Boyfriend Stole Money From My Wallet?

[Treasa]

He does give sound advice. He can come across a bit strong a times, but we love him.

 

Carhill's idea amuses me. But then, I love playing with black light.

[TKizz]

He does give sound advice. He can come across a bit strong a times, but we love him.

 

Carhill's idea amuses me. But then, I love playing with black light.

 

 

Lol! I saw that and was like, "Hmmm..."

[Imajerk17]

Before jumping the gun, it's best to await hard evidence that her b/f is stealing.

 

Even then, have you never misjudged anyone before? Don't make me link prior threads of yours...

 

It's 99% certain (OP's words, not mine) that he is cheating. This, on top of the freeloading, which is bad enough!

 

If you are even SUSPECTING that he is going into your wallet and cheating to the point where you need to come on here, there is just something seriously wrong. Cripes this is sad to watch actually. Don't women go for real men anymore?

 

I'm not sure what you are talking about. I've never dated a cheater-freeloader. Off-topic but link away if you wish.

[tbf]

If you are even SUSPECTING that he is going into your wallet and cheating to the point where you need to come on here, there is just something seriously wrong. Cripes this is sad to watch actually. Don't women go for real men anymore?

So your advice is to act on every suspicion without evidence? That's advice that's not sourced from critical thinking. That's emotional knee-jerk over-reaction. Get proof, then act on it.

[WhoreyBull]

Was the crease on the 20 in his wallet the same as yours? Or do you have the same wallets?

Snip a little tick out your bills, or a make a fold, and see if it ends up in his wallet.

Edited April 15, 2013 by WhoreyBull

[TKizz]

It's 99% certain (OP's words, not mine) that he is cheating. This, on top of the freeloading, which is bad enough!

 

If you are even SUSPECTING that he is going into your wallet and cheating to the point where you need to come on here, there is just something seriously wrong. Cripes this is sad to watch actually. Don't women go for real men anymore?

 

I'm not sure what you are talking about. I've never dated a cheater-freeloader. Off-topic but link away if you wish.

 

Wait, what what what?? Who ever said anything about cheating? STEALING. No cheating or there would be no relationship. You said you read the post! Haha

[Imajerk17]

So your advice is to act on every suspicion without evidence? That's advice that's not sourced from critical thinking. That's emotional knee-jerk over-reaction. Get proof, then act on it.

 

No. I never said that.

 

A big part of relationships is TRUST. If you are suspecting that your boyfriend stole money from you--to the point where you need to come on here, then you ARE lacking trust. If you are lacking trust, then you already have a serious problem in your relationship. Why is the OP lacking trust? Maybe the OP is overly suspicious, OR the OP's boyfriend is giving her strong reason to suspect that he is stealing. I mean, what else could it possibly be?

 

I'm going to say it's the latter. I mean there is a possibility that she got pick-pocketed and that the boyfriend indeed got the $20 bill from the tooth fairy, but I doubt it. I mean, according to the OP, his OWN DAD won't loan him money not just because he doesn't have it himself, but out of principle.

[carhill]

It appears he's cheating you out of your money, if your suspicions are supported in fact. Gather some evidence and, if facts support your suspicions, make a decision on next steps. Since you've apparently alerted him to a potential issue, expect that this particular avenue of cheating you out of your money will go underground.

[love1336x]

Haha, well...I have my reasons which I'm sure I'll discuss on here sometime, but you're right. If he IS taking it and doesn't feel bad about it, I don't know what to do...D=

 

The rest of our relationship has been pretty good up until about I'd say 4 months ago, but this is a big deal and it's going to take some thinking once I know for sure.

 

Hmm, but who else could be taking your money? What more proof do you need? To catch him in action? To record him?

I'm sure, even if you catch him. He will make some lie, and you will feel sorry for him. :/ It's only been four months, and look how he is behaving. CRAZY.

[soccerrprp]

Ok, I probably wouldn't even be living with him, but if you really want to continue with him, you could ask him to email you or write down how much money you have each night. You can even say, "OK, I have $123 in my wallet right now. I'm going to write it down on this whiteboard right here, because we both know I'm forgetful about this kind of thing."

 

OMG! This is terrible! Talk about total lack of trust REVEALED. Funny though.

[Imajerk17]

Wait, what what what?? Who ever said anything about cheating? STEALING. No cheating or there would be no relationship. You said you read the post! Haha

 

No, I was right. If someone is STEALING from you, then they are indeed CHEATING you, out of your own hard-earned money.

Edited April 15, 2013 by Imajerk17

[tbf]

No. I never said that.

 

A big part of relationships is TRUST. If you are suspecting that your boyfriend stole money from you--to the point where you need to come on here, then you ARE lacking trust. If you are lacking trust, then you already have a serious problem in your relationship. Why is the OP lacking trust? Maybe the OP is overly suspicious, OR the OP's boyfriend is giving her strong reason to suspect that he is stealing. I mean, what else could it possibly be?

 

I'm going to say it's the latter. I mean there is a possibility that she got pick-pocketed and that the boyfriend indeed got the $20 bill from the tooth fairy, but I doubt it. I mean, according to the OP, his OWN DAD won't loan him money not just because he doesn't have it himself, but out of principle.

All anyone knows is:

• The OP has difficulties keeping track of loose cash.
  
• She recently started counting bills where she believes a $20 was missing.
  
• She then checked her b/fs wallet where he had possession of a $20, just like hundreds of thousands of other people.
  
• When confronted, he told her that his father loaned him the $20.
  

You're assuming guilt through circumstantial evidence and attempted deductive reasoning and the byproduct of this assumption and faulty reasoning methodology is that you're skewering the OP, as if she should have perfect judgement.

 

As a suggestion, wait for hard evidence for validity of guesswork or not. If he's stealing for sure, more information about the boyfriend and their relationship dynamics need to be forthcoming, in order to help her judge character in future relationships. Even then, no amount of "good" judgement can ever completely filter out sociopathic people.

[love1336x]

All anyone knows is:

• The OP has difficulties keeping track of loose cash.
  
• She recently started counting bills where she believes a $20 was missing.
  
• She then checked her b/fs wallet where he had possession of a $20, just like hundreds of thousands of other people.
  
• When confronted, he told her that his father loaned him the $20.
  

You're assuming guilt through circumstantial evidence and attempted deductive reasoning and the byproduct of this assumption and faulty reasoning methodology is that you're skewering the OP, as if she should have perfect judgement.

 

As a suggestion, wait for hard evidence for validity of guesswork or not. If he's stealing for sure, more information about the boyfriend and their relationship dynamics need to be forthcoming, in order to help her judge character in future relationships. Even then, no amount of "good" judgement can ever completely filter out sociopathic people.

 

I don't have 20 dollars in my wallet. hahah.

[TKizz]

All anyone knows is:

• The OP has difficulties keeping track of loose cash.
  
• She recently started counting bills where she believes a $20 was missing.
  
• She then checked her b/fs wallet where he had possession of a $20, just like hundreds of thousands of other people.
  
• When confronted, he told her that his father loaned him the $20.
  

You're assuming guilt through circumstantial evidence and attempted deductive reasoning and the byproduct of this assumption and faulty reasoning methodology is that you're skewering the OP, as if she should have perfect judgement.

 

As a suggestion, wait for hard evidence for validity of guesswork or not. If he's stealing for sure, more information about the boyfriend and their relationship dynamics need to be forthcoming, in order to help her judge character in future relationships. Even then, no amount of "good" judgement can ever completely filter out sociopathic people.

 

Wow, that was very...textbook. For some reason, that really works for me and helps me understand things...which is probably why I Google so much...

 

So the new development is that yes, I did confront him and he gave his excuse, first getting defensive, and now he's being super supportive. He says "I'm going to try looking for your $20 today at the house." I KNOW I'M NOT CRAZY, but augh! I KNOW how much was there when I went to sleep, I know how much I found the next morning. I don't sleep-shop!

 

Anyway, he keeps bringing it up now and telling me that he sincerely did not take it, and is now trying to make this effort of helping me "find" it. ._.

[Els]

Regardless of whether or not he actually stole your money, IMO if you could even suspect that missing money in your wallet could be your partner, you shouldn't be living together. If you can't trust him to keep his paws off your money, how can you trust him on the millions of other WAY MORE IMPORTANT things that building a life together could imply?

 

You could do the black light thing, but the outcome of that either way won't solve the underlying issue - that you don't feel he is worthy of your trust. Rightly or wrongly so, there is no benefit to continuing a R like that IMO.

[Art_Critic]

I don't sleep-shop!

 

My wife does and she is great at it ..

 

To me the most the advice seems to be slanted in the direction of not accusing him but rather keep a better eye and see if you can catch him, and I agree with one of the last posters.. it sounds like you guys shouldn't be together as the trust is tainted.

[tbf]

So the new development is that yes, I did confront him and he gave his excuse, first getting defensive, and now he's being super supportive. He says "I'm going to try looking for your $20 today at the house." I KNOW I'M NOT CRAZY, but augh! I KNOW how much was there when I went to sleep, I know how much I found the next morning. I don't sleep-shop!

 

Anyway, he keeps bringing it up now and telling me that he sincerely did not take it, and is now trying to make this effort of helping me "find" it. ._.

The take-away from this would be to get concrete evidence, prior to confronting someone of your suspicions of something as serious as theft. All it takes is to mark the bills with a dot using a fine tip permanent marker, in an inconspicuous manner. Then, if caught with the missing bill, the thief can't attempt to weasel his way out of it with more lying.

[carhill]

IME, as long as the attraction and desire for companionship outstrip the negative behaviors, the dynamic will tip in favor of remaining together, even with trust being a currently nebulous aspect. In fact, this anecdote (the OP) is very similar to anecdotes I heard over the decades from MW's or ladies in similar circumstances to the OP. Over time, such experiences helped me to better understand the statements some women made regarding 'the devil you know is better than the devil you don't'. For some people, that is their truth. For others, not, and everything in between.

 

I hope the OP can reach an informed conclusion and own it, wherever the path leads.

[Treasa]

OMG! This is terrible! Talk about total lack of trust REVEALED. Funny though.

 

You know I'm as subtle as a rock to the head.

 

OP, you can be scientific AND go with your gut.

[CryForNoOne]

All anyone knows is:

• The OP has difficulties keeping track of loose cash.
  
• She recently started counting bills where she believes a $20 was missing.
  
• She then checked her b/fs wallet where he had possession of a $20, just like hundreds of thousands of other people.
  
• When confronted, he told her that his father loaned him the $20.
  

You're assuming guilt through circumstantial evidence and attempted deductive reasoning and the byproduct of this assumption and faulty reasoning methodology is that you're skewering the OP, as if she should have perfect judgement.

 

As a suggestion, wait for hard evidence for validity of guesswork or not. If he's stealing for sure, more information about the boyfriend and their relationship dynamics need to be forthcoming, in order to help her judge character in future relationships. Even then, no amount of "good" judgement can ever completely filter out sociopathic people.

 

No wonder your avatar is a Vulcan. I'm in love... :love:

[TKizz]

My wife does and she is great at it ..

 

To me the most the advice seems to be slanted in the direction of not accusing him but rather keep a better eye and see if you can catch him, and I agree with one of the last posters.. it sounds like you guys shouldn't be together as the trust is tainted.

 

 

-sigh- Well...that's kind of one of the things I wonder about that maybe I could also get advice for on here. He broke my trust BIG TIME when we first started dating...he was addicted to Klonopin that he was stealing from his mom (who is the reason he tried them anyway, she freaking OFFERED him her prescription drugs and he got hooked) and was that way the whole time I knew him...then he told me about 3 months in, and said he'd understand if I left him for it, etc.

 

I chose to stay. I didn't immediately forgive, but I told him that it would take work to get the trust going again. I'm wondering if maybe my initial forgiveness set him up to think that he could continue lying, because then he wanted to join the military and lied about how long he had to decide, and by the time I was ready to talk about it the deadline was long passed. He resented me for this, but said he lied about it to avoid the confrontation. He's lied about small things from then on, but I always remember those incidents and I wonder if there's any way I can go back from that.

 

I REALLY want this relationship to work, but can you eventually build up trust after that if both parties are truly willing?

[TKizz]

IME, as long as the attraction and desire for companionship outstrip the negative behaviors, the dynamic will tip in favor of remaining together, even with trust being a currently nebulous aspect. In fact, this anecdote (the OP) is very similar to anecdotes I heard over the decades from MW's or ladies in similar circumstances to the OP. Over time, such experiences helped me to better understand the statements some women made regarding 'the devil you know is better than the devil you don't'. For some people, that is their truth. For others, not, and everything in between.

 

I hope the OP can reach an informed conclusion and own it, wherever the path leads.

 

Thank you, that was very objective...=)

[Treasa]

I don't care if a guy watches porn, goes to see strippers, makes stupid mistakes, etc. I really can't stand lying, though. Man up and be honest about something.

[StanMusial]

-sigh- Well...that's kind of one of the things I wonder about that maybe I could also get advice for on here. He broke my trust BIG TIME when we first started dating...he was addicted to Klonopin that he was stealing from his mom (who is the reason he tried them anyway, she freaking OFFERED him her prescription drugs and he got hooked) and was that way the whole time I knew him...then he told me about 3 months in, and said he'd understand if I left him for it, etc.

 

I chose to stay. I didn't immediately forgive, but I told him that it would take work to get the trust going again. I'm wondering if maybe my initial forgiveness set him up to think that he could continue lying, because then he wanted to join the military and lied about how long he had to decide, and by the time I was ready to talk about it the deadline was long passed. He resented me for this, but said he lied about it to avoid the confrontation. He's lied about small things from then on, but I always remember those incidents and I wonder if there's any way I can go back from that.

 

I REALLY want this relationship to work, but can you eventually build up trust after that if both parties are truly willing?

 

I don't see any happy endings here.

[TKizz]

I don't see any happy endings here.

 

...the only thing you quoted was the drug part? Or was it the stealing it from his mom part? I'm not making excuses especially given the nature of why I posted this thread, but that kind of behavior during an addiction is not unheard of. I've had many friends make horrible choices because of an addiction that doesn't reflect on their person...not to say that this ISN'T the case (I'm just hoping it's not), but I just was saying because you only highlighted the part about the addiction...