DESI Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 I was wondering how long it has taken everyone in here to get over their exes, now or in the past. I am sure we have all heard the saying it takes half the time you have been with someone to get over it. So in my situation I was with my ex for 2 years so it should take me approximately 1 year to get over him. It has already been 4 months and I am not over it at all. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't get sad over it. I am like obsessed. How long did it take you guys in the past, or how long as been been since your most recent break up?
snilljente Posted September 17, 2004 Posted September 17, 2004 I think it is very difficult to make across the board statements like "it takes half of the length of the relationship" to get over it..I too have heard these statements, but I think we are all different and the circumstances of each relationship, how it ended,etc...are different and contribute to the healing process...If you feel "stuck" in your grieving...having someone like a counselor to talk to might be helpful.....Hang in there!
netrie Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Many people try to bury their pain and cover their overwhelming feelings after a breakup. The best thing is to let go and feel the "feelings" in a safe environment, alone, a therapist office, close friends etc. You have to allow yourself to go through and feel it no matter how long it takes. If you continually emotionally suffering: you may need professional help and meds to get through this. Do you exercise regularly too?
DESI Posted September 20, 2004 Posted September 20, 2004 Yeah I am just trying to keep myself busy. I am a full-time student and I just got a new job where I live (I used to work where my ex lives, but had to change that since we aren't together anymore) So I work 35 Hours a week, which keeps me busy. I thought about going to the gym more to relieve stress, I just have such a busy schedule right now, which is good. Before I got my job, I would sit at home and think about what happened, and where I went wrong, and I would replay all the good times that we had over and over again in my head. It was such a good relationship, that I thought would never end, but I am trying to look at the brighter sides of things. And just keep reminding myself that sometimes in life your ahead, and sometimes your behind. And everyone goes threw heartache and nothing in life is a guarantee. This way when I fall in love again, which won't be for a very long time, I have to realize that it could always come to an end. People's feeling change and people change in general anyway. I was going to get on medication, I was extremely depressed, but I really just don't want to become dependent on the meds. This is so bad for me to say because I am a pyschology major, and I realize it runs in my family to be clinically depressed. However, I kind of feel like mine is more of a situational depression then anything else. What made this break up so hard for me, well at least a lot harder then my other break up with my other ex that I was with for also 2 years, was that he blamed the whole thing on me. Telling me it was my fault, that I bought out the worst in him, and that I needed to change. Etc... That is just so mean to say to someone. He already hurt me enough by breaking up with me, and then for him to say it was all my fault was just too much to hear. Sometimes I feel like it was all my fault, but I have to realize that it wasn't. It takes two people, and obviously he didn't want this relationship anymore. We fought, but a lot of the reasons were caused by him, and some were me also, but I however refuse to take full blame for why he broke up with me. If you love someone you stand by their side and you do not give up. My ex and I both are full time students and we both work full time on top of that so there were a lot of stress in our lives, but we always found the time to have with eachother. He just gave up on the whole thing, I guess he couldn't handle a serious relationship anymore. Still hurts extrememly but little by little I realize there are so many other people out there, and so much that I have to do with my life. I am only 21 and life does go on from here no matter what happens.
Miffy Posted September 21, 2004 Posted September 21, 2004 It is natural to grieve over our ex for a while, it is the body's way of coping. However there comes a time when if you are not careful you start to dwell and daydream about how perfect things were with your ex and how life will be so desolate without him/her. You start imagining them having a great life without you etc. You will get over it - everyone from Madonna to the local shopkeeper has had a broken heart and if people did not get over it just think how sad everyone would be! There are some great tips on Paul McKennas website (one of my favourites was every time an image of your ex popped into your head imaging it fading to white like you can do with a camcorder, trust me this works) Another technique - i can't remember where this is from - is when you find yourself thinking of your ex tell yourself you can't do this right now but you will give yourself say 15 minutes a day at a specified time to think about things. This gives you the chance to get on with things yet give still give yourself an alloted time to 'grieve'. Reduce the time allowed as the weeks pass by. Another is to wear an elastic band on your wrist - not tight - but not too loose - everytime you think of your ex, flick it so it stings but does not leave a mark! Eventually your mind will associate thinking of your ex with pain and will learn not to think about your ex. There are also the usual ideas like treat yourself, make yourself look gorgeous - it is surprising how often people bump into their exes when they are upset and looking awful. You dont want your ex to think you have let yourself go or they are going to be glad they 'let you go'. Don't chase your ex under any circumstances - there is nothing more dull than having someone available. Try not to make contact. If you can't help yourself yet they deny getting your emails attach a readnotify to the mail - its free for a trial period and lets you know the time and date they read your mail and they won;t even know you know!!! I had a loser ex who used to keep trying to get me to email to explain my feelings then denying he ever got the mails!!! To this day he does not know that I was one step ahead of him! Also some ecards do the same - note that some ecards do go to junk and never hit the intray - test by opening up a similar email account eg yahoo and sending one to yourself first! If you share computer ownership and want to check up on your ex (i have to say this because it is illegal to download on another persons computer!!!) you can download spy software onto the pc which will make copies of all emails and keywords typed and send reports to your secret email address. There is also a remote download which means if you can't get access to the computer you can send the download via an email so when they click on it it secretly implants itself on the computer! Useful if you need to know if you have competition! Another way of making sure you are not out of mind is to 'accidentally' text your ex - make up the text as if it is in the middle of a conversation to your friend talking about what you are doing tonight eg 'yes i know, wearing my short skirt i think tonight, what about you' make out you are talking to a girl friend but send it to your ex - it is easily done on my phone anyway so i can always claim it to be an accident! with any luck it will get him wondering what a great time you are having without him! I know some of these techniques are shallow but trust me I have met some dogs in my time who deserve everything they get!!!! Keep your head held high girls it will all be ok in the end!
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