seren Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 This weekend the sun finally showed it's face (it even reached 11 degrees) and H and I spent most of our time in the garden sat on the bench he bought us, having a BBQ, a few beers for him and a glass or three of wine for me. Our view is of open fields, forests and not much else. TBH it was one of those, my world is complete, life is dammed good and if the planet had blown up, I would have gone down smiling and happy. I said to H, we have it all don't we, not money or possessions, but contentment, love and a feeling of belonging. H said that he had waited such a long time (since D Day) for me to say that out loud, I said I thought I had and he said yes, but it was just the one time when he knew for an absolute that I was back to me - that we had been doing a silly dance earlier might have helped, but it dawned on me that while I knew we would make it, that we had reconciled and that the A and all that it threw up had been dealt with, there might have been a part of me that held back, a sort of, don't get too happy, look what happened the last time sort of thing. I wasn't aware that H felt that I had this defence mechanism thing going on, he knew I used to, way back in the mists of time use this due to life experiences, but never with him. I just know that last night we sat bundled up under blankets watching the stars and the world twirl slowly by, that this was where I was meant to be and my husband was the person I was meant to be doing that with. I wonder if any of us who have reconciled have a moment when we thought, we are going to be OK, in fact we are going to be more than OK. I admit that sometimes when this happens I think, if it is this good then how the hell the A ever took place, but I think I have explained ad nauseum where we were at that time. Knowing how close we came to losing us has made us sit up and take more time for the relationship in our marriage. So, any light bulb moments for any other reconciled people which might give hope to those struggling? 9
AbeNormal Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 (edited) Seren, I value your posts. This one, particularly, gives me hope (for whatever reason). So please forgive me for being a smart ass... A couple of weeks ago I thought I had a lightbulb moment, but then the fuses blew. They got saturated by the drip-drip of yet more trickle truth... Is there a Guinness World Record for trickle truth survivors? Might I be famous now?! I've overcome that (knowing that it is just shame and defensiveness that held back those, hopefully, final facts) - and have screwed in a couple new fuses. I loved the imagery of your post. I don't have the beauty of a Scottish view to look forward to, but I do have much to look forward to... Hope I can come back with a truly compelling "lightbulb moment" - the only thing that I know for certain now is that ... I have learned too much about something that I really wished to never know/experience. But I think my marriage/relationship - for me, and hopefully for my wife - is evolving to a new solid place. Perhaps our sunset will be beautiful. Anyway, good for you. I hope you continue to have a nice life, and that it evolves to yet a more exceptional life with your husband. Thanks for your post. Edited April 15, 2013 by AbeNormal 1
dichotomy Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 (edited) I won't say we have fully reconciled - maybe 60%. Perhaps I have some dream situations (i do) were I get all I wan from her and it is finally reconciled. . Other times I feel the old relationship is not coming back, the things I need not possible, and I am learning to adjust or cope with this new marriage. But I will offer this hope to those working on things - that there have been tiny light bulbs, run way lights if you will, that keep me moving and working on making the marriage better, and my wife healthier. Typically these words said (statements, expressions of feelings) hit me as deep and genuine words.....because they come out naturally and without preparation... and move me along. Often I am sure she does not realize the significance of those light bulb (run way lights) moments she provides when she says certain things. Life is journey, and a journey of a 1000 miles begins with one step - or a few genuine words. Edited April 15, 2013 by dichotomy 1
Confused48 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Seren, I value your posts. This one, particularly, gives me hope (for whatever reason). So please forgive me for being a smart ass... A couple of weeks ago I thought I had a lightbulb moment, but then the fuses blew. They got saturated by the drip-drip of yet more trickle truth... Is there a Guinness World Record for trickle truth survivors? Might I be famous now?! I've overcome that (knowing that it is just shame and defensiveness that held back those, hopefully, final facts) - and have screwed in a couple new fuses. I loved the imagery of your post. I don't have the beauty of a Scottish view to look forward to, but I do have much to look forward to... Hope I can come back with a truly compelling "lightbulb moment" - the only thing that I know for certain now is that ... I have learned too much about something that I really wished to never know/experience. But I think my marriage/relationship - for me, and hopefully for my wife - is evolving to a new solid place. Perhaps our sunset will be beautiful. Anyway, good for you. I hope you continue to have a nice life, and that it evolves to yet a more exceptional life with your husband. Thanks for your post. Kind of a opposite light bulb moment. You think all is well and good and then, bam, trickle truth or whatever and you realize,,,, it's a much longer and harder journey than you though.
jnel921 Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I can relate... My H and I have a good life. We too live in a beautiful area surrounded by woods and mountains. There are days I wake up and realize how blessed we are. We have been getting through this difficult time. My H just like yours is awaiting my confirmation of love. He has voiced this to me. He knows I have some fear in giving into anything he says or does completely. I am cautious as I should be. But I am not ready to say those words or confirm. He says that would be the happiest day of his life. Knowing he earned my love and respect again. I see your point about how is that if this was so good how can you have hurt me like this... I personally feel the OW did my marriage a favor. He saw that the grass was not greener on the other side. He understood that we were partners, not just in marriage but in life. We built and completed goals and have experienced amazing things together. We have a great family. Those were the things he had to come back down to earth to realize. The OW could never have given him that. If anything she needed someone to help her. But it wasn't going to be him. We are in a good place. 6 months since D-Day, 9 months since he touched her. If he saw her today, he'd walk away. I truly believe that. 3
Athens Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 We did when we were talking and another of her lies was exposed. She tried to be everything he wanted her to be and told lie on lie....when he figured out yet another one, he grabbed me and said how lucky he was to have me and how stupid he was to have ever risked us. I think just seeing him let go of the idea that she wanted what he wanted and it was just casual when really she wanted to break up our marriage made him see just how wrong he was, up to that point he kind of held on to the casual thing and that we were never in danger because he heart was with me. I knew then that not only did he now see things from my POV but also will never stray again. Not sure why that moment sticks out for me, but it does.
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