Mimi12 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 What are you gonna do if you found out that your boyfriend is already married and has kids? ...And the worst part is, you also have a child with him! How do you tell him that you know the truth? I obtained all the documents that can prove he is married. I just don't know how to do it... how to tell him. So confused about everything. It even gets harder coz we have a son. Help?
CarrieT Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I just don't know how to do it... how to tell him. Why is the onus of telling HIM you know on you? Just leave. Period. File for child support ASAP and get out on your own.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Surely he won't be surprised! Why are you worried about telling him you know? Do his wife and child live in the same area? Is he separated? How long have you been involved? Has he never mentioned another child?
Author Mimi12 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Sorry, I'm just really bad with confrontations... I just want to know the best way to tell him... and after that, do i just disappear from his life and never contact him? i dont really care if he will support our child or not... i'll work hard for my child and do anything to raise him, even without his father... Am i doing the right thing? OMG sorry... im just really confused atm.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Are you sure the information you have is accurate? Would it help to have a friend with you when you confront him? Why not listen to what he has to say then decide! Do you two live together?
Author Mimi12 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Yes, i have a copy of his marriage certificate. I also tried to obtain a certificate of no marriage for him, but the result that i received turned out that he's already married. no, we dont live together.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Do you know if they are still together? What led you to check on his marital status?
Author Mimi12 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Yes they are still together. The wife checked his phone. Saw some of our messages. Then she called me.
soccerrprp Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 This is sad. I'm sorry Mimi. This kind of cheating, lying from either side, just sickens me.
CarrieT Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 i dont really care if he will support our child or not... i'll work hard for my child and do anything to raise him, even without his father... No, no, no, no, no, no, no.... He is responsible for the child and you NEED to care that he will provide support. Otherwise, you are letting him get away with being a liar, jerk, and manipulator. File for child support, for the sake of your child. 4
Author Mimi12 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Thank you so much for all the replies... I'm just really shattered and confused atm... i dont know what to do. havent told anyone yet. not even my best friend or my mum... been dealing with this problem alone. dont know what to do. i guess i really have to file for the child support. you're right, it's his responsibility too. shoud i talk to him first about everything? or just stop communicaton and file for child support?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Thank you so much for all the replies... I'm just really shattered and confused atm... i dont know what to do. havent told anyone yet. not even my best friend or my mum... been dealing with this problem alone. dont know what to do. i guess i really have to file for the child support. you're right, it's his responsibility too. shoud i talk to him first about everything? or just stop communicaton and file for child support? I'm guessing he knows you know by now, so no need to tell him! The easiest way for you would be to cease communication and file. He's not going to make that easy, though. This is a time to rely on family and friends to keep you strong and support you. 2
LeGenDary_Man Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Thank you so much for all the replies... I'm just really shattered and confused atm... i dont know what to do. havent told anyone yet. not even my best friend or my mum... been dealing with this problem alone. dont know what to do. i guess i really have to file for the child support. you're right, it's his responsibility too. shoud i talk to him first about everything? or just stop communicaton and file for child support? He owes you an explanation; confront him first.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 He owes you an explanation; confront him first. That gives him an opportunity to gaslight and manipulate her further. What's left to be explained?
LeGenDary_Man Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 (edited) That gives him an opportunity to gaslight and manipulate her further. What's left to be explained? OP knows the truth. Would it be possible to manipulate her now? Regardless, child support shouldn't be an "OR"; rather mandatory condition. If OP is confrontation-shy then she can demand an explanation from him on the phone at minimum. Edited April 15, 2013 by LeGenDary_Man
Author Mimi12 Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 The wife sometimes sends me text messages. Sometimes to ask if i'm ok and all that. To be honest, dont know if i should reply... or if i should communicate with her... Like she wants to know what i'm going to do next. Should i tell her?
Realist3 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 The wife sometimes sends me text messages. Sometimes to ask if i'm ok and all that. To be honest, dont know if i should reply... or if i should communicate with her... Like she wants to know what i'm going to do next. Should i tell her? So the wife hasn't confronted him yet?
CarrieT Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Should i tell her? Sounds like you two should sit down and have an open heart-to-heart - and then confront him together. 1
ComingInHot Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Mimi, It sounds like there's a-lot you don't know yet that you are going to NEED to know to make the best decisions for You & your child. I'd start w/sitting down w/a lawyer and finding out Exactly what your rights are & what MM's responsibilities are in light of the situation. You don't need communication w/his W to do this. Save any communications for After some important decisions have been made & are in the works. I'm NOT saying to never speak w/her but as BW myself, I would do whatever it takes to protect my own and if I found something out to do that, I'd use it... not saying it's right or to protect the MM, but it could be a byproduct. I am SOOO sorry this is happening to you!!
whichwayisup Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 What are you gonna do if you found out that your boyfriend is already married and has kids? ...And the worst part is, you also have a child with him! How do you tell him that you know the truth? I obtained all the documents that can prove he is married. I just don't know how to do it... how to tell him. So confused about everything. It even gets harder coz we have a son. Help? You end it. that's what you do. DO NOT continue to date him or hope he'll leave his wife and children for you. The guy lied to you from the beginning for whatever reason! Yuck!! Men or women who pretend and omit the fact they are married and get involved with someone else on the side are really screwed up people. Who does that? And, of course how selfish! I hope you find the strength to end it and walk away and out of his life forever, even if you love him with all of your heart. He isn't the 'one' for you, he created an intentional fantasy to live in with you, giving you hope and making it seem like he could be your future..Knowing full well all along he was married with kids. He doesn't deserve to have you in his life anymore. He pays child support and that's that. talk to his wife, tell her your side of things and be honest. You both are getting screwed over by this idiot. 1
BetrayedH Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I would treat the betrayed wife as an ally unless she demonstrates herself to be otherwise. I would stop contact with the married man altogether. Tell the wife that you intend to have no contact with her husband for life and that you'll simply be filing for reasonable child support. I suspect that she will respect that your child deserves support. As well, this assures her that you're not an ongoing threat to her marriage. As odd as it may sound, about 90% of women do intially try to reconcile with a wayward husband, although cases involving an "other" child are likely to put a serious strain on attempts to reconcile. Just saying that she's probably just as shocked and devastated as you. She deserves to know your intentions so she can also start to rebuild her own life. Good luck.
foreverandalways Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 It's not that easy for her to completely cut the MM out of her life, because they have a child together. Based on what she's said so far, she hasn't mentioned his parenting. Lets say he is a good father, he isn't going to want her to just disappear with his child. He also has rights, even if he is a lying douche. I would have liked to just up and walk away from my ex husband forever. But in all reality, that wouldn't have been the best for my kids, because they need a dad, and he's good to them...regardless of the way he treated me. So I'm just saying she will have to consider how to handle this as well.
BetrayedH Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 It's not that easy for her to completely cut the MM out of her life, because they have a child together. Based on what she's said so far, she hasn't mentioned his parenting. Lets say he is a good father, he isn't going to want her to just disappear with his child. He also has rights, even if he is a lying douche. I would have liked to just up and walk away from my ex husband forever. But in all reality, that wouldn't have been the best for my kids, because they need a dad, and he's good to them...regardless of the way he treated me. So I'm just saying she will have to consider how to handle this as well. This is very true. Regardless of how much of a douche this guy might be, he may want to make a claim on his parental rights. It's a variable. My suggestions were assuming the best-case scenario, which in my view is the OP making a clean break to raise her child on her own.
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