HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 She is EXTREMELY good looking for an asian too. I mean, maybe one of the hottest asian chicks I have laid my beady eyes on, and ive spent 8 months in asian countries.....and Im not just saying this. Well, I may as well try my luck in 3 weeks but really if a girl cant fit you in for 3 weeks she's more than likely not interested at all. Girls love persistence man. I have a friend that was literally being turned down practically every day by a girl. Four months later, they hooked up and are now dating. Losers try their best. Winners go home and f*ck the prom queen.
Cutiepie1976 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 yep, f*cked it. I dont think the way I worded it was rookie, or necessarily the wrong thing to do...but yeah it resulted in: "Sorry man! I have touch tomorrow night! Will have to catch up after exams in 3 weeks haha so sorry to bail!" At least I have my answer, even if it wasn't the one I wanted. I think your right about one thing tho, if they are keen to meet you they just will, if not, they wont....which is basically what happened. So...you would rather spend money, time, and effort for however long you carry on in limbo-land, with you thinking you're dating and she thinking she has a great new platonic friend, only to have the same outcome (don't see you that way) when you finally say or try something? That's time, effort, and money you could have spent on someone who is actually excited and interested in dating you. But you would prefer to sit at a dead end hoping that a nonexistent door will magically open for you? Carry on... 1
tricolors Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) I am speaking for myself and my generation. I'm pretty sure that OP is part of it. How are you, tricolors? If you're younger than 40, then you're right here with us. I'm mid 30's. I understand your position, but I'm simply not a part of "hookup culture," nor is anyone I date, nor anyone I would date. I'm in a completely different society and culture (not better or worse, just saying) than that. Any woman who would sleep with me in a week or two of dating, hell, make it weeks or even a couple of months, depending on the situation = not someone I'm interested in dating. Cool, if that's what you're into. I don't judge. So...you would rather spend money, time, and effort for however long you carry on in limbo-land, with you thinking you're dating and she thinking she has a great new platonic friend, only to have the same outcome (don't see you that way) when you finally say or try something? That's time, effort, and money you could have spent on someone who is actually excited and interested in dating you. But you would prefer to sit at a dead end hoping that a nonexistent door will magically open for you? Carry on... That's my view. I don't need blurring of lines. There's no reason to spend money and time and emotions getting tied up in someone who just views you as a friend. Unless, of course, that's what you want too, in which case it's fine. Edited April 16, 2013 by tricolors
CryForNoOne Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 I'm mid 30's. I understand your position, but I'm simply not a part of "hookup culture," nor is anyone I date, nor anyone I would date. I'm in a completely different society and culture (not better or worse, just saying) than that. Any woman who would sleep with me in a week or two of dating, hell, make it weeks or even a couple of months, depending on the situation = not someone I'm interested in dating. Cool, if that's what you're into. I don't judge. This must be a demographic or ideology thing because this is just SO different than my experience anywhere I've lived. Now granted I've always resided in urban areas in the NE and West Coast, but really??? Not interested in dating anyone who would sleep with you in under two months? I mean if you exclude social circles that are based on faith or moral beliefs, your rule would eliminate 90% of eligible single women in all the places I've lived - Boston, NYC, LA and SF... I mean I can understand no on the first 3 dates, or maybe 5 but after that? You're just missing out on life IMO...
todreaminblue Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Hey all, Very simple question then ill tell you my situation, if you ask a girl out for dinner and agrees, she knows its a date right?? Basically I have been out with a new friend group a few times recently and there is one girl who I really like. We always have a chat together and get along really well, have a good joke around etc etc. So we were all out sat night together, and in the morning I msgd her on FB (lame I know but I don't have her number and just didn't think to do it on the night as I was hanging with the lads most the night), and the message went as follows: ME: Hey realname/joke name i gave her sat.......share a (silly food she likes and we were joking about) with me Wednesday night. haha, seriously tho....lets do dinner :-) HER: haha (silly food she likes) ftw!!!!! Dinner sounds excellent what is on the books OK, now im guessing if she has only met me with the group 3/4 times and Ive asked her for dinner, she gets thats its a date right?? I'm just not sure because I didn't ask her on a "date" with me. I consider dinner with a guy a date......i am old fashioned though....kudos on the smooth relaxed move...you can stress out later....deb
clia Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 But it does make me wonder, when she agreed to the meet, if she had plans why agree in the first place. Because she didn't have plans when she agreed. She thought you were just going out as friends. Then you threw the word "date" into the mix and she went "Oh crap! How do I get out of this?" Hence, plans she magically forgot about. You are better off knowing now rather than wasting time and energy on what was obviously a nonstarter for her. Time for you to move on to another girl.
CryForNoOne Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 yep, f*cked it. I dont think the way I worded it was rookie, or necessarily the wrong thing to do...but yeah it resulted in: "Sorry man! I have touch tomorrow night! Will have to catch up after exams in 3 weeks haha so sorry to bail!" At least I have my answer, even if it wasn't the one I wanted. I think your right about one thing tho, if they are keen to meet you they just will, if not, they wont....which is basically what happened. Sorry but if you used the word "date" in the message you made a rookie mistake. I've haven't used the word "date" in asking a woman out in years. I'm pretty certain the last time I did, she backed out. That word just has too strong a connotation. I know it sounds silly but $h!t like this is absolutely meaningful. I think many times women don't even fully understand why the are interested and then suddenly not. I use terms like "let's meetup" or "are you free on Friday" and slip it innocently but well timed into our conversation. The funny thing is turning the tables really works. Let THEM wonder if it is a date. Also I NEVER check in with them in between. The silence gets them thinking about you and builds up the anticipation for them. I find when they text me the day of and ask "Are we still on for tonight?" they invariably show up dressed the nines and it's a full on date - even when I was wondering if it was a date beforehand...
tricolors Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 This must be a demographic or ideology thing because this is just SO different than my experience anywhere I've lived. Now granted I've always resided in urban areas in the NE and West Coast, but really??? Not interested in dating anyone who would sleep with you in under two months? I mean if you exclude social circles that are based on faith or moral beliefs, your rule would eliminate 90% of eligible single women in all the places I've lived - Boston, NYC, LA and SF... I mean I can understand no on the first 3 dates, or maybe 5 but after that? You're just missing out on life IMO... Well, let me clarify a bit here. No, I'm not religious at all, so that's not it. And it doesn't even HAVE to be two months. I'm just saying, it wouldn't bother me if someone DID wait that long. I don't have a problem having sex with someone quickly...when I was younger and not interested in a real long term relationship. And again, yeah, I'm sure there are plenty of people who go on to great marriages with a start like that, but I can't see it being that way more often than not. I live in the southeast, so yeah, things are probably a bit different here.
spiderowl Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 'Dinner' does suggest date, but not necessarily with everyone. I've had guy friends ask me if I'm going to some place they are going to, or fancy a trip to somewhere, etc. and I can't be sure it's a date, so I treat their question as 'do I want to do this activity' not 'do I want to go with them'. If they ask me if I'm going to see a particular film, I say no, if it doesn't interest me. If they'd asked me to go with them to see a film and made it clear it was because they liked me, then I might at least suggest an alternative film if I liked them too. It's best to make it clear if you can. Don't do what a lot of guys do though and bring sex into the conversation. It's really bad advice to tell a guy he should make it clear he's interested in a sexual relationship and not just a friendship. A date is about getting to know the other person as a potential romantic partner, not just about getting sex. If you talk sex too soon, she'll think you are only interested in a one-night-stand or casual relationship, or, worse, think you're a creep.
Author superconfusedman Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 So...you would rather spend money, time, and effort for however long you carry on in limbo-land, with you thinking you're dating and she thinking she has a great new platonic friend, only to have the same outcome (don't see you that way) when you finally say or try something? That's time, effort, and money you could have spent on someone who is actually excited and interested in dating you. But you would prefer to sit at a dead end hoping that a nonexistent door will magically open for you? Carry on... No I would rather know we are just friends and not spend the money, and like you say, spend it one someone who does want to see me. When I said it wasn't the answer I wanted I just mean I wanted her to WANT it to be a date....if that makes sense. 'Dinner' does suggest date, but not necessarily with everyone. I've had guy friends ask me if I'm going to some place they are going to, or fancy a trip to somewhere, etc. and I can't be sure it's a date, so I treat their question as 'do I want to do this activity' not 'do I want to go with them'. If they ask me if I'm going to see a particular film, I say no, if it doesn't interest me. If they'd asked me to go with them to see a film and made it clear it was because they liked me, then I might at least suggest an alternative film if I liked them too. It's best to make it clear if you can. Don't do what a lot of guys do though and bring sex into the conversation. It's really bad advice to tell a guy he should make it clear he's interested in a sexual relationship and not just a friendship. A date is about getting to know the other person as a potential romantic partner, not just about getting sex. If you talk sex too soon, she'll think you are only interested in a one-night-stand or casual relationship, or, worse, think you're a creep. Yeah I agree, I would never talk about sex until the time was right, I wasn't looking to meet this girl just for sex, we just got along really well so thought I would try to see if I could take things further.
Author superconfusedman Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Well, let me clarify a bit here. No, I'm not religious at all, so that's not it. And it doesn't even HAVE to be two months. I'm just saying, it wouldn't bother me if someone DID wait that long. I don't have a problem having sex with someone quickly...when I was younger and not interested in a real long term relationship. And again, yeah, I'm sure there are plenty of people who go on to great marriages with a start like that, but I can't see it being that way more often than not. I live in the southeast, so yeah, things are probably a bit different here. Im still with CryForNoOne on this one. Ive lived in the UK most my life, some time in Asia, and now im living in Australia. All the places I have lived have been 'hook up cultures'. My last relationship of 8 years started by us sleeping together before we even dated, but we were friends & worked together for a year so not really the same. I'm not sure about the 30-40 age range but the 20-30 age range is predominantly just hook ups. I have spoken to maybe 50 girls in the last year and I would say 90% like dating & Hooking up but do not want a relationship.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I'm mid 30's. I understand your position, but I'm simply not a part of "hookup culture," nor is anyone I date, nor anyone I would date. I'm in a completely different society and culture (not better or worse, just saying) than that. Any woman who would sleep with me in a week or two of dating, hell, make it weeks or even a couple of months, depending on the situation = not someone I'm interested in dating. Cool, if that's what you're into. I don't judge. That's my view. I don't need blurring of lines. There's no reason to spend money and time and emotions getting tied up in someone who just views you as a friend. Unless, of course, that's what you want too, in which case it's fine. Interesting. What society is that? Sounds like a better place to find something long term than the US.
Author superconfusedman Posted April 17, 2013 Author Posted April 17, 2013 Sorry but if you used the word "date" in the message you made a rookie mistake. I've haven't used the word "date" in asking a woman out in years. I'm pretty certain the last time I did, she backed out. That word just has too strong a connotation. I know it sounds silly but $h!t like this is absolutely meaningful. I think many times women don't even fully understand why the are interested and then suddenly not. I use terms like "let's meetup" or "are you free on Friday" and slip it innocently but well timed into our conversation. The funny thing is turning the tables really works. Let THEM wonder if it is a date. Also I NEVER check in with them in between. The silence gets them thinking about you and builds up the anticipation for them. I find when they text me the day of and ask "Are we still on for tonight?" they invariably show up dressed the nines and it's a full on date - even when I was wondering if it was a date beforehand... Well it doesn't matter now anyway, I got my answer haha But lets use the Bratt Pitt Theory - Imagine Brad Pitt was txting a girl, would it really matter if he used the word date?? Im obviously no expert in this area, in fact I am pretty much useless after 8 years in a relationship, im just throwing it out there.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 Well, let me clarify a bit here. No, I'm not religious at all, so that's not it. And it doesn't even HAVE to be two months. I'm just saying, it wouldn't bother me if someone DID wait that long. I don't have a problem having sex with someone quickly...when I was younger and not interested in a real long term relationship. And again, yeah, I'm sure there are plenty of people who go on to great marriages with a start like that, but I can't see it being that way more often than not. I live in the southeast, so yeah, things are probably a bit different here. Ohhh missed that. I don't know, man. You're still in the US. Girls are girls. I find it hard to believe that women are much different down there than in New York and California (where I used to and currently live).
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