wadewilson Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Is there a difference between "moving on" and burying how you feel, thus doing more damage to yourself in the long run? Quick back story: Dated my ex for 4.5 years. Broke up in November. I panicked, moved from PA to TX for a better job (which I got), but in the process abandoned my entire support system. Kinda dumb. She started seeing someone in December. They are still together. NC on my part, however she has reached out 3 times in lame forms. EG) Blank texts, calls at 3AM which she decides not to say anything of importance past "Hello". I've been trying to do the things you're supposed to do. Going to the gym, eating right, excelling in work. They stuck me on 3rd shift, so forming new friendships or dating in a brand new place has been pretty difficult. But I am doing extremely better than i was a couple months ago. Anyways, back to the question. Is there a difference between "moving on" and burying how you feel so it festers and grows worse by not dealing with it? I thought I was "fine". Hadn't heard her voice/looked at her FB/saw anything she wrote since November, aside from her calling/texting like 3 times. Then last night this friend of mine, who wasn't familiar with my situation, started asking me about her. I talked at first and it was fine. Then all those old emotions started coming back and now I feel like I've gone back a couple steps. Like the progress I've made is diminished. Now I'm afraid that instead of dealing with my issues regarding the relationship, I've just been trying to run away from them. Bury them. Make them go away by acting like they aren't there. Is this just a coping mechanism to help time heal everything? I want to feel better and it has been getting easier, but after last night, I'm afraid I'm doing more damage than good by acting like its not bothering me. I know this post was long, but thoughts anyone?
cdt76 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 To be quite honest, the way I got past my first girlfriend (after divorce), I burried it. After time goes by, then you can slowly think back and work through some of the things that hurt you, without the powerful emotional sting it causes. It was the only way to stop the pain. After a year or two, I was able to think back and work through most of the issues that bothered me and hurt me. It's not the perfect scenerio but considering just how devastated I was, it was the only solution I could manage. 1
Author wadewilson Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Thanks for the response! It makes perfect sense, honestly. Almost like letting the worst pass and then dealing with what's left afterwards. I just wasn't expecting to feel like I lost half my progress after one conversation about it.
cdt76 Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 You don't lose progress, you just rub the scab off the wound and you have to start the healing again. Healing is putting the pain in a place that lets your mind get beyond the withdraw of the other person. Just like drugs and alcohol. When you get beyond the physical need of your drug (her) your mind can think and process things clearly. It takes a long time. What it also does is get you out of the HABIT of thinking about the other person constantly. You can focus on your life, work, body and situation. It's a process and it takes time. You will have good days and bad days.
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