To give a clarity

[underwater2010]

The following is a quote from another thread under OM/OW. Can anyone send a little clarification? I want all sides, ecspecially from BSs. Mine are in bold.

 

 

I see a pattern of people putting all the blame on OW. It should be on MM.

 

What exactly is you definition of blame? And how do you, the OW, determine how much blame was placed on you and how much was placed on your MM? I know my anger was directed at both equally only because she chose not to come clean when contacted. Yet my husband had to live with the fallout on a daily basis, where she got three doses. My anger at her came from her carelessness as a mother, when it came to destroying not only my family but her own. I also laid that at my husband's feet.

 

You say not to create mayhem at home? Who created the mayhem? The MM!

 

But you see, he had a partner....his OW/MOW. If she had never agreed to take up with a MM, we wouldn't be in the situation. Sure he could have found someone else, but she took part in that MAYHEM. They both chose to lie and hide.

 

He is the one that cheated, if he chooses to stay, he can deal with the consequences, and OP sending the package back was, in my opinion, the right thing to do.

 

Yep sure was. I would never stop an OW/MOW from owning up to her part. It is refreshing when they become honest and let everything come to light.

 

It takes her out of the situation, no need for confrontation, and the BS can deal with her wandering husband. After all, he is the one that made vows with her, and he is the one who betrayed her. I'm not saying OW/OM don't have culpability, I'm just saying, it is their marriage, if OP is out of it now, let them deal with the crap xMM put his wife through. Stop blaming OP.

 

I don't blame her for the package being sent back. I don't blame her for ending the affair. I blame her for prior actions while involved in the affair. And just because someone does not make vows or promise anything, does not mean they are innocent. Please do not play that card. I am kind of tired of hearing it. You don't have to promise anything in order to NOT hurt another person. It is called being a decent person and having humanity.

 

[underwater2010]

And to clarify that was not posted by Pierre....it was posted by sohappytogether. I did not want to T/J. But I want to give credit where credit is do.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

Clarity on what? Blame?

 

My opinion is that the AP is culpable. The AP is guilty by complicity. Both are deserving of animosity from the BS. Of course the cheating spouse has more to answer for than the AP, but by no means is the AP off the hook. 99% of the time the AP knows what they are getting themselves into.

 

The cheating spouse is the one that has to take the full brunt of the fallout while the AP typically is able to walk away. I don't think that the AP should be able to walk away unscathed.

[Furious]

I don't go around making promises to strangers and if by chance I don't, does that excuse me from inserting myself in their lives and does it offer me immunity in being a part of hurting them.

 

 

This is utter bulls*it.

 

These people who think this way are the first to cry foul if they're betrayed or hurt.

 

Hypocrisy at it's finest!!!

[William]

Feel free to address postings from another thread in the thread of their origination. You may start a topic of personal interest about your own experiences, stating them and opening them for discussion. Thanks.