Bridging the gap between Asian Women and Afro-American Men

[BLKMAN4ASIANWOMAN]

Greetings everyone,

First and foremost, thanks for being here to assist in providing a place to vent concerns and provide a place for dialogue. I am new here and actually discovered this site by accident and after probing around, I saw that I liked most of the interaction, so I decided to register and participate as well as try to offer my opinion on issues that I may find beneficial to those in question, as well as to post some threads that may also provide me with answers that I also seek.

 

This first post is of concern to me based on my preferences in dating. Please be advised that this post is not intended to be a racial attack by any means and all I desire is some unbiased and sincere dialogue that is positive and honest, but not demeaning or degrading to anyone.

 

I am a educated successful Afro-American man who though will date any woman of any ethnicity who appears to be of interest and good moral character, I have always had a STRONG preference towards Women of Asian descent. However,

being Afro-American, I tend to find that the vast majority of Asian women will prefer to date a Caucasian man, solely because he is Caucasian and will overlook the positive qualities that I possess and can bring into her life simple because of my ethnicity. There was even once an argument among friends who criticized an Asian woman for dating a Afro-American man by another Asian woman who was married to a Caucasian man who was unfaithful to her, wrecked her car and always berated her while he was drunk, yet this is acceptable because of his skin.

 

I am not here to hate on anyone, but all I want is my fair consideration when approaching a fine Asian woman and why cant they look beyond the surface of my skin to see that my character may possess many of the characteristics that many of these women are seeking in a lifetime partner? What is it that will make Afro-American Men a more suitible partner? Can someone please give some insight to this issue as I am eager to hear from you, especially from the Asian women out there.

[binturong]

Well, as an Asian woman, I have to honestly say that I have no preference in who I date. As long as we get along, it's all good. I am marrying a Caucasian man, but I have dated Asians, Mexicans, and Blacks too. I have to wonder how you're approaching women. For me, it was always that I wanted to get to know someone as friends before moving on to anything else. If all you're looking for is to hook up with someone, it's an immediate turn off. JMHO, of course.

[BLKMAN4ASIANWOMAN]

Well speaking respectfully, I approach them with warmth and respect, the same way I would approach a Afro-American, Caucasian or Hispanic Woman. My approach to a woman is not ethnically specific. My upbringing, being raised by strict Southern parents, I was brought up to respect all people, and to render the complete respect to a woman. I strongly believe that a Woman is an equal part of any relationship, to be respected and cherished. I do not approach these women in a disrespectful way regardless of ethnicity, however, I always seem to get more resistance from women of Asian descent. Personally, I wouldn't mind if this resistance came from other women, because my personal preference is Asian women, always have been and always will be. I would not proclaim myself an authority on Asian culture, but I do pride myself in embracing it and actually find it interesting and intriguing. I will date a woman of any ethnicity, but if I am to marry, I will most likely not consider marriage unless it was with an Asian woman because I know that deep down inside it is the Asian woman that I really want.

[BLKMAN4ASIANWOMAN]

Furthermore, at my age, I am not seeking a "hook up" in the casual sense. I am seeking a long term, or permanent relationship. I am a successful cultured and educated man, who is kind hearted and very outgoing. I have so much to offer the right woman and I am willing to settle with the right woman, but she must be within the confines of my personal preference simply because long term to permanent is quite a long time to settle for less than what I want.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by BLKMAN4ASIANWOMAN

Furthermore, at my age, I am not seeking a "hook up" in the casual sense. I am seeking a long term, or permanent relationship. I am a successful cultured and educated man, who is kind hearted and very outgoing. I have so much to offer the right woman and I am willing to settle with the right woman, but she must be within the confines of my personal preference simply because long term to permanent is quite a long time to settle for less than what I want.

 

Thats your problem. You're a nice guy, a good catch and a lot of women don't seem to be into that these days.

[BLKMAN4ASIANWOMAN]

Well I was always raised to be respetful of others, to include females. I am certain that there are females that still want a respectful man and not a thug or macho type. Hopefully there are some women out there that want a respectful man who regards and appreciates all he has to offer her.

[Altaira]

I'm Asian or Asian/Latin open to any race, and am definitely attracted to handsome black men, most notably Malcom X and Tyrese Gibson, unsure about name, but the one in the movie Four Brothers, ironically, he is part Asian.

 

I'm of Philippine descent and I have a AfroAmerican male and Nepalese (Asian) female couple friends, maybe non Eastern Asians are more open to dating black men.

 

I can't speak on behalf of all Asian women, just myself. What I like in men . . .

 

tall, dark, and handsome preferred

successful, passionate and expert in at least one area

alpha male type, intelligent, rugged assertiveness.

 

Black men in general are very attractive in terms of the masculinity aspect. Had a friend who was interested in me, he was very intelligent but not dominant enough, and I'm attracted to both

 

A DOMINANT BUT GENTLEMANLY PERSONALITY (IT'S A FINE LINE)

BRAINS, TALENT, SUCCESS

[BLKMAN4ASIANWOMAN]

Thank you for your input. I really thank you for your kind words. In regard to me, I am attracted to beautiful women of ALL ethnicities and nationalities, however, I must admit the Asian woman seems to top the list. I am also very attracted to women of Latin ethnicity. I have been to and my ex-wife is from the Philippines, and I very much would love to return there some day. I was particularly fond of Mactan in the Visayas. Perhaps maybe non Eastern Asians are more attrcted to Afro-American males, however, I am find women of Far Eastern Asian descent most attractive. I also find the culture most appealing. I really wouldnt consider myself as a Dominant, but more of an equalist with dominant tendancies at times. I prefer an equal simply because in the grand scheme of things, I like her input on life as a whole, her inteterests, her goals, her aspirations. I also feel that equals will help create a great balance of both cultures in the home and enviromental climate of the relationship. In that aspect Im not certain that you would find me to be dominant enough but I do thank you for your kind words in your post.

[Altaira]

I have radically political views, I didn't mean to glorify the unequal dominant/submissive stereotype people have about Asian women, what I mean by dominant is simply that the man is an alpha male type, I wouldn't want a man who was brutish and didn't revere and respect me.

 

My theory about AF/WM is that WM is the alpha male of society, and if it were BM or AM, that's who women would go for. A man can by compensated for by being an alpha male in his personal and professional life.

 

I don't agree with people who have racial preferences, and would hesitate to date them. Would you also take into account the individual attributes of the woman you date?

[BLKMAN4ASIANWOMAN]

Please allow me to clarify. I understand what you are saying, and in essence I agree for the most part, however, we all have our preferences, and I do not feel I should compromise on mine just for the sake of others. I have and do date outside of the Asian and Afro-American race at times as I feel that character, morality, compatablility are the most important factors. Also, I feel that there is no way in the world that one can date everyone just to see what type of character they possess, therefore we tend to develop preferences, just like food preferences. I tend to lean more toward my preferences though I have dated Hispanic, White and Afro-American women ass well. While we are young, we tend to be at our most appealing to the opposite sex, and its that character that will keep us with someone, just as it is that same character that will draw two people apart. It is the most influential part of our composition. The bad thing about character, personality, morality is that they arent as easily advertised as our ethnic background, thus I tend to have a strong attraction to the physical attributes of the Asian woman and have developed my preferences based on that as a means of who I will approach more readily. Hopefully you can understand what I am trying to convey here.

[curious_gurl]

I am Asian originally from the Philippines and have mainly gone out with African American men compared to other ethnicities. My last relationship was with an Afr. American and we looked completely different. He was over 6'0 ft. and I was only 5'0 ft. I was light skinned and he was dark skinned. Every time we would go to a public place we would get people's attention mainly caucasian people. I tend to get attractive to African American men first and would notice them first if a group of men walked into a room. However, now that I am single I tend to find myself dating other ethnicities and Im not quite sure why. I do know what you mean by some Asian women not dating Afr. American men. I have many Asian friends and I can't recall any of them in a relationship with men aside from Hispanic, Caucasian and Asian men. I'm sure you'll find the Asian woman of your dreams. Good luck!

[l2hvn]

I am Asian, and for some reason, I tend to attract African Americans quite easily.. I have previously dated them in the past (nothing serious). I think they are very masculine, very sensual, and really know what they want.

 

I remember getting the looks from African American women when I was dating a black guy. Like, why-is-he-with-her-when-he-should've-been-dating-a-sister look.

 

Some (not all) of my friends (Asians and non-Asians) didn't approve of my dating a black man. Even my family were hesitant to welcome them in our house.

 

You have to understand, if you are going to date an Asian girl, you have to know how traditional she is or her family is. Most Asian parents wouldn't want their daughters dating black guys for some reason. It's just how it is. Therefore, a lot of Asian women prefer to date Asian guys or any other race other than African-American because they want their family to accept them.

 

I am only speaking from my experience and not trying to generalize.

 

Seems like you are a great guy. However, it sounds like you are limiting your options to finding the right woman for you.

[BLKMAN4ASIANWOMAN]

Well I tend to feel that there is a double standard that seems to be placed upon Afro-American men in regard to their caucasian counteparts. Even being a successful career man I still have to confront the situation seemingly on a daily basis, not just in dating, but in life in general. I recall one time when I was at work, I had a caucasian nursing assistant under me. At the start of the shift, we went to make rounds and check on our patients. What happened I found a bit funny. Of the patients we saw, two had multiple needs while we were making rounds. They both wanted medicine, one wanted medicine for pain, the other medicine for sleep and a laxative. One wanted to be pulled up in the bed and the other wanted to be cleaned up because he had soiled himself. They both were elderly white males and they both addressed the white nursing assistant for the medicine and turned to me and asked the pulling up and cleaning up. Don't get me wrong, I dont mind doing what is necessary to bring comfort to my patients, its part of my job and I take great prde in my work, but what was so amusing was both assumed I was the nursing assistant and did not know that they were addressing the actual nursing assistant for medicine which she was not allowed to give. Once I addressed them as to who I was then of course they then made those and future requests with me.

In dating I also had to deal with the fact that my ex-wife, who left me for a white man, even though I was not abussive, niether verbally or physically. I was not even demanding and being she worked days and I worked nights, she didnt even do much of the house work. When she decided to leave, of course I asked her what it was I did wrong to warrant her unexpected decision. She could not give me an answer. When I spoke with a mutual friend, it was clear thn why she left. She told me that the reason she left didnt have anything to do with how I treated her as a husband, and from what my friend saw, as well as our social circle, they all agreed I was a good husband, but my only flaw was I was not white. I also was shocked to find that some Asian women tend to place the white male above males of their own ethnicity. All I ask is that I find someone, who will be attracted to, embrace and accept my culture as I am toward hers.

In regard to culture, I am well read, somewhat travelled. I have only been to six foreign lands at this point, three of them Asian countries. I love the culture, the ambiance, the artwork, the scenery, everything about it. I have no problems embracing her culture, though I may not always understand it, but I am always willing to learn what I do not already know.

Henceforth, I still dont understand why a woman of any ethnicity would want to leave a proven family oriented man, who has a successful and steady career for a deadbeat who doesnt hold a regular job and can provide no sense of long term security, however that was her choice and there was nothing I could do about it but accept it and move forward.

I tried dating after a while but that got too depressing so now I am focusing on my career and putting my social life on hiatus because though I dated women from various ethnic backgrounds after my divorce, still I found myself most attracted to the Asian woman and to be fair to the other women, I have to not lead them on into thinking that something more will become of a relationship that really is not going to go but so far, especially when my head still turns hardest for the Asian woman.

I guess my question to you is why does Asian society place so much value on the Caucasian male even above their own. This I cant understand, and I strongly believe that there are alpha males in every culture, just seems as the most prolific is the Caucasian male?