R.C Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 3 weeks ago you sent me these messages. Today you belittled me, you made fun of me in front of other people, and the most hurtful thing is not even the fact that you said those things, you ganged up on me, and made me feel like a complete outsider, the same person you told 3 weeks ago you love and are so sorry that you keep hurting. You wanted to change for me, and told me you loved me more than anything and you need me in your life so you can become the person you have always wanted to become. Yet today you almost attacked my self-esteem and basically made me feel cheap and stupid, the same person who you slept next to for 2 years and was with you through your toughest times in your life and sometimes the only person who cared enough to wipe your tears away, yes we broke up, but we both told each other we still loved each other more than we ever thought was possible. Today you went too far, I felt insulted, ganged up upon and humiliated, I now know for sure we are definitely not meant to be together. This is my form of closure, I will not be making any form of contact with you again, not as lovers or friends, I love you, but you aren’t the same girl I fell madly in love with, and today I am making my peace with it and letting go. I wish you all the best Love R.C 2
Chi townD Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 That was nice, but it would fall on deaf ears. She didn't care enough or respect you enough not to insult you in front of other people, what makes you think that she cares what you have to say now? You know what? Sooner or later she MAY feel a bit guilty about what she said and where she said it at. She might reach out to you then. Ignore her. Let her keep her guilt. Let her learn from this. The one thing I know about women is that MOST of them can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that doesn't think that they're a nice person or that hates them. So, I wouldn't be shocked (after some time has pasted) that she tries to reach out to you to see where your head is at. By the way, what exactly happened? 1
mammasita Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Don't do it! It won't make a difference.....at all.
blindhope Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 She doesn't deserve it. Just ride off into the sunset adn ignore anytime she grasps for attention.
foreverandalways Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I'm glad you were able to type your feelings out here. Sometimes, that's all you need to do to help you feel a little bit better. But the silence speaks volumes. Don't send it. Plus, she doesn't deserve to know how you feel, she didn't care before..when it actually mattered. You're going to appear MUCH stronger by just not contacting her, no matter how badly you want to.
Am4Real Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 True dat!!!!! That was nice, but it would fall on deaf ears. She didn't care enough or respect you enough not to insult you in front of other people, what makes you think that she cares what you have to say now? You know what? Sooner or later she MAY feel a bit guilty about what she said and where she said it at. She might reach out to you then. Ignore her. Let her keep her guilt. Let her learn from this. The one thing I know about women is that MOST of them can't stand the fact that there might be a person on this planet that doesn't think that they're a nice person or that hates them. So, I wouldn't be shocked (after some time has pasted) that she tries to reach out to you to see where your head is at. By the way, what exactly happened?
Author R.C Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Well we are in university together, and it was during a prac. I got a new tattoo, and her and her friend were asking me why i got that specific one? And that they look so fake, and they look cheap, all the while laughing and touching one another... Thanks for the replies. she sent me a message after supper. this is my background. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/385971-just-sharing-my-experience
Author R.C Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 I want to somehow let her know that i can't keep doing this small talk thing, and then getting back together, and splitting up over and over again. I want to send her something along the lines of, "i appreciate your effort, but us talking inevitably always leads to us getting back together, we are in 2 different places in our life, you want to have your freedom and are not ready for commitment. And therefore makes you undateable, so i think its best if we go back to not talking" You broke up with, you can't have your cake and eat it to.
Am4Real Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Ahhhhh no! I would not send that note, it makes you sound like a whiner, a pouter sort-of-speak. You are indirectly saying in your message you want to break up and have no part of her; that being the intent, just say it. Keep it simple with something like: I enjoyed dating you and getting to know you, however we are not right for each other at this time in our lives. And don't SEND it to her. Just tell her face-to-face. Man up! I want to somehow let her know that i can't keep doing this small talk thing, and then getting back together, and splitting up over and over again. I want to send her something along the lines of, "i appreciate your effort, but us talking inevitably always leads to us getting back together, we are in 2 different places in our life, you want to have your freedom and are not ready for commitment. And therefore makes you undateable, so i think its best if we go back to not talking" You broke up with, you can't have your cake and eat it to.
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 NO - Don't even do that! Go complete, total, across-the-board No Cointact. Block, delete, deny discard and don't have anything to do with her. Above all, resist ALL and ANY and EVERY attempt to respond to any little hook and worm bait she might dangle in front of you.... if you hear from her, before you make ANY move whatsoever - come back in and ask us what to do next - and follow the advice!! Delete her off FB, block all emails, erase her phone number - and change yours. This is a common tactic. It can be done, it has been done so don't say you can't.... But you need to set up boundaries, or else, you might as well change your name to 'HerPatsy_Pushover'
soccerrprp Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Hey R.C., Do what you feel will give you closure. There is some good advice here, but it's just that advice. Will this make YOU feel better to send it? If you decide to send it, you should make it a final statement to her. Telling her in person won't make things better, in fact, may likely lead you to losing control, forgetting what you really want to say and rejection of her meeting you is also a possibility. You don't need that. Send it to her. CUT ALL LINKS TO HER. DO NOT RESPOND OR LOOK AT ANY COMMUNICATION FROM HER. ERASE ANY EVIDENCE OF HER. Just the act of writing this is good, but it's even better knowing that you SENT it to her. She may or may not read it. The likelihood is that she will. You don't need to know how she responds. The other thing that speaks volumes is her knowing exactly how you feel, how you've moved on and how you graciously wished her well. STING. If this helps YOU, do it. But listen to what everyone has said here. Besides, if you decide not to send it and simply go NC, she'll know why.
Author R.C Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Its pretty tough, if you read my whole story you would see that we see each other everyday. I'm just so tired of her breaking up with me, then apologising and then i take her back. I love her so much, but im so tired of feeling like a piece of trash that can just be discarded.
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Yeah. The Guy who originally penned the No Contact Guide worked with his ex- every day, too. So seeing each other could have been a problem, but he made sure it became her problem - not his.
siankat Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 See everything you are trying to say in that letter...you can say louder and most effectively by not saying anything at all..judging by what you wrote and what it seems the situation was. Often you don't get what you want by asking ....you get it by setting boundaries. I feel this way having been on BOTH sides of that kind of letter. Sometimes it's confusing because doing the right thing can feel so WRONG hahaha
Author R.C Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Okay thanks everyone. I decided to stick to what i have been doing, and continue no contact. Sometimes she comes and sits next to me in lectures but doesnt say a word, its the strangest thing ever. If she does that again, im going to have to sne dher a text asking her to give me space, and tell her im not ready to be friends. This is the third time she ha done this, she breaks up with me, then sees how life is without me then comes back into my life and tells me she made a mistake, then the whole process repeats itself, its the most frustrating thing in the world, because we seem like such a good match...
TaraMaiden Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Okay thanks everyone. I decided to stick to what i have been doing, and continue no contact. Sometimes she comes and sits next to me in lectures but doesnt say a word, its the strangest thing ever. No, what's strange is that you put up with it. Let her sit, make herself comfortable, than gather up your things, and without speaking or looking at her - move right away. She would be an idiot to follow you. And it sends a clear message. If she does that again, im going to have to sne dher a text asking her to give me space, and tell her im not ready to be friends. Forget this texting schytt. Texting doesn't work. What works is actions, not words. Get up, move and keep away from her. That way, you get your space IMMEDIATELY, and you send her the message. Which trust me - she WILL get. This is the third time she ha done this, she breaks up with me, then sees how life is without me then comes back into my life and tells me she made a mistake, then the whole process repeats itself, its the most frustrating thing in the world, because we seem like such a good match... No. She does this - because you let her. if you stand firm and keep to No Contact, it will send her the message loud and clear. The only reason she has gotten away with it up to now, is because every time she has said 'jump' you've jumped. The 'match' may 'seem' good. It obviously isn't, at all. 1
Author R.C Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 You are completely right. She never used to be this way, so i have this image of how she used to be, i guess i need to wake up and smell the coffee, and realize she is not that same girl anymore. Thanks
soccerrprp Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 You are completely right. She never used to be this way, so i have this image of how she used to be, i guess i need to wake up and smell the coffee, and realize she is not that same girl anymore. Thanks We do it, get fooled some times. Her ability to do this to you is an indication of someone that really wasn't all that sweet in the first place. Such behavior just doesn't come out....it was always there, just beneath the surface. Sorry, man. 1
Am4Real Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Maybe I'm misunderstanding your situation, I thought you had not broken up yet and are trying to figure out what to say to end it with her. Others are suggesting NC so am I to assume it is already ended and you're in LC. Please explain.
Author R.C Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Am4real no we broke up, i explained my situation in this thread, its quite a long read, but just shows the complexity of our break up. https://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/385971-just-sharing-my-experience
Chi townD Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Dude! I don't why you are so HELL BENT on sending her a message about your displeasure about everything. The one thing you have to realize is that your SILENCE speaks volumes! By keeping with NC, you work on moving on and you give her NOTHING! She has NO IDEA what's going on in your head. No idea what you're feeling and how you're feeling. She gave up those rights, so don't give them to her freely!
Author R.C Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 lol, **** i was such an idiot back then! "Our brain is an amazing organ, it works 24/7 365 days a year until we die, OR until we fall inlove"
TaraMaiden Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Does one presume things have improved for you? Did you do the 'move your seat when she comes close to you in a lecture' thing? How are you??
Author R.C Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 haha, yes they have a great deal Luckily i did not have to, exams started. I'm doing really good. I'm finding it so strange though, iv been going out on a ton of dates at the moment, one girl stood out quite a lot, but they all seem to want something serious. Whereas previously i wanted to be serious with my ex, now all i want is to just have some fun. So it leads to awkward conversations if you know what i mean. But as long as i'm honest, i see no harm. My ex is not quite out of my life yet, but things are civil, i sort of ended things with her completely though, when we had a conversation about the future. And this was her reply "You deserve someone stable, and the way my life is so messed up at the moment, i'm just not stable, i'm petrified of losing you forever but i know all i'm going to do is mess up all the time, so i understand" I don't really show any public affection for any of the other girls yet though, i just don't want to hurt my ex further, she really does have a tough life, not that i feel that she deserves it though, more because i think its the right thing to do. I don't want to spite her. But life is good at the moment.
TaraMaiden Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Good for you. And TbH you're very wise to stick to having fun, right now. Please don't think me patronising, but you're far too young to consider making things permanent with anyone, or 'settling down' as it were. Girls have different objectives, but that's the way things are. If you're honest with them, and clear from the start that this isn't a for ever thing, but it's to hang loose and appreciate life (providing you do it safely and wisely) then that's fine. besides, if the ol' 'Love bug' does bite again, you'll know it..... and you'll handle it in a much wiser and more mature way.
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