Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Sounds like a narcissistic stare. It works well on needy women looking for external validation. Women with high self esteem do not give these men one second of attention. In fact they are repulsed by these men. I'm getting there, Pierre - thanks for all the compliments
lynn1954 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 sunshine6: You ask "what is this?" and many of us have already kinda explained as best we can without knowing him personally. What is this: immature, passive-aggressive game playing What is this: he's an immature ******* in general, and this is just one of many ways that prove it What is this: he's attracted to you and is too stupid to know how to handle that feeling What is this: he's a bully What is this: possible sexual harassment as someone else pointed out. If he does something so blatant that he turns and walks backward to ogle you, even something that simple can be subitted to HR, if not for full prosecution at least for a warning and reprimand. 2
whichwayisup Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Just stop reacting and stop playing the game. And it is a game. Cat mouse game but on a subtle level, knowing full well it feeds both of your egos. (you say you do look cute, so yeah you're getting something out of this too..It IS making you think and analyze too much so he's ON your mind way more than he should be!!) 1
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Just stop reacting and stop playing the game. And it is a game. Cat mouse game but on a subtle level, knowing full well it feeds both of your egos. (you say you do look cute, so yeah you're getting something out of this too..It IS making you think and analyze too much so he's ON your mind way more than he should be!!) Agreed. It's just a very difficult situation to see outside of when I'm engrossed in it everyday.
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 sunshine6: You ask "what is this?" and many of us have already kinda explained as best we can without knowing him personally. What is this: immature, passive-aggressive game playing What is this: he's an immature ******* in general, and this is just one of many ways that prove it What is this: he's attracted to you and is too stupid to know how to handle that feeling What is this: he's a bully What is this: possible sexual harassment as someone else pointed out. If he does something so blatant that he turns and walks backward to ogle you, even something that simple can be subitted to HR, if not for full prosecution at least for a warning and reprimand. Thank you. This will be a helpful reminder when I start to over-analyze it all again.
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Insecure women always questioned whether a man is interested or not. Thanks for that uneccesary comment. I know the weaknesses I need to work on in my life. I don't need you to point them out in an unhelpful way.
carhill Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Why do you say he sounds practiced, Carhill? "It's very blatant. He will even turn around and walk backwards if he knows I'm behind him sometimes. Just to stare me down. He's all about eye contact." "He does not talk as if he's interested in starting back up, but his actions in this way say opposite" "It's walking past a lot en route to different areas of the building." I haven't perused your past postings but imagine other clues could be deduced from them. Relevant to that, and to other potential avenues of action, to your knowledge, is his spouse disclosed?
Praying4Peace Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Wow. He's WALKING BACKWARDS STARING? Thank you for clarifying. That is an action that speaks louder than any words. He may as well carry a sign saying "I'm crossing boundaries" and then claim he didn't "say" anything. Okay- here's a question. When he behaves in such an obvious manner what is your first gut reaction? Laughter (bc this is elementary school behavior- he must have a middle schooler who watches the Disney Channel), Ego Stroke, Anger, Annoyance, Confusion?
aburd123 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 If you work together, it may be hard to be rude or just stare back. you don't want to get him to start causing trouble. I think that I would mention this to a manager and tell them that he is amking you uncomfortable with the amount of staring that he is doing to you. If you don't feel that's the right option, try calling or texting him and telling him that you are uncomfortable with this and that you want it to stop or you will report it. Sometimes all you need to do is tell them that it bothers you. If you truly think he is doing it to upset you, then I would definitely report it.
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Wow. He's WALKING BACKWARDS STARING? Thank you for clarifying. That is an action that speaks louder than any words. He may as well carry a sign saying "I'm crossing boundaries" and then claim he didn't "say" anything. Okay- here's a question. When he behaves in such an obvious manner what is your first gut reaction? Laughter (bc this is elementary school behavior- he must have a middle schooler who watches the Disney Channel), Ego Stroke, Anger, Annoyance, Confusion? Anger, Annoyance, Confusion
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 "It's very blatant. He will even turn around and walk backwards if he knows I'm behind him sometimes. Just to stare me down. He's all about eye contact." "He does not talk as if he's interested in starting back up, but his actions in this way say opposite" "It's walking past a lot en route to different areas of the building." I haven't perused your past postings but imagine other clues could be deduced from them. Relevant to that, and to other potential avenues of action, to your knowledge, is his spouse disclosed? As far as I know, his spouse thinks he's husband of the year
whichwayisup Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Agreed. It's just a very difficult situation to see outside of when I'm engrossed in it everyday. You're still emotionally attached to him and don't want to see the game play he's doing intentionally and being a jerk. Who cares what he thinks or feels if you completely ignore him. Just do it. Even if it is hard to deal with, do it anyway. If you truly cannot handle it anymore, do start looking for another job. This way you won't see him at all. 1
whichwayisup Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 He was the one that said there would never be any intimacy. You two have not had sex, there's not been that type of intimacy going on between you either so that is why he can look himself in the mirror and feel he's done nothing wrong (aka cheat on his wife). You both crossed the lines in an appropriate way but not anymore. NC is in place. Follow it, respect it and again, do your best to stop over thinking this and worrying so much. You have a heck of a lot more power here than you realize! Once you stop caring, this won't bother you much at all. In fact, you'll just see him in a pathetic light and wanna smack yourself for ever being interested in him in the first place! 1
Author sunshine6 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 You two have not had sex, there's not been that type of intimacy going on between you either so that is why he can look himself in the mirror and feel he's done nothing wrong (aka cheat on his wife). You both crossed the lines in an appropriate way but not anymore. NC is in place. Follow it, respect it and again, do your best to stop over thinking this and worrying so much. You have a heck of a lot more power here than you realize! Once you stop caring, this won't bother you much at all. In fact, you'll just see him in a pathetic light and wanna smack yourself for ever being interested in him in the first place! Thank you, whichwayisup.
whichwayisup Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Thank you, whichwayisup. Anytime Sunshine! Start seeing the negative things about him. This will gross you out but do it anyway. Pretend he doesn't wipe his ass after he goes to the can. He doesn't wash his hands. It'll make you feel yuck towards him and maybe even make your skin crawl! 1
carhill Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 As far as I know, his spouse thinks he's husband of the year This indicates another potential choice, and relevant to 'document, document, document'. In my case, the BS received a parcel one day. Different circumstances, but often evidence has a voice all its own and can effect change.
MissBee Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 What is this? As some of you may know, I have been NC with xMM. However, we work together, so it's limited NC. We haven't really spoken for several weeks now, aside from professional stuff. But he keeps looking at me?? Why is he doing this? When we do actually speak, there is barely a flirtation, at least compared to what there used to be, but he flirts in how he ooks at me - and still looks me up and down. Why is he doing this? What would be the best way to ignore it? I know I can't control him, only me, but it's hard to ignore someone blatantly staring at you as you walk towards each other. Should I just be rude and blatantly walk past him looking the other direction? Yes I would make a point of ignoring it. Its not being rude. It's rude of him to stare blatantly and ogle you, even after you've asked him to stop. He's doing it on purpose. I'd make it a point to ignore him and look away and eventually he'll grow tired of it. 1
Praying4Peace Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 This indicates another potential choice, and relevant to 'document, document, document'. In my case, the BS received a parcel one day. Different circumstances, but often evidence has a voice all its own and can effect change. Next time, if you have a smart phone, just hold it up and begin videotaping. He'll turn around so quick he'll fall on his ass. 2
Lillyfree Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Next time, if you have a smart phone, just hold it up and begin videotaping. He'll turn around so quick he'll fall on his ass. hah! that visual made me chuckle
lynn1954 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Next time, if you have a smart phone, just hold it up and begin videotaping. He'll turn around so quick he'll fall on his ass. OMG too funny, and definitely the best answer! sunshine6, case closed, n'est-ce pas?? LMAO!!
lynn1954 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) Originally Posted by Praying4Peace Next time, if you have a smart phone, just hold it up and begin videotaping. He'll turn around so quick he'll fall on his ass. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is an I am available move. It sends the wrong message. Just ignore. If OP was truly ignoring she would not know the guy is looking at her. But, OP is very aware of the cheating man. And the guy KNOWS she is aware. He knows she is vulnerable. It was a joke, Pierre. joke (/dʒoʊk/ Show Spelled [johk]) something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement Edited April 16, 2013 by lynn1954
waterwoman Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 It's sexual harrassment in the work place. That's what it is It's also an open invitation to tell his wife.
Author sunshine6 Posted April 20, 2013 Author Posted April 20, 2013 Thanks to all who replied to my situation. My week got better, and I'm feeling a bit stronger to it all once again. Although, I'm still at that stage where he just frustrates me. At least I'm over wanting to be with him . He's been trying again to get my attention, but to no avail. I've kept many of your words with me as I try to get through my days at work!
SunshineToday Posted April 20, 2013 Posted April 20, 2013 I think NC ONLY works when there is NC. Working together prevents this. You can ignore ignore ignore until he gets the hint. Personally I would tell him right in the eye: STOP STARING AT ME AND F OFF! Keep doing it and I tell HR and your wife. Then back to ignore. He sounds like a total ass. It is sexual harassment. 1
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