Wont consider a guy, unless she can picture herself kissing him

[Cutiepie1976]

If people are socially adept, why would they need Meetup?

 

I use it for tennis partners, hikes, sports leagues for soccer and volleyball, running groups, sailing events and regattas. I'm supposed to be sailing near Croatia in a few months with someone I met last year through a sailing Meetup. He joined me for a regatta in the Bahamas after we had chatted for a while. I also use it for some of my more adventurous interests (bungee jumping, paragliding, etc.) since many of my friends aren't interested in that stuff, and the few who are, aren't always available. Plus you often get steep discounts as a group that would be unavailable if you went with just one or two friends. Prices are steep on adventure sports.

 

The list of potential activities and interests is huge, and it complements all the other social activities I'm involved in. I have a friend who found her current book club through Meetup. Another volunteers on a local farm about half an hour away. She found that through Meetup. You can find whatever you're looking for on there.

[Cutiepie1976]

Which is why i dont approach women because no matter how much we connect if i dont pass the physical threshold i have no chance

 

You miss 100% of the shots you never take.

 

Just sayin...

[tbf]

I use it for tennis partners, hikes, sports leagues for soccer and volleyball, running groups, sailing events and regattas. I'm supposed to be sailing near Croatia in a few months with someone I met last year through a sailing Meetup. He joined me for a regatta in the Bahamas after we had chatted for a while. I also use it for some of my more adventurous interests (bungee jumping, paragliding, etc.) since many of my friends aren't interested in that stuff, and the few who are, aren't always available. Plus you often get steep discounts as a group that would be unavailable if you went with just one or two friends. Prices are steep on adventure sports.

 

The list of potential activities and interests is huge, and it complements all the other social activities I'm involved in. I have a friend who found her current book club through Meetup. Another volunteers on a local farm about half an hour away. She found that through Meetup. You can find whatever you're looking for on there.

In essence, you use it for activity partners, not to meet someone for the purposes of romance. Are your actions or body language different when a guy or woman approaches you?

[Cutiepie1976]

@IRC:

 

Most people go to meetups for the activity, to socialize, and to have fun.

 

You can certainly meet and hit it off with someone anywhere in your life, and I have dated guys I met in the most random places. That's chance and always fun when you happen to make a connection.

 

What many find offputting and downright creepy are the guys who just show up to trawl for dating prospects. Even worse are the guys who've researched you beforehand and that comes to light during casual conversation--part of the reason I started PMing the organizer the day before to say I was coming rather than publicly RSVPing on the site for events.

 

It's much like the guy who stands by a produce bin in a grocery store hitting up any attractive, seemingly single woman who happens by when he has no intention of actually grocery shopping and finally leaves the store without groceries or a date.

 

There are less socially awkward ways to go about dating. To guys who do this, I say go to singles events, go online, go to bars, etc. There are thousands of venues where single people are specifically looking for dates. Stop showing up to events where you have zero interest in the activity itself and are instead going to subject any female attendee too polite to walk away when you make her uncomfortable, with cheesy lines and sexual innuendo.

 

If those women appeared closed off to that guy it's because he was behaving inappropriately and wouldn't take a hint. Unfortunately, there are some in every group. You just hope they give up and move on.

[Cutiepie1976]

In essence, you use it for activity partners, not to meet someone for the purposes of romance.

 

Precisely. That's the purpose of the site. It came out of 9/11 when New Yorkers were looking for a way to organize groups and volunteers after the tragedy. It's interesting to see how it has evolved. It is most definitely not a dating site, and many groups have rules in place to minimize the harassers who try to use it as a dating site.

 

Are your actions or body language different when a guy or woman approaches you?

No my body language is the same. Unless the guy becomes a creep. Then he gets treated like a creep.

[irc333]

Thing is, the activity I went to...was just eating and socializing, nothing more. No boating, hiking, etc, etc. Just conversing...nothing more. Might as well be a singles Meetup , just doesn't have the label as such, because everyone there....was single.

 

Plus, the women I met there....were also members of Singles related Meetups as well, a mix of non-labled singles meetups vs social Meetups...so it's all moot.

 

It was kind of funny, because I saw some woman ask a guy for his # at this said event.

 

It's kind of moot, because 99% of the people or sometimes even a 100% are single/unattached.

 

With a token couple that shows up, then feels awkward because they wind up being the only couple in the group. LOL

 

 

I use it for tennis partners, hikes, sports leagues for soccer and volleyball, running groups, sailing events and regattas. I'm supposed to be sailing near Croatia in a few months with someone I met last year through a sailing Meetup. He joined me for a regatta in the Bahamas after we had chatted for a while. I also use it for some of my more adventurous interests (bungee jumping, paragliding, etc.) since many of my friends aren't interested in that stuff, and the few who are, aren't always available. Plus you often get steep discounts as a group that would be unavailable if you went with just one or two friends. Prices are steep on adventure sports.

 

The list of potential activities and interests is huge, and it complements all the other social activities I'm involved in. I have a friend who found her current book club through Meetup. Another volunteers on a local farm about half an hour away. She found that through Meetup. You can find whatever you're looking for on there.

[irc333]

Even worse are the guys who've researched you beforehand and that comes to light during casual conversation--part of the reason I started PMing the organizer the day before to say I was coming rather than publicly RSVPing on the site for events.

 

That's kind of creepy, alone. LOL. Showing up without RSVP'ing? What do men say to you that comes up during casual conversation?

[irc333]

Ha ha. If she doesn't want to be researched, here's a genius idea. Don't put your info in public domain.

 

Exactly....I sometimes bring up what they have in their Meetup profile in conversation. Like "Hey, I noticed that you're into kayaking and you're in a Science Fiction group, what kind of Sci-Fi movies are you into?"

 

Usually if it's coming from a guy they aren't into, only THEN it's considered creepy.

 

FUnny thing, I saw this guy looking at his Iphone for messages, and the woman across from him he's been talking to says, "So, you lookin' me up on FB?"

 

And he was like "Huh??"

[irc333]

This kind of implicit judgement by other women is why women don't try new things.

 

 

Not sure I understand the "If women are socially adept, why would they need Meetup....." remark

[Emilia]

Not sure I understand the "If women are socially adept, why would they need Meetup....." remark

 

It implies that if you were socially adept you would have a wider social circle thus removing the reason to keep meeting strangers. It is a pejorative and dismissive remark. Having said that I'm guilty of thinking that way too because it is how I feel about OLD.

 

I'm a meetup user as well, partly because I got used to befriending strangers when I travelled and I miss it and partly to use it to widen my social circle with the view to find a romantic partner who is physically very active. I don't enjoy staying within limited social circles.

 

I think there will be always those that look down on superficially created social interaction because they feel their social status provides enough demand for their company that they don't have to make an effort outside their circle. They don't have to seek companionship or new friendships because they receive it from others without asking (due to their social status).

 

Having said that, while I seek out meeting new people through shared activities and I like dating men who share certain interests with me, I give parties a miss because in my experience they are treated more as singles nights and that just doesn't fit in with my prefered social interaction style.

[AlexDP]

Would you date a girl that you cannot envision kissing? Seems reasonable to me.

 

I agree. To me that is the thing that really shows attraction. If I can't imagine kissing a girl, surely I am not attracted to her? It also really isn't something that "grows". I've never been attracted to a woman I wasn't attracted to before. Sure, I may not have been in love immediately and that changed, but the initial attraction was always there.

 

And I can imagine that if it's this way for me, it's the same for women. Unfortunately I've had to deal with women simply not feeling it for me. I've also been in the opposite situation. It's life I suppose, nothing much that can be done about it.

[irc333]

It is as Emilia indicated. It implies those who use Meetup have no social skills or those skills are not sufficient to forge relationships. Harsh judgement like this acts as a barrier against women to take part in activities which don't already fall on the public pre-approved short list passed by their fellow female peers.

 

Did we clear it up?

 

I'd have to disagree...I mean, that could be ONE of the reasons, but not very common.

 

Most reasons have to do with their friends having all married off and doing their own thing. (kind of what happened with me). Or they're in a profession where mostly a single gender exists (school teacher).

 

Or they are new to the area, just moved here, and have no friends.

 

I think there will be always those that look down on superficially created social interaction because they feel their social status provides enough demand for their company that they don't have to make an effort outside their circle. They don't have to seek companionship or new friendships because they receive it from others without asking (due to their social status).

 

Yeah, they are usually members on Meetup, but never really attend the events unless they have NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING else going on in their social network. Usually these are the socialites that use Meetup to network as opposed to forging friendships. I knew of this one woman, she was a +1 to a Meetup, I got her # and FB, I couldn't join her FB because she had reached the 5,000 friends limit. LOL.....I talked to her on the phone, and she booted one of them off, to let me on.

 

Apparently, her career involves a lot of networking in general that she has no time to make friends.

 

BUt people like that, they'll realize they might have regrets, and back down on that kind of lifestyle and start to forge friendships/relationships.

Edited April 16, 2013 by irc333

[irc333]

Having said that, while I seek out meeting new people through shared activities and I like dating men who share certain interests with me, I give parties a miss because in my experience they are treated more as singles nights and that just doesn't fit in with my prefered social interaction style.

 

Funny you mention this, I was one of the first few to show up that night, and sat next to this woman, as more people kept milling in....she noticed there's a larger ratio of women than there was to men...and she says, "Woah, looks like you're in luck IRC, a lot of women showing up....I'll be your wing man!"

 

And I looked her like what was she talkin' about? Well, it was kind of an "this is an implied singles event, even though it is labeled as a "Social Club".

[tbf]

irc, tell me something. Do you find understanding social dynamics a major challenge? This isn't an insult. More curious as to your motivation for questioning every triviality, subsequently creating superficial broad brush theories about women, over the actions of each woman you encounter.

 

If you're trying to understand women, good luck since women are different, just like men are different. In order to understand one woman, you're going to have to get much deeper into her individual psyche. In understanding her past, including her childhood, it's possible to predict future behaviours, not at the detail/trivial level but at the general level of positive or negative responses to particular stimuli.