Marek Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 There's this girl in a few of my college classes. We get along great and she was a great sense of humor. I think she likes in a romantic sense, though. Just little things she does made me reach that conclusion. The thing is, is she's not that attractive. She's got a bit of extra weight, but she's not fat, and she's quite short. She's not ugly, though. Do you think it's worth pursuing? Everything else about her is great.
irc333 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 There's this girl in a few of my college classes. We get along great and she was a great sense of humor. I think she likes in a romantic sense, though. Just little things she does made me reach that conclusion. The thing is, is she's not that attractive. She's got a bit of extra weight, but she's not fat, and she's quite short. She's not ugly, though. Do you think it's worth pursuing? Everything else about her is great. Yeah, been there myself.....then they are on that "borderline" on whether or not you can picture yourself getting physical with them (ie - kissing, holding each other, etc). You could try going out with her, to see if you're able to do that. To see if her inner qualities overcome her physical. I've been with some "chunky" women before, found some of them even attractive...probably because they still had the "curves in the right places" going on...and didn't reach "obese" levels. Also, there was this one woman I went out with one time....every time she laughed or smile...she looked liked a man. She also didn't have a figure built like a woman either, she just didn't have "feminine' characteristics.
anne1707 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 If it wasn't for the fact that you are posting here to ask this question then I do not see any issue with dating her if you really like her. However your questioning implies that you do not find her physically attractive (and short girls who are a little bit overweight can definitely be attractive) so it would be unfair on her for you to take this further. 5
Author Marek Posted April 14, 2013 Author Posted April 14, 2013 If it wasn't for the fact that you are posting here to ask this question then I do not see any issue with dating her if you really like her. However your questioning implies that you do not find her physically attractive (and short girls who are a little bit overweight can definitely be attractive) so it would be unfair on her for you to take this further. I'm entertaining the idea. As I wrote, everything else about her is great. She even manages to make me laugh! (No easy feat.) It's just that the physical spark isn't there. I've imagined having sex with her, and it was, well, lacklusture. However, she might be a dynamite in the sack, and that in turn may increase her attractiveness.
ses Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I'm entertaining the idea. As I wrote, everything else about her is great. She even manages to make me laugh! (No easy feat.) It's just that the physical spark isn't there. I've imagined having sex with her, and it was, well, lacklusture. However, she might be a dynamite in the sack, and that in turn may increase her attractiveness. You should always date someone whom you find sexually attractive. She may be awesome in all other aspects but the "physical spark" defines the boundaries between a friendship and a romantic interest. She doesn't have to be a classic beauty or appeal to all men but she should turn you on. Seriously. Sex is fundamental for most people. Yes, personality helps make a person more attractive but there's usually a physical attraction present; the personality enhances the sex appeal. If you can't imagine kissing her or having sex then I would be cautious. Don't force an attraction. If you think it's worth it then spend time with her and see if any sparks generate. If nothing changes I would politely suggest you not pursuit her further. Both of y'all deserve someone who gives you butterflies. Speaking as a woman, the main reason I've turned down guys has been due to the lack of physical attraction. Everything was great but I couldn't imagine myself kissing or engaging in any form of intimate activity with them. I used to feel really shallow but then I realized how upset I'd feel if a guy dated me without feeling sexually attracted. I want him to desire me as much as I desire him. Do what you feel is best, and let us know! 6
leftfordead2 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 There's this girl in a few of my college classes. We get along great and she was a great sense of humor. I think she likes in a romantic sense, though. Just little things she does made me reach that conclusion. The thing is, is she's not that attractive. She's got a bit of extra weight, but she's not fat, and she's quite short. She's not ugly, though. Do you think it's worth pursuing? Everything else about her is great. Well, considering the fact that you do not find her attractive, no. Don't do it.
Els Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 No, don't do it. If you have to 'justify' someone's traits to 'get yourself' to date them, you're pretty much doomed from the start. Leave her for someone who will actually fall head over heels for her. 4
runningfar Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Have you been able to become very attracted to (not just settling for) someone you didn't feel attracted to initially in the past? I can/have done this. I think some can and some can't. If you're always going to think of her as not so attractive and be a little missing, don't start. 3
Treasa Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 You have a lot of options with other girls. Let her find someone who is crazy about her. And trust me, there are guys who will be crazy about her. 7
SuperGeek Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Whatever you do, be honest with yourself about whether or not you are attracted to her. You don't want to waste years of your life trying to _tolerate_ the looks of someone else. This isn't fair to you and more importantly not fair to the girl. We all deserve to be loved for who we are and if you can't be honest about your lack of attraction for this girl, just move on. Based on what you already said, you should move on. If you even think this at all _already_ it's going to be downhill from here. Move on and find someone more compatible. SuperGeek There's this girl in a few of my college classes. We get along great and she was a great sense of humor. I think she likes in a romantic sense, though. Just little things she does made me reach that conclusion. The thing is, is she's not that attractive. She's got a bit of extra weight, but she's not fat, and she's quite short. She's not ugly, though. Do you think it's worth pursuing? Everything else about her is great.
ses Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 you have nothing to lose by giving it a go. unless you have girls lining up to date you that you like more, you've got nothing to lose. don't get the people who say don't try, and relationships aren't just about looks, in fact they get less about looks as we age. Basic physical attraction is essential in a relationship. There are other factors of compatibility but sexual attraction is paramount. There should be a level of sexual desire between the individuals involved. There are plenty of women out there and he shouldn't have to settle for someone with whom he desires no intimacy. A woman desires physical affection, and if he can't offer that to her without difficulty, he has to look elsewhere. He can remain friends but he shouldn't try to force something between them.
grkBoy Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 There's this girl in a few of my college classes. We get along great and she was a great sense of humor. I think she likes in a romantic sense, though. Just little things she does made me reach that conclusion. The thing is, is she's not that attractive. She's got a bit of extra weight, but she's not fat, and she's quite short. She's not ugly, though. Do you think it's worth pursuing? Everything else about her is great. Forget if society doesn't see her as "beautiful" or "attractive. Do YOU see her as "beautiful" or "attractive? If so, then try it. I initially thought my fiance was "ok" in the looks department...but as I got to know her, she went from "ok" to "hot" in my eyes. If you honestly do not see her as "beautiful" or "attractive, then don't do this. You'll eventually not want to be with her and this will just break her heart. Never date someone out of convenience. 6
Philosopher Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 It depends on whether you find her attractive or not and whether you could imagine enjoying getting more intimate with her. The physical spark is not there yet but it could be in time. I would go out on a couple more dates with her. It could be that the fact she is great in other ways, will result that physical spark being ignited. If there still is not that physical spark after then however, then I would pursue some one else who do find physically attractive.
hppr Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 There's this girl in a few of my college classes. We get along great and she was a great sense of humor. I think she likes in a romantic sense, though. Just little things she does made me reach that conclusion. The thing is, is she's not that attractive. She's got a bit of extra weight, but she's not fat, and she's quite short. She's not ugly, though. Do you think it's worth pursuing? Everything else about her is great. I'd give it a go, if she's fun in the sack and likes the same things you do then great. The thing is a girl who is really cool but a bit out of shape can put on makeup and lose the weight but a hot one who is a pain will always be a pain. Besides looks fade with age.
reaver Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Do not date this girl. You will string her along and you know it. Only date girls you are actually attracted to Would you want to date a girl who goes on dates with you and isnt attracted to you? No. Am I the only person in this world who actually practices the Golden Rule?
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I would say consider a FWB situation if that's something you're looking for. If not, then, yeah, just stay friends. Maybe she has some cuter friends?
AD1980 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 You should always date someone whom you find sexually attractive. She may be awesome in all other aspects but the Speaking as a woman, the main reason I've turned down guys has been due to the lack of physical attraction. Everything was great but I couldn't imagine myself kissing or engaging in any form of intimate activity with them. I used to feel really shallow but then I realized how upset I'd feel if a guy dated me without feeling sexually attracted. I want him to desire me as much as I desire him. Thanks for being honest..usually if a guy here struggles with women he approaches his approach, "confidence"body language,tone of voice etc and a thousand other things are overanalyzed and told the reasons he could be getting rejected when the reason is usually as simple as the women he approached wasnt physically attracted to him.
reaver Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I would say consider a FWB situation if that's something you're looking for. If not, then, yeah, just stay friends. Maybe she has some cuter friends? Thats your answer to everything. Are you capable of not obsessing over sex and looks when it comes to women? Military men tend to be like you, extremely sexist and cocky, thats why I avoid them like the plague 1
white123 Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 I was a few times in your situation girls: really fun with, like my soul mate, always fun with, not ugly, but unfortunately not my type. It was a little hard for me to decide what to do but I know myself - I need to feel a desire, I need to feel attraction.. I need to want ***c her hard.. When I was dating this girl I was always looking on a sexy girls when going out and feel like something is missing in my life.. It's not selfish, it is normal. The beauty is very important for men, what about this: let her fall in love with someone who will really want her let yourself fall in love with girl which is really pretty and sexy for you I think that my solution will make two happy relationships.
PogoStick Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 The problem is she will probably feel your lack of physical attraction and it will hurt her. You'll hesitate to commit and give her the security she wants because you'll be hoping for someone else to come along.
love1336x Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 No, not because how she looks, but because you sound like a jerk! She deserves better, somebody who wants all of her!
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Thats your answer to everything. Are you capable of not obsessing over sex and looks when it comes to women? Military men tend to be like you, extremely sexist and cocky, thats why I avoid them like the plague How am I sexist? FWB is a viable solution. I am cocky though. I'll give you that.
mammasita Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 Nope, don't do it. You can't force physical attraction. It's either there or it isn't. However, your attraction to her may increase with time and a deeper platonic friendship.
tbf Posted April 14, 2013 Posted April 14, 2013 If you're not attracted, don't date her. Mercy dating is not recommended.
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