cindyteller Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I was brought up in a single family, and I don't know how to get along with male. I don't have any male friend in my life, either... But I got married with my husband who was my first boyfriend...During that time, I was too happy about having my first "boyfriend" because I was not a good looking girl, but just very common one...I felt it was like a fairy tale. My husband was Prince Charming.He's handsome comparing to my classmates btw... But after our honeymoon, I found that he was really a "useless" person...He can't decide anything, but just obey whatever from his parents' order...He works in his parents' company, in a very unimportant position, and have worked in the same position for 7 years already...The other people who worked at the same time as him have become the managers. The reason I think my husband cannot be promoted was because he lacks of confidence and goals. So I encouraged him to attend communication skills improving class and take professional certificate test. To make sure he could be benefited from these, I participated as well. Honestly, I really enjoy the class and would like to get the certificate. But my husband didn't show any interest in those stuff. Then I asked him, what do you want your life to be? He replied me: I don't know. How desperate I felt at that moment. How could a person don't know what he want? Every time I asked him questions like "what's the meaning in your life?","what's your goal in 5-10 years?","how will you arrange your life?" He can only reply me "I don't know"...What's wrong with him? He even said, I have mental health problem... P.S. his only "hobbit" is exercise and to be a good looking guy...But his is 35+ now...What's the point he wants to be more handsome? He doesn't want to be a fitness trainer as well. I tried to help him to find a meaningful goal like find another job he could enjoy more, but it doesn't work, either. He is such an introvert, and has no friends at all... I feel no matter how hard I push him, if he doesn't want to do it, my work is only useless...
january2011 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 From your posts, I suspect that English is not your first language. Therefore, it's likely that there are strong cultural factors underlying your post and viewpoint. My first thought: what are you doing about your career? Do you work? Are you ambitious? Do you have career goals? With regard to your husband, did you know he was like this before you married him? Did you hope that marriage would change him? There are some people who do not have ambitious career goals. They don't want to invest in their career. All they want is to be able to pay the bills and have a little bit of extra money for their social life - and that's pretty much it. If your husband is one of these types of people, he's not going to appreciate your pushing him to change. He might be happy where he is and happy with his life. In which case, you can learn to accept that this is how he is and channel your ambition elsewhere. Or leave him and find someone who is more ambitious and compatible with how you think a husband/man should be. Otherwise, your constant nagging about him being "useless" will lead to a very unhappy marriage.
Recommended Posts