feeling broken today

[Blossom299]

Hi, I'm on here hoping that someone might be able to give me some advice as I'm feeling so low. My bf and I have just broken up.. I think. Well he is not speaking to me not texting and was cold when he dropped me home yesterday so I guess I need to understand from this that he no longer wants to be with me.

We've been together for a year and I love him so much but also realise that maybe I was adding to his problems. He has been a very angry person for a long while but lately it has been getting worse. He explained to me when we met that he has depression and is on AD's. But back then at the beginning he seemed to be coming through it. I did notice a few anger outbursts that made me uncomfortable but just put it down to me being a little different to him. He would fly off the handle if he didn't agree with something I said or if I did something wrong... small things that I didn't even think were worth stressing about. Anyway, these episodes weren't too often. Then mid last year his job came to an end and he seemed to get really angry with life and everything. He started getting moods swings and would get easily aggitated by me. I was trying to be upbeat for him I guess but it irritated him more. Also I noticed that he became more selfish. We started doing everything he wanted to do like watching football and not a lot else really. But then I didn't mind because I thought well he's depressed so anything to make him happy. But going to the pub with him started turning into a nightmare. We'd go out together and as we'd always end up walking a fair way I would not be able to dress up too much. At the pub he'd be staring at other women all the time. At first I let it go but then one day decided to mention it in a calm rational manner. He went mad! and that became a bigger problem as time went on. If we'd had an arguement or anything he do it more. Maybe to punish me. I wouldn't have minded so much if he'd been complimentary to me. He would never say you look nice even if he knew I'd made an efffort. Funnily enough it seemed to make him happy if he put something nice on and I complimented him. Anyway, to cut to the chase, lately he's been becoming really angry with me. First it would be that he'd wake up feeling depressed and upset, and I've cuddle and console him and evetually he'd brighten up. But in the last few weeks he's been waking up angry and staying that way and biting at me with anything I said. If I talked he'd either ignore me or bite my head off. If I was quiet he'd get annoyed and ask me why I was in a mood. He'd stay that way until we went to the pub and had a drink. In the pub he'd be all sweetness and light to his friends and anyone he knew. Then we'd go home and he'd sometimes be ok. In the last few days it got even worse. He'd be fun loving and really happy and nice when we were with people but as soon as we left them he'd march off up the road not speaking to me and if I said anything he'sd snap at me 'what?' or 'I can't hear you.. why do you always speak so I can't hear you' Also, whilst on holiday he would get up and go to breakfast without me. Be all happy and chatty to the people in the breakfast room and ignore me again once we were alone. We did have an arguement the night before his birthday with was 2 days before going away and he does blame me for that. I apologised as I was trying to talk to him about how I felt. And it turned into a big row. Anyway, he then said that I ruined his nights sleep, resulting in him getting up to late to take his car to the garage and so that annoyed him. We ended up taking my car which broke down and cost me £500 to get it home. I have no car and no money to get it fixed and no way of getting to work other than a cab. To fix my car will cost about £1200 also - and it had the same problem last year. He says I ruined the holiday because I started the row that night and he's not forgiven me. When the car first broke down he sreamed at me that it was the last straw and that his holiday was a waste of time as with everything in his life. So when he dropped me off yesterday that was it. I tryed to contact him... stupidly because it's clear he doesn't want to be with me. And he's ignoring me. I am feeling so sick today because I just can't handle the whole situation. I am going to be more in debt with the car. Can't help thinking it must all be my fault. And the man I love doesn't want to know. Please if anyone has any words that might help me through this I'd appreciate it.

[i.am]

I understand the pain you're feeling now. You need to have alot of strength to handle him. Else you would go into depression like him. Do you think you will be able to handle? I read that men having depression will usually vent their frustration to their close ones. Try reading more about men having depression. And think over if you will be able to support him without bringing yourself down.

[Lostint]

Depression is no excuse for this behaviour. This man is treating you terribly. I wouldn't treat my worst enemy like that. It will take a lot of strength but I advise you to rediscover your self- respect today and walk away from this relationship. Nobody deserves to be treated like this, there is no excuse.

 

You will find someone who will love you and cherish you, even when life is rough.

[Blossom299]

Thanks so much for your replies Lostint, oscarsmom and i.am. It has helped to be on here today. Just getting support from others who may have experienced similar or can just give advice.

I will definitely look at that link oscarsmom. I'm not sure if I will be able to handle it because of the fact that he pushes me away and then treats me so badly. I do love him with all my heart but being shouted at and put down because of his frustration has been horrendous, especially when he puts on a front for everyone else and would not dare to speak to anyone else in that way.

Anyway, he has been in contact and he has apologised. But meanwhile I've spent 2 days feeling heartbroken and distraught with all sorts of things running through my mind. I've had a bad stomach today through all the stress. Also, I may have jeapordised my job by being off sick. It's been horrible.

[crederer]

One of my exes from a while back was similar. She was very depressed and took it out on me a lot. I felt bad for her because she had a terrible upbringing. I eventually had enough and broke up with her. But your story sounds very similar. The times weren't all bad (as I'm sure your time with him wasn't all bad either).

 

She still calls and texts me to this day (broke up well over a year ago) telling me how much she loves me and how great I am, that she can't find any guys that compare to me, etc. One time I agreed to meet her, because she swore up and down that she has got a handle on her issues. I didn't expect to get back with her but I wanted to check in to see how she was. Well, let's just say in about 5 minutes I realized not a damn thing changed. She was just as verbally abusive, depressed and angry. She flew off the handle when she heard I was with someone else (even though she was with several guys after our break up) and accused me of cheating on her during our relationship because I got with a girl about a month after we split. The thing is, I never once cheated, and she cheated several times that I found out about.

 

Basically, it's for the best. Depressed people, while often are good people at their core, are extremely difficult to be in a relationship with.