My Breakup

[crikey]

Hello everyone,

 

I need to post to vent and get a better perspective on my situation. Thanks for the opportunity.

 

So I met a girl on an online message board two years ago and we instantly just clicked. We share the same tastes in pretty much everything. It was so much fun to share things with each other. When it came to opinions on most things we either agreed or could still see where the other person was coming from.

 

I added and called her on skype and we got on so well, it was amazing. It's really rare for me to just get on with someone that well so quickly. We ended up calling each other and speaking for hours all of the time. We could go whole days just talking. We did this pretty much for two years. Either talking over skype or instant messaging all day.

 

We decided to meet up to see if we could have a relationship, she told me she really liked me in that way. She lives in another country. I stayed over hers originally for 6 days but then stayed for another 4. We got on so well and I haven't been that happy in years. We hung out the whole time.

 

She wanted to be something more and I did to but I told her I was concerned about the distance and needed to really think this through, sometimes I just become numb. I told her this. I think she was heartbroken. She told me how she's never felt this way about someone before. Completely new feeling to her.

 

On the way to the airport she was really moody and sad. I tried to cheer her up by being happy. Which she later said really annoyed her. Understandable.

 

When I got home I told her I wanted to give it a go, not being with her is not an option. Theres no one else I love that much.

 

We give it a go for a month, she kept telling me how I never gave her any intimacy or told her how I felt. Which is true, I was going through a lot of stress with work and my own personal issues. I did think these things though, I did care and think the world of her. But I just thought she was being insecure and needed attention and compliments. I should have been there for her.

 

At the end of the month she told me loads of things and how unhappy she was. which was fair I was OK with this because I thought we could talk things through and I could explain myself and show her how much she means to me. After a few days of emptying my heart out to her and showing her how I feel she kept just going back to how I wasn't intimate and being stone cold about it. It really sucked, kinda like she was pitying me.

 

I got the impression that something was up because i've been in this situation before. I asked her if theres anyone else and initially she said there wasn't. But I asked her to be truly honest (she knew I got cheated on before.) and she said there was. She said it's complicated now and that she tried to move on. She has "feelings" for this person and that this is very out of character for her. This is really strange to me but me being the way I am kept telling her how I felt and hoping she would see sense. Hurting me in the process.

 

She told me that she still has strong feelings for me but the relationship doesn't work, and maybe it would if it was closer. I wanted it to make it work because theres no one else I see that way and like so much. She doesn't sleep much now and hasn't for a while.

 

I have decided to go no contact with her because it hurts me to much when I talk to her and get my expectations up. I get to close and just need to be completely open with her. She can be friends with me and it hurts me how easy it is for her to do this. I just get mad and want to discuss us.

 

One of the most hardest parts it that shes always there for me when im feeling hurt or sad. Now I don't have her. I am sad, hurt and missing her even though I shouldn't talk to her. Would love just to speak with her.

 

Thanks for reading, much appreciated. Look forward to your thoughts and similar experiences.

[crikey]

I'm up at 6am with work tomorrow. Really missing her. Haven't slept, spoke to her. She's pretty happy with this guy.