My Wife and her G.I.G.S

April 15, 2013

Ya, I am not going to come after her, that's for sure. In fact - I've got an in-between guy that can bring her paperwork to sign etc..

April 15, 2013

Thanks for the advice guys. And ya, she said she was going to file for divorce this week. I am going to try and see a lawyer today. It is confusing to get conflicting opinions. Some say there is no way she is coming back, some say if I go full NC after a long time she will contact me again.

Trust me when I say I would NOT just simply "take her back" if she ever comes knocking. For me to even consider it, she would have to concede to a lot of things, convince me that she was truly regretful, and the relationship would take a LONG TIME to rebuild after this. Trust would be an issue for a long time.

For those saying that you think she will never come back - please note, that until recently, she has ALWAYS been head over heels for me. We have had so much fun together, so many passionate moments that would be impossible to fake. So many "I miss you, when are you coming home??" texts when I was out of town.

I believe her when I say that she has "always questioned our marriage". But who wouldn't in her position? I have been with her since she was 15... This is why I think it's a case of G.I.G.S. Not to toot my own horn, but I have been a pretty awesome husband to her (not perfect by any stretch). NOTHING BAD has EVER happened in her life. She's never been through anything remotely traumatic. She has been extremely comfortable. This is why I am lead to believe that after going through douche bag after douche bag, she may start to realize what she has lost. I could be wrong. In the end though, I do understand I need to move on and forget about her. I think after this divorce is final, I am not even going to consider contacting her for AT LEAST 6 months.

Oh no, you'd take her back. You take her back in a flash, all it requires are some hard sobbing, guilt racked remorse about how sorry she is she did this to you and Mr Saviour mode would kick in and try to comfort her.

You're making excuses for her now. She detached from you a long time ago which is why she's going through with the divorce. This is the start of her new life, she's not mistaken at all about the course she's taking. Plans with OM and her future with him or otherwise. She's free. You may come into the picture because she has to deal with you and the divorce but guess what's her safety net..OM.

NC should start now. Get all her stuff out the house and only keep in contact regarding working out the details of the D.

You keep up thinking you've been this awesome husband and she'll realize what a huge mistake she's made. She's divorcing you, before the ink was even dry she was humping OM. Save yourself the heartache and start to detach.

April 16, 2013

Last night I went downtown with a new group of people I met online. I met a bunch of people, girls and guys, and it really helped my confidence. I had a lot of fun. I felt better last night than I have since she left / cheated on me. I even made a new guy friend there, and we plan on hanging out in the future. He is actually going through EXACTLY what I am going through, which is pretty coincidental, but it was nice to talk to someone going through the same thing, and I think it is why we connected.

April 20, 2013

So the last 3 days or so I haven't been waking up to that incredulous feeling that my wife is gone.. As in - I wasn't having to "remember" it all over again like I have mostly been every other morning. That is until last night... I had a VERY VIVID dream of her coming over to the house, and I asked to talk to her. I told her how much I miss her, how much I love her, and that I know she made a mistake, but that it's okay, that I forgive her. She started crying. I ran up to her and kissed her passionately, pushed her into the bedroom, and onto the bed, where I then had to most realistic passionate sex dream of my life. I woke up to a wet dream and just completely broke down with the realization that it was NOT REAL. That I was all alone in my house with nothing to show for my passion but a dirtied pair of boxers. That she was still head over heels infatuated with this new guy. That she wants absolutely nothing to do with me right now, at all. In fact, the last time I tried to ACTUALLY kiss her passionately, was when she told me she was leaving. I rushed in and tried to kiss her as a desperate last ditch effort. Lips that were always so inviting before that moment - I was now being pushed away with a look of disgust on her face.

God, every time I think things are starting to get a little bit better, they're not.

April 20, 2013

I'm very sorry that you are struggling through this. I think your wife did not experience any life outside of being with you and she is going crazy because of it. Please do NOT apologize to your wife or be overly nice to her. She doesn't care about your feelings, so you need not be so careful with your wife's emotions.

My guess is that she will be back once she realizes that all grass has weeds and needs to be taken care of. By that I mean that your wife will find that any relationship she will get into will have issues. She is just too high on oxytocin to think of that just now.

If she does return, do not take her back immediately. Your wife doesn't seem like she is mature enough for marriage; she clearly needs to sow some more wild oats. I only wish your wife had realized this before she was married to you.

April 20, 2013

As hard as this is going to be I say file for divorce. DO divorce her. Let her live "life" with this guy and see how quickly she realizes it isn't what she thought it was going to be. Let the divorce be final. (not sure if one can divorce asap depending where you live)..

IF she changes her mind after you're officially divorced, you can 'date' her and allow her time to make it up to you, to regain your trust again. You can always re marry at some point in the future.

BUT for now, you MUST look after you and go full on NC.

April 20, 2013

I'm very sorry that you are struggling through this. I think your wife did not experience any life outside of being with you and she is going crazy because of it. Please do NOT apologize to your wife or be overly nice to her. She doesn't care about your feelings, so you need not be so careful with your wife's emotions.

My guess is that she will be back once she realizes that all grass has weeds and needs to be taken care of. By that I mean that your wife will find that any relationship she will get into will have issues. She is just too high on oxytocin to think of that just now.

If she does return, do not take her back immediately. Your wife doesn't seem like she is mature enough for marriage; she clearly needs to sow some more wild oats. I only wish your wife had realized this before she was married to you.

The only thing I have apologized to her through this whole thing was the nasty names I called her after I found out about the affair. The reason I did is because I recognize that *I am the sane person* in this right now. I am trying to let her go as peacefully as possible. Pissing her off by calling her names is not going to do any good, even if the names are justified. I think the only good that can come out of this is if I just let her go and move on, and if she comes crying back in a year, I'll just deal with it when the time comes. Though I think if she even ever wants to come back or get in contact with me again, I think her guilt, stubbornness, and the social bridges she has burned in this process may prevent her from contacting me.. We'll see I guess.

April 21, 2013

As hard as this is going to be I say file for divorce. DO divorce her. Let her live "life" with this guy and see how quickly she realizes it isn't what she thought it was going to be. Let the divorce be final. (not sure if one can divorce asap depending where you live)..

IF she changes her mind after you're officially divorced, you can 'date' her and allow her time to make it up to you, to regain your trust again. You can always re marry at some point in the future.

BUT for now, you MUST look after you and go full on NC.

Yes, this is what I am planning on. She said she was going to get the divorce papers this last week, but she never did. If she doesn't this next week, I will be the one to initiate it. I live in Utah, so there is a 90 day mandatory waiting period, which really sucks because I don't want to have to tell single women I'm still married, heh.

April 21, 2013

The only thing I have apologized to her through this whole thing was the nasty names I called her after I found out about the affair. The reason I did is because I recognize that *I am the sane person* in this right now. I am trying to let her go as peacefully as possible. Pissing her off by calling her names is not going to do any good, even if the names are justified. I think the only good that can come out of this is if I just let her go and move on, and if she comes crying back in a year, I'll just deal with it when the time comes. Though I think if she even ever wants to come back or get in contact with me again, I think her guilt, stubbornness, and the social bridges she has burned in this process may prevent her from contacting me.. We'll see I guess.

I think under the circumstances, you name calling and reacting to what she's done is pretty tame considering... Your whole trust was shaken, your world was turned upside down by her selfish actions and choices. You didn't ask for this! This woman hurt you to the core, tore your heart out.

Don't be scared of her. Piss her off, who cares! Look what she's done to you! Anyway, you are the sane one for sure and because of this, you will be okay. It'll take time, maybe some counseling too, as well as relying on your family and good friends to help you through this. HER LOSS. And yes, one day she will realize this..With regret. But it may be too late.

Sorry that you're going through this.

April 21, 2013

I think under the circumstances, you name calling and reacting to what she's done is pretty tame considering... Your whole trust was shaken, your world was turned upside down by her selfish actions and choices. You didn't ask for this! This woman hurt you to the core, tore your heart out.

Don't be scared of her. Piss her off, who cares! Look what she's done to you! Anyway, you are the sane one for sure and because of this, you will be okay. It'll take time, maybe some counseling too, as well as relying on your family and good friends to help you through this. HER LOSS. And yes, one day she will realize this..With regret. But it may be too late.

Sorry that you're going through this.

Yes, my family and friends and the awesome people on this forum are what are keeping up up straight and not getting fired from my job, haha. I am going to counseling as well - hopefully that will help in the long run.

This whole thing is forcing me to deal with so many emotions all at once. Betrayal, Deceit, loneliness, fear of not finding someone as good as she was to me, and as attractive physically, the dreams at night hurt like hell. Waking up and having to remember it all over again hurts like hell. Imagining her giving herself to that douche bag hurts like hell... SO much to deal with all at once.

April 21, 2013

I am only going to give you one advice... what ever you do... don't take her back!
You deserve someone who loves you and respect you enough to not play with you feelings as she is doing!

Yes, this is the advice everyone keeps giving me. If she came back right now to show her the door would be A LOT HARDER SAID THAN DONE. Hopefully in 3+ months, that decision will be easier to make.

April 21, 2013

Just think about it... if you take her back what would motivate her to don't repeat it later?
It is really like this how you want to live, don't you think you deserve better?
She will not respect you if you take her back...you know that, don't you?

Well, like I think I said in an earlier post, I wouldn't just take her back with open arms and an open heart. It would have to be an intense healing process that would take years. A complete rebuild of our relationship, and reformation of trust. She would have to convince me that she was genuinely sorry and regretful, and that she was willing to change, and put in the work to fix things.

I think even if she ever does want to come back, she will not be willing to put in the work necessary, and so at that point I will be able to see clearly that it will not work, and I would kindly show her the door.

April 22, 2013

Don't you see that you are already making a recovery plan when there is not even intention from your wife side to come back?
My advise is to take some counseling and begin to accept the idea that she may won't come back and if she comes back your relationship will never be the same...

I've definitely already begun to accept the fact that she may never come back. That doesn't mean I don't want to be prepared for the scenario in which she does. And ya, I have been going to counseling. And you are right, if by some chance she does come back, our relationship would NEVER be the same again. My goal would be for it to be much stronger than it was. Anyways. I will admit that fantasizing about her coming back is a coping mechanism for me right now. But I am not delusional. I fully realize the good possibility that she is just done with me forever.

April 22, 2013

I really should not be posting - because I simply don't know what the acronym GIGS stands for...

Actually, acronyms drive me crazy because they are usually BS (oops).

But, just curious, does that stand for: Girl is Getting Slutty?

Again, my apologies for not knowing what the acronym stands for.

April 22, 2013

Grass is greener... (aka grass is greener on the other side of the fence).

April 22, 2013

Grass is greener... (aka grass is greener on the other side of the fence).

Thanks for that.

As per GIGS...

Not sure why I was thinking it was "Girl/Guy is Getting Slutty"...

The grass thing makes a lot more sense.

Best wishes.

April 22, 2013

I don't think it's healthy for you 2 hold out hope for her coming back and apologizing for the monstrous things she's doing 2 you and your marriage. Even if you do want it, the best way, by far, 2 improve the chances of recovery are 2 accept, sooner rather than later, that she's gone and you're probably better off that she's gone. Tell her as soon as possible, via filing for divorce yourself, that you are done with this nonsense and won't tolerate it for a minute longer.

You see, while you are hoping she'll want 2 come back 2 you, she's busy boinking the POSOM. How many more times do you 2 need her 2 do that before you figure you'll not want 2 even think about recovery?

Gott run, more later.

-ol' 2long

What you guys are saying is right. It's a struggle for me because it is like she changed into an entirely different person over night. It was only a few months ago she was kissing me, and telling me how much she loves me. So part of me keeps thinking this is a phase, and one day she is going to wake up and say - wtf have I done? I mean, we have been together for TEN years. Almost half of her life.

Right now it's like I'm bipolar. I feel like I am moving on, while at the same time, entertaining the idea of her coming back.. It is a very strange feeling and thought process to endure.

April 22, 2013

In some ways my first marriage ended when I caught a form of GIGS. It ended when my Ex caught me, did an about face and within a short time had a new girl friend. That woke me up, but it was too late.

April 23, 2013

I was SHOCKED that she would even consider dating a guy like this let alone SLEEPING with him. She has always been such a sweet, loving, committed wife!! She had a good moral compass... I am just in absolute shock.

Apparently she's not as great of a person as you thought

You had a fantasy about her...it's time to accept the reality about her: she's a fallible human being capable of being selfish and immoral

After I found out she was having an affair, I called her all sorts of names (very calmly) - whore, slut, coward, etc.... She got PISSED. Yelling things like "This is OVER! I am getting the papers next week!!"

Hilarious...she's angry because you described her accurately

ME: I want to apologize about all the mean things I said to you. At the time I thought that was the best way to show you I care blah blah blah

The message she's getting is you're a weak push-over. You're apologizing because...she had sex with another dude and you got mad?

She responded with a simple: Thank you.

You type paragraphs, pouring your little heart out. She types two words. Do you see the imbalance here? She cares a lot less than you do.

What I want to know, is what you guys think the chances of her coming back are? She is a fairly stubborn woman.

The probability of her coming back is directly related to the probability of you growing a pair and acting like a man, not a sobbing pussy-whipped little boy

But at the same time, I do want her to come back and be the Tiffany I know she can be.

LOL...OK, good luck with that

Are you sure she's the person of your dreams?

Obviously she's totally down with su**ing and fu**ing some strange office c*ck when she feels unsatisfied with you. Is this really the type of person you want to be with?

Is there ANYTHING I can do? Can I stay in LC - just send a text every month or so saying that I hope she is doing well? Or should I go full NC?

Young man, I'm gonna give you some tough love since you seem to have little understanding of human psychology

Being weak and needy will not get you any respect from your wife. People learn from consequences. She cheated on you. For her to feel regret, you need to make her experience negative consequences for her cheating. Make her miss you.

Now, if you were really smart, you'd probably file for divorce. I suspect that one of the reasons you hesitate to do this is because you don't have a lot of dating options. You see, if you were a charming lady's man who could easily find another mate, you wouldn't cling to a woman who has betrayed your trust. You'd find someone who deserves you.

Unfortunately, you're probably stuck in a mentality of "this woman is the best for me and I'm unlikely to find someone better". No. No. No. The more desperate you are, the more pathetic you're wife will think you are.

Right now, go no contact. You're not trying to win your wife back. She should be trying to win you back. If she doesn't put in herculean effort to win back your trust, MAN UP and MOVE ON. What's the point of trying to keep someone who doesn't really care about your marriage? Stop clinging to her like a meek little puppy.

Ironically, to get someone to stay, you have to show them that you are capable of leaving. However in your case, I'd say don't waste the time. Find a woman who deserves you. Your current wife isn't that woman.

April 23, 2013

Apparently she's not as great of a person as you thought

You had a fantasy about her...it's time to accept the reality about her: she's a fallible human being capable of being selfish and immoral

Hilarious...she's angry because you described her accurately

The message she's getting is you're a weak push-over. You're apologizing because...she had sex with another dude and you got mad?

You type paragraphs, pouring your little heart out. She types two words. Do you see the imbalance here? She cares a lot less than you do.

The probability of her coming back is directly related to the probability of you growing a pair and acting like a man, not a sobbing pussy-whipped little boy

LOL...OK, good luck with that

Are you sure she's the person of your dreams?

Obviously she's totally down with su**ing and fu**ing some strange office c*ck when she feels unsatisfied with you. Is this really the type of person you want to be with?

Young man, I'm gonna give you some tough love since you seem to have little understanding of human psychology

Being weak and needy will not get you any respect from your wife. People learn from consequences. She cheated on you. For her to feel regret, you need to make her experience negative consequences for her cheating. Make her miss you.

Now, if you were really smart, you'd probably file for divorce. I suspect that one of the reasons you hesitate to do this is because you don't have a lot of dating options. You see, if you were a charming lady's man who could easily find another mate, you wouldn't cling to a woman who has betrayed your trust. You'd find someone who deserves you.

Unfortunately, you're probably stuck in a mentality of "this woman is the best for me and I'm unlikely to find someone better". No. No. No. The more desperate you are, the more pathetic you're wife will think you are.

Right now, go no contact. You're not trying to win your wife back. She should be trying to win you back. If she doesn't put in herculean effort to win back your trust, MAN UP and MOVE ON. What's the point of trying to keep someone who doesn't really care about your marriage? Stop clinging to her like a meek little puppy.

Ironically, to get someone to stay, you have to show them that you are capable of leaving. However in your case, I'd say don't waste the time. Find a woman who deserves you. Your current wife isn't that woman.

Thanks for giving it to me straight. I needed to hear this.

April 23, 2013

Thanks for giving it to me straight. I needed to hear this.

Good luck. I hope you'll find the courage to leave your unfaithful wife and move on.

I really would not recommend reconciliation in your case. There's no law prohibiting a divorced couple from re-marrying so if one day your wife magically becomes a much better person, you can re-marry her if she's willing...but until then, I really advise that you end the marriage and move on. I really don't see any reason for you to stay.

Edited April 23, 2013 by BeholdtheMan

April 23, 2013

Good luck. I hope you'll find the courage to leave your unfaithful wife and move on.

I really would not recommend reconciliation in your case. There's no law prohibiting a divorced couple from re-marrying so if one day your wife magically becomes a much better person, you can re-marry her if she's willing...but until then, I really advise that you end the marriage and move on. I really don't see any reason for you to stay.

I just printed out the divorce papers. I am going to try to file them tomorrow.

April 23, 2013

We are here to help and support you Brother. You have a long and difficult road ahead of you, but we're behind you walking the same road.

April 25, 2013

Been a very bad day today. I've been very productive all week, but I still break down and cry randomly, and I am plagued with the fear that I will not find somebody else constantly... I've been trying to randomly approach women I find attractive and talk to them, and I don't think I'm that horrible at it, but I hate doing it. It's so awkward. Haven't had the balls to actually ask anyone out yet though.

April 25, 2013

Co-dependent much?

Dude why are you running after other women when you can't even handle just being by yourself...you're using them as a crutch. You want to rush into another relationship and you're a mess quite frankly, unless it's just booty calls but I dont think you're that kind of guy..you'd probably fall in love.

Take it day by day, sort yourself out, be comfortable with yourself before inviting someone into your life. It makes things easier for all involved.

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My Wife and her G.I.G.S

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