Kate_261 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 (edited) Bear in mind I'm only 21 and still figuring out relationships, but I'm not sure whether I over-reacted to this or not - I just know I'm still hurt by it. I've been going through a really hard time lately - one of my close family members recently found out they have a serious disease, and I've been caring for/spending as much time with this person as possible when I've not been working. On top of this, I have a foot injury which has been limiting what I can do and really getting me down. So I had been really looking forward to going to a wedding/happy occasion with my boyfriend and his family. On the day of the wedding I wore a beautiful dress, which made me feel better about the fact I couldn't wear decent shoes with the foot injury - nor could I dance. But my boyfriend made a point of saying we had to get some really nice photographs together during the day, and we did. It might sound small/shallow, but it made me feel really great to see myself looking so happy and unusually photogenic in the pictures alongside my beau. Something to remember the day by. But the next night when I asked my boyfriend to send me the photos (there were about 10 of us through the course of the day), I only received one - when I asked him to send the rest, he said he had deleted them all. I asked him why, and embarrassingly, started crying (!) At first he said stuff like 'I kept your favourite' (My eyes were half open in the one he kept, and I looked far better in the others) - he also said 'but you said you didn't look pretty in them' - which I definitely didn't say! Eventually he had a bit of a meltdown and said he looked 'fat' and 'awful' in all of them. His father had made a few comments about his weight during the wedding, but I don't think he has gained anything very noticeable. Before he deleted the photos we were getting ready to go out for dinner, and he had made an odd comment about how people would wonder what a 'tramp' (him) was doing with this 'beautiful woman'. I think my boyfriend might be mildly depressed at the moment, but it seemed like an extreme thing to do. Perhaps to the outside observer it's not a big deal? He apologised and I accepted, realising were probably both not in great places at the moment, but it's still upsetting me to not have those photographic memories. Perhaps it wouldn't have mattered so much if I was in a different frame of mind? Edited April 15, 2013 by Kate_261
TigerCub Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Hi Kate, Yeah I can understand why you're upset and how you wish you could have had the photographs for the memory, but it wasn't about you. He clearly feels really crappy about himself and so he just didn't want pictures to remind him of how fat he is. I think your thinking of 'both of you not being in a good place right now' is really mature. It shows that you're trying to be understanding and I think that's a good thing. I know you're bummed about the pictures but hopefully you will have many more memories to photograph and live through together. Don't let it get you down too much
Author Kate_261 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 (edited) Hi Kate, Yeah I can understand why you're upset and how you wish you could have had the photographs for the memory, but it wasn't about you. He clearly feels really crappy about himself and so he just didn't want pictures to remind him of how fat he is. I think your thinking of 'both of you not being in a good place right now' is really mature. It shows that you're trying to be understanding and I think that's a good thing. I know you're bummed about the pictures but hopefully you will have many more memories to photograph and live through together. Don't let it get you down too much Thanks TigerCub. I still feel slightly ashamed at how upset I was, but I think what made it worse was him saying he 'didn't know' why he'd deleted those photos of us and my mind was running riot. I just wish I could've handled it differently. Edited April 15, 2013 by Kate_261
Standard-Fare Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 This is pretty clear cut. Your boyfriend already explained it, even if he didn't elaborate. He thought he looked bad in the photos. Haven't you ever seen a series of photos of yourself where you're like "Christ, I was looking rough -- I wish these didn't exist"? Well, your boyfriend just took the next step and made sure they didn't exist. If you happened to have thought you looked terrible in this series photos, you'd also want them to disappear. You wouldn't want them as keepsakes. But in this case, you thought you looked cute in the photos. Maybe your boyfriend was a little melodramatic to delete them, but it really sounds like it had nothing to do with you. Don't sweat it.
Recommended Posts