PepperPotts Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Hi guys. I was wondering if any of you have advice for transitioning from long distance to in person. My boyfriend and I have been dating a year and a half, and began as an in person couple. He then graduated and moved home, on the other side of the country. I graduate in five weeks, and then we're getting in the car the next day and moving me out there. I will not be living with him at first-- I have already made other living arrangements for the first two months (living arrangements that will likely stress me the hell out, but other living arrangements nonetheless). In addition, the majority of my things will be at my parents' house during that period of time. I've tried to take the pressure off of the transition as much as I can. I can tell he's really nervous (it's a big change, and he has been incredibly nervous every time we take a big step), and I am too. We're both seeing trouble where there is none (last night he decided I was mad when I was exhausted, and the night before I was afraid he had either ditched me or was *in* a ditch, when really he had just fallen asleep with his phone on vibrate). So tl;dr: What's your advice on transitioning smoothly? And do you have any tips for surviving a 1200 mile roadtrip? Thanks for your help.
Els Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 How do you feel about your move in general? Is there anything else there that you look forward to, other than being with him? Have you a job or a program of study there? Have you been there before for visits?
Author PepperPotts Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 I have visited four times, for a total of about a month of time in his area. I love it-- the climate is SO much more comfortable than where I live, everything's clean, and there's so much to do-- museums, a solid dozen movie theaters, nature, you name it. I have been generally excited about the move for a long time, and there are days where I pretty much bounce between classes because I'm so excited. Yes, I'm nervous-- but I think I'd be crazy not to be. I'm moving to a new city for a man who has promised to put a ring on my finger at some point this year, but hasn't actually done it yet. I don't have a job lined up yet, but I've been trying and have had interviews. Our professional field is really competitive, and the job market kind of sucks right now. I'm in the top quarter of my class, but there are two schools in his state that offer the same program, which puts me at a disadvantage. In addition, I have to pass a really big test to even be able to work. That comes at the end of July, and it's STRONGLY recommended that people in my position don't have jobs between the end of school and the test. You need to study for fifty hours a week to pass. In other words, I don't have a job, but I also can't work until August, and can't work in my field until I find out I passed the test in October. I have enough money saved (and a rent-free living situation) that I will be ok.
Els Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I think if the move is reversible (you're not giving up your job or anything to go), and you like the place for itself, you should probably just chill and enjoy yourself. Worst case scenario, if it doesn't work out, is you get a great holiday in a new place that fascinates you, and some good experience. I moved to be with the bf when there was not even any talk of marriage (we were 24 and generally late bloomers), it's been over 2 years, and I most certainly don't regret it. EVEN if we hadn't worked out, I wouldn't have regretted it, because that move was a good step for my own life. I think that is the key point to moving - you'll be in a much better mindset if you feel the move is good for you. Even marriage is not really a clad iron guarantee - some people move to be with their husband or wife and things don't work out. If you don't mind me asking, how did you get a rent-free living situation if you're not living with your bf?
justwhoiam Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 What's your advice on transitioning smoothly? Take things more lightly. Smile more. Tell a joke... You'll be fine. And do you have any tips for surviving a 1200 mile roadtrip? I would be thrilled!!!!! Like a dream, really! I would do all the things I'd love doing: stopping at a drugstore along the way, dine in one of those all-look-a-like dining places, with some aged waiter wearing some white/pinkish outfit, take pictures, buy some candies, listen to music in the car, stimulate his senses... stop the car in the middle of nowhere like a place to remember... keep him company in the late hours also to make sure he won't fall asleep, just in case. And maybe sit on the hood and make out with him during a stop-over................ and eat a panino along the way as if it were a picnic... These are just a FEW of the ideas... Plan where to sleep. Prepare some emergency CDs for when radios suck or you need a special mood. Or simply feel like singing. If you can listen to MP3s or MP4s through the car loudspeakers, then it's even simplier for you to record everything. 1
Els Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Interesting. You'd live with his family, but not with him? Does his family mind? Where does the 'high stress of living' part come in?
Author PepperPotts Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 Yes, with his mother. She offered back in December, and I said I was ok. But then I thought about it and realized it actually makes a lot of sense. He lives an hour away from her house, so we get the weekends-- we can slowly transition back to seeing each other all the time from seeing each other every 2-3 months. He studied for this exam last summer, and we both thought it was easier for him to not have me around because that way he could focus. If I live with him, I'm putting the review course away the second he walks in the door whether I should be or not. We lived together for two months before he graduated, and I know how we are. The stressful part is that she currently really likes me, but the most time I've ever stayed at her house is two weeks, and he was there the whole time. I want her to continue to like me because unless something goes horribly wrong, she's going to be my mother in law. So for a while at least, I'm going to be nervous. And all of those things sound really good justwhoiam! I doubt we'll be taking many breaks though, as he now has a meeting scheduled at work right after we get back to his state. There can be no wasting of time :/
justwhoiam Posted April 15, 2013 Posted April 15, 2013 I doubt we'll be taking many breaks though, as he now has a meeting scheduled at work right after we get back to his state. There can be no wasting of time :/ Your trips means at best an 18-hour drive. But you'd need 5 stops at least, even if it's just to pee. I know he will like to reach destination as soon as possible, but it will be less stressful if you make room for some fun along the way. You sure have time for anything in the list, and much more... Make it memorable.
Author PepperPotts Posted April 15, 2013 Author Posted April 15, 2013 I do have lots of music downloaded to my mp3 player for the car, and will be making cookies. Maybe we can squeeze in a picnic and a car hood makeout session
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