Wont consider a guy, unless she can picture herself kissing him

[irc333]

More interesting info from the insight from women. Same women I had talked with earlier this evening.....we got to talking how she had did online dating in the past only to be stood up or have them send pics of their junk.

 

I said Meetup was a lot better, that way you can get to know them over time, social interactivity, body language, so there's no awkwardness of a "cold turkey" online meet.

 

She did make some point in regards to Meetup, she feels that even though she's gotten to know some of the men in Meetup over time, but if she cannot "right off" picture herself being intimate with them or kissing, chances are she won't even give him a shot.

 

I have a good friend of mine, who has a philosophy of getting to know women over time in these gatherings, and THEN asking them out. (He likes to get to know them, before he would consider asking one out). Basically, get to know them to SEE if he could see himself dating her.

 

But, truth be told....it seems his lack of success with women, in Meetup was the fact some of the women he had pursued in the group....were never attracted to him upon FIRST meet.

 

So I'm finding out that if there isn't a "spark" in even social gatherings....sure, they make great friends and future female "wing men", but say sayanora to your chances with "Holding out" a bit to date them.

 

Of course, she qualified herself by saying, "I don't mean to sound superficial....but....if I cannot picture myself kissing a guy, chances are I won't even go on a first date with him."

 

Any theories on this guys/ladies?

 

That kind of made me uneasy though, I think she FZ'ed from the get go by doing a "Hand bump" with me saying, "IRC, you're a good guy", and she just met me.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

I've dated/hooked up with plenty of girls that weren't interested in me initially.

 

Your friend needs to step up his game.

[hppr]

Of course, she qualified herself by saying, "I don't mean to sound superficial....but....if I cannot picture myself kissing a guy, chances are I won't even go on a first date with him."

 

Attraction is kind of a yes/no thing, sometimes it grows but not often. As far as what that girl said about "I'm not superficial BUT" that shouldn't require explanation. Be glad she thinks you aren't kissable.

[reaver]

More interesting info from the insight from women. Same women I had talked with earlier this evening.....we got to talking how she had did online dating in the past only to be stood up or have them send pics of their junk.

 

I said Meetup was a lot better, that way you can get to know them over time, social interactivity, body language, so there's no awkwardness of a "cold turkey" online meet.

 

She did make some point in regards to Meetup, she feels that even though she's gotten to know some of the men in Meetup over time, but if she cannot "right off" picture herself being intimate with them or kissing, chances are she won't even give him a shot.

 

I have a good friend of mine, who has a philosophy of getting to know women over time in these gatherings, and THEN asking them out. (He likes to get to know them, before he would consider asking one out). Basically, get to know them to SEE if he could see himself dating her.

 

But, truth be told....it seems his lack of success with women, in Meetup was the fact some of the women he had pursued in the group....were never attracted to him upon FIRST meet.

 

So I'm finding out that if there isn't a "spark" in even social gatherings....sure, they make great friends and future female "wing men", but say sayanora to your chances with "Holding out" a bit to date them.

 

Of course, she qualified herself by saying, "I don't mean to sound superficial....but....if I cannot picture myself kissing a guy, chances are I won't even go on a first date with him."

 

Any theories on this guys/ladies?

 

That kind of made me uneasy though, I think she FZ'ed from the get go by doing a "Hand bump" with me saying, "IRC, you're a good guy", and she just met me.

 

Shes right. Im the same way. Maybe guys and girls are different. I really think most guys can just sleep with anyone, even if they arent all that attracted to them and theres no chemistry, its just a warm bod to them. Not me, I need to feel the spark.

 

However, I always give the guy at least 2 dates if I like him otherwise because I find chemistry isnt always there from the get go...thats where she and I differ.

[outsidethebox]

It seems to me that's pretty accurate and a good insight from her.

 

I think they do that picturing and forward thinking that we don't do. And if the picture isn't there, the guy's not in the picture.

[lynn1954]

This is not a typical thing that women think or say to themselves upon first meeting a man.

 

Just the opposite: many women are well aware that a man's personality, kindness and compassion are much more important than his looks.

 

So, they don't all judge a man by his apparent kiss-lish-ish-ness upon first appearance, they get to know him to find out if the way he acts and the things he says and does make them want to kiss him!

 

Ultimately, one wants a partner that they enjoy kissing. But most don't make that determination on first glance, just some do.

[reaver]

This is not a typical thing that women think or say to themselves upon first meeting a man.

 

Just the opposite: many women are well aware that a man's personality, kindness and compassion are much more important than his looks.

 

So, they don't all judge a man by his apparent kiss-lish-ish-ness upon first appearance, they get to know him to find out if the way he acts and the things he says and does make them want to kiss him!

 

Ultimately, one wants a partner that they enjoy kissing. But most don't make that determination on first glance, just some do.

 

The men that Ive felt strong chemistry with were ones that werent stunners looks-wise and had these personality traits.

 

Chemistry for men is more visual attraction. Its all about looks as long as the girl doesnt have an god awful personality. Thats why you see men on this site write long desperate posts about a "smoking hot" woman and normal ones about "average looking" women. For women, chemistry is not all looks...I do need the chemistry but I think its not as looks-heavy as most men's are

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Shes right. Im the same way. Maybe guys and girls are different. I really think most guys can just sleep with anyone, even if they arent all that attracted to them and theres no chemistry, its just a warm bod to them. Not me, I need to feel the spark.

 

However, I always give the guy at least 2 dates if I like him otherwise because I find chemistry isnt always there from the get go...thats where she and I differ.

 

He's not talking about a random date from OLD though.

 

He's talking about a social circle, a group of friends. This is, by far, the easiest way to get a girl. This is not a club or OLD where you have only one shot to make a good impression. You could mess up a million times and get it right the next time and still get the girl. Even if she doesn't like the guy at first, she'll be spending a lot of time with him and can easily come around. It's actually pretty natural.

 

I find it hard to believe that anybody has trouble getting girls this way.

[reaver]

He's not talking about a random date from OLD though.

 

He's talking about a social circle, a group of friends. This is, by far, the easiest way to get a girl. This is not a club or OLD where you have only one shot to make a good impression. You could mess up a million times and get it right the next time and still get the girl. Even if she doesn't like the guy at first, she'll be spending a lot of time with him and can easily come around. It's actually pretty natural.

 

I find it hard to believe that anybody has trouble getting girls this way.

 

Some people just dont have chemistry. You arent meant to have chemistry with every person. Guys working on their personality certainly helps their odds but it isnt guaranteed.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Some people just dont have chemistry. You arent meant to have chemistry with every person. Guys working on their personality certainly helps their odds but it isnt guaranteed.

 

Of course it's not guaranteed, but it's VERY likely.

 

How is that I've gotten so many girls this way? I guess the "chemistry" I send out into the world is just universally awesome. (OP, that's sarcasm....I think your friend will get those girls if he changes his behavior...he's doing something that turns the women off.)

[reaver]

Of course it's not guaranteed, but it's VERY likely.

 

How is that I've gotten so many girls this way? I guess the "chemistry" I send out into the world is just universally awesome. (OP, that's sarcasm....I think your friend will get those girls if he changes his behavior...he's doing something that turns the women off.)

 

...certain types of girls like the cocky boys...If I met you in real life Im pretty sure Id smell right through your bull****.

[PogoStick]

Would you date a girl that you cannot envision kissing? Seems reasonable to me.

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

...certain types of girls like the cocky boys...If I met you in real life Im pretty sure Id smell right through your bull****.

 

What bullsh*t? I'm pretty honest with who I am. I'm also not that cocky IRL. Most people would describe me as charming/confident. But it comes off as cocky online.

 

There are some guys that are attractive to many women because they have the right kind of personality and behaviors. Of course, not every girl likes these personalities. So to those girls (you included), I would simply wish you well and be on my way.

[Estate]

More interesting info from the insight from women. Same women I had talked with earlier this evening.....we got to talking how she had did online dating in the past only to be stood up or have them send pics of their junk.

 

I said Meetup was a lot better, that way you can get to know them over time, social interactivity, body language, so there's no awkwardness of a "cold turkey" online meet.

 

She did make some point in regards to Meetup, she feels that even though she's gotten to know some of the men in Meetup over time, but if she cannot "right off" picture herself being intimate with them or kissing, chances are she won't even give him a shot.

 

I have a good friend of mine, who has a philosophy of getting to know women over time in these gatherings, and THEN asking them out. (He likes to get to know them, before he would consider asking one out). Basically, get to know them to SEE if he could see himself dating her.

 

But, truth be told....it seems his lack of success with women, in Meetup was the fact some of the women he had pursued in the group....were never attracted to him upon FIRST meet.

 

So I'm finding out that if there isn't a "spark" in even social gatherings....sure, they make great friends and future female "wing men", but say sayanora to your chances with "Holding out" a bit to date them.

 

Of course, she qualified herself by saying, "I don't mean to sound superficial....but....if I cannot picture myself kissing a guy, chances are I won't even go on a first date with him."

 

Any theories on this guys/ladies?

 

That kind of made me uneasy though, I think she FZ'ed from the get go by doing a "Hand bump" with me saying, "IRC, you're a good guy", and she just met me.

 

There is merrit in both options.

But I agree more with the girl. Guys who try to come in under the radar and be "friends" first are very disingenuous and come off weak.

If you like and want a girl then when you meet her you should be setting the dynamic that you are not friends, you are interested in something more.

 

The problem is, the "friends" guy is afraid of failure. He's afraid to put it out there what he really wants but he is the guy, he should be doing that.

I find guys like this to be very creepy in some ways... they are scheming by being friends when they never really want to be friends, they don't care for the friendship, they just are afraid of rejection when stating what they really want so I feel it comes off creepy and dis-ingenuous.

 

Guys proably hold onto the hope of something developing more than girls do but at the same time, in your own life, think of someone you are friends with, the thought of kissing them never arose... all of a sudden they asked you out and expected something romantic to develop... would you really be feeling it? Probably not... is buying them dinner going to make you re-consider spending your life with them? No way!

[Sanitarium]

Would you date a girl that you cannot envision kissing? Seems reasonable to me.

 

 

this ^^^....

[Poppy fields]

I went through a time in my life where I pretty much wanted to kiss every guy I saw. Didn't mean I wanted a relationship with them though.

[irc333]

But I agree more with the girl. Guys who try to come in under the radar and be "friends" first are very disingenuous and come off weak.

 

Actually, I was a bit more edgy with this woman....than I am usually with other women.

 

She had been struggling with her name tag, it kept coming off her blouse. I saw it was right on her boob, and I asked, "Would you like a little help there?"

 

She was like "IRC!! You naughty boy you!" and laughed.

 

It became kind of a running gag for the first half hour, but didn't want to beat a dead horse either.

 

Then her friend comes back from the restroom, and says to her, "I think IRC wants to touch my boob." and laughed.

 

Then we all got to talking about what we like in a person, and she looks at me and says, "Yeah, IRC's a boob man I see."

 

And so on...that being said, the course of that conversation, I made sure that there was no "FZ" related conversation going on.

[tbf]

Why would anyone want to date another, if they can't imagine kissing them? Kissing can happen on the first date. Dating and relationships usually include the desire to touch another, unless you're asexual. This is the difference between platonic and non-platonic relationships. Most people don't mercy date.

[irc333]

That being said, I think if you come off as friends, when you really want to DATE her, the guy put in her in a "State of Mind" that "Oh, this guy just wants to be friends, that's cool"

 

Then she's going along MONTHS with this guy, as a "buddy" to him, while all the while, 2 months later, he asks her out, or tries to put his hand on her thigh at dinner or something.

 

IT's kind of a mind mess-up there...screws up the woman's mind.

 

If you make a move on her from the get go, well....at least you know where you stand.

 

 

There is merrit in both options.

But I agree more with the girl. Guys who try to come in under the radar and be "friends" first are very disingenuous and come off weak.

If you like and want a girl then when you meet her you should be setting the dynamic that you are not friends, you are interested in something more.

 

The problem is, the "friends" guy is afraid of failure. He's afraid to put it out there what he really wants but he is the guy, he should be doing that.

I find guys like this to be very creepy in some ways... they are scheming by being friends when they never really want to be friends, they don't care for the friendship, they just are afraid of rejection when stating what they really want so I feel it comes off creepy and dis-ingenuous.

 

Guys proably hold onto the hope of something developing more than girls do but at the same time, in your own life, think of someone you are friends with, the thought of kissing them never arose... all of a sudden they asked you out and expected something romantic to develop... would you really be feeling it? Probably not... is buying them dinner going to make you re-consider spending your life with them? No way!

[KungFuJoe]

Off topic but why is your nick irc333?

[Cutiepie1976]

Why would anyone want to date another, if they can't imagine kissing them? Kissing can happen on the first date. Dating and relationships usually include the desire to touch another, unless you're asexual. This is the difference between platonic and non-platonic relationships. Most people don't mercy date.

 

Exactly! Why is this even a revelation? If a guy is too repulsive to even kiss, imagine how queasy and gross you would feel at the thought of him doing anything else.:sick:

 

This is why a first kiss can be so clarifying when you're on the fence about someone.

 

If you can't even tolerate the thought of a kiss, basically he's a platonic friend. His incredible personality and other wonderful traits become entirely irrelevant. They can't override visceral revulsion.

 

Guys may be content with a double coyote ugly partner or a double bagger for the night, once they have enough alcohol on board of course, but for most women, that's just a complete non-starter. It ain't happening.

[start-fresh]

There is merrit in both options.

But I agree more with the girl. Guys who try to come in under the radar and be "friends" first are very disingenuous and come off weak.

If you like and want a girl then when you meet her you should be setting the dynamic that you are not friends, you are interested in something more.

 

The problem is, the "friends" guy is afraid of failure. He's afraid to put it out there what he really wants but he is the guy, he should be doing that.

I find guys like this to be very creepy in some ways... they are scheming by being friends when they never really want to be friends, they don't care for the friendship, they just are afraid of rejection when stating what they really want so I feel it comes off creepy and dis-ingenuous.

 

I agree completely and that's the approach I always take if I have interest from the get-go. Sometimes, though, attraction builds the more you get to know someone. In that case you can't fault a guy for making his intent known later.

[irc333]

I know it may be obvious that if you can't picture yourself kissing them, but I was wondering why she was blowing off the idea of seeing the same guy or guys on a routine basis at Meetups or Facebook social invites....that perhaps familiarization would bring her to comfort level with a guy for attraction to grow....but she's making it sound like it has to be something immediate.

 

She said she LOVES a man with a sense of humor, because she can be quite a goofball herself, as she demonstrated at the Meetup....that's what I liked about her...some one else said, after meeting her, "Man, it's hard to find a woman that's pretty AND is fun as her."

 

Because most women around here are kind of off-putting dead-asses....or have their walls up constantly.

 

For instance, when I was at the Meetup, I was watching some of the women there, and they didn't seem approachable at all...one guy was trying to talk to some of these "wall flowers" and their body language, the entire time they had their arms folded, and weren't really smiling or laughing at all. They looked really uncomfortable for some reason.

 

PErhaps they were shy because it was their first time meeting new people, I dunno....but why go to a social activity if you don't want to be sociable?

[tbf]

Because most women around here are kind of off-putting dead-asses....or have their walls up constantly.

 

For instance, when I was at the Meetup, I was watching some of the women there, and they didn't seem approachable at all...one guy was trying to talk to some of these "wall flowers" and their body language, the entire time they had their arms folded, and weren't really smiling or laughing at all. They looked really uncomfortable for some reason.

 

PErhaps they were shy because it was their first time meeting new people, I dunno....but why go to a social activity if you don't want to be sociable?

If people are socially adept, why would they need Meetup?

[AD1980]

Which is why i dont approach women because no matter how much we connect if i dont pass the physical threshold i have no chance