Echo000 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Its been three months of no contact besides a birthday wish and a weird condolence email both sent by ex. Three months exactly by tomorrow. I am a 20 year old guy, and I still feel hesitant to start anything with a girl. Its like i am a little gun shy right now. After all the heart ache and heartbreak its just..feels weird to even try and date another girl. I guess I also have serious feelings for my ex still, and i think that makes me feel off too. Im not talking about rebound relationships/rebound dating. I think that is pathetic and wrong due to the damage you cause the person you are rebounding with. I am talking about normal dating you know? Im looking to hear other peoples thoughts on this (especially those who have an idea of my story)..but also from those who feel this way/those who dated after a break up after several months despite still being in love with the ex. Thanks guys.
TaylorBe Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I am in no way an expert on this since I am still going trhough my first break-up ( IDK if you can call it that since we never moved past dating) so take my advice with a grain of salt lol. I think you should wait until you are completely over your ex if not any type of relationship you enter into will be a rebound weather you intend it to be or not. Still being in love with your ex is baggae that you will be bringing into your next relationship and I dont think thats fair for the new person you meet. I'm in the process of getting conseling so that I can truly heal and grow from my experience only then will I start dating again any sooner will be too soon and unfair to your new partner.
McGriff Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Here's my take on it...you do whatever you have to do to move on, if that's what you want to do. Dating doesn't have to be serious, and you don't have to enter a relationship with everyone you date. Heartbreak and breakups are like guerrilla warfare, there are no set rules. You do what you have to do to survive. I know that sounds crazy but it's true. It's one of the few times in life that you need to be selfish. When you read these boards and see all the f*cked-up scenarios people are going through everyday, some of them actually suicidal, it really is all about doing what you have to do. So if dating someone will build up your confidence, or just give you some much-needed companionship, then by all means do it! Dating does not equal marriage, relationship, or even commitment. It's just a date.
Cognitive Miser Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Its been three months of no contact besides a birthday wish and a weird condolence email both sent by ex. Three months exactly by tomorrow. I am a 20 year old guy, and I still feel hesitant to start anything with a girl. Its like i am a little gun shy right now. After all the heart ache and heartbreak its just..feels weird to even try and date another girl. I guess I also have serious feelings for my ex still, and i think that makes me feel off too. Im not talking about rebound relationships/rebound dating. I think that is pathetic and wrong due to the damage you cause the person you are rebounding with. I am talking about normal dating you know? Im looking to hear other peoples thoughts on this (especially those who have an idea of my story)..but also from those who feel this way/those who dated after a break up after several months despite still being in love with the ex. Thanks guys. The answer is simple: When it feels right. Only you can decide when that will be. When that time does arrive, you'll know. If it hasn't, well than obviously you are not yet ready or emotionally stable to begin a new relationship with someone else. Personally, I think before you even consider making someone else happy or entering someone else's life, you should cater and tend to your own first. This means being happy with yourself, your current situation and everything in which you have done/ are doing with your life. 1
todreaminblue Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 The answer is simple: When it feels right. Only you can decide when that will be. When that time does arrive, you'll know. If it hasn't, well than obviously you are not yet ready or emotionally stable to begin a new relationship with someone else. Personally, I think before you even consider making someone else happy or entering someone else's life, you should cater and tend to your own first. This means being happy with yourself, your current situation and everything in which you have done/ are doing with your life. I agree when it feels right but waiting until you have everything perfect with what you are doing and in your life may never happen because everything in life has possibility of being perfected...even the so called perect frame of mind....can be perfected...by realizing perfection is always ongoing.......when it feels right in your heart ...date.....lol...my life and family will never be perfect i will never be perfect but i just may be close to being able to have a happy relationship..because often doubts help you achieve.....a happy life...not a perfect one...ill take the good and the bad....and if i can still smile at least once a day........that is a happy life and so in my heart....i am ready to date.....i dont expect perfection from me or anyone i date or mills and boon with a blue steel lookin cover romance....i know i can be fun and i want to have fun......i can be serious and i want to get serious..i dont want to be hurt and i dont want to hurt anyone...so yep...ready to date....because i know nothing in love is certain......its worth the risk though......deb
Compromize Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Last time my ex and I broke up (same time last year ) I immediately went out and FU dated out of anger and wanted to just blow our relationship images to pieces. It really sucked and I hurt some women. Made me miss my ex terribly. Flash forward to now, BU for 2 months (really closer to 3 with the break in December and a short stint together in Jan/Feb) and I wanted to feel wanted/ wanted attention from the opposite sex. I went on a date. All I did was compare her to my ex and wanted out. I decided to give her a chance and went out on date # 2. Still not feeling it but I tried again. Date # 3. Then I knew, I am not over my ex and it's not fair to her or to me to do this. She was not happy with me for this. So I didn't learn my lesson and it didn't make me feel better. I would have had more fun out with my friends honestly. I will wait until someone knocks me off my feet again someday, like my ex did. Maybe it will never happen but it sure will not happen if you force it. There is nothing wrong with dating for just dating and having a fun night out, but you have to be in the right mindframe for it. Just make sure you are up front about being serious with someone, and for goodness sake, don't talk about the ex on the date! (I made that mistake.... ) Only you really know if you are ready and I think if you have to ask if you are ready then you are not ready....
Author Echo000 Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Yeah well I am definitely not ready for anything serious..but definitely could do casual dating (i would definitely be upfront about my wishes on not being serious). And I would never bring up my ex..my ex brought up her old exes a number of times early on in the relationship and honestly, you never forget that. Especially when you start caring about that person and developing feelings..your like wtf why would she ever talk to me about he exes? Lol so no, I would never bring my ex up.
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