PinkDotsXOXO Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Sorry to make it so long... I think what gets to me is the confusion of the whole situation. My ex and I dated for 7 and half years beginning at the age of 16. (So we never really got a chance to date anyone else, seriously anyway). After 2 years together we broke up for one month, he dated someone else, and after that we got back together and dated another 5 years. Beginning at the end of last year we both came upon hard times (deaths of both of our pets, everyone in our family in and out of the hospital, etc.) I got so used to relying on him to come over every day after work and he always told me he missed me and loved me and was excited to see me. Then a few days before Easter he begins to act weird, as in he doesn’t want to hug or kiss me or anything and acts strangely distant. A few days later (April 2nd) he breaks up with me. He tells me he doesn’t love me anymore like he used to, he’s not really attracted to me anymore, he doesn’t want to make things work and he tells me to stop begging (which I wasn’t). I met up with him the next day to talk to him about the break up because I pretty much walked out on him when he did it. All it ended in was me crying again and it didn’t make me feel any better. Everyone then of course suggested I have NC with him and I did for a while but then I cracked. I called him on the phone and pretended like everything was fine. I facebook chatted him and still pretended I was fine. Finally, I made a huge mistake and rehashed the whole breakup which of course resulted in us fighting. He said he needed space and that he doesn’t want to lose me as a friend. Also, he said that this might not be a permanent break up. He said he doesn’t want to see me because he’s trying to get over me. (That is the part I don’t completely understand because he contradicts himself). Also, that the only reason he is talking to me is because he wants to say civil and be friends but if it’s too painful for me I should stop talking to him altogether. We used to spend every day together and I guess he felt smothered which was weird to me because we always talked about how we would eventually live together once we saved up enough money. He is graduating grad school in May so everything seemed right around the corner. I’ve tried to keep busy and do anything to mask the pain but I feel better about myself for a few hours and then I just feel like crap again. I’m holding on to the hope that we might get back together someday and I just don’t know where to go from here.
TaraMaiden Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Well, this is a post with all the classics thrown in. Not 'break-up', just a break. No Contact, but broke it. Split up, get back together, split up, get back together....etc...etc...etc. Can't be lovers, but let's just be friends, we have too much 'history' to throw it all away. First love, known no other. Need' space, feel hemmed in, want to spread wings and explore 'Life' a bit. Get back together, maybe, some point down the line, in the future. Oh, and - Pain. Lots of it. In a nutshell, it's a post with all the main components and problems thrown in. Okay, so where to start? First love, rarely ends up as last love, or even main Love. Sure it happens, but it's not all that common, and still raises eyebrows when it does, so you're not alone in its impermanent nature. Secondly, I think you two could definitely be very good friends down the line. But not yet. And certainly, not for a long while. Not while you still have strong feelings for one another. You have to reach a state of Benign Indifference, that is, you can see him standing on a porch with his arms lovingly round his wife and their baby, and think "Yeah, I'm happy for him. But so what? It's cool...." You have to absolutely both agree to go No Contact - and stick to it, religiously, 100%, 100% of the time (It's in my signature, 'updated', First Post.Read it, voraciously, and carefully digest every word.) The remainder of the thread makes for interesting reading too, and it's very appropriate to you. Grab a coffee, sit, and read. Good luck, stick around. We'll support you, because after 7 years, you're going to need it.
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