stansmam Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I live with my boyfriend of 7 months. We have recently had major problems owing to him taking the dreaded champix to stop him smoking. After we realised how life changing (and not in a good way!) these tablets are, he came off them. Things started to get better and we had always talked about dogs. He loves them and it is his absolute dream to once again own one. We agreed that we would get one in time, sort of a reward for stopping smoking. But we agreed that we would leave it 6 months before we did. Then, the next day, he has arranged to go and view some puppies!! So we goes to see them and he becomes hell bent on getting one. Me being soft and so happy to see happy (what ive been desperate for!!) I agreed and said we can get one if we use some of the money we were using to pay stuff off to get a dog walker while at work and pay stuff a little slower. So we got the dog. I was well aware of the commitment this ment. But i really just wanted him to be happy. And he was, but now i am completley invisible. Everything is about the dog. He comes to bed late because of him and im the one to get up because of him. We cant go out together, we cant even lie on the sofa together. Everytime i try to talk to him, he just goes off with the dog!! I was just about coping and putting it down to him being new and a puppy. Until...... he now wants to go on a different shift pattern to me. So we are at home at different times for the dog. I want a dog walker. He would only need someone to walk him around 10 times every 5 weeks, thats far less than most!! But to make it worse, he just said he doesnt care how much it upsets me!! And says i agreed to that, i think not!! Im losing my boyfriend to a flipping dog! Its awful 'cos i want to love the dog, but i just see him as in the way and the reason our relationship is getting knacked. I even think having a baby would mean less to him! (Im not getting pregnant, dont worry!) I dont know what to do, hes made it clear my thoughts dont count. Gutted like Oh, and he went back to smoking!! Duped!!
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 How long have you two been dating? You're boyfriend sounds selfish and immature. You can't force him to care about your feelings but a good boyfriend DOES care about your feelings. You listed several times now where he disregarded the agreements in your relationship for his own desires. You need to have a serious talk with him about the relationship. And if he doesn't care? It may be time for a new boyfriend. But...don't be mad at the puppy. It's your boyfriend that is causing the problems. Not the puppy. 2
lynn1954 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 OMG people and their pets are totally wacko and bonkers. Absolutely, you should come first, dog second. I've observed so many people give love to their pets and treat the people in their lives like p.o.s. Leave this guy immediately, I'm not kidding. He doesn't care about your happiness, he only cares about his own happiness. Find someone who doesn't like pets, or someone who keeps their pet love in perspective. Find someone who puts you first. It's not just pets, you also compete with golf, cars, motorcycles, poker, fishing, etc. Men are jerks (kidding, I love 'em, but....) LOL
mortensorchid Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 THe dog sounds like an excuse to me. Is there something else wrong besides your getting a dog? 3
Catguy Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I would pick my dog over my man. Any day. Cats are better. 3
Noproblem Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Seriously, you are jealous of a puppy? Poor Puppy! I think you are very controlling ..and this is not healthy! 2
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Seriously, you are jealous of a puppy? Poor Puppy! I think you are very controlling ..and this is not healthy! It makes me wonder how she'll respond when she has kids. 1
start-fresh Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 THe dog sounds like an excuse to me. Is there something else wrong besides your getting a dog? ^^^This...
Author stansmam Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 Urm.... Some of you lot need to have a word like, are yous for real?! No, im not some crazy psycho bunny boiling bitch, im just a lass that is struggling with her boyfriend preferring to go to bed with the dog and changing shifts so he sees the dog and not me! And for everyone that has actually been nice with helping, i thank you. Yeh, there must be something else wrong. Hes just gone off it about his phone. I would never have even thought owt of his phone and trust etc until i just got the reaction i did when i jokingly took it as he had mine. Serious questions now like!
Emilia Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 And for everyone that has actually been nice with helping, i thank you. Yeh, there must be something else wrong. Hes just gone off it about his phone. I would never have even thought owt of his phone and trust etc until i just got the reaction i did when i jokingly took it as he had mine. Serious questions now like! I think your boyfriend has addiction problems and he needs to always focus on something. I think his behaviour is a sign that he has deeper issues, certainly so with boundaries. Personally, I don't think you should be fixing him. 1
Disenchantedly Yours Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 Hey folks, you need to stop attacking her. She came here for advice. Not to hear your smart comments about all the ways you believe she is dysfunctional. I agree that she shouldn't be jealous about the puppy but there is a way to convey that without making snide comments about her future kids and other nonsense. 3
reaver Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 (edited) You're not overreacting. When I clicked on this thread I thought Id read someone complaining about their S.O with their dog but he has gone too far with- thats kinda wacky. Yes, puppies are big commitments but Im pretty obsessed with my dog and I didnt treat my boyfriend that way when we lived together. Neither does my best friend and shes obsessed with her dog! Amen to the person above me who said they spoil and obsess over their pets while treating their S.O poorly Based on the other things about him that youve posted Id say this guy is reallly immature...this is just one of the many things. Are you sure you are happy in this relationship? Edited April 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
reaver Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 You sound like you need to grow up tbh. You're getting jealous over a puppy. It's brand new and he's bonding with it. The infatuation will slowly die down over time and it will be the three of you. If you can't deal with not having 100% of the attention focused on you, then that's on you and that's selfish. If you can't deal with it, then leave him, because returning the dog is not an option. Only trashy people do that. IF you do decide to leave, he'll be fine. A puppy is a p***y magnet anyways. Shes not getting any attention. Actually, this response you made shows that you are a very immature selfish person just like the OP's boyfriend so Im not surprised you are against what the OP said (so is HoneyBadger and he "liked" this comment) This pretty much aligns with all of your posts here. Your posts always scream ME ME ME!!!! MY NEEDS MY NEEDS!!! She doesnt care the puppy is getting attention. I think she cares he is ignoring her completely. Someone who goes to this extreme over a dog is not someone who is emotionally healthy. This is coming from someone whod choose her dog over a guy anyday by the way. I still wouldnt go that far.
Author stansmam Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Mr soul, nice. What a classy fella you must be... I would like to reinforce, i am not jealous of the dog. I am seeking advice re my boyfriends behaviour. Like the fact he has chosen to work when i sleep and vice versa. Thanks reaver, nail on the head! I never thought of him as selfish and im thinking he maybe wasnt emotionally ready for this relationship. I am happy with him and sometimes cant believe my luck and then all of a sudden he just does something that i really struggle to get my head around. Blooming jeckle and hyde! Disenchantedly yours, thanks! Honest, its not jealousy like that. Its not getting why he acts this way and advice on what to do.
Author stansmam Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Ok, For all of you saying im crazy, irrational, jealous, controlling etc..... it is 6am here. We didnt go to bed until 3am "so the dog wasnt on his own". I am now on the sofa (at 6am!!) after he brought the dog to bed and when i went to stoke him i got "look at the f**king state of your face i dont know how anyone can hate him. You are a disgusting bitch. Get out and f**k yourself" to which i got out and i am now on the sofa. I didnt even say anything! I just went to stroke him! The majority of people on here have completely judged me and jumped to conclusions. I asked for advice. 1
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Ok, For all of you saying im crazy, irrational, jealous, controlling etc..... it is 6am here. We didnt go to bed until 3am "so the dog wasnt on his own". I am now on the sofa (at 6am!!) after he brought the dog to bed and when i went to stoke him i got "look at the f**king state of your face i dont know how anyone can hate him. You are a disgusting bitch. Get out and f**k yourself" to which i got out and i am now on the sofa. I didnt even say anything! I just went to stroke him! The majority of people on here have completely judged me and jumped to conclusions. I asked for advice. Well, maybe if you weren't so mean to the dog in the first place, then he wouldn't have responded that way.
zanzi Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 (edited) its true that you shouldn't be competing with a dog. However the dog is not the main issue here. The main issue is your relationship. You resent the dog because you resent your boyfriends immature and selfish treatment of you. This is what needs to be sorted out. Edited April 16, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Author stansmam Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Stroking the dog is mean? Being the one who buys him everything is mean? Maybe i dont play with him as much as my bf does, but i am never mean to him!
Emilia Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Stroking the dog is mean? Being the one who buys him everything is mean? Maybe i dont play with him as much as my bf does, but i am never mean to him! Don't get worked up stansman, I'm sorry you are experiencing this. There are all sorts of people that post here, everyone has their issues. Many probably only have pets for company. What are you going to do about your boyfriend?
Author stansmam Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Thanks emilia! I forget not everyone is understanding! I dont know what to do. Im dreading him coming downstairs. Hes the sort of person that just closes off when you talk to him. I dont hate the dog and the person before was right, i resent him due to the way my bf behaves over him. I dont know whether he knows what hes doing or not. I think i need to find this out first.
Emilia Posted April 16, 2013 Posted April 16, 2013 Thanks emilia! I forget not everyone is understanding! I dont know what to do. Im dreading him coming downstairs. Hes the sort of person that just closes off when you talk to him. I dont hate the dog and the person before was right, i resent him due to the way my bf behaves over him. I dont know whether he knows what hes doing or not. I think i need to find this out first. It's hard for me to see what you are getting out of being in a relationship with a doper who has deep issues.
Author stansmam Posted April 16, 2013 Author Posted April 16, 2013 Hes one extreme to the other. One minute hes amazing. The next hes awful. Yep, he speaks to me like s**t and doesnt think that thats bad. Best get looking for a new house! (He can give me the money for the dog first though!)
zanzi Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 what I was saying was he shouldn't be putting a dog before you but it came out wrong. The fact that he's putting a dog before you should be your cue to kick him out the door. you can seriously do better. Things with this guy aren't going to change. If it's not a dog, it will be something else. And since your the one that payed for the dog don't even let him take it. Keep the little cutey and make it love you more then him. thats what I would do. As for everyone screaming at you about being selfish or whatever, some people on this site have odd priorities.
AMusing Posted April 17, 2013 Posted April 17, 2013 I think many posters are reacting so strongly not because of OP herself, but because of previous threads started by people who were so obviously being selfish and callous towards an animal's well-being. So many posters expected their SOs to choose: me or the dog. That type of thinking leads to dogs being put down in an animal shelter, and as animal lovers it breaks our hearts. I delayed responding to this thread, because at the start it was unclear if the boyfriend actually gave too much attention to the puppy or if he was just being a responsible dog owner with a jealous gf. It's still not 100% clear, because puppies are a LOT of work, but I do get the impression he is going completely overboard in this case. However, how your boyfriend treats you, dog issue aside, is unquestionably unacceptable. Nobody should ever talk to you that way. For you to acknowledge that he does--not just once, even, but regularly--should be an immediate wake-up call. You need to get out. And since your the one that payed for the dog don't even let him take it. Keep the little cutey and make it love you more then him. thats what I would do. See, quotes like the one above are why animal-lovers react as strongly as we do on threads like this. Dogs are not pawns; they are not disposable tools. Don't take the puppy away just to make someone jealous; that's cruel (to the person and more importantly to the dog). Be a better person than that, and leave with your head held high. By all means get the money back for the dog, but don't stoop to such a disgusting level.
Recommended Posts