place in America where everyone and everything is "mine" and is seized with assertion of one's intent. I've heard, for one, that Britain is slightly better for less assertive, shyer guys.
somedude81 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 You could at least have spent 2 seconds reading the following sentence: " If you think you lack confidence, at least know how to be a gentleman. If the girl is the least bit forgiving, she'll understand your fumbling self and just go with it. Do you say you're the 'nice guy' and you'll never get the girl because of that? Learn how to be a gentleman. Trust me, not every girl likes the 'bad guy'." Very true, I must say. There's absolutely NOTHING worse than a shy guy trying to be the bad boy through random PUA tactics. Girls who are interested in real nice guys won't like you, and girls who go for authentic bad boys won't like you. You're going to be stuck in no-mans-land. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha :lmao::laugh::cool::lmao: As if being a gentleman would be a factor in a woman's decision to date or sleep with me
Treasa Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I can dig it when a guy is shy. If he's fairly innocent or sweet but not aggressive, I love to just snap that up and blow his mind. Bitter, insecure guys are an instant turn-off, though. 1
Author meghann8 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 No doubt this same article is written by a girl who "just wants a nice guy" after a string of disasters with "bad boys" yet its funny how if she liked "nice guys", she'd have been with one of those in the first place. Thanks for your criticism. I understand that my "guide" probably didn't help too many people, if anybody. I should have titled it as "Shy GIRLS' Guide to Get the Guy" because this is all based on my experiences. I must have also put the paragraphs out of order, or I added too much garbage without fully explaining myself. However, at the end, I said that dating was just practice and you'd never get 'good' at it if you never tried. I know there are people who find 'the one' on the first shot at dating and live happily ever after. However, that's not always the case, and it sucks to be left alone and without a date. I have that quote above because I think you should know something about me. I'm an introvert and the internet helps me open up. I have a few close friends and I'm very content with that. I like criticism and I learn from and about everyone who comments. Shielding my shyness recently has gotten me a couple dates with a more popular guy, so I stand with my original post. Turns out, I just got burned by that guy and it sucks, but now I know to be more careful around that type. This experience just goes back to my paragraph about how dating is practice. Not every date is going to be a winner. I've been in the unfortunate situation several times where I liked a guy and I was pretty sure he liked me too, but we were both too shy to do anything about it. That experience showed me that if I'm confident in his interest towards me, I should just be the one to ask first. I finally gained the courage last year to ask a guy and we wound up dating for 3 months. The break up was sad because he had to move across the country and we both knew we couldn't handle the stresses of a LDR, but I'm still so glad I said something. I've also agreed to go out on dates where the guy started out fine, but then they got incessantly clingy and would not stop texting me - a real turn off for me. After I turned them down for another date, they came back at me and vented that they're the "nice guys" and they'd never get the girl. Thing is, they labelled themselves wrong. I've unfortunately come to believe that most men who claim to be "nice guys" are really just emotional creeps who can't control themselves around women. I'm waiting for the day when I can prove myself wrong on this one. Hopefully this post explains a little more of where I'm coming from and why I say the things I do. 1
rafallus 2.0 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) Hi there, As a former ridiculously shy guy (actually ran away a few times in middle school when a girl came to talk to me, most likely still am to an extent, not that big one though), I can tell that you indeed have to get over it and put yourself out there. Then again if you consider approaching someone, you have to differentiate if you're anxious because you're just shy (but they are inviting you) or you're picking up that they don't really want to talk to you. If former, get over it, if latter, no need to. BTW been here some ~2 years ago, let's see if anything changed. Edited April 16, 2013 by rafallus 2.0
Estate Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Thanks for your criticism. I understand that my "guide" probably didn't help too many people, if anybody. I should have titled it as "Shy GIRLS' Guide to Get the Guy" because this is all based on my experiences. I must have also put the paragraphs out of order, or I added too much garbage without fully explaining myself. However, at the end, I said that dating was just practice and you'd never get 'good' at it if you never tried. I know there are people who find 'the one' on the first shot at dating and live happily ever after. However, that's not always the case, and it sucks to be left alone and without a date. I have that quote above because I think you should know something about me. I'm an introvert and the internet helps me open up. I have a few close friends and I'm very content with that. I like criticism and I learn from and about everyone who comments. Shielding my shyness recently has gotten me a couple dates with a more popular guy, so I stand with my original post. Turns out, I just got burned by that guy and it sucks, but now I know to be more careful around that type. This experience just goes back to my paragraph about how dating is practice. Not every date is going to be a winner. I've been in the unfortunate situation several times where I liked a guy and I was pretty sure he liked me too, but we were both too shy to do anything about it. That experience showed me that if I'm confident in his interest towards me, I should just be the one to ask first. I finally gained the courage last year to ask a guy and we wound up dating for 3 months. The break up was sad because he had to move across the country and we both knew we couldn't handle the stresses of a LDR, but I'm still so glad I said something. I've also agreed to go out on dates where the guy started out fine, but then they got incessantly clingy and would not stop texting me - a real turn off for me. After I turned them down for another date, they came back at me and vented that they're the "nice guys" and they'd never get the girl. Thing is, they labelled themselves wrong. I've unfortunately come to believe that most men who claim to be "nice guys" are really just emotional creeps who can't control themselves around women. I'm waiting for the day when I can prove myself wrong on this one. Hopefully this post explains a little more of where I'm coming from and why I say the things I do. Meghann... I appreciate what you wrote above and sorry if my reply was harsh. It was harsh because there is a lot of "advice" from self proclaimed gurus posted on this site daily which is mostly terrible and it gets horribly frustrating. Hearing and understanding your own story actually adds a lot more context to the story which makes the article make more sense to me. I'll repeat though... you're advice isn't bad in the sense that it won't work... it actually WILL, it's good advice... stop being so shy, even fake it for a while, and also just gain some experience so it all doesn't seems so scary... it's simple yet real advice which WILL work and that's really great! The reason I said it was bad was because shy guys just won't do it. I wish they would, we'd see so many more happy guys on this forum who otherwise post thread after thread of misery because they won't just TRY some of the stuff you suggested... if they did, they would see a lot of their issues disappear.... ... unfortunately, the shy guys just won't do it, which is sad.
Imajerk17 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) Thing is, I don't know how a shy guy has a hope of meeting women unless he becomes less shy. It's either that or find a woman who will do the work for you, which is hardly likely to happen. I get that this advice is frustrating but hear me out. The way you become less shy is the way you improve at anything--you push yourself out of your comfort zone little by little. You can also put yourself in situations where interacting with women in some meaningful way is natural--dance class, volunteering, a job... Edited April 16, 2013 by Imajerk17 1
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